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As I limp along, my crutch catches on the carpet. I feel myself going down as though it’s happening in slow motion, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Fuck, I should’ve paid better attention.

I let go of the crutch and try to soften the impact with my good arm, but in the process, I wind up twisting, and my bad leg takes most of the force of the fall.

“Fuck,” I cry out.

Pain radiates through my entire lower body and then through my right elbow as it smashes into the floor as well. Holy shit, it fucking hurts. Sobs rack my body, and I lie on the floor crying for a few minutes. When I try to move, it’s no use. My wrist buckles as soon as I try to push up off the floor, and I scream out in agony. My bad knee throbs so badly that it feels as though my heart’s pounding inside my leg. I’m in too much pain and too hopped up on meds for the working parts of my body to move properly. The pain’s excruciating, and I can only imagine what it would feel like if I didn’t have any medication in me. As much as I don’t want to, I know I have to call Quinn.

Shit! My phone’s on the bed.

A new wave of sobs takes over as I realize I’m going to be stuck on this floor until Quinn gets home. That’s hours from now, hours of laying on the floor in pain, crying because I can’t stop the tears—tears of pain and frustration and sadness that I’m this fucking helpless. I close my eyes, feeling sorry for myself and hoping to just pass out.

I’ve almost cried myself to sleep when I hear a door open and close.

“Ashley?” calls a voice that sounds like Tanner’s.

I must already be asleep if I’m imagining him being here.

“Ashley?” he calls again, sounding closer this time.

Why does my subconscious always come back to Tanner?

“Ashley? Holy shit! What the hell happened?” he asks from right next me.

Opening my eyes to see his face, I burst into tears again. “I had to pee. I tripped. Everything hurts,” I tell Dream Tanner.

“Okay. It’s okay, baby. Let’s get you off the floor,” he says. Could he be the real Tanner?

I feel him reach under me and wrap his arms around my midsection to pick me up. As soon as his hold tightens around my ribs, pain shoots through me.

“Ow,” I cry. Yup, this is definitely not a dream.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I forgot about your ribs.” His grip loosens, but then he says, “There’s no other way to pick you up. I’m so sorry.” That’s his only warning before he scoops me up off the floor, causing me to scream out in pain again.

He kisses my hair. “I know. I know. I’m so sorry.”

Normally, I’d yell at him for even thinking about kissing me, but I’m in so much pain that I don’t give a shit right now.

He lays me down on the bed and helps me with the covers while I bury my head in my pillow to cry some more.

“Where are you hurting? What happened?” he asks, his voice full of concern.

“My crutch caught the freaking thingy in the doorway and I fell. I tried to fall on my good arm, but somehow I fell on my leg. My legs and elbow hurt. Now my ribs too,” I say, keeping my face in the pillow.

“Why didn’t you call someone, sweetheart?” he asks, his voice so soft and sweet that it warms my heart, even if just for the moment.

“Because my stupid phone was on my bed.”

“Okay, well you’re back in bed now,” Tanner brushes the hair away from my face. “What can I do for you? Want something for the pain?”

“I took one before I went to the bathroom.”

“How long were you on the floor?” he asks with an angry glint in his eyes.

“I don’t know. Not too long, I think.”

Tanner grabs the bottle of medicine and a bottle of water from the nightstand. “Well, since we don’t know if you’ve done any more damage, I think you should take another one. We can check everything out after you’ve had some sleep and some pain relief.”

I take both bottles from him gladly, wanting nothing more than to not feel anything. After taking another dose, I close my eyes, feeling him slide in closer beside me. As much as I hate him, I don’t want him to leave right now. I know damn well that nothing good will come of this when I wake up again, but right now I don’t want to be alone. I feel so pathetic that I don’t even care he’s stroking my hair and telling me everything will be okay.

When I wake again to a pain that I’d swear is worse than what I felt waking up in the hospital, I hear hushed arguing coming from the direction of the living room.

