Unspoken (The Woodlands) (21 page)

“All these gay guys get to look at you in your underwear?” I was outraged.

She nodded.

“How do you know if they’re gay? Shit, I’d lie two ways to Sunday that I was gay to get into a shindig like that.”

“I don’t know. And there are straight guys there. Ryan Collins was there.”

That sneaky motherfucker. How did he get in there? We were going to have a talk after tonight, he and I.

“Can we go home now?” AM said impatiently. “I’m kind of cold.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to yell back that of course she was cold. She was wearing her fucking underwear and nothing else. Instead, I shook my head and got out of the car. I did a few deep knee bends, tried to lift the car, and then rested my head against the roof, battling back all sorts of images in my head.

I vaguely registered the car door opening and closing. Then felt the heat of AM’s body as she stood next to me.

“Ah, what’re you doing?”

“I have poor impulse control, AM.” I refused to look at her. Did I really think she needed to make the first move? How illegal was it if I just kidnapped her and locked her in my bedroom until she agreed to my demands?
Very illegal, Bo
, I counseled myself sternly.

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I’m not ready to get back into an enclosed space with you,” I huffed. Could she not just go back into the car and pretend I wasn’t out here?

I felt her soft hand on my arm. “Is everything okay?”

I stood up and looked down at her. Even in her damn fine heels, she didn’t come up much higher than my neck. “I fought some guys tonight. A friendly workout to release some tension. I bruised my knuckles.” I showed her the scraped backs of my fingers. She hovered her hand over one of them but didn’t touch. “I got hit in the face.” I pointed to the reddish bruise forming at the top of my cheekbone on the right side. “I’ve got a helluva bruise on my ribs.” I pulled up the side of my shirt to expose the killer shot from Mr. Tubby. I heard her sharp inhale. “But I can’t feel even any of that because all the blood is in my shorts at the thought of you standing in front of me, all wrapped up quiet in that tan coat of yours, wearing some kind of crazy getup underneath, like a hidden surprise at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.”

I was breathing heavily at this recitation. AM’s hand was a hair’s-breadth away from my exposed ribs and everything in me wanted to lean into it and make contact.

Her hand crept closer, and my stomach muscles contracted in anticipation. But then she curled her fingers into her hand. I allowed my shirt to drop down and heaved out a big breath.

“Come on.” I gently took her arm and steered her toward the passenger door. I helped her inside, shut the door, walked slowly around the car, and dropped into the driver’s seat. “Sorry.”

“I’m just,” she started and paused. “I don’t date guys from Central, and even if I did, you’ve already told me you’re a hookup-only kind of guy. I don’t want that.”

God, when did I say that? I reviewed my conversations with her. But she wasn’t wrong. I was a bad bet. I hadn’t had a real relationship ever. Unlike Noah, who had always seemed to know he wanted his girl, Grace, I spent my time being the best in the moment because I was pretty sure I didn’t want or couldn’t sustain anything longer.

“But it’d be good, AM.”

She gave a laughing huff and replied, “That’s what worries me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not really good at separating the physical and the emotional aspects of things, and even though we’re young, I guess I just don’t want to have a series of casual hookups.” She said this like it was an embarrassing confessional, like it was somehow wrong to want something stable and loving. The embarrassment should have been mine.

The trip to her apartment was too short. I pulled in and found a parking space toward the back, in a dark corner. Subconsciously perhaps, I was trying to get her to stay with me, alone, for just a few moments longer.

But she made no move to get out of the car either.
Yes, Bo
were the words I wanted to hear from her mouth. Will you let me remove your jacket?
Yes, Bo.
Will you allow me to lick you from the base of your neck into the valley of your breasts?
Yes, Bo.
Will you let me remove whatever delectable pieces of lace and satin you have on and let me warm you with my body?
Yes, Bo.

Her mouth never opened. Instead we sat in charged silence. My hands curled around the steering wheel and her fingers fretted the end of her belt.

