Unlikely Lover (13 page)

“If I were modern and sophisticated…” she began angrily.

“That’s what we’re going to talk about in a minute,” he said.

She stared at his downbent head, absently fumbling to close her bra and pull down her blouse. Together they were an explosive pair. She loved him beyond bearing. Did he, could he, feel the same way? Her heart flew up into the sun. Was he going to ask her to marry him?

She scrambled to her feet, feeling nervous and shy and on the edge of some monumental discovery. “What are we going to talk about?” she asked, her eyes bright, her smile shy and soft.

He looked up, catching his breath at the beauty in her face. “I want you.”

“Yes, I know.”

He smiled slowly. “I guess you do, honey,” he said, reminding her of that forbidden touch that made her blush.

She lowered her eyes to the ground, watching an ant make its way across a twig. “Well?”

“We can’t go on like this,” he said, getting slowly to his feet. He stopped just in front of her, near the edge of the river. “You realize that, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she said miserably.

“And one of these days I’m going to go off my head. It could have happened just now. Men aren’t too reliable when their bodies start getting that involved,” he added quietly. “I’m just like any other man in passion. I want fulfillment.”

She swallowed. This was it. She looked up. “So. What do you want to do about it?” she asked gently.

He stuck his hands into his pockets and searched her eyes with a weary sigh. “I’ll set you up in an apartment for a start,” he said, his voice reluctant but firm. “I’ll open an expense account for you, give you whatever you need. Lillian can be told that you’ve got a job in the city. Not Ravine, obviously. Maybe in Victoria. That’s not too far away for me to drive, and it’s big enough that people won’t be too curious.”

She stared at him. “But it’s so far from the ranch…” she began, wondering how they were going to stay married with that kind of arrangement.

“Far enough to keep people from making remarks,” he said. “I don’t want to expose you to gossip.”

“Gossip?” She blinked. Wasn’t he proposing?

“You know how I feel about my freedom,” he said curtly. “I can’t give that up. But you’ll have a part of my life that I’ve never shared with anyone else. You’ll never want for anything. And there won’t be another woman. Not ever. Just you. I’ll manage enough time to keep us both happy when we’re together.”

It was all becoming clear now. His hard face and his determined eyes gave her all the information she needed.

“You’re asking me to be your mistress.” She almost choked on the word, but she had to be sure.

He nodded, confirming her worst fears. “That’s all I can give you, Marianne. That’s all I have to give. Marriage isn’t something I want. I’ve had a taste of commitment that left me half demented. I’ll never risk it again.”

“And you think that I can be satisfied with this kind of arrangement?” she asked in a ghost of her normal voice.

“You’ll be satisfied, all right,” he said, his voice sensual and low. “I’ll satisfy you to the roots of your hair, little virgin.”

“And…Aunt Lillian?”

He shifted uncomfortably. Somehow this was all leaving a bad taste in his mouth. It had seemed the right thing, the only thing, to do when he’d worked it out last night. But now it sounded and felt cheap.

“Lillian will never have to know,” he said shortly.

“And what if I get pregnant?” she asked blatantly. “Nothing is foolproof.”

He drew in a slow breath. Children. He hadn’t realized that children might come of such a liaison. He studied her, wondering absently if they might have a son together. His body surged in a new and unexpected way. His reaction shocked him.

“Pregnant.” He said the word aloud, savoring it.

“It does happen,” she reminded him, going colder by the second. “Or hasn’t the problem ever arisen before?” she added, wondering how many women had come and gone in his life.

“I’ve never been desperate enough to compromise a virgin before,” he said quietly, searching her eyes. “I’ve never wanted anything the way I want you.”

She pulled herself erect. “I’m sorry,” she said stiffly. “Sorry that you think so little of me that you could make a proposition like that. I guess I’ve given you every reason to think I’d accept, and I’m sorry for that, too. I never realized how…how easy it would make me seem to you.”

His face fell. He could feel his heart sinking. “Cheap?” he asked softly. “Marianne, that’s the last thing I think of you!”

“Do tell?” She laughed through building tears. “I’ll bet you’ve made that little speech until it’s second nature to you! I’ll bet you’ve even forgotten the names of the women you’ve had in your bed!”

