Victim of Love (30 page)

He smiled. “Not tonight, okay? Tonight, let’s just watch aliens and touch each other.”

I gave him a squeeze. “Fair enough. I think you’ve done enough talking for one day.”

When I took Beck to bed with me that night, I left the light on in the bedroom. He hadn’t asked me to. But I figured after reliving that horror today, it wasn’t hard to imagine the nightmares showing up.

But Beck didn’t have any nightmares that night. He slept soundly until morning.

At peace.

Chapter Twenty

Closet Doors

Beck left Sunday morning, saying he had to spend the day unpacking and getting his house in order. He said he had a meeting on Monday evening, but wanted me to come by his house around nine that night so we could talk. And he could show me the new junk he’d acquired.

I worked through my shift on Monday with a smile on my face, which didn’t go unnoticed among my peers, who
had
noticed my morose grumpiness as of late.

“Why so chipper today?” Laurie asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Just in a good mood.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said. “Everyone wants to take Townsend and Pippa out to dinner to celebrate the bun in the oven.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Pippa’s tiny little oven.”

Laurie smirked. “I know, right? So can you come? Kamal doesn’t want to do it tonight if you can’t make it.”

“Aww,” I said. “Kamal likes me.”

“Everyone likes you, even if you have been a bit sour lately.”

I thought about it. I didn’t have to be at Beck’s until nine. I could swing it. “Yeah, I’ll be there. Actually, I took my bike today. Can I catch a ride?”

“Sure,” she said. “We’re gonna go to Rick’s Café on the water. They’ve got the patio open. I’ll make the reservations now.”

“Sounds good.”

I texted Beck and told him I was going for dinner, but would still be over later. He wrote back within minutes.

‘
Cool, where ya goin?
’

‘
Rick’s Café with Laurie and gang because Townsend knocked up Pippa. Can’t wait to see you later
.’

‘
Have fun. But don’t get lost on your way here. Can’t wait to see you too.
’

I smiled and put my phone away, getting back to work. There was part of me—more than a small part—that had kept my guard up even after Beck left my house this weekend promising we’d continue what we’d started, no matter what. I’d been hurt by him, thrown by him, confused by him so much since that first meeting on the beach, it was hard not to expect another disappointment.

But God help me, I was starting to think Beck Turner might finally be for real.

****

Laurie had reserved us an awesome table on the patio overlooking the water. It was me, Laurie, Kamal, Pippa, and Townsend, the original vacation crew, and I was having more fun than I expected to. We kept toasting to the upcoming baby, and after a while Pippa called us out.

“You guys aren’t
that
happy about my baby. Not three shots of tequila happy.”

“
Our
baby,” Townsend reminded.

Pippa smiled at him. “Our baby. Which I already love. Even though I really, really want to do a shot right now.”

“Get used to abstinence, babe,” Townsend said. “Like it or not, I’m taking good care of you during this pregnancy.”

“At least I can eat whatever I want,” she said, picking up a French fry. The fry was halfway to Pippa’s mouth when she paused, staring back toward the restaurant.

“What’s the matter?” Laurie asked.

“Um, your brother is here.”

I spun around in my seat. And sure enough, Beck was crossing the patio, heading toward us. He smiled when he saw me, hands in the pockets of a beige suit, looking tanned and gorgeous. He’d shaved his beard, his hair was perfect, and my stomach lurched at the sight. I wondered if I’d ever get used to looking at him and not feel like my guts had been liquefied.

But what the hell was he
doing
here?

“Beck!” Laurie said when he approached the table. “How did you know we were here?”

He feigned surprise. “What kind of greeting is that?”

“I’ll get you a chair.” Kamal got up and dragged an empty chair over from another table. I suspected Kamal was nervous on my behalf, as he kept shooting questioning looks my way.

“Thank you, Kamal.” Beck took the chair and slid it in beside me. He smelled wonderful, and I had to fight my instinct to reach for him. To kiss him. And I was still so fucking confused.

“Um...what’s up?” I asked him.

Ignoring me, Beck gave Pippa his token grin across the table. “Hey, Red. Heard you’re on the nest. Congrats.”

“I am,” Pippa said. “On the nest.” She laughed, lifting her glass. “And drinking lemonade. Damn it.”

