Authors: Sinden West
She screwed her face up
as she looked suspiciously at me. Her thick, black eyeliner made her eyes looks small. “How?”
“Your boyfriend’s these guys
’ dealer, right?” I said quietly. “Just invite me along to the next party or whatever. I’ll wing it from there.”
She tilted her head as she studied me and coiled a strand of her
dyed black hair around her finger. “Wow, you’ve fallen far already. I thought you looked down on Raymond and me. I thought that you thought that he was a
loser.
”
“Connie…”
She collapsed into giggles. “I was just kidding. He is a loser. But he’s my meal ticket. What’s a girl to do?” She shrugged.
“I owe you.”
“I know,” she said, still smiling. Then she frowned. “We’re not exactly feminists are we? I mean whoring ourselves out—“
“All men are pigs, Connie,” I cut in sharply. “
That justifies everything. We’re survivors.” I kept my eyes trained on Damon Lucas.
“Survivors,” she repeated softly, but she didn’t look convinced.
I stood and grabbed my apple.
“I’ll see you later.
Remember to find out about the party.” I exited the cafeteria, the noise and the smells were unbearable. But as I headed down the corridor toward my locker, I stopped short. The word WHORE was written in bold black ink on my locker. “What the fuck?” I whispered, then I noticed movement to the side, and I turned, my heart starting to pound when I saw who it was. I hadn’t known that he was back at school yet.
Leon was a skin
ny kid, the type that got pushed around, and I had always thought he was sweet. I knew he had a crush on me that went beyond the sisterly one that it should have been. But right now he was looking at me with hatred, his face was white, lips colorless and thin. He gripped the marker in his fist so hard that his knuckles were white as well, and it would not have been unexpected if the plastic shattered into shards and skewered us both.
He was shaking, and for a moment I thought that he might hit me. He let the marker drop
, and it bounced and rolled on the linoleum floor, the sound echoing. “You killed him,” he sounded like he might cry. “You killed my Dad.” The voice was cracking.
“Leon, I didn’t mean—“
“Shut up! Go to hell, Violet.” Those words were said with rage, then that façade collapsed, and I saw a broken boy. My heart had stopped pounding, but now it was hurting like the word GUILT was stomping up and down on it to try and make it burst.
“You’re a whore.” He wiped at his face. “You’re a fucking
whore
.” The last word was a hoarse whisper like there was no energy for anything else, and he turned away and disappeared around the corner. I stared after him until I remembered myself and checked that no one else had just witnessed what had happened. I turned back to my defaced locker.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
I tried to think of other things for the rest of the day. I tried to think of my plan, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought it sounded like such a stupid farfetched idea that would never work. Connie told me about a party they were going to, and I was considering not going. But then Ewan walked in on me as I was getting out of the shower that night. He grabbed my towel, holding it out of my reach while his eyes raked up and down my body. “Nice rack for a skinny bitch,” he hissed.
I stayed still, not knowing what my next play would be
and feeling anxiety rise in me, scared it would turn to panic. I hated people seeing me naked, and just when I considered launching myself at him with my claws out, we both heard the front door shut. Someone was home. Ewan let the towel drop into a pool of water and backed out, that leer never dropping from his ugly face. I grabbed for that towel, panting and holding it against me as a rage slowly built within me.
I could’ve told Diana
and Glynn. But there was no guarantee that it would be Ewan that got moved and not me. And I had to stay at this school and do well if I ever had a hope of getting any kind of scholarship to college. Plus, that social worker was gunning for my blood. No doubt she would try and stick me in the next available hell hole if possible as penance. I had to try my plan; I had to do something.
I dressed sex
ily for the party. My jeans were skin tight, and my top had a generous scoop neck that showed off my cleavage. I hid that cleavage under my jacket as I told Diana that I was going out, just in case she started spewing vitriol about what a whore I was again. But she didn’t bother to look up from her magazine. “You know the rule. Doors lock at ten. If you’re not in, you sleep outside.”
“Sure thing.”
I went to wait on
the corner for my ride. I could hear Raymond’s car coming from a mile away, and the music was so loud it seemed to shake my bones. He flashed a grin at me.
“Violet.
Very sexy.” He let out a whistle, and I resisted the urge to shiver under his gaze. Connie just rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything to him.
“Sorry,” she mouthed to me once he pulled the car away from the kerb. I just nodded at her with a small smile. The party was at a house not far from mine. I had expected teenagers, but these people were older and tougher. I almost lost my nerve, but Connie clutched onto my hand and dragged me behind her as she followed Raymond through the crowd. He was Mr Popular for obvious reasons.
“Get my girls a drink,” he ordered someone, and instantly b
eers were passed to Connie and me.
“Come on, he doesn’t like me around when he’s doing his business.” She pulled me away
, and we found a seat in a corner, where we could sit and observe. A few guys tried to hit on us, but all Connie had to say was “I’m Raymond’s girl,” and they scattered quickly.
“I’m glad you’re here. I get so fucking bored at these things.” Connie sipped her beer. I was drinking mine more quick
ly, hoping to relax. Once that was finished, another appeared and I downed that as well.
“Are you sure he’s coming?”
I stretched my neck, trying to see past people.
“Yeah.
I checked Raymond’s phone. Some of Damon’s friends were checking that he’d be here tonight.”
I was on my fourth beer by the time I caught sight of Damon. He was tall and fairly muscled underneath the loose black t-shirt he wore. One
side of his head was shaved along the side, and the rest of his black hair was short, almost like he was trying to be a choir boy on one side, and a bad boy on the other.
“He’s cute. Rough, but cute,” C
onnie announced. I shrugged; I never really paid attention to boys my own age. There was very little they could usually do for me, so they were a waste of effort.
