Vision of Light [The Renegades 1] (18 page)

Aislan wanted to weep. Her vision told her the journey would end at the Light, and Victania lay enshrouded in the Light. She had spent most of her life chasing the vision of light in the forest of her dreams. She could not see Lucien, Narisse, or Victania harmoniously together, and she could not sort out the images mangling together in her head.

Having not slept much the night before, she eventually drifted off. Instead of her usual slipping into total oblivion, Aislan remained acutely alert, constantly aware of Lucien's presence as he embraced her with his aura of warmth. She registered his quiet, regulated breathing and the steady beat of his heart. Water dripped deep inside the cave and leaves rustled outside while bats flapped their wings and insects buzzed faintly. It disconcerted her to be aware of every little noise while trying to sleep. Was this how the world operated for Lucien? How could he deal with the overwhelming noises of everything around him? To sort through the confusion, Aislan focused solely on his heartbeat, letting every other sound fade into the background. She smiled, letting the steady rhythm lull her to sleep.

A long time later, she heard Lucien move. She immediately woke to see the sunlight outlining him from behind. Aislan blinked, and then realized they remained ensconced in the dark cave and his back was to the wall. As he stretched, she sat up, rubbed her eyes, and looked around the semi-darkness. Lucien stood, refastened his baldric, and pushed the strap of the small provision bag over his shoulder. Confused about where she thought she was, Aislan grasped the hand he extended, and he pulled her to her feet. His warm, strong touch reassured her. She weaved her fingers with his and held tight as he led the way out of the cave.

It looked to be late in the afternoon. Lucien let go of her hand as they continued walking, not speaking to her. Knowing she deserved his censure, Aislan waited quietly for him to scold her for her impetuousness, ready to tell him she would try to become less of a burden to him. He had done everything in his power to keep her safe. Her heart tugged in pain because she did not want to admit to what she could be feeling. Aislan could not give her heart to him, or to anyone.

Casually, he said, “It has been more than two days. I had to let the horses go to keep us hidden. I cannot spend time looking for them now, so we will walk."

"Lucien.” She touched his arm.

He turned to her, his silvery eyes expressionless but not cold, his face aloof. “You have to face the Court,” he said in a distant tone. “There is much to do to prepare you for that. Meanwhile, they will hunt you down and try to kill you. You have to cooperate with me until the day we face the king. Hopefully, you have a chance to prove your innocence and be pardoned."

He waited, but she did not know what he expected from her. Already knowing all this, she nodded. “I understand."

He kept looking at her, and then sighed. “If ‘tis still possible, I'll do my best to ensure you find a sorcery clan to train, though ‘twill be difficult because of how you acquired your power. Nevertheless, I'll look into this possibility. Just one more miraculous goal for me to achieve, but I'll figure that out somehow.” He smiled without amusement. “You take to flight too easily, Aislan, so keep in mind you cannot desert once you pledge. You will be bound for twenty-one years. Then again, because of your background and the late start you have, you will likely pledge to the clan the rest of your life. Do you understand this kind of commitment to whoever you go to for training?"

He talked as if he would not be in her future. “You will let me go?” Aislan felt a sharp pain and did not know what to think.

His face remained stony. “If you are pardoned by the king, you will be free to go anywhere you want.” He turned away, but she grabbed his arm.

"Lucien, I...” She sniffed back tears.

He spun around, and anger etched on his face. “Why do you cry now? ‘Tis what you wanted so badly that you nearly killed yourself running away."

Throwing her arms about his neck, she tried to reach him for a kiss, but he turned his head aside.

"No.” He took her wrists and pulled her arms off him, looking not the least bit interested. “We have quite a distance to travel. We may need to go in town and purchase new horses. First, you have to eat something."

Aislan followed behind, feeling wretched. Because of her, they had lost the horses. Briefly, they stopped by the river to freshen up and have a quick meal. They kept on the move after that. He did not walk fast, but he kept his strides long. At first, Aislan kept up easily because she had slept the past couple of days and had an extra surge of energy that gave her more stamina. After a while, she had to stop to catch her breath. He also stopped and stared at her placidly.

"Breathe deeply, in through your nose and out your mouth."

She stared at him, but he did not warm up. She obeyed.

"Like this.” He inhaled and exhaled loudly. “You do not have coordination. You will have to be noisy and more physical until you can do it without thinking. Do not breathe too rapidly. Now, slow down. Breathe properly. ‘Tis common sense anyway. If you intend to exert yourself, you should pace yourself accordingly. You should be fine now. Keep walking."

Aislan resolved to obey his every instruction. Lucien kept up