Up by Five (27 page)

“Okay, how about this weekend then? Or we can stay in. I’ll cook.”

She looked at him for several seconds. “I can’t do this weekend either.”

He consciously relaxed his spine. It felt as if someone had shoved a metal rod up his back. “You’ll be at Sierra’s all weekend?”

He could send roses over. Or stop by with her favorite bagels.

“Yeah. At least. Maybe longer. I just… I’ll let you know when I’ll be back.”

Or he could just leave her the fuck alone since that was clearly what she wanted him to do.

He gritted his teeth, then purposefully unclenched them and sighed. “Gabby, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. It’s…nothing.”

Yeah. He believed that as much as he believed she and Sierra were going to do each other’s hair. The talking-about-boys thing was likely going to happen though.

But now he was afraid of what she might say about him, especially if she really did include every detail.

Maybe he should send the roses to Sierra as a bribe to tell him what the hell was going on with Gabby.

Might as well get the issue out in the open. “I know it feels like things are going fast between us—”

She held both hands up. “Conner, I can’t do this right now.”

“I think we need to talk about it. I don’t want you to feel—”

“Seriously. Please. I need to take care of some things before I can deal with anything else.”

“Let me help.”

“No. It’s fine. It’s…nothing.”

“Gabby—”

“Conner, it’s not about
you
.”

He scowled. “It doesn’t have to be about me for me to want to help.”

“It’s always about you.” Her frustration was clear. “Helping makes you feel good. That’s about you.”

“I’m trying to be your friend here.”

“You’re trying to be my
boyfriend
here,” she argued. “And I don’t have time for that!”

He stopped. She sighed. Several seconds of silence ticked by.

“I’m sorry. That sounded bitchy,” she finally said.

She’d sounded bitchy because she was exasperated. Because he was pushing. Dammit.

“It’s fine.” That sounded a lot more stilted than he’d meant it to. It was fine. Or it should be fine. He got that.

She took a deep breath. “Conner, I…” she trailed off and shook her head, “…I’ll call you in a couple of days.”

He wondered what she’d been about to say first. He knew there was something more there.

He took a moment before replying, squelching the urge to protest about not hearing from her for a vague “couple of days”. Finally he said simply, “Fine.”

It wasn’t fine at all.

She nodded. “Fine.” She started for the bedroom, clearly to gather her stuff.

He hated the idea of going into the guest bathroom and not seeing her stuff all over the place.

Ironic that the things he’d felt would be in his way were the things that now made him smile when he saw them.

She emerged a few minutes later with her bag. He hadn’t moved.

“See you soon,” she said, barely hesitating on her way to the door.

“Sure. Okay.” He forced himself to stay where he was.

He’d told her he loved her and she was now on her way out the door.

Déjà-fricking-vu.

The door shut behind her.

And there was one more reason for keeping things superficial and happy with women.

Falling in love sucked.

Conner lay on his back, blinking at the sky.

Dammit, that hurt. Even more than it had the first three times.

“Dixon? You getting back up?” Shane asked. A moment later his big friend—and almost brother-in-law—moved into his line of sight.

“I’m having some deep realizations down here, actually.”

“Hey, Coach, we need a break!” Shane shouted across the football field.

The next thing Conner saw was Nate, Cody and Ryan gathered around with Shane, all leaning over him.

“Isn’t it your job to keep him from ending up on the ground on his back?” Ryan asked Shane.

Shane was one of the best offensive linemen in the league.

“Hey, I can only do so much. He’s hanging out in the pocket for like a year.”

And there Conner was, thinking about Gabby again. Which was exactly why he was spending most of the practice on his back.

“It does make
my
job more fulfilling if you, you know, throw the fucking ball once in a while,” Ryan—one of the best receivers in the league—said dryly. He held out his hand.

Conner sighed and let Ryan—also an almost brother-in-law—pull him up to a sitting position.

He looked around. All of these men were almost brothers-in-law. They’d fallen, one by one, for Conner’s sisters.

In spite of his protests.

