Authors: Erica Chilson
Copyright ©2012 Erica Chilson
First Edition: June 2012
Revised Editions: November 2012/ July 2013
has finally made peace with her past.
Katya is unsure where she fits into the lives of the men who impact her so deeply. She seeks direction from an unlikely source with extreme complications. Her intuition screams that she isn’t safe and then the notes are delivered - written with words only the monster ever whispered.
Join Katya on her journey of self-discovery as she pushes her boundaries unleashing her restraint.
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Thank you for respecting
the hard work of this author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
This is a work of erotic fiction. The author does not endorse nor condone any of the behavior enclosed within. The subject matter is not appropriate for minors. Please note this novel may contain explicit sexual situations that include but are not limited to, dubious consent, BDSM activities, bisexual acts, ménage, and multiple partners. If any of the above mentioned acts offend, please do not read. Readers, please play safely, responsibly, and consensually.
Titles by Erica Chilson
Mistress and Master of Restraint
The Hunter (coming Fall 2013)
Silenced (coming Winter 2013/2014)
Integrated (coming Winter 2014)
Widow (coming August 2013)
Wayward (coming soon)
My parents, for their support as my life shattered around me. They allowed me to the pick up the pieces and put myself back together again in the warmth of their unconditional love. No words could express the depths of my gratitude. Thank you both for allowing me to chase my dream of bringing my imagination into reality.
Thanks to my lovely sister for her contribution of the cover art.
My Wicked Readers, I want to thank you for enriching my daily life. You bring entertainment, joy, and a ton of laughs. I want to thank all of my betas! My BookMate, Kris, I love chatting everything books with you, even if we never agree on the guy. My fellow Wicked Reader, Amber, you never cease to entertain me as you make me look a fool as I LOL for real. Sass, I thank you
for your insight and sharp eye.
I look forward to working with you in the future.
I love hearing from Readers:
Please contact me via email:
Table of Contents:
“Katya, I would like a moment to speak to you in private, please.” Ezra stands and looks around to all the people crowding my living room.
We arrived this morning, because Ezra wouldn’t take no for an answer. Cort’s smooth flowing forked tongue, Aaron’s childlike innocence, and Ezra’s polite respect even managed to convince my mother it was for best that Ava and I went back to the city with them. Then the men sicced my mom on me. “Katya, you need to get a life, and you really loved your job and apartment. Take Ava, and give her a better life than the one you were given.”
Ava being Ezra’s daughter, she knew that once
the guilt trip was activated, we were going.
If Momma ain’t happy
… is the saying, right? Apparently, no one gives a shit about my momma status, because I’m sure as shit not happy at the moment.
I’m not a social person, so having Kayla, Aaron, Cortez, Ezra, and Ava packed into
my home is making me feel batshit crazy. I was used to this space only having me in it. I like my privacy. This apartment, this life, is like being in a swanky prison: ever-watched but with expensive surroundings. That has to change.
I ask, trying to rein in my panic. I don’t want to be alone with Ezra. There is too much to say and not enough words to say them. But I do need to set some boundaries… and no, I’m not ignorant enough to think that Ezra will actually abide by them.
“Why are you avoiding me? I haven’t bee
n alone with you since…” Ez trails off, sounding sad and sorry. He glances at our daughter, finding her chatting with Kayla. “My punishment,” he breathes out so that his voice doesn’t carry. “I need to talk to you. Alone,” he commands.
command tugs the invisible leash tying us to one another. I watch his back disappear through the open panel between our apartments, and my feet itch to follow… and that is exactly why it’s not a good idea for me to speak privately with Ezra.
I quickly look to Cortez
, and we share a moment of perfect understanding. He nods in agreement. I follow after Ezra knowing that Cortez has my back, that he will keep me from making a huge mistake.
The open panel from my living room connects to Ezra’s bedroom. I walk through the ro
om, past where a solemn Ezra is sitting on his bed, and out into his living room. I don’t think it’s a good idea to sit on a bed with him, and I surely don’t want to touch a bed he made love to his fiancée in. Just the thought has me rubbing the ache between my breasts. Oh, yeah- heartbreak- that’s the sensation.
I curl up in
chair, putting distance between us. Ezra settles himself on the sofa opposite me. A look of confusion and hurt mars his beautiful face.
you avoiding me, Katya?” He softly asks.