“Okay.” Laurie raised her hands. “Beck, what is going on? How did you know Pippa was pregnant? I didn’t tell you that.”

Beck leaned back in his chair, cracking his knuckles. His gaze slid to me. “So,” he said. “I told you I need to talk to you, Olsen.”

Kamal stood. “We should, uh...” He started to leave the table.

“Kamal!” Beck said. “Sit down. Keep your brain warm.”

Pausing, Kamal looked warily at Beck.

“Don’t worry,” Laurie said. “Beck only insults people when he’s in a good mood.”

Kamal shrugged. “Okay.” He sat back down.

Laurie was staring at Beck hard. She appeared slightly tense, expectant.

“Okay,” Beck said. “As I was saying. I wanted to talk to you, Olsen. But then I decided, fuck it. I’m only gonna do this once and why put it off. So since you were out here with Laurie. And everyone else. Well, you get the idea.”

“Do what once?” Townsend said. “Am I the only one that doesn’t know what the hell is going on?”

“Not the only one,” Pippa said, and stuffed a chicken tender into her mouth. “Can I keep eating while you do whatever this is, Beck?”

Beck smiled. “Sure.” He turned to his sister. “Laurie. This isn’t a big deal, so I don’t want any over reactions. I’m just gonna say it. I’m gay. I never told you. But I am. Always have been. And I’m telling you now. There. That’s done.”

Laurie stayed still, expression unchanged.

“Um.” Townsend raised a finger. “Gonna have to disagree with one point there, Beck.
Kind
of a big deal.”

Kamal widened his eyes at me. I shrugged.

“Okay?” Beck said, looking at his sister.

Laurie took a sip of her drink. “Okay. Yeah, Beck. Of course it’s okay.”

“Good. Now, back to Olsen.”

Suddenly Laurie sprang from her chair and pointed at me, a grin on her face. “I
knew
it! I fucking knew it! I suspected it when we were down the Cape but I knew it the other week when you asked me where Beck was. Olsen, you don’t
have
any friends that collect antiques. That was the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

Pippa snickered. “She’s right. Might have bought that coming from Kamal, but you? No.”

“Hey, ah, sis?” Beck wiggled his fingers at her. “Kind of stealing my fire here.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Laurie sat back down and pointed at me. “Later. You and me. Gonna have a conversation.”

I winced, then turned to Beck, who was looking at me with a smirk.

“Okay!” Beck clapped his hands once. “Olsen. I told you I’d never come out. That it was stupid and didn’t matter. But I’ve never been in love before.”

Laurie covered her mouth, sucking in a breath.

“But I’m in love with you, Olsen. Incurably. So with your permission, I’d like to come out and let everyone know. I want to be with you. I want to be real for you.”

“Um.” Townsend raised a finger again. “Didn’t you kind of do that backwards?”

“Babe, shut up!” Pippa said. “Not your moment.”

“Just saying. He didn’t ask permission
first
.”

“Fuck,” I said, the air leaking out of me. I was too surprised by Beck making this gesture to vocalize anything more eloquent in that moment.

Beck’s eyebrows rose. “Not...the sweet sound of validation I was hoping for.”

“Olsen,” Laurie said softly. “Do you love my brother?”

I laughed. “Fuck.”

“Said that already,” Beck muttered. “Bordering on awkward now.”

“Okay.” I laughed. I could actually feel the heat radiating from my face. I probably looked like a radioactive tomato. “Sorry. Yes. Laurie, I love your brother.” I turned to Beck. “You already know I do. And if you want to be with me, to be real for me, well, that’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

Beck leaned in and kissed me.

I heard Pippa whisper, “Oh my God.”

Beck eased back, and turned to Pippa. “Sorry to crash your pregnancy dinner.”

“Oh, no way,” she said. “Thank you. I’m never gonna forget this, trust me.”

Leaning in to me, Beck whispered, “Are you done eating? Took the big leap here but don’t really want to hang around.”

I nodded. “We’re gonna get going,” I announced, tossing some money on the table.

“You’re leaving?” Laurie said. “After that? We’re all like practically weeping here.”

“I’m not,” Townsend said. “No offense, Olsen. I’m really happy for you. Just not much of a crier.”

“No one has to cry, Jesus Christ, people.” Beck stood. He went over and gave his sister a hug. “You okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Are
you
okay?”