“Oh, fuck.” A girl in a tight dress had walked
up him, her hand resting on his bicep. “Who’s she?” It was hard to tell if he was happy to see her or not, because his expression never changed. His face just remained immobile like nothing in this world could impress or disgust him. I found an inexplicable anger spark within me. I hated guys like that. They made the girl do all the work, never letting her know if she was close to his heart or if he was just using her all the time. I remembered how my mother’s boyfriends used to wear looks like that, and how they would discard her like she was nothing when she was in love with them.
“I can’t remember her name. She sleeps with all of them from what I can see,” Connie said.
“I need another beer. Want one?”
“Sure.” My eyes didn’t move from Damon,
and was barely aware that Connie had gotten up and left. Then I saw Ewan come up to him. He had his hand poised for a fist bump, or whatever guys did, but Damon ignored him. Ewan’s hand slowly went to scratch at his arm, casually as if he hadn’t just been rejected.
“Ouch,” I said
softly. It was clear now. Ewan was like a dog, begging for scraps from his master.
Pathetic.
Damon moved from the room and his friends followed. Where was he going? Once he was out of view, I got to my feet to follow. Several people got in my way
, but eventually I found them out in the back yard with Raymond.
I took a breath
and stepped off the porch and onto the grass. They were spread about, and the girl from before was nibbling at another guy’s neck, not Damon’s though I noted with relief. I stalked over the grass, my footsteps silent. Ewan spotted me first.
His lips curved up in a nasty smile.
“Hey,
sister
.”
“Ewan,”
I said, curtly, not letting my shaking show. Raymond spotted me, holding an arm out in welcome.
“Hey, sexy Violet.”
His arm curved around me, and an unexpected kiss was planted on my forehead. Connie had told me once that he wanted her to ask me if I wanted a threesome with them. This was friendliness with a motive. “When are you going to say yes to my threesome idea?” he teased. I gritted my teeth and smiled sweetly, giving him a tap on the cheek which I wish that I’d dared to do harder.
“I’ve lost Connie
. You seen her?”
“Let me finish up here
, and I’ll come with you to look,” Raymond told me.
Only then did I turn my attention to the group of guys he was dealing with. I cast my eye on them, acting unimpressed, which wasn’t hard. Damon made everything easy when he sa
id, “Who’s your friend, Raymond?” I could feel his eyes on me, and they made me feel uncomfortable. It was hard for me to turn my gaze to meet his. I matched his expression. We both were made of stone, cold and unrevealing.
“This is Violet, Connie’s friend.” Raymond shoved cash into his pocket.
“You go to my school.” I said it almost like I was accusing him of wrong doing.
“She’s just m
oved in with me,” Ewan piped up, the puppy once again. Damon didn’t give any reaction that he’d heard Ewan speak.
Damon took a drag on his cigarette before throwing it down and crushing it with his shoe.
There was no indication of what he wanted; if he wanted to lick me, fuck me, fly me to the moon…
Then someone yelled something and people were moving. “Violet, let’s go!” Connie was streaking across the lawn to me as the fl
ickering lights of cop cars became visible up the side of the house. Raymond was grabbing her hand and pulling her to the fence; he boosted her up and over before hauling himself over after her.
“Shit!” I slammed my hands against the fence. There was no way I could get over by myself. Ewan sat at the top, grinning.
“Have fun explaining this to Diana,
Violet
.” Then he disappeared over the side. I hoped he broke his fucking neck on the way down.
“Here.” A hand with bruised knuckles reached down, and I leapt for it. In a tight grip, I was pulled up and over. My top had risen up and my skin grazed again
st the rough wood. I hissed it pain, but the adrenalin kept me going, not even caring when I hit the ground hard on the other side. Damon dropped down a second later. “Let’s go,” he ordered. I followed him as he weaved around the washing line and headed for another fence.
He boosted me over the next fence, and I ended up in someone’s backyard.
“This way.” He headed up onto that person’s back porch, quietly turning the doorknob. It opened.
“What are you doing?” I whispered. He just lifted a finger to his mouth to shush me. The
n he walked inside. I stood there for a second, then, against my better judgement, I followed. He seemed to know where he was going as he led me down a dark hallway before opening a door at the end. A messy bedroom came into view; magazines were scattered around and clothes lay in piles on the floor. He quietly closed the door behind us.
I rolled my eyes. “This is your bedroom? I thought you were breaking into someone’s house.” I sat down on the unmade bed.
His lips quirked slightly, and then he sat beside me, grabbing my hands and trying to kiss me. Was this really how I wanted to play this? I didn’t want to end up as just a one- night stand. I pulled away, and his forehead crinkled, but he didn’t say anything.
I pulled back.
“You should have told me you were bringing me back for that,” I told him.
“Why else would I want you here?”
I couldn’t argue with that. He stood and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the dresser, lighting one before tossing them back. “There’s the door. No one’s keeping you here. Go if you want, or stay. It’s up to you.” His tone was so casual, yet his eyes were dark and serious. I looked at the clock behind him. It was eleven. I was locked out for the night. I swallowed; this would not be the first time that I had been a whore. I didn’t know why I suddenly didn’t want to sleep with this guy. That was the plan all along, after all.
Maybe it was that similarity to the numerous men who had broken my mother
. I lowered my gaze down to my hands. They shook. Why were they always shaking? Maybe it was me that was breaking now. I was due for it. I’d been surviving for so long that I’d begun to wonder what the point of it was. Maybe the last strands of the fates’ weaving were finally unravelling.
“Don’t
cry
. I’m not keeping you here.”