His lips parted on a caught breath. This wasn’t working out the way he’d envisioned. Nothing was going right. There were tears in her eyes, for God’s sake.

“Marianne, don’t…” he began, reaching for her.

“Don’t you touch me, Ward Jessup,” she sobbed, sidestepping. “I’ve made an awful fool of myself, and I guess you had every reason to ask me what you did, but I don’t want to be any rich man’s kept woman, thanks.”

“Look here—” He started toward her again.

Instinctively her hands went out, and she pushed jerkily at his chest. Ordinarily it wouldn’t have moved him. But the riverbank was slick, and his boots went out from under him. He went over backward with a horrible splash.

Mari didn’t stay around to see how wet he was. She ran for her horse, fumbled for the reins from around the trunk of the tree and struggled into the saddle through a blur of tears.

Ward stood up, dripping wet, watching her ride away. He didn’t think he’d ever in his life felt so miserable or so stupid. It had seemed like a good idea, that proposition. He didn’t want marriage, he didn’t. For God’s sake, why did women have to have so much permanence? Why couldn’t they just enjoy themselves like men did? Then he thought about Mari “enjoying” herself with another man, and his face went ruddy with bad temper. He didn’t understand himself lately. But the sight of her riding away, almost certainly to a speedy departure from the ranch, made him feel hollow inside.

Mari rode home feeling just as hollow herself. She should have been flattered, she supposed, at such a generous offer. But she only felt cheap. Stupid, she told herself. You let him do whatever he wants and then get angry at him for making the obvious assumption. She hated herself for giving in, for giving him license to such intimacy. Her body had betrayed her, hungry for pleasure, and she’d lost her reason somewhere along the way. Now she was going to have to leave here. All because she hadn’t been sensible. All because she loved him too much to deny herself the ecstasy of his lovemaking.

“You’ve got a lot to answer for,” she told her body angrily. She could have died of shame. Now he’d be sure that she was an idiot.

What was she going to tell Lillian? Her heart sank. The older woman would be heartbroken. Mari closed her eyes, feeling the tears burn them. Why had she ever come here? It had begun so sweetly, only to end in such tragedy. Well, she’d made her bed. Now she’d have to try to lie in it. That wouldn’t be much comfort in the lonely years ahead. Leaving Ward Jessup behind would hurt more than anything else ever had. She’d loved him too much, and now she was going to lose him because of it. Because he didn’t want commitment and she did.

Perhaps she should have said yes, she thought miserably. Then she thought about how she’d feel, being kept, being used and then abandoned. No. It was better to never know him that way than to have a taste of him and lose him. It would only make things worse, and she’d never respect herself again. Oddly enough, she had a feeling that he wouldn’t have respected her, either. Pride would get her through, she promised herself. Yes. She still had that, even if her heart was shattered. She lifted her face and dried the tears on her sleeve. She had to think up some good excuse to go back to Georgia. Something that would give Lillian a reason to think she’d be back, which would keep her on the mend. Her eyes narrowed in deep thought as she approached the ranch house.

Chapter Nine

M
ari thought she had it down pat when she left her horse with one of the men at the stable and went into the house to tell Lillian she was leaving.

The older woman was sitting down in the living room, looking smug while she thumbed through a magazine.

Mari paused in the hall, took a deep breath and went into the room determinedly. “Well,” she said brightly, “I’ve got a terrific assignment!”

“You’ve what?” Lillian asked, staring at her niece.

“Mr. Jessup is sending me to Atlanta to get some information on a distant relative of his,” she continued, pretending for all she was worth. “You know, to go into his memoirs. It will give me a chance to see about my rent at the apartment and get some more clothes, too.”

Lillian had stiffened, but she relaxed all at once with a smile. “Just for a few days, I guess?” she probed.

“That’s right.” Mari sighed, laying it on thick. “Isn’t he just the nicest man? What a pity he’s got so little time.” She peeked at Lillian out of the corner of one eye. “There’s not much sense in getting attached to a dying man, you know.”

Lillian hadn’t considered that. She gnawed her lip thoughtfully. “He’s not a goner yet,” she said. “He could get well.” She warmed to her topic. “That’s right. They could find a treatment that would work and save him!”

“That would be lovely. He’s so macho, you know,” Mari said with a forced smile.

