Unwanted Fate (3 page)

I
awake a few moments before my alarm is set to go off, and at five thirty, “Sister” by The Nixons fills the room. Tears stream down my face and onto my pillow. This was Nate’s song for me. He would sing it to me each time we spoke on Skype, and our last video chat plays over in my mind. My brother was so happy to be coming home in a few months, but instead, he came a few weeks ago.

My eyes burn with tears that haven’t fallen yet, my chest aches with the grief I feel, and my body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. Reaching over to where my alarm sets on the nightstand, I turn the blaring thing off. Silence fills the room and for a brief moment, I wish I hadn’t turned off the music.

I allow myself to mourn and pull myself together to get up and get ready for work. Most people aren’t happy to return to work on Monday’s, but I love my job. I love the people I work with, the kids at the center, and I love helping people better themselves or making sure they have the necessities to survive.

Returning to work will help me also get my mind off Nate’s death by returning to my much needed routine. Oh, Nate, why did you have to leave us so soon? I don’t know if I’ll ever understand the why, but at least I have almost twenty-four years of amazing memories with him.

When he enlisted in the Navy, it was the first time we had been a part for more than one night. Growing up, it was just Mom, him, and me. Nate and I had the super-twin bond, and we always knew when one of us was thinking about the other and within minutes of that thought, we would get a text or a phone call. When he died, the feeling was there but faded, going from a warm, fuzzy feeling to a bitterly cold emptiness, a void that I’d never felt. I knew something had happened to my brother, but I never thought that he had died until my mom had called me when the officers made their appearance on her doorstep.

The tears threaten to return, but I will them not to fall. I roll out of bed and get to my typical morning routine, shower, dress, and eat. If this were a typical day, I would have a minimal hair and makeup routine, but I need to address the dark circles under my eyes before I eat breakfast.

Since I took longer than normal putting makeup on, I have to rush through breakfast to make it to work on time, and run out the door. I don’t have to be in my office until eight since my position is the Community Outreach Director, but I like to get there around seven to see the children before they go to school to make sure they are doing well and have full bellies.

I pull into the Project Hope Community Center parking lot at five till seven, and I check myself in the rearview mirror, making sure I look decent. Even though the center is full of children, my position consists of meeting with people who need assistance. When I’m not busy with clients, I often play basketball in the gym with the children.

I’ve always loved children, and I’d planned on working as a school counselor after graduating with a degree in social work. When I saw this position online, I instantly applied for it, although I doubted I would get it due to my lack of experience. However, since I did community service through AmeriCorps giving me experience in the non-profit sector, had “phenomenal” references, my boss’s words, and she liked me from the moment we met, she offered me the position the day following my interview.

As I walk to the door of the community center, I think about the two and a half years I’ve been here. I feel like I’ve made a difference in the community, or at least I hope I have. This position is rewarding in so many ways I’ve lost count. I feel at home here. I won’t say that what I do is a piece of cake, because it’s not. There are children here with abusive pasts, children that go hungry at night, children that have one or no parents, children from every walk of life that attend the center.

I try to be their friend, someone they can confide to, and some days, the replay of the events that have happened in their life away from the center and school has my stomach rolling. Even though I try to be here for them, they still get lost along the way and run away from their problems. A few of the girls from the center have gone missing, three in the past few months. Eight girls have vanished without a trace since I’ve been here—that’s eight too many.

Other stories fill me with joy as they tell me that their parents got a new job, they got a bed to sleep in, or things that I take for granted. Sometimes I get to meet their parents as they see me for assistance, and I try my best to help those that really need the help.

Opening the heavy glass door, the familiar mustiness of the center hits my senses and comforts me. My heels click on the concrete floor as I walk to the main office that sits to the right of the entrance. I am the first of the office staff to arrive, so I have to juggle my purse and briefcase in my arms to find my keys I absent mindedly threw in my purse. Finally finding them, I unlock the deadbolt on the door, and walk through the threshold, turning the lights on as I go to my office to unlock the door.