“What the hell would have happened if I hadn’t come by to check on her, Quinn?” Tanner asks angrily. “She would’ve laid there until you came home. She would’ve been on that floor for hours. I told you I didn’t think this was a good idea.”

“I didn’t want to leave her alone, but she insisted. What the hell am I supposed to do?” Quinn says, sounding just as irritated as Tanner.

“I can hear you, you know,” I yell from my bed. If they’re going to bitch about me, they might as well do it to my face.

“Good,” Tanner calls back before barging into my room and stalking toward the foot of my bed.

“Why are you still here?” I growl. Why does he always have to be the one to save me? Why does he always have to be the one to see me at my lowest? I’m so tired of him. I fucking hate him, but he doesn’t seem to care, which only makes me hate him more.

“Because you need someone here. You can’t do this by yourself, Ashley. You need to let people help you.” He sounds frustrated. If he’s so annoyed with my attitude, then maybe he should just leave me alone like I’d wanted him to in the first place.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, but I do let people help. I let Quinn help me all the time,” I point out.

Quinn appears in the doorway, sighing. “I can’t be here all the time, Sweets. You need to let more people in.” Her shoulders sag as she sits on the end of my bed.

“Sorry I’m such an inconvenience to you, Quinn.” My bitchiness seems to be out in full force today. I blame it on the new bruises and Tanner’s presence.

She frowns and shakes her head.

“That’s not what she said and you know it,” Tanner scolds. “Stop being such a brat. She’s dropped her entire life to be here for you, and you’re going to pull this crap? What happened to you was awful, but I’m not—
we’re
not—going to sit here and watch your pride make things worse for you. You need someone with you all time right now. Deal with it.”

I get lost in the authoritative nature of his voice. It reminds me of why I fell in love with him in the first place. Suddenly, a painful twinge in my knee snaps me back to reality, and I remember he’s the reason for this whole mess to beginning.

“Fuck you,” I spit back.

The cocky bastard smirks. “I wish, sweetheart. I wish.”

I want to slap him.

“So,” Quinn says, clearing her throat, effectively ending my staring contest with Tanner. “What are we going to do?”

“Well, you have two choices,” Tanner says. “You can come stay at my house during the week—”

“Absolutely not! Not a fucking chance in hell.” I shake my head adamantly.

“Or,” he continues, giving me a hard stare. “I can stay here with you while Quinn’s at work.”

“Nope. That’s not happening either.”

“Well, I didn’t ask for your
opinion
. I gave you two choices. Pick one. How much longer do you think it’s going to take you to heal if falls like today’s keep happening?” he asks, raising an eyebrow as if daring me to argue
.
Fucking smug asshole! The fact that he makes a good point pisses me off even more.

“He’s right. Tanner will come here while I’m at work. Sorry, Sweets, but it’s the best option,” she says, not sounding the least bit sorry. “I don’t think moving her in with you is good for anyone, Tanner. She might try to kill you… or after a few days of spending all day with her, you might want to kill her.” She laughs. Fucking traitor of a best friend.

“Umm, do I get a say in this?” I ask in annoyance at these two making decisions for me as though I’m not even here.

“No!” they both say unison.

“You aren’t thinking with your head,” Quinn says.

Tanner steps toward the door. “Okay, since that’s settled, I’m going to head out. I’ll see you in the morning. Quinn, can you call the doctor and see if she needs to be brought in to get checked out after that fall? I know she won’t do it herself.”

Quinn nods.

I watch him walk out as though he owns the fucking place. In that moment, I feel certain there’s no better motivator for rehabilitation than getting that smug, super-hot asshole out of my life. God, I hate him.

Chapter 21

Ashley

There’s only so much sitting on one’s ass and watching TV a person can do, and I’ve been doing even more of it in the past two weeks than I had been before falling and hurting my leg worse. When Quinn called the doctor and told him what happened, he wanted me to come in as soon as possible so he could check my knee, so Tanner got to take me the next morning. Super fun! The caring boyfriend act was enough to make me vomit. It would’ve been nice if he’d cared when I’d needed him to instead of bailing and calling me a worthless whore.