“I’m not.” I swallow hard on the lie. He just looks at me- Master Ez flashes behind his eyes. I stifle a shiver.
I’ve noticed this phenomenon before. It’s like Master Ez is a separate entity within Ezra, and I seem to respond to anything that part of him wants from me. I can’t allow Ezra to unleash Master Ez. He will get me to talk. I need Ezra to stay in control.
“I know we need to talk, Ezra. Maybe- just maybe
, I’m uncomfortable talking about this with you. It’s complicated,” I hesitantly respond to his look.
“Are you angry with me? We haven’t spoken since you remembered.
You didn’t even tell me you remembered, you just left me. What else am I left to believe other than that you blame me… you blame me, don’t you?” His voice breaks, and I realize I’m not the only one who is confused.
I get up from
the chair and settle next to Ezra on the sofa. I clasp his hand in mine, when all I want to do is curl up on his lap and bury my face into the side his neck and inhale his smoky masculine scent.
I’m just not ready to talk about it, yet. I don’t blame you, Ezra. I don’t blame anyone except Ray Hunter.” He flinches when I say the name of his father- the monster. I shift on the sofa so that we are facing one another, still holding hands. I look him dead in the eyes. “I want to be very clear with you. I mean it, Ezra.” I squeeze his hand to get his full attention. I can tell he was somewhere in the past. “I’ve had almost twelve years to come to terms with my rape. I’ve never blamed you or the boys. I may not have remembered your faces or names, but I never blamed you. The only difference between a few days ago and the past decade is that I have a face to put with the memory. You did what you had to do to survive, to protect Cortez and Aaron. It’s over. It’s time to move forward to the future. We need to figure out how to make a life, to make the most of the life we have.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” If I wasn’t already heartbroken
, his crestfallen facial expression would do it. His smoky eyes hold unshed tears and his face flushes red. I can feel his shame and guilt, and it’s unwarranted
“I’m fine. This is going to sound strange. I’ve said this to my family in the past
, and they’ve always looked at me like I’ve grown a second head. Ava, she has given me a reason to live, to not dwell in the past. Yeah, I know it’s weird, saying that the product of your rape is what brings you the most healing. I know when you found me again that you expected me to be completely broken. I have issues- hell, we all do. But I’m not broken, just slightly bent. I’ve never broken and I never will. I have way too much to live for.”
I draw Ezra
into a hug, consequences be damned. I squeeze him with all my strength, and breathe in his smoky, musky scent. I allow his warmth to soak into my being. I hold him while he silently weeps- heals. This has never been just about me or even the boys. Every violent event has far reaching consequences. Our families, my daughter, our friends, and our daily lives are affected by a few torturous hours of time.
,” Ezra breathes in my ear. “If I could change the past, I would. I would take your pain away, all our pain.”
“I wouldn’t, Ezra,
I wouldn’t change a thing. This has made us into who we were meant to be. Wanting to change the past means you haven’t let go. I would forgive you, except there is nothing to forgive you for.”
Ezra’s lips seek mine. A soft caress, a feather light brush of lips that press
until I give a response. His breath is hot and moist on my parted lips. His taste is intoxicating. The feel of his strong body enveloping mine, wrapping around me in a protective comforting embrace, has me shuddering in his arms.
his is what I was afraid of. I’m in love with this impossible, domineering man, and I have no self-control where he is concerned. Regardless, it’s wrong to touch him so intimately when he’s involved with someone else, in love with someone else. I’m better than being someone’s dirty little secret. I deserve better than being in second place, and I won’t disrespect myself by continuing to torture us both.
I try to pull away
, but Ezra’s fingers tangle in my hair, holding me immobile. He moans into my mouth as he slides his tongue against mine. All my reservations evaporate as I hear my name whispered from his lips. All Ezra has to do is control me, kiss me, and moan for me, and I am rendered thoughtless.
Strong hands grip me under my armpi
ts and lift, pulling me from Ezra’s arms, from his lips. I look around in confusion as I’m dropped into the chair I first sat in.
“What the fuck did you do that for?” Ezra growl holds an edge of fury.
I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to clear it. I inhale and exhale to slow the rhythm of my breathing. I wish I had a bucket of ice to dampen the fire that rages in my hormones. If Cortez hadn’t stopped us, I would have went along with anything Ezra did.