I feel relieved as I get back into my normal routine as I push my door open and place a stopper under the bottom to prop it open, and turn on the lamp that sits on my desk. The light instantly shines on the picture of my brother, mom, and me at my brother’s boot camp graduation. I bite my lip to keep it from quivering. Maybe I shouldn’t have returned to work yet, I don’t know if I’m able to be here, but I know that Nate would be upset with me for putting life on hold.

Picking up the framed picture, I sit down in my black ergonomic office chair, and run my fingers over my brother. “Oh, Nate, I miss you so much…” I say to the picture of us.

A knock at my door interrupts my thoughts and I look up to see who is at my door, Victor Avro.

“Hey, Victor,” I say as I set the photo on my desk and try to compose myself. “How are you this morning?”

“Hi, how are you… I’m mean…that was silly of me to ask,” Victor says, fumbling with the files in his hands.

“You’re fine, thank you for asking.” I offer him a small smile. “I’m doing okay. I still can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I’m sorry. If there is anything you need, please let me know.”

“Thank you…” I remember I have Nate’s clothing in the rear of my Rogue. “Are you busy right now?”

“No, I was getting ready to make some copies of these files,” he says as he holds up the files he was fumbling with moments ago.

“Do you mind helping me carry in some bags of clothes? I think we can get them all in one trip.”

“Yes, of course. Let me place these files in my mailbox and I’ll be back to help.” He turns and walks out of my office.

While he goes to the mailboxes, I turn on my computer and lock up my purse and briefcase in my desk drawer. With my keys in hand, I walk out to the main office door and wait for Victor to return. A few moments later, he meets me at the door.

“All set?”

“Yes. Are these clothes for the kids or for the Place Hope Closet?” he asks as I lock the main office door.

“I thought I could split them between the two. I didn’t realize how much clothing my brother had. There are things with the tags on them still that I thought could go to the Closet. I’m sure someone would enjoy getting something brand new.”

He nods and we walk outside to my SUV in silence. I click the unlock button on the key fob and open the back door to get the bags of clothes out. There are four shopping bags full of clothes. Mom refused to put them in trash bags as she said, “Your brother’s clothes aren’t trash,” and she dug out large bags used for Christmas time purchases.

“Do you think we can get them all in one trip?”

“Yes, I think I can get them all.”

“Oh, no. I can carry a couple.”

“Okay, can you hand them to me so you can shut the door and lock it?”

I nod and I pull out each bag one by one, handing them to Victor. I pull out the last one and don’t hand it to him. He scrunches up his nose in frustration, but I can carry at least one bag.

“I got this one. Let’s take the bags to my office and I can sort them.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I’ll get the doors since your hands are full.”

He laughs and shakes his head at me, as if he doesn’t know what to say.

We get the bags in my office and the smell of my brother fills my small office. I smile, knowing that a little bit of him is here, and I look up at the clock on my wall and notice it’s seven thirty. A few of my favorite kids should be here and I walk toward the brightly painted cafeteria, and can hear the sound of children laughing and talking filtering down the hallway. I put a smile on my face as I walk in the double doors and see the children. They are exactly why I need to be here today.

S
even forty-five. Ten minutes after Kristin found me in a drunken haze at my desk, I’m running like a thoroughbred on the treadmill, trying to sweat the alcohol out of my system. After gaining some clarity and running eight miles, I go sit in the sauna to finish pulling the residual alcohol from my body.

I stumble out of sauna as I head to the locker room to shower and dress. I’m glad I don’t have any meetings until one o’clock today, because I need to get my head on straight. Before stepping into the shower, I check my phone to make sure I didn’t miss anything while I was sobering up.

Looking at the messages and phone call log, I notice my sister called about twenty minutes ago, and I know she’s probably heading to class, so I don’t call her. I put my phone up, retrieve my shower bag from the locker, and head to the bank of showers around the corner.

Twenty minutes later, I dress in a crisp blue and white striped suit with a royal blue tie, and I’m ready to face the day. On the way down to my office, I notice my sister has called again, and still didn’t leave a message. I wonder if she’s accidently dialing me? Who knows. I’ll call her around lunch time, so I don’t bother her.