“AM.” I broke the silence. “I have a lot of things stacked against me, but—”

Before another word could come out of my mouth, AM leaned over and kissed me squarely. My mouth opened in surprise and her delicate tongue poked inside, almost hesitantly. Immediately, my hand went up to the nape of her neck and pressed her more insistently against me. I stroked her tongue with my own, confidently, and she moaned into my mouth, the vibrations sending a shiver of desire from my mouth to my toes. I had waited for this moment for what seemed so long, since last semester when I first winked at her.

I hadn’t realized how much I wanted her kisses until her lips were moving softly against mine. I wanted to drink her down and eat her up until I’d devoured every inch of her. I pressed my mouth against hers harder. The slickness of her tongue, the wet sounds our mouths were making, everything was making the tightness in my jeans nearly unbearable, but I couldn’t stop kissing her.

I palmed her head in my hand and angled her so that I could penetrate deeper. So that I could taste every inch of her. She returned my kisses with the same fierceness, making tiny moans of pleasure that made my cock stiffer with every sound.

Nothing else made contact between us. Her hands remained in her lap. My other hand gripped the steering wheel, lest I end this moment with any sudden asshole moves.

She pulled back, and initially I fought it, but then I released her. We were both breathing heavily. I leaned toward her and pressed my nose against her neck and this time felt her body shake in response. I wanted to beg to come inside, but she issued no such invitation.

I took a deep breath and pushed away from her. Pulling myself out of the car, I stopped for a moment and adjusted myself. AM had gotten out of the car before I could move around to her side.

“Hey, I get to do that for you,” I protested.

“What? Open my car door?”

“Yeah.”

Her only response was to shrug. We were both at the ends of our ropes, I thought. Maybe tonight was a bad night for anything, even a hookup.

I walked her to the door and she pulled out her security card. My arm shot out, almost an involuntary reflex, and stopped her before she went inside. “Maybe I could be more than a good time.”

She hesitated, and I thought for a moment, my heart pounding so loudly that I swear she could hear it, she’d agree.

“It’s the maybe that scares me,” she said and walked away. The pang I felt was indecipherable. I recognized only that it was strong and connected to AM. She didn’t look back. Not when she got to the interior door and not when she hit the apartment complex hallway. I’m not sure how long I stood there holding the door open, but it was long enough that my fingers turned blue from the cold.

Until I realized this:
she had made the first move.

AM

“I
NEED
A
POSTGAME
RUNDOWN
,”
I informed Ellie when we met for lunch again. This time we were having fancy ramen noodles.

She smiled a bit sheepishly. “I’m just glad we don’t live in the dorms anymore.”

“Why didn’t you bring him home?”

“Dunno!” Ellie exclaimed. “Erik went home with someone else, so the room was empty.”

“Did you do the walk of shame, then?”

“Nah, I left early in the morning so I could shower and get to class.”

“So now what?”

“I’m not sure.” Ellie ran her finger around the top of her glass and looked around our apartment pensively. “He’s not someone I think I can hook up with and then leave behind. He might make a mark.”

“Would that be so bad?” I asked quietly.

“I don’t know. What’s stopping you from hooking up with Bo?” she challenged.

“Me,” I admitted. “I’m afraid that he’s only good for a short-term fling, no matter what he might say in the heat of the moment. You know how attached I get. I don’t think someone gets a crush on Bo Randolph and comes away unscathed.”

“We’re a couple of sad sacks,” Ellie said. “So what now?”

“Now I wish I’d switched classes with you in Rocks for Jocks,” I said glumly. “But I guess I’m just going to have to learn to be friends without developing some huge crush on him.”

“We need condoms for the heart.” Ellie got up and refilled her water bottle.

“So you aren’t jumping into anything with two feet either,” I said.

“At least I’m putting my toes in the water.”

“Traitor,” I mumbled. Because I didn’t want to spend another hour going around and around about why Bo was a bad bet, I left to study in a coffee shop downtown. Only Ellie knew I liked to study there. It was perfect and private and secret.

Which was why when I arrived there and Bo Randolph was ensconced in one of the chairs, I stood mutely with my mouth agape for a good minute. Perhaps it was only a few seconds, but it felt like a long time. Bo simply sat and smiled at me. I wanted to hit him. No, I wanted to hit Ellie. The only way Bo would have found this spot was with insider knowledge.

“How’d you get here?” I threw my bag on the floor and dropped into the chair that sat at a right angle to Bo’s. Our legs were far closer than I wanted once I’d sat down, in part because of the chair placement and in part because Bo’s legs were just so damn long.

“Can I plead the Fifth?” He held up his hands in mock surrender.

“I actually don’t think this is funny. Are you stalking me?”

“If I say yes, will you report me to the Honor Code Committee?”

Again with the flippant response. I had an urge to fling my heavy messenger bag across his face. “Spill.”

“I saw your roommate earlier today and asked her where you were. She said you’d be studying here.”

I scowled at him. There was no way Ellie would have revealed my off-campus study place to him based on a simple request.

“What else?”

Looking contemplative, he steepled his fingers under his chin as if he were weighing what information to reveal.

“I want to hear all of it. And if not from you, I’ll get it from Ellie later.”

Bo sighed and dropped his hands to clasp them loosely between his spread legs.

“I told her that I needed to see you about an important lab issue and that I wanted to apologize. She said, by the way, to tell you that you need to be more open-minded.”

Goddammit. Ellie was always trying to meddle, as if she were some kind of hippy fairy godmother or, probably in this case, some kind of Cupid. I needed to talk to her seriously about the
Beauty and the Beast
folk story where there’s no happy ending and the Beast gets slain by the mob of townspeople.

“Since I know that what you told Ellie is a lie and you’ve already apologized, what’s your real reason for stalking me?”

Bo shifted, bringing his one leg closer to mine, and I drew away from him, slipping my legs to the side and moving into the opposite corner of my chair. The recoil was instinctive, but it caused Bo to flinch a bit, his eyes darkening.

“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?” His voice sounded lower, almost raspy.

“No, why do you ask?” I lied.

“You’re about as skittish as a newborn foal.”

“I’m not an animal, and I’m not afraid of you. You’re just always invading my space.” I had to keep my annoyance levels up because I was doomed if Bo ever figured out how attracted I was to him.

“I’m not, you know.” Bo shifted again, moving his legs away as much as the small space would allow.

“Not what?” I was staring at Bo’s legs. Even through the worn denim, you could see his muscular thighs flex as he pushed to give himself more room and to make space for my legs. His hands, which had originally been loosely clasped between his legs, were now resting on said thighs. They were big hands with long fingers. I wondered how they would feel on my face, holding my hand, cupping me around my waist.
Safe
, I thought.
You’d feel safe inside the circumference of his arms
. But then I reminded myself that he’d only be good for a roll in the hay one time and then he’d be off to another conquest.

“What do you want from me, Bo?” His face was unreadable.

“I like being with you,” Bo admitted. “You keep me occupied.” He tapped his head.

“We’re always arguing.”

He waved his hand. “That’s not real arguing. We’re just having fun, and you know it.”

Reaching across our chairs, he placed one of those large hands on my own. “Don’t be mad at Ellie. She didn’t reveal this information easily.”

“She still sold me out.” I stared at that hand, wanting to clasp it in return. Instead, I withdrew it. Bo wasn’t going away any time soon, so all I could do was ignore him. I pulled out my textbook and settled in to study, only to be interrupted a few seconds later.

“You an economics major?”

I closed my book with deliberate slowness, keeping one hand inside as a bookmark. “Yes.”

Bo shifted again, the living embodiment of the Newton theory of physics. I looked him over with some thoroughness, taking in his bright blue eyes, down past his muscular chest, to the unopened math book in his lap. He was holding a pen that he flipped through one finger and then under the other, making it dance on his knuckles. Yes, Bo was a body in motion, constantly moving.

“I bet you drove your Mom crazy.”

This statement elicited a short laugh. Bo leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. It brought his face up close and I could see the long, light-colored eyelashes that framed his upper lids. A scar ran from just under his hairline on the right down to his temple. I hadn’t seen that before. My fingers itched to trace the path. I pressed my free hand on top of the book, to keep them both trapped. I shouldn’t be touching Bo’s face, ever.