After a MRI, the doctor had concluded there was more swelling but no additional damage. Since then, I’ve been on strict bed rest while my leg stays propped up on a pile of pillows and no getting up except to use the bathroom or wash up. The doctor ordered me to let people help me and said it was a bad idea to be alone until I have more strength and mobility. It seems like a bit of an oxymoron since I can’t get either of those while stuck in a fucking bed… But hey, what do I know? I’m just a girl who can’t do anything for herself, and he’s a doctor.

With Tanner always here, my days have been stressful and anger-filled. He’s here every fucking day… Sometimes I can ignore him, but others I can’t—like when he bitched that I hadn’t eaten my lunch yesterday. I don’t want to eat anything that asshole makes me though, and I have no appetite most days anyway. Staring at these same four walls is already driving me insane without his constant attempts at small talk. I usually pretend he isn’t here by distracting myself with meaningless thoughts like what the hell had I been thinking when I picked this storm cloud gray color for the walls?

I’m getting better at ignoring him, but I feel his annoyance each time his attempts to get me to engage fail. At least he’s stopped trying to sit in here and hang out with me. The first few times I told him to leave, he’d just smirked at me and said it wasn’t a good idea for me to be so isolated. Since he wouldn’t leave and I couldn’t, I just slept. It’s easy to sleep these days. I feel as though all I have to do it close my eyes—probably because my dreams are way better than my reality.

You’d think he would’ve gotten the fucking hint by now to just leave me the hell alone. I’m doing everything in my power to avoid talking to him at all, and I’m just waiting to add a bladder infection and a UTI to my list of aliments because I refuse to let him help me to the bathroom. I don’t know what he and Quinn were thinking when they decided having him here would help me.

My angry thoughts of Tanner are momentarily halted when I notice the forgotten TV. A commercial for diapers is on. On the screen, a sweet little baby is bundled up and laid down “for a better night’s sleep” or so the commercial claims. Who gives a shit about getting a better night’s sleep if they have a precious little miracle at the end? Ungrateful mothers! I’d never sleep another night for the rest of my life if it meant I got Daniel instead.

My torment doesn’t stop when the commercial ends because the show that comes back on is
A Baby Story.
A very pregnant woman and her husband sit in front of the camera, talking about how they’ve gotten ready for the arrival of their baby. The smiles on their faces are luminous. Then the shot cuts to clips of their everyday lives, scenes of them with the son they already have, asking him if he’s excited for the arrival of his baby sister. The little boy squeals as he talks hurriedly about all the things he’s going to do with his new sister.

I feel my heart crack, envisioning Daniel getting excited about being a big brother and jumping for joy at the thought of having someone to play with, having a new person in his loving family—that loving family that will never be because his father didn’t want him. Who knows though? I might’ve moved on and found a man who loved my son and me unconditionally. I don’t realize that I’m crying until the big drops of tears hit the backs of my hands. I let them build and fall.

They come faster as I hear the woman on TV telling her husband it’s time. I watch the two scurry around their house, grabbing this and that, huge smiles adorning their faces. The woman winces in pain as a contraction hits, and I wish I could trade my pain for that pain. I would’ve savored every contraction because each one would have mean that I was one closer to holding my sweet baby. I didn’t get that chance, and I’ll never get it back… not ever.

The dam holding my pain and sorrow at bay breaks as the doctor delivers that beautiful baby and places her on her mother’s chest. The husband brushes his wife’s hair out of her face and kisses her, telling her how amazing she is and what a wonderful job she did.

I can’t take the pain searing through my heart. I would’ve given anything to experience the joy those two obviously felt in that moment. Why couldn’t I have that? Why was my baby taken from me? I did everything right. I loved him from the beginning. I did what was necessary to ensure things would be good for us. I did everything a mother is supposed to do. Where did I go wrong?