Until Angels Close My Eyes (4 page)

He tossed another look toward his friends, which irritated Leah. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

He stared at her as if he hadn’t heard correctly. “But I want to take you.”

Looking at this boy brought back memories of Ethan, of his gentleness and his quiet, unassuming manner. Dave figured every girl in the school was dying to be noticed by him, and it irked her. “Look, if you want to ask somebody, ask Sherry Prater.”

“Who?”

“Sherry. You must know her. The girl whose locker’s next to mine.”

“That cow?” Dave shook his head. “No way.”

Leah saw red. “She’s a nice person, and you have no right to call her names.” She jerked open her car door and swung into the seat.

“Hey!” Dave looked startled. “I asked
you
to go to the dance with me.”

“Not if you were the last person on earth.” Leah threw the car into gear and drove out of the parking lot, leaving Dave Simmons standing on the asphalt.

Leah’s rejection of Dave’s offer became the talk of the school. Even Sherry asked, “Why did you say no? I can’t believe it. Was it because you knew I liked him?”

“He’s not my type.” Leah vowed she’d never tell Sherry what Dave had said about her.

“Well, I’d give anything if he’d asked me. Course, we both know he never would.”

“Don’t waste yourself,” Leah said. “You’re too good for him.”

“A girl can wish, can’t she?” Sherry asked.

“Sure,” Leah said with a shrug. “Dreaming’s free.” She dreamed about Ethan, but dreaming hadn’t brought him any closer. And she had once dreamed of belonging to a nice little family, but with Neil’s illness, that dream was caving in on her too.

Over the next few weeks, Neil slowly rallied as he adjusted to his chemo dose. It was
mid-November when he asked Leah, “Would you walk with me out to the barn?”

“Sure.” The refurbished barn was where Neil kept his collection of antique automobiles. He had once enjoyed polishing them, tuning up their already perfect engines, and sometimes taking Leah and her mother out for a drive in the countryside. But his medical ordeal had kept him preoccupied and away from the old machines.

When they reached the barn, Leah slid open the door and turned on the light. Large tarpaulin-covered mounds peppered the clean cement floor. How different this barn was from the one on Ethan’s farm, where the smell of hay and livestock filled the air.

Neil walked over to one of the hulking mounds and peeled back the cover to reveal a shiny maroon-and-chrome hood. He patted the metal surface as if it were a pet. “I’ve collected these cars all my life. They’re worth a great deal of money. I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time to start selling them.”

“You can’t do that,” Leah declared,
alarmed by the resignation in Neil’s voice. “You love these cars. Who’ll take care of them the way you have?”

“Any number of enthusiasts,” Neil said.

“Well, I think it’s a bad idea. You’re going to regret it if you do.”

“I can’t keep them up the way they should be kept,” Neil said sadly. “I feel lousy.”

“I could help you,” Leah offered.

Neil smiled at her. “You don’t know a crankcase from a tire iron.”

“I could learn.”

“I wouldn’t ask that of you, Leah. No, you’re young and you should be dating and having fun. High school is fun for you, isn’t it?”

Leah shrugged.

“You ever think about what you want to do after high school? How about college? You make good grades. How’d you do on those SATs?”

“My scores aren’t in yet,” Leah said. If the truth were known, Leah had no burning desire to go to college. She’d never been interested in any particular subject in school and figured that without some purpose for
going, college would just be a waste of time. She said, “Maybe I’ll just get a job when I graduate.”

“You could take a job aptitude test. We gave them all the time when I worked in Detroit. It helped us fit the applicant to a job. It might help you define your goals.”

This was more than she wanted to think about right then. “Maybe later,” she said evasively. “I don’t like talking about the future very much.”

Neil studied her kindly. “Is that because you’re afraid that what’s happened to me could happen to you?”

With uncanny insight, Neil had looked inside her and uncovered her deepest, most nagging fear. “Maybe.”

“Just because my cancer returned doesn’t mean yours will, Leah. You can’t equate the two. Besides, let’s not forget your mysterious friend, Gabriella. She played an important role in your recovery.”

Aside from Ethan and Charity, only Neil had believed that something supernatural had happened to Leah through the mysterious Gabriella. “I don’t know what to believe anymore,” Leah said. “If Gabriella
really cared about me, where is she now? You could sure use a little divine intervention.”

“God doesn’t owe people miracles, Leah.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s fair. You’d think God would be nicer to the people who believe in him. You’d think he’d show some pity.”

“Fortunately, God doesn’t play favorites. If he did, we’d all be striving to earn his attention, just to get the perks.”

Leah had no rebuttal. She turned her attention back to the cars. “Please don’t sell all your cars, okay? I’ll help you take care of them, but please don’t sell them.”

Neil rubbed his temples wearily. His skin had suddenly taken on a sickly gray pallor. “I guess I could hang on to them for a while longer. Maybe I won’t always feel this crummy.” He took her arm. “Will you walk me back to the house? I’m feeling a little woozy.”

Leah let Neil lean against her, and together they returned to the house.

