Used (Unlovable, #1) (Unlovable Series) (30 page)

Finally, I look in the mirror and I look … normal, but I don’t feel normal anymore. Had I ever been normal though? Well, I don’t feel my version of normal. My hair’s a total disaster, so I quickly pull my fingers through it, combing it into submission. I splash some warm water on my face and run a toothpaste-covered finger over my teeth.

I should start my walk. Maybe I could find something and leave Ransom a note telling him thank you. He was incredible to me last night. I still can’t believe that. A small smile plays at my lips. There are good people out there.

Somehow, someway, I had to allow myself to find them and move on from people who hurt me. But the fact that I am the common denominator here plagues me, and the little nagging detail about me being unlovable rears its ugly head. Once thing’s for certain though—the way I’ve been trying to live my life wasn’t working out so much, so I need some kind of change.

Quietly, I ease open the bathroom door, turning the light out as I close it behind me. Turning back toward the hallway, I startle at a dark figure standing a few feet away. My hand flies to my throat, and a nervous laugh bubbles up when I register it’s just Ransom.

“Mornin,’” he greets with a small smile.

“Hi, umm … I was just heading out. I didn’t mean to wake you after everything you had to put up with last night.”

“Well, you did wake me.”

“I’m sorry,” I murmur.

He cups the nape of his neck, and his brow furrows. “When I realized you weren’t there … it scared me. I needed to know you were all right. How ‘bout that, huh?” He scratches his head and runs his hand back and forth over his cropped hair. “I guess I really meant what I said about bygones being bygones. I don’t want you hurting. So, how are you?”

“I’m … better. I really will be fine. I’ve recovered from worse than this.”
Liar, liar.

“Yeah, then why you think it hit you so hard last night?”

My gaze flies to the floor as the confidence in my ability to overcome such a betrayal wavers. I
was
hit hard last night, and I really
can’t
imagine just getting over it. “I, um—”

He puts his hand on my chin, forcing me to look at him. Those green eyes knowing, yet unknowing. “Don’t downplay how you feel. You were obviously hurt last night. I saw it, and you don’t have to pretend otherwise. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

I swallow hard and nod. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“You’re welcome,” he says with a smile and a nod. “I’m gonna jump in the shower, and then I’ll make us something to eat before I take you to your dorm.”

“You don’t need to do that. It’s not far, so I can walk.”

Ransom moves in close, his hand sliding from my chin to cup my cheek, his fingertips resting on the nape of my neck. “Nothing I just said contained a single question. You can wait for me in the kitchen.”

Before I can respond, he’s moved around me and into the bathroom. I go to the kitchen to wait.

A
FTER
R
ANSOM MAKES
me breakfast, he follows through on his promise to bring me back to the dorm. Our conversation en route is much the same as it was throughout our meal—highly personal, yet somehow, light and comfortable. He won’t allow me to give quick answers; he makes me explain
why
to my every response. He wants to know everything about me, like what I do for fun, my favorite songs, and my favorite candy, among other things. I suspect it is all a ruse to keep my mind off of what happened. It doesn’t quite work out like that, since almost every memory of mine features Greer, and thinking about all that quietly kills me because most of them are beautiful.

I lose myself a little bit as I consider what not having Greer in my life will look like—bleak and dreary and hopeless. A deep sigh works its way out of me.

“You’re going to be OK. You’re a little fighter,” Ransom says as he runs his thumb over the back of my hand. I glance at him in surprise when it dawns on me he hasn’t stopped touching me since last night. And he swore he’d never touch me again. I can’t help but laugh a little on that thought. He’s become my knight in shining armor despite my spouting that I didn’t need one of those. He’s completely unaware, though, since he has no idea how much he helped me. “You’re laughing—that’s a good sign.” His fingers thread their way through mine, and I stop laughing. I like that. Too much. I give him a squeeze and release him, placing my hands in my lap. He doesn’t retract his hand from the seat.

“Yeah, I guess it is.” I lean back against the headrest. “Thank you for everything last night, Ransom. I don’t think you get how much you helped me. I …” A sob has worked its way up my throat, and if I continue, I’ll start bawling again. So I just shut up instead. God, I’m sick of crying.

The truck comes to a stop. “Hey, little fighter,” he calls. I slant my head toward him and look up at him through my lashes because if I don’t, he’ll see the tears that have pooled in my eyes. I gaze in utter fascination as he swallows hard and stares at my lips. His eyes slowly make their way back up to mine. I love how alive they look. “You are one of the strongest, most bullheaded women I’ve ever met.” My grin is smug. “You are going to get past this and be pissing everybody off, including yours truly, in no time at all.”

I laugh in earnest at his assessment of me, and I bob my head in agreement.

He gives me one decisive nod, as though it will be that way because he has decreed it, and turns into our parking lot. I spot Maggie and Pete sitting on the steps. She’s sitting in front of him between his legs with her head thrown back. He has her in a lip lock.

“They’ve sure got it bad for each other.”

“They do,” I agree. Since I already told him thank you about a million times, I just hop out with my bundle of clothes. After I close his door, I give him a small wave through the window. He ducks his head and gives me a wink.

“Hey, you two,” I say, turning to the lovebirds I love so fiercely.

Maggie’s head jerks up, bumping Pete’s in the process. “Denver!” she screams as she propels herself off the steps and hugs me hard. “I was so worried. If I’d known there was trouble, I never would’ve left,” she rushes out.

“I know that,” I say as I hug her back. “It’s all good. I had a fight with Greer, but I’m fine. Ransom was good to me last night,” I assure her.