“Tell me more about these deep insights you’ve had while on your ass today,” Shane said. “’Cause it’s been a lot. You should be a fricking genius by now.”

Conner looked at each of the guys. “You were thinking about the girls when you had your head-up-your-ass practices.”

The guys looked at him, then each other, then they sat. The rest of the team wandered off, leaving the five men, the core of the team, alone.

“Head-up-your-ass practices?” Shane asked.

“You each had one. I remember them specifically. Suddenly the best players in the league were acting like they’d never seen a football.”

“You think that had something to do with your sisters?” Nate asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You really just now figured that out?” Ryan asked with a grin.

Conner ran a hand over his face. “How long until it goes away?”

The guys all looked at one another.

“The love thing? I’m hoping never,” Nate said.

They all nodded.

“I mean the shitty practices,” Conner said.

Cody chuckled. “It gets better once you tell her how you feel.”

Conner groaned and flopped back onto the grass, his arm over his eyes. “I already did that.”

“You told Gabby that you’re
in love
with her?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah.”

“How long has she been living with you again?” Cody asked.

“Three days,” Conner admitted.

“You’re in love with her after three days?” Shane asked. “You sure?”

Conner moved his hand, staring up at the clouds overhead. “Turns out, Gabby’s sort of…very lovable.”

Ryan snorted. “That’s one of the ‘able’ words Mac left out.”

“Fuck Mac,” Conner said shortly. It was stupid to have felt jealous over the other man flirting with Gabby. But he had anyway. Sharply jealous. She was his. And even though Mac had been kidding around—clearly having figured out how Conner felt about her—Conner had wanted to punch him. Hard.

He had a sudden, new appreciation for how patient Mac had been with him all this time.

The flirting he’d done with Sara had been obnoxious and he probably owed the other guy an apology. Not that he’d ever get it. But Conner probably owed it to him.

“So I’m going to assume that Gabby was less than enthusiastic about your declaration of love?” Shane asked.

“Why do you assume that? Multiple women have been trying to get me to fall in love with them for years,” Conner said.

Shane laughed. “Because you’re having a head-up-your-ass practice.”

Conner sighed. “Yeah.” He definitely was.

Ryan lay back on the grass beside him. “I am completely impressed that you fell for Gabby, Conner,” he said. “Gabby’s awesome. You deserve a girl like her.”

“But?” Conner asked, his gut tight.

“But are you sure you
want
a girl like her?”

“I deserve her, but I might not want her?”

Cody lay back on the grass on his other side. “You deserve a girl who challenges you, a girl who you don’t have to put on an act for. But Gabby won’t let you always be the hero. She won’t let you get away with keeping everything superficial and happy all the time.”

“I don’t do that.” But he did. And the fact that she wouldn’t let him be her hero was weighing on him like he was carrying a lineman across the line of scrimmage.

“Of course you do. You like happy women.”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t know,” Shane said, thoughtfully. “There’s something kind of cool about being the person someone wants around when things aren’t happy too.”

Yeah, there probably was. Not that he would know. Gabby didn’t want him around for whatever was going on with her. He was around for less-than-happy stuff with his sisters, but that was something he
had
to do.
Choosing
to be there for the tough stuff was different.

It was something all of these men were doing with his sisters.

And that was supposed to making Conner’s life easier.

He did
not
feel like these guys were easing any of his burdens at the moment. “You tell yourself that,” Conner said. “But I know you’d rather have been the one who bought Iz the spa package.”

Shane looked at him for a long, uncomfortable moment.

“What?” Conner asked with a frown.

“I’m just thinking that deep down you’d like to be the one pushing her to go to the pool and then hanging out in the hot tub when she’s not feeling well.”

Conner took a deep breath. God, he hated thinking about Isabelle being sick. It made him feel helpless and, frankly, pissed off. “Does the pool and hot tub make her better?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes not.”

