Vengeance (2 page)

“Oh angel.”

He slides behind me and takes me into his arms. I lean my head back against his shoulder; my tears are gone, there are no more left.

“I…knew he was mad…” I whisper hoarsely. “But I didn’t think…”

“He rang me.”

I turn quickly. “He did.”

“I don’t condone what he did
Jade
, if he was here, I would knock him out but he honestly…he honestly regrets it. If he didn’t, he would not have told you. He could have kept it a secret, and you would have never known.”

“And that makes it right?” I scream.

“
God
no
angel.
I just think…I think he truly regrets it.”

“So he should.” I snarl.

“He does love you, regardless of what he
has done. You just need to know
if that is enough.”

“He cheated on me. How can I ever trust him again?”

“I am not expecting you to,” Jack says standing. “But I am going to say this. All those years you were gone, Jax only ever moved on to one girl and as soon as you were back he came to you. When he chose to be with you, I watched him turn away all the women with him. His heart belonged to you Jade. You did the one thing that no pirate should do, and he walked away calmly from it. He made one mistake, one he truly regrets. For what it is worth, Jax is not the cheating type and he would never do anything to intentionally hurt you Jade.”

Jack leaves and I stare out the window, pondering his words. Part of me blames myself; I betrayed Jax and
he i
s hurting. Part of me blames him, and not having control over what he does, but for the most part, I blame this stupid situation we have both put ourselves in.
Both of us too stubborn to give in, to say sorry.
I never said sorry to him, not once, and he deserved that. I stroke my hands over my stomach and know that I have to make this choice.

I know I have to figure out if I can move past this, or if I can’t. I know I will be the one to decide my family's fate. I will be the one to decide my own future, and my husband’s future. I stand and slip into the shower, hurting so badly. Right now, all I can see is him with another woman. I want so badly to push that aside and just focus on what matters, but I can’t. Not right now. I sink into the warmth of the shower, and let more salty tears stream down my face. When I am done, I slide into my bed and peer down at my phone. Jack had put it on my bedside table. I read the one and only message from Jax.

I fucked up. I punished you for hurting me. I made a mistake. I am not going to say we are even because what I did was so much worse than what you did. I want you to know this though; I love you, no matter what. I haven't stopped. I have missed you every second of every day out here, even
through
my anger. I won’t walk away, not unless you ask me to. I can’t take back what I did, I don’t even know why or how I did it. I remember nothing. I wish I could say it never happened, I fucked up.

I think for a long, long moment before coming to a decision. I know what we have to do. I pick up the phone and dial his number. He picks up on the first ring.

“Jade…”

“Where are you?” I croak.

“What?”

“I want to know where you are.”

“On the island.”

“I…how do I get there?”

“You want to come here?” His voice is soft, gentle.

“I need to talk with you, face to face. This is not something that can be done over a phone or a message. I don’t want to do it here. I want to come to you. We both fucked up Jax, and we both have to talk.”

“Are you leaving me?”

I swallow. “I don’t know. I just want to talk with you.”

“I will send a plane in the morning. Is Lilly coming?”

“Yes, I will bring her and Jack.”

“Ok.”

“I will see you tomorrow then.
Text me the details.”

“For what it’s worth, I am truly sorry.”

“I know you are.” I whisper.

“I love you mate.”

I swipe my tears away. “I…I should go.”

“Goodnight.”

“Bye Jax.”

I hang up and fall back onto my bed. I manage to drift into a restless sleep. I wake before everyone else in the morning. I pack my things and Lilly’s, then I text Jack with our flight plan.
He
texts back letting me know he will come too. I don’t give much away when Layla and PJ ask, and they don’t push. They know better than to get between Jax and my issues.

We wait for the plane outside; Jack’s hand is firmly in mine. When it lands on our property, we climb onto the small vessel.
God
, this is not comfortable at all. The flight is long; it takes over eight hours. When I finally see a small island come into view, I peer out. Wow, so this is what he searched so hard for. It is breathtaking.

From the air, I can see white sand and aqua blue water. The middle of the island is mostly cleared out with huts and a small village. I can see a large dam, with crystal clear water and a waterfall. Wow pirate, this truly is freedom. Lilly shifts and squirms in her chair, beaming with excitement. When the plane lands, the pilot cuts the engine and opens the door. Lilly bolts off and I can hear her squeals and Jax’s laughter.

With a deep breath, I look at Jack. He smiles reassuringly and takes my hand. I let him hold me for a long moment, calming my nerves. When I step off the plane, I see nothing for a long moment, due to the suns vicious rays. When it clears, I see Jax. He is standing off to the side, wearing nothing but a pair of faded jeans. Oh
God
. I make a choking sound as my eyes meet his. He lets his gaze travel over me, and then stops on my belly. I can’t make out his expression.

“Jack.” He says, reaching out to shake Jack
’
s hand.

I step closer, until we are only a few feet apart. He reaches out to me, and I let him pull me into his arms. Above all else, I need to feel my husband’s comfort, his warm arms around me. I slide into him, and my
cheek rests on his chest. His skin is hot from the sun, and he has that extraordinary smell. I feel my tears slide down his chest and over his abdomen.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.” He murmurs into my hair.

“Me too.”
I whisper.

He pulls me back and looks at me. “You look like shit Jade.”

I force a weak smile. “It’s been a long few months.”

His gaze travels to my belly again, and he reaches out to lightly stroke his fingers over it.