He smiled. “Better than ever.”

“Hey Olsen.” Kamal smiled at me. “How’d you bag him?”

“Hard work and dedication.”

Beck grinned at Kamal. “I didn’t make it easy.”

“Oh,” Kamal said. “What a shocker.”

“Bye!” Beck waved to the table. “Leaving now.”

“You can’t leave now!” Pippa said. “Not fair.”

I waved, and finally they all waved back. “Bye,” Laurie said. “Neither of you are off the hook, though.”

I followed Beck back across the patio and through the restaurant. When we got outside, he leaned against the wall and let out a deep breath. “Oh. My. God. I never have to do anything like that again, right?” he said. “That’s over?”

“You never have to do that again,” I said. “That’s it. You’re out. Unless of course you
want
to tell everyone else you know.”

Beck shook his head fast. “No.”

“Maybe call up your third grade teacher.”

“No. None of that.”

“Did you drive by the way? I rode in with your sister, so I’m kind of stranded.”

“Yeah, this way.” We started down the sidewalk together. “So you were okay with that?” Beck asked. “The way I did it? Not too much?”

“No, it was great. Quick and to the point. Like you. But also kind of epic. I wasn’t expecting it, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“I didn’t plan on it. I was gonna talk to you about it tonight then see if you were all right with me telling Laurie then plan a big thing and yadda yadda. Tonight was an impulse. I even walked out in the middle of a meeting to come here. It was very dramatic of me I think.”

“Very.”

“Wildly romantic, even. The way I marched in there and just took you away in front of everyone.”

I patted his shoulder. “Absolutely. Very Officer and a Gentleman.”

Beck grabbed me around the waist as we walked, snickering, rubbing his nose against my cheek. “Did you swoon?”

“I swooned. There was definitely swooning.”

“Did I give you the vapors? Did you almost faint?”

I laughed. “You are really proud of yourself right now, aren’t you?”

He tugged me closer and turned me toward him, kissing me hard on the mouth, hands coming up and tangling in my hair. When he pulled back, I stared at him. “Wow,” I whispered. “You really are out.”

“And I’m good at it,” he said. “Look over there, that old lady is giving us a dirty look. I think she’s gonna have a coronary. Isn’t that great?”

I laughed. “It’s supposed to be out and proud. Not out and let’s give old ladies coronaries for our own amusement.”

Beck’s mouth fell open. “It’s not? That’s the whole reason I wanted to do this!”

“Screw you.” I kissed him again, relishing his taste and letting his good mood wash over me. I’d expected that if this moment ever came, it would be agonizing on Beck. But he was acting like an excited kid again, the way he’d been the night we played pinball. This was only one version of the man I loved, but it was a version I particularly liked.

When the kiss broke, Beck waved me on and we continued until I spotted his car.

Beck glanced at me as he rounded it on the street. “Nothing else changes though, right? We can be madly in love and still not have to walk down the street holding hands or anything.”

“You just made out with me on the sidewalk.”

“That’s different. I don’t want to hold hands in public though. Too tacky.”

“I don’t care about holding hands,” I said. “Long as I get to handle your junk when we’re in private.”

Beck unlocked the doors, smiling. “Let’s go do that. I’ll show you my new junk. Then we can figure out a way to mess up my house.”

I nodded. “I’m a big fan of your particular brand of mess-making. Let’s go.”

We headed off to my boyfriend’s house. My boyfriend, the hot guy. The sweet guy. The crazy guy. The nurturing guy. The chaotic guy. The guy who’d turned my life upside down, broken it, and then put it back together again. It was perhaps a little lopsided now, had a few cracks where the glue showed through. But he’d gotten it done.

Sometimes, in order to achieve our goals, we have to change ourselves. Sometimes we have to change ourselves just to survive. We might worry that we’re becoming an entirely different person. But this is often what’s required to move on to the place we want to be.

If the goal is passion, the kind of passion that leads to love, you can pretty much guarantee that the journey is going to change you. But the one thing that never changes is the heart. And since the heart wants what the damn heart wants, be prepared to probably get the shit kicked out of you for a while to make it happen.

But if you can hold tight and white-knuckle the turbulence, it’s usually a worthwhile trip.

Because the destination is fucking fabulous.