She pulls back, and Pete runs his hand over her wild hair as he moves around us to speak to Ransom. “I can’t believe he let you stay with him after everything.”

“I know. Me either. I was surprised, but he was … incredible.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “Oh, Denver, are you gonna tell me what happened? I had to threaten to call the campus police since Greer wouldn’t leave here quietly. I’ve been so worried about you.”

I open my mouth to respond, but Pete cuts me off by calling her over to him. “Hold that thought,” she says as she kisses me on the side of my head and skips over to Pete and Ransom. She leans in and gives Ransom a kiss on his cheek. A stunned Ransom laughs at her while Pete frowns. When they all glance at me, I cringe and turn, running up the stairs.

Exhausted and utterly spent, I collapse on my bed after a thorough shower. Pulling the covers over my head, I curl up into a ball. I grab my phone and pull it under with me. It has a little charge and has powered back up to reveal fifteen missed calls, four voicemail messages, and ten text messages—all from Greer, of course.

I exit out of all them without reading. I just can’t. Not yet, maybe not ever. What am I supposed to do with this? Without Greer, I have no one in this world. On that thought, I hear Maggie stroll in. She promptly whips my covers back and climbs in with me. She covers us back up, and we are in our own little cocoon. I know, for a fact, that I’ve never cried as much as I did while that shy, yet spirited, fire-headed girl held me. And she never said a word or asked me a single question.

Chapter Twenty-five

Denver

S
OMEONE IS GASPING
and sobbing. I try to reach out and help her, but my arms are heavy. I try to kick, but my legs are heavy too. That’s when I realize Blake’s got me pinned down. I’m on my bed this time. I glance over his shoulder and recognize the trophies shelved and the ribbons hung in one corner of my room. Oh my God! Why am I here? I left all this behind.

“You’ll never leave this behind,” Blake seethes. “You thought you were safe from us, sleeping with that boy?” He gives a jaded laugh. “That boy used you just like everyone else in your life. Like everyone will continue to use you unless you get smart. Use or be used. That’s the way this world works. You let him in for a minute, and look what you got—exactly what you deserved.”

I recognize every bit of truth in his words, but there’s one thing he doesn’t get. “I know I deserved what I got,” I shout. “If anyone gets that, it’s me. But I did love Greer. I wasn’t faking it. I didn’t mean to use him or hurt him. I thought he could deal with my crazy.”

“Yeah, he dealt with it until it broke him. You broke him. Ruined him. Do you have any idea how what he did to you is killing him?”

I hear those sobs grow stronger, relentless. Then I hear shouting. And my arms hurt, but they’re not pinned anymore. I sit up, gasping. There are hands on my face, hands in my hair, so I just start slapping and kicking. I let out a piercing scream that startles my attacker, causing him to release me.

“Denver, dammit! Wake the fuck up!”

“Ransom?” I question, as my eyes fly open to take in my dorm room, an angry Ransom, a terrified Maggie, and a saddened Pete.

“Yeah, little fighter. It’s me. What the fuck?”

“Oh, God.” I shove my hands in my hair. It’s dampened with sweat and sticking to my face. My dream comes rushing back in, and I remember how violent I’d gotten as I tried to free myself. “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you, Maggie?”

“No,” she says as she comes to rest on her knees in front of me. “Ransom told me to call him if anything wasn’t right with you. The minute I couldn’t wake you, I called him. It was like your nightmare was on repeat, honey. Over and over you kept saying the same things. And I couldn’t wake you,” she finishes with a sob.

Pete walks over and scoops her off the floor. “Come on, sweetheart,” he coos.

My eyes find Ransom’s again. He’s studying me, and I don’t have the energy to resist his scrutiny. I start to speak, but he beats me.

“Maggie, get her things together for a couple days. She’s coming with me.” His almost-translucent green gaze pierces me, daring me to argue.

“OK, Ransom,” she agrees. Damn, I must have really scared her for her not to protest or question him at all.

“Don’t, Maggie,” I call, making her freeze like a deer in headlights. I ignore that and focus on Ransom. “I appreciate everything you did for me, Ransom. Really I do. But I’m not going over to your apartment. I’m a big girl. I can deal with this.”

“Your friend was in hysterics when she called me.”

Simple yet powerful argument, I had to give him that. I cross my arms over my chest because it’s just dawned on me that my camisole is thin and my pajama shorts are tiny. “And I’m so sorry for that. Sorry you were troubled.”

“Don’t pretend like I told you that ‘cause I was inconvenienced. Throw on a t-shirt and some pants and meet me out front.”

I take a deep breath to try another angle. “Ran—”

He tilts toward me and a deceptive little smile plays at his mouth. His voice drops to a low hum. “If I get busted by your dorm mother, I’m gonna be pissed. If I lose my resident advisor status, I’m gonna be
more
than pissed, which will probably happen if I’m caught in here. If you’re not out front in two minutes, I’m coming back in here to gag you and haul you out over my shoulder.”

I stare at him, not really sure what to say.

“That’s what I thought,” the arrogant bastard says. When the door closes behind him and Pete, Maggie and I both sag and exhale.

M
AGGIE WON’T HEAR
of staying without me in the dorm, so off we go to Ransom and Pete’s apartment. She kisses me on the cheek and follows Pete into his bedroom. I stand in the hallway, fiddling with the straps on my bag for a second before walking toward Ransom’s room. I swallow hard when I see him propped against his headboard. Shirtless, of course.