“Exactly. The fibro is complicated,” Conner said. “I’ve done some reading, but it affects everyone differently. And I don’t want to bring it up with her because I don’t know if she really wants to talk about it.” In fact, the more he read, the more frustrated he became. He’d do anything to help Isabelle, but there was nothing concrete, nothing specific. Even for each individual patient, what they needed could vary day to day. So he stuck with the things that he knew would make her smile. Pedicures, for instance.

Shane nodded, but he looked…disappointed. Or something. Conner rubbed his head, feeling the tension of an oncoming headache.

“You do the same thing with Emma. Instead of talking to her about how she’s a little freaked out by the whole baby thing, you buy her elaborate gifts,” Nate said.

Yes, he most certainly did. He didn’t have a clue how to reassure her about the pregnancy and labor and delivery and motherhood. He didn’t know anything about the pregnant female body or babies. But she’d been all smiles when she’d seen the car seat. “You’re just pissed that I got that car seat for her before you did.”

“Yeah, that’s annoying as hell,” Nate admitted. “And we know that’s part of why you’re doing it. But that’s not all of it.”

His friends were insightful now? Was this a side effect of falling in love? Because it was extremely irritating.

“That’s right, I also do it because I’m retired.”

Shane snorted. “Retired from what?”

“Being worried, being the hard-ass, pacing the floor and cleaning up messes.”

Which meant he shouldn’t care that Gabby was leaving him out. He should be
happy
and
grateful
.
He didn’t fucking feel happy or grateful. He felt like biting someone’s head off.

“Dammit, Conner.”

He looked at Ryan in surprise. His friend sounded pissed. “What?”

“You make it sound like your sisters are incapable of taking care of anything on their own or making any decisions without you.”

“I know you guys are there for them now. That makes me really happy,” he told them sincerely.

“Your sisters do great on their own,” Ryan said. “All of them. And they have each other. We’re all lucky they
let
us into their lives. They don’t
need
us.”

Well, that was all very nice. Conner was glad these men realized the wonderful women they had. But they didn’t know everything. They hadn’t been there with the girls growing up.

“My sisters are amazing women. But there have been times—” Conner started.

“That they’ve let you help them out,” Ryan said.

Conner frowned. “What?”

“When they were younger, I’m sure they needed you. But now…your sisters don’t tell you everything,” Ryan told him.

Conner looked at Shane, then Nate, then Cody. They all nodded.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Shane seemed hesitant but he said, “Isabelle doesn’t tell you much about her fibro.”

“Just yesterday she told me about this new vitamin she had tried that really helped but that she couldn’t find it locally anymore,” Conner said, his gut churning.

“Because that’s something you can help her with. But she doesn’t tell you about all the problems they’ve had with her pain pills. Because that’s something you can’t do anything about.”

Conner felt the twist in his gut tighten. Fuck.

Isabelle had a chronic condition. It wasn’t going to go away. He knew it, but he also liked to ignore it. There was nothing he could do—he couldn’t fix this.

He rubbed his hand over his face again. Ignoring it wasn’t right. He knew that. He just didn’t have a better idea.

Well, except a spa package here and there. Yeah. Big deal. It wasn’t like that was going to make any fucking difference. It had made
him
feel better and she’d gone along with it so that he could feel like he’d done something.

“That’s bullshit,” he said. But he knew it wasn’t.

“Sorry, man,” Cody said. “But it’s true. They know you want them to be happy, so they keep a lot of the stuff you can’t control away from you.”

Conner looked from one friend to another. They were all looking at him with a combination of sympathy and frustration.

“And they give me bullshit easy stuff that I can do to placate me and keep
me
happy,” he said, knowing as he said it that it was true. All this time he’d thought he was taking care of his sisters and really they’d been taking care of him.

Fuck.

“Sorry, Conner,” Nate said, confirming it all without confirming it.

“I’m not,” Ryan said bluntly. “Amanda’s been the one protecting you the most. She takes care of the girls so you don’t have to.”

Again, the truth of it hit Conner. Amanda, the oldest of the girls, was the responsible one. She’d been protecting him. He knew it in his heart before his mind accepted it.