Vagina Insanity (5 page)

The white-collar job that I was promised to be given
turned bluish in a month, and my hope for betterment was strangled
by the insult I was left to bear. Failing to keep my existence
secure, after six months of the stay, I had to come back to
India.

“Following your wish can be dangerous, but neglecting
it can also be depressive.”

Chapter Nine

“To a man, the greed for women is more dangerous than
the greed for money.”

‘Who created this file in the computer, sir?’ I was
asked by Ameena Khan.

‘The computer itself,’ I replied.

‘No, I can’t believe this.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it reads, Ameena, I love you.’

She was appointed as a computer teacher of the
institute I had opened in New Delhi. She was considerate, ambitious
and helpful to me. The day I saw her I fell in love, and since then
I was trying to make her understand my feeling. After she read the
sentence of the file, she wore a smile on her face which was
clearly indicating that she had understood everything. I hid my
face to control the hesitation, and feeling shy, I couldn’t look at
her any longer.

A twenty-year old Bengali Muslim Ameena had recently
come to New Delhi. A month ago, she dropped in the institute to
make an enquiry for getting trained on English and computer. In a
short period of time, she improved her knowledge a lot, and so, I
decided to appoint her as a trainer. My tender heart, tender
feeling and tender path ahead were keeping me a little hesitant to
propose that day. Living in the middle-class conservative Hindu
community, proposing a Muslim girl could possibly put me in
trouble, but I encouraged myself to accept the challenge.
Otherwise, it was barely true that I was at such a Rubicon from
where stepping down could make life meaningless and
cluster-molested. I was in the need of a woman – yes – obviously a
wife. Just one week ago I had got an idea which was very simple and
sober to propose her. And that was the result that she wore a smile
on her face that day. But exactly a week ago something very
interesting had happened.

While teaching English I asked her a question. As she
was coming for a month, and in that period of time I had proved
myself one of the best teachers for her, so I knew that if I tell
her to do something, she wouldn’t deny. I had already framed up a
set of questions to ask.

‘Ameena, can I ask you something?’

‘Yes, please!’

‘I have got a friend who I need to tell something but
the problem is that...’

‘Yes?’

‘The problem is that she understands Bengali language
only.’

‘So, what do you want me to do?’

‘I have written a letter in Hindi that you’ve to
translate into Bengali.’

‘Ok, I will do that.’

God is great!
I thought
for a moment. I sensed the arrow going at right direction as I saw
that she waited for five seconds to reply but finally nodded with
acceptance. I was immensely ecstatic to hear that she had accepted
to translate the letter because I knew what I was going to write in
it. It brought a broad smile on my face. I felt like I was going to
get victory over the war of Sparta. Winning the heart of a lovable
woman makes a man the most happiest. He feels blessed and blissful.
He feels his life revived and soul vivified. I recollected ten
times the words she had said.

‘Ok, I will do that.’

The words of her echoed my mind for many days keeping
me cheerful and delighted. The very next day, with all my
linguistic strength, jotting down the jolting words, I composed a
letter adding all the flavors and fragrance showing the tender
feeling over-flown. It wasn’t addressed to anyone, just the
words…

‘Life is beautiful but it becomes more beautiful when
one falls in love. I have no intention to bother you but just I
want to tell you something. My life is blissful since I have seen
you. I don’t know how to tell, because I hesitate a little, and I
would hate myself if I made you upset of anything, but I cannot
control myself without telling you also. I don’t know what I should
do.’

With shivering hands, I put the letter in her book
without letting her acknowledge that the letter was written for
her. The book I put the letter in was one of her thickest books –
the dictionary. When she was about to leave the class that day, I
told her to get the letter from the book after reaching home. The
next day she came and gave me a paper on which everything was
written in Bengali. It was too early to expect her reply, still
with a burning quest I rushed to an old man who knew Bengali, and I
asked him read the letter. All the words were same what I had
written; still it made my day chuckling round the clock because I
knew that I would let her know one day who I really had written the
letter for. And that would be the happiest moment for both of
us!

“Men do not live for bread only but confidence,
sympathy, appreciation also.” –Emerson

Chapter Ten

“Millions said the apple fell but Newton was the one
to ask why.” –Baruch

I was concentrating on my teaching profession putting
every single effort ensuring that the students get proper learning.
The power of motivating the students was one of the best qualities
of my teaching as I used to make it clear to them that – The aim of
education should be to teach us how to think, rather than what to
think.

The question for each man to settle is not what he
would do if he had means, time, influence and educational
advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has.
The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of
opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and
resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and
honorable success. All truly wise thoughts have been thought
already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must
think them over again honestly, till they take firm root in our
personal experience. We shouldn’t waste our life in doubts and
fears: rather spend ourselves on the work before us, well assured
that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best
preparation for the hours or ages that follow it.

In life you will face lot of challenges and uphill
battles that will try to stop you from achieving your dreams.
Difficulties will arise that will make you stumble but don't let
those difficulties make you crumble. Just be strong. Trials will
knock you down but you can choose to get back up. Knowing that we
have tried with all of our might is the comfort we seek. There are
events and things in life that we cannot change. When we have done
all there is to do, it may take some practice, but once you know
your efforts were complete, letting go of the worry is a blessing.
There are times when people attempt to do us wrong and situations
may not go well for us, but regardless we can still smile and not
let the troubles of this world weigh us down.