“Isn’t he, though? You two seem to be spending quite a lot of time together these days, too,” she added. “Exchanging some very interesting looks as well.”

Mari lowered her eyes demurely. “He’s very handsome.”

“You’re very pretty.” Lillian put the magazine aside. “When are you going to Atlanta?”

“This very afternoon!” Mari enthused. “I want to hurry and get back,” she added.

Lillian fell for it, hook, line and sinker. “Is he going to let you fly there?” she asked.

“No, I’m, uh, taking the bus. Hate flying, you know. Just do it when I have to.” Actually, she didn’t have the price of a ticket, thanks to her lost job and small savings account. It would take all she had to pay her rent, and then she’d have to pray that she could find another job. Damn Ward Jessup!

“Bus?” Lillian began, giving her suspicious looks.

“He’ll come after me, of course,” she said. “We might drive back….”

The older woman brightened. Lots of opportunities if they had to stop overnight. Of course, they wouldn’t do anything reckless. She knew Mari wouldn’t.

“Do you need some help packing?” she asked Mari.

“No, thanks, dear, I can do it. And I’d better get busy!” She blew Aunt Lillian a kiss. “You’ll be all right until I get back?” she added, hesitating.

“Of course,” Lillian huffed. “I just have a broken leg. I’m taking those stupid pills.”

“Good.” Mari went upstairs and quickly threw things into her bag. She called the bus station to ask about an outgoing bus and was delighted to find that she had an hour to get to the station. She grabbed her bag and rushed back down the staircase just in time to watch a wet, angry, coldly polite Ward Jessup come in the front door.

“I told Aunt Lillian about the job, Mr. Jessup,” she said, loud enough for Lillian to hear. “My goodness, what happened to you? You’re all wet!”

Ward glared at her. “So I am, Miss Raymond,” he returned. His gaze went to the bag in her hand. Well, he’d expected it, hadn’t he? What did she think he’d do, propose marriage?

Mari went the rest of the way down the staircase, keeping her features calm when she felt like throwing herself at his wet boots and begging him to let her stay. She did have a little pride left. Anyway, he was the one who should be ashamed of himself, going around propositioning good girls.

“Boss, you’d better get into some dry clothes,” Lillian fussed.

“I will in a minute.” He glared at Mari. “When do you leave?”

“In an hour. Can you get somebody to run me to the bus station? After all, the research trip,” she raised her voice, “was your idea.”

“Tell Billy I said to drive you,” he said curtly, and his eyes cut into hers.

“I’ll do that,” she replied, struggling to maintain her tattered pride. Her hands clutched the bag. “See you.”

He didn’t reply. Lillian was getting suspicious.

“Aren’t you going to drive her?” Lillian asked him.

“He’s soaking wet, poor thing,” Mari reminded her. “You wouldn’t want him to get worse.”

“No, of course not!” Lillian said quickly. “But should you go alone, Mari, with your bad experience.”

“She’s tough,” Ward told his housekeeper, and his eyes were making furious statements in the privacy of the hallway. “She’ll get by.”

“You bet I will, big man,” she assured him. “Better luck next time,” she added under her breath. “Sorry I wasn’t more…cooperative.”

“Don’t miss your bus, honey,” he said in a tone as cold as snow.

She smiled prettily and went past him to kiss Lillian goodbye.

Lillian frowned as she returned the hug. “Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

“Not a thing,” Mari said and smiled convincingly. “He’s just trying not to show how hurt he is that I’m leaving,” she added in a whisper.

“Oh,” Lillian said, although she was feeling undercurrents.

“See you soon,” Mari promised. She walked straight past Ward, who was quietly dripping on the hall carpet, his fists clenched by his side. “So long, boss,” she drawled. “Don’t catch cold, now.”

“If I die of pneumonia, I hope your conscience hurts you,” he muttered.

She turned at the doorway. “It’s more likely that pneumonia would catch you and die. You’re dripping on the carpet.”

“It’s my damned carpet. I’ll drip on it if I please.”

She searched his hard eyes, seeing nothing welcoming or tender there now. The lover of an hour ago might never have been. “I’ll give Georgia your regards.”

“Have you got enough money for a bus ticket?” he asked.

She glared at him. “If I didn’t have it,” she said under her breath, “I’d wait tables to get it! I don’t want your money!”