R
ight before Thanksgiving, Dr. Nguyen said that there was evidence that Neil’s cancer was responding to treatment. Neil was feeling better too, and to celebrate, he took Leah and Roberta into Chicago for holiday shopping and the theater. Leah loved the hotel Neil chose, especially since she had a lavish room all to herself. Her window looked out onto State Street, where Christmas decorations sparkled and glittered from lampposts, and colorful storefronts with animated displays attracted throngs of tourists.

The three of them ate Thanksgiving dinner, with turkey and all the trimmings, in
an elegant restaurant. On Friday, while Neil rested, Leah and her mother went Christmas shopping. On Saturday, her mother took her into a photographer’s studio. “I thought we could give Neil a picture of us together for Christmas,” she told Leah.

A makeup artist and hairstylist prepared them for the shoot, which took hours. But Leah enjoyed the session, and when they headed back to the hotel, she told her mother it had been a good idea.

“I want Neil to be happy,” her mother responded. “He’s kind and loving, and I … I …” Her voice broke.

Leah studied her with some surprise. Lately she had not given much thought to the way Neil’s illness was affecting her mother. Suddenly Leah saw that in spite of her mother’s apparent cheerfulness, it had all been a terrible strain on her. “He’s got good doctors,” Leah offered awkwardly.

“You and Neil are all I have,” her mother said. “You’re all I want to have.”

Was her mother concerned about her, too? She usually acted as if Leah’s diagnosis had been some huge mistake, some medical
blunder. But now, with Neil’s health in doubt, she seemed much more frightened. “Don’t worry,” Leah said as casually as she could. “We’ll both be fine.”

Her mother reached over and squeezed Leah’s hand, and Leah was amazed at how comforted she felt by this simple act.

On Sunday they drove home, the car and its trunk stuffed with gifts and goodies. Leah’s mother chattered all the way. Neil nodded and mumbled “Hummm” a lot, and Leah stared out at the brown and dreary countryside, thinking. Here she was, seventeen years old, and for the first time in her life she felt like a member of a family—the kind of family portrayed on TV and in magazine stories. All the holidays of her past stretched behind her like a road paved with half-formed bricks. She’d never had a stepfather like Neil. The others had been imitations, men who had been indifferent to her—or worse, overly friendly. None of them had showed her the kindness and acceptance that Neil had.

But Leah couldn’t help wondering what it would have been like if her real father had stayed with her and her mother. Would
he have been the kind of father Neil was to her? She would never know. All she knew was that she wanted Neil to be well. Like her mother, she wanted him around for a long, long time.

Two weeks before Christmas break, Leah was hurrying down the hall at school, not looking where she was going, when she ran smack into Dave Simmons.

“Whoa,” he said as she jumped back, dazed. “Is there a fire drill?”

“Sorry,” Leah said. Ever since their encounter in the parking lot, they’d given each other a wide berth. She bent to pick up the books she’d dropped.

Dave crouched next to her. “You know, with football season over, I have more time for hanging around. I thought I’d give you another chance to date me.”

Leah arched an eyebrow and asked, “You’re joking, aren’t you?”

His eyes did look amused, and he wore a half grin. “Maybe a little.” He stood and hauled her to her feet. “I’d like to start over, though. So how about we go out Saturday night?”

“It’s nothing personal,” Leah said, telling him a half-truth, “but I really don’t want to.”

Dave looked incredulous. “You already have a guy? Is that it?”

“Yes. He doesn’t live around here, though.”

Dave’s eyes narrowed. “It seems to me like you’re wasting your time, then. If he’s not around, why not date someone else? He probably is.”

“I’d rather not.”

Dave shook his head and smirked. “Suit yourself. But this is your last chance with me.”

“Thanks for the warning.” Leah heaved her books onto her hip and hurried off to class just as the bell rang.

She couldn’t concentrate the whole hour. Not only was she angry about Dave’s arrogance, but she was also worried. What if Dave was right? Leah knew how tight the group of Amish kids was. Certainly Ethan was around Martha every weekend.

Letters weren’t cutting it anymore. Leah wanted to see Ethan. She wanted him to hold her and say the things he’d written in
his letters to her face. A plan began to form. With Christmas break coming, maybe she could drive up to Nappanee and visit him. Even a few hours with him would be better than nothing. And what if she went and stayed the week after Christmas?
But where?
She couldn’t stay with Ethan’s family at the farm. Mr. Longacre had never made a secret of his feelings toward Leah’s friendship with Ethan. Then she remembered Kathy, the girl she’d worked with at the inn all summer. Would Kathy let Leah stay with her?

It took Leah two days to screw up her courage, but on Saturday she called Kathy and casually outlined her plan. She was rewarded by Kathy’s enthusiastic endorsement of the idea. Kathy thought it “so romantic” and assured Leah that she’d be welcome.

Leah told her mother about Kathy’s invitation, choosing her words carefully. Surprisingly, she met with little resistance. “Neil and I are going to Detroit a few days after Christmas,” her mother said. “Some of his old friends are throwing a huge party New Year’s Eve. You’re welcome to come
along, but if you’d rather do something with your friends, that’s all right.”

Leah sat down and wrote Ethan, mailed the letter, and spent several days nervously awaiting his reply. What if he wrote her not to come? Then what would she do?

Three days before Christmas, Ethan’s reply arrived in the mail. Clutching the letter, Leah threw herself on the living room sofa and tore it open.