We forget sometimes that there are saints living
among us. When we meet them, we are reminded not just of the
presence of pure divinity right here on earth, but also of our own
potential, and of the responsibility we have to try and live up to
it. People ask many times what the meaning of life is. Giving
friendship to the friendless, encouraging the discouraged, giving
hope to the hopeless.... These are the stepping-stones to achieving
or understanding the meaning of life. Once you start taking these
steps, you yourself will start understanding the meaning of
life.

I had begun to teach English and foreign languages
from 1996 starting from Bihar, then Jharkhand, Kerala, America, and
now in Mumbai. I am thankful to my American students who learnt
French and Spanish from me patiently. I chose teaching profession
because of my own interest, and got success in it.

To live life, I had got education and I was earning
money too. But the only thing I didn’t have was a life partner. In
order to find her, I was bound to run from pillar to post and turn
all the stones of the way. I had understood long back that a
sleeping fox catches no poultry. My family had stopped supporting
me since I had become the reactionary to the social injustice I
victimized of. And it was also true that, I myself wanted to search
for a girl of my choice, and for that, Ameena was the best. She was
gorgeous and smart with all the qualities a woman should have. And
being in love with her was the most fortunate time for my life, and
I had broken the ice giving her first letter assuring myself that I
would get into wedlock very soon.

But I had no intuition that my love would end at a
lethal cross-road because the world would not accept us, and my
search for a soul-mate would never end. The religion, creating all
havoc, would invalidate any possibility of the nuptial tie I wasn’t
aware. For her, I knocked the door of the highest Muslim priest in
India – Mulla Bukhari of Jama Masjid of Delhi. I was ready for my
conversion in Islam. For my love, I reached the Tees Hajari Court,
and went to Bhajanpura Police Station three times to get help. But
all efforts went in vain. As I was turning every single stone to
get her in my life but each stone was becoming a blocking fence in
our way.

The world has always been suffering from theological
diversities.

No matter how much you talk about peace and harmony,
people are diversified. The majority of Muslims never believe that
in a church or temple the same god is worshiped whom their Quran
proclaims. A corrupt belief that – their Allah is the only god is
misleading Islam since ages. Jesus and Krishna have been clearly
falsified by their scripture. Who says Islam and Christianity are
same? Just look into the Quran and you will find out the answer.
Preaches of Moses and Jesus in both of their scriptures cannot
nullify the friction between these two religions. The Christians
and Hindus also look at the mosque with ill prejudices. They think
mosque is a place where some sort of devil is worshiped. Have you
ever seen an outcaste bowing down in front of a mosque? In many
verses of Quran it is written that it is the religious duty of a
Muslim to behead him who doesn’t believe in his Allah. Seeing this,
a non-Muslim can ask whether Quran is a religious book or a tome to
trigger wars.

Why are Muslims so blind that they believe
slaughtering non-Muslims is their right?

People say that Islam encourages killing but I would
say not only Islam but Hinduism also encourages killing. The Holy
Scripture of Hindus – the Geeta begins with the instructions of war
and ends at the same. I think in the time of tumult, war is
necessary for human being on the earth.

If you have some curiosity, then let’s look back into
past to see why Islam is accused of being the religion of war. The
time when the platform of Islam was being created in Arabia, the
Pagans, Jews and Quraishi Sardar in the pre-Islamic history were so
uncivilized and unlawful that humanity was nowhere in their
account. So when a new belief with strong fundamental of
monotheism, unity, and reformation was to be formulated, it had to
go through a lot of challenges, massacres and wars. The pre-Islamic
Arabs never wanted the new religion to be established. That is why,
in the time of war-at-every-step, the Quran depicted the view of
killing non-believers. Otherwise, they themselves would have been
eliminated from the world at the early stage. And that is why
Muslims are hardliner, and in some exceptional cases, the world is
blessed with some liberal persons like Mr. Barrack Obama. God bless
him in winning the election of 2012!

A religion is to lead to the people, but it also
needs to be reformed from time to time. The reformation has to take
place. But when reformation comes, first it has to fight with the
established fundamentalism of the existing belief. The biggest
mistake of all the religions existing on the earth is that they
never tried to control human population. And why did they not do is
because they prophesized that a man is born on the will of God, so
putting a cap on human birth was going against the will of God.
These days, the root cause of all the problems of the world is that
– Necessity is more than availability. The religions, being the
guides of human being have already said that injustice on the earth
would go out of control and that would bring annihilation for sure.
Now the question is that, if annihilation will definitely come,
then what is the use of following religious doctrine? And why can’t
the religions stop annihilation?

Some questions remain unanswered, and they remain
because there is a flaw in the doctrine. In this current era, human
pollution is the biggest threat to the world. We human beings are
nothing but viruses replicating in number. And that is devastating
the world inch by inch. If the scriptures had taught us to control
population, we had a better world today.

But who cares? Behind every motive there is
selfishness. I am thinking of making a religion which would allow
the followers to carry guns. Sword is old!

“Money is the sixth sense, if you don’t have this,
you cannot enjoy your five senses properly.” –Anonymous

Chapter Eleven

“We must risk going too far to discover just how far
we can go.” –Jim Rohn

I let one week pass, then wrote a second letter with
more meaningful and convincing sentences. She translated back that
letter also without adding any extra word than what I had written.
I was dreaming of her every moment, and little by little, it was
being known to the busy-bodies and goody-goody kind of the people
of the locality. My family in Delhi and mother at native place got
upset after hearing that I was going to marry an outcaste. They
were planning to isolate me from the society. I was determined to
face any challenge, and that is why, without wasting any more time
in beating bushes, I wrote her the last letter. It went like
this…