“You make a beautiful pregnant wife.”

I hiccup and my tears flow again.

“Come
on,
let’s get you out of this sun.”

He takes my arm and leads me into the little village. I gasp and peer around; it’
s beautiful. S
ingle huts,
made of wood and bark; t
hey all have their own little decks. In the middle is a large open dining area, with a kitchen set up for cooking. Tables and chairs line the open space. Jax leads me to a bigger hut, and
we walk inside. I gape
at the beautiful way it has been set out.

It’s very tropical, that is my first impression. A bed sits in the middle, a king size by the looks of it. Off to one side is a small couch and television. At the front of the hut, is a kitchenette, with basic facilities. A toilet and bathroom is off to the side, covered in by a small door. I can see it has been decked out with blue and yellow sea shells. It reminds me of a beachside resort.

Jax walks me in and puts my bags down. I sit on the couch and peer up at him. Nothing about my husband has changed. He still has those rugged, manly features.
Full lips, dazzling green eyes, olive skin, square jaw.
He is still all rippled and built, his muscles moving when he does. He is gorgeous, far too gorgeous for me. He steps forward and strokes a thumb across my bottom lip.

“I am going to settle Lilly in. You unpack, take your time and I will come back. We have to get this talking over and done with.”

I nod weakly. “Is this your room Jax?”

“Yeah, you can stay here though.”

“Thanks.”

He stares at me for another long, long moment before walking out. I unpack my things, have a quick shower and slide into one of Jax’s shirts I find lying on the bed. I breathe in his scent. I need comfort, need to feel some sort of relief. Jax comes back an hour later and finds me curled up on his bed, staring out the window. He shuts the door and sits down, staring long and hard at me.

“How are we going to do this?”

“From the start.”
I whisper.

“You wanna go first?”

I nod and swallow.

“I am going to just tell you everything I know Jax. When I met you, I fell hard and fast for you. You told me you didn’t do love and I didn’t listen. My heart broke. Then I got on that ship, and you said you would give me a chance, again, I sought love…all I wanted was love.
When you got
hurt by Bill and decided you needed time, I was devastated, so devastated. One, I thought you were dead and two…when you came back I thought we loved each other enough for me to help you, but you just left. I don’t think I ever truly got over that.”

My voice chokes and he nods me on.

“So, I moved away, began my life again and you came back. I was happy Jax, with you. I finally saw the love in your eyes, and you asked me to marry you and nothing could ever say how that made me feel. That wedding day, it was beautiful. Then, you found out about Ben, and you just bolted again. You never give me a chance, never let me explain or had any faith in me. You just run, and every time you do, you kill a little part of me.”

I am sobbing now, but I continue.

“I realized in the past few weeks that all I wanted from you was love. I always feel like I am not good enough for you; you run every time the going gets tough, and I think…well…that I am just not good enough. You move on, have sex with other women. If you r
eally loved me, you wouldn’t
.”

“No,” He choke
s. “No
.”

“Yes, if I was we would not be having this conversation. All I do is try and please
you,
protect you, shelter you from being hurt. I went to Ben because I didn’t want you hurt; I didn’t want Lilly hurt. If somebody was going to die, it was going to be me. I did it because I loved you, not because I was trying to hurt you. And you never gave me a chance; again you left me…all alone. I can’t help thinking I am just not what you need, you loved me; I could see that and I took it for granted, always wanting more. I know that. I should have seen the small things you did, but then you would run and it would start all over again. I love you Jax, with everything in my tiny body and soul. You are my hero.”

He chokes out a strangled sound and puts his head in his hands. A long moment passes and he looks up at me.

“You have to understand some things about me kid, and it’s my fault I never just sat down and told you. My mother left me, when I was five years old. She left me alone to learn how to be a pirate for Christ sakes. I wasn’t good enough for her; I was the child she didn’t want.”

“Oh Jax no.”

He holds up a hand. “Then, I ended up with Bill, and nobody came for me. My father accepted my choice and just let me go. I was so angry with him. When I finally got back on the ship, and he went missing I started gaining control in my life. I had never had it before. I became Captain, and I had the higher power. It's about control Jade. When I first met you in the pub, I fell hard for you and I was losing control, so I ran. Then, when you held me after what Bill did to me, and were so…accepting…. I was losing control again; you were softening me, changing everything, so I ran.”

“And with Ben, I did something you didn’t have control over…”

He nods. “So I ran.”

I close my eyes; it makes so much sense to me now….so much sense.

“The other women, Bella, Sammy…they were fill
ins
. I cared for Bella yes; I married her young and it was a mistake, but as soon as I lost control of her, I divorced her. Sammy was fun because she let me do whatever I wanted, but as soon as she wanted to marry and settle, I left her. Granted, I was still in love with you, so I had good reason to, but the message is all the same.”

“Oh Jax.
You should know something; you have this thing about you, this vibe that gives you immense control over so many things. I never tried to take your control, I just tested it. You have to let people in and realize that when you do, you are an extraordinary person. You’re a gorgeous husband, friend, father…you can be so wonderful. You can have that and keep your control.”

“No.” He whispers.

“You are a good person Jax, why can’t you just see that you can be an amazing person?”

“I don’t know.”

“Tell me…why did you tell me about that girl?” My voice comes out strained.

“I didn’t want any more lies. I was hurting, but it was no excuse for me to hurt you back. I didn’t do it for that, at least not consciously. I regret what I did; I don’t remember it, but I regret it.”