Unthinkable (Berger Series) (21 page)

“Yeah,” said Evan, “it’s going good.”

“Awesome,” said Clem. He looked at Grace, then at Evan. “Come here a minute Evan?” he asked.

Evan nodded and followed Clem away from the table.

“Listen,” Clem whispered quietly as his smile faded, “I know you probably haven’t totally made up your mind about staying, but if you’re willing we have word of someone shipping people next week. We can always use another hand.”

“What about your wife?” asked Evan.

Clem shrugged, “
It’s part of what I do, she knows that.”

“Count me in,” he said
, thinking of Shannon and Grace.

“Great,” said Clem, patting him on the arm, “meet us at the church next Thursday morning at dawn.”

What’s a Thursday
? Thought Evan as Clem walked away. He put a smile back on as he re-joined the family. Nobody asked questions, but the mood turned more somber and they finished the meal in silence. As people finished eating they started breaking down the tables. George excused himself and took the guitar to a makeshift stage being set up at one end.

“Daycare will be up here,” said Shannon, picking up Grace and walking to a set of stairs leading to the loft.
Evan shuddered as he climbed the stairs, remember the last loft he’d been in. Would everything today remind him? Probably. Several grandmotherly types sat in a corner of the room quilting and watching the collection of children being dropped off. The floor had been carpeted and toys lay scattered around. There were a handful of cribs and blankets on the floor on one side. Shannon set Grace down and smiled at her.

“
It’s okay, Grace,” Shannon said, crouching next to her. “We’ll be right downstairs if you need us.” She nodded and looked around the room. A little girl about the same age walked up to her with a doll and started chatting, leading her over to some other girls. Evan smiled at Shannon as she stood up and noticed she looked troubled.

“
Something between you and Clem?” Evan asked as they went back down the stairs.

Shannon cracked a small smile, “you aren’t totally dense, are you?”

“I’m getting better.” Evan took her hand.

“We dated in high school. I went to college, he didn’t. That’s all. When are you going out with him?” asked Shannon.

“Next Thursday,” answered Evan.

Shannon nodded.

“I have too. I mean if it wasn’t for Clem I wouldn’t be here.”

“I know,” Shannon sighed. “He’s a good man.” She shook her head and smiled. “Don’t mind me.”

Evan put his arms around her and hugged her. Shannon hugged back and he took in the scent of her hair. This was not a bad place to be, he thought. A guitar strummed and the band started, led by George’s strong voice. Shannon took Evan’s hand and led him out to the dance floor.

Evan had no clue how to line dance, so he just danced quietly with Shannon in a corner and watched with some amazement as everyone else moved in perfect rhythm to
the first few songs. George smiled at the crowd as he finished a song, took a drink of water and told the crowd it was time to go a little slower. Taking the chance, Evan led Shannon into the middle of the floor as the song started. He held her gently, still in wonder at her presence as she rested her head on his shoulder. He looked over and George gave a nod. Evan closed his eyes and just tried to enjoy the moment.

A thought came to him as t
he song ended and he made his way to the stage. “George?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“You guys take requests?” Evan leaned on the stage, nervous.

“Sure, but we don’t know much of that pop stuff. We’re pretty country ‘round here.”

“How about ‘Margaritaville’?”

George looked at him curiously. “Yeah we can do that.”

“Thanks.” Evan turned away before George could see the look on his face.

The first familiar notes started as Evan walked back to Shannon and wrapped his arms around her, swaying to cover his trembling. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. Evan pictured Yoshi smiling, laughing, and singing this song as horribly as he ever did.

There was a cheer and Evan looked over to see a keg being rolled out.  The images in his mind shifted to pain and death. Yoshi, sobbing, broken, revealing his secret shame, searching Evan’s eyes for forgiveness and finding none. He looked at the beer and thought of how it would taste and how good it would feel to be numb again.

Shannon’s heart beat steadily
against his chest. “All you can do is live and love…” George’s words rang through his mind. Abruptly Evan pulled away and walked out of the barn. Shannon followed him. “Which way back to town?” asked Evan.

Shannon pointed.

He turned and started walking along the creek, letting his feet carry him along. Shannon trailed along silently. The happy sounds form the barn faded. The sky was dark, clouds blocking out the stars. The wind blew cold as Evan hurried.

Yoshi kicking Hopkins right in the leg.
Pulling him in for one last hug. Telling Grace a story. Other memories crowded in. The soldier in the barn. The Sad eyed woman in Kansas City. Damien. Shelly.

At last he reached the graveyard. Despite the dark the gravestones stood out like ghosts. He hesitated, but felt Shannon close behind him. Silently he walked in, his feet remembering where the grave l
ay. There was a stone now at the head.

Evan dropped to his knees next to the grave. He reached out with one hand to trace the letters of the name. He remembered laying his parents to rest. That had hurt, but not like this.

Shannon stood awkward, hanging back. Evan was aware of her breathing. He looked up at the black sky. Why? How had
he
lived? Why was Yoshi lying under the ground while he knelt here with a beautiful, kind woman and a family?

Silently, Evan pitched forward, resting his forehead on the grass. Shannon
crouched by his side, resting one hand on his back. Evan felt something inside of him give. Closing his eyes, he wept.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Merinda
Brayfield lives in central Texas with her family, including a dog that eats everything. She’s currently studying history at Arizona State University. Her other hobbies include photography and nature hikes. You can visit her website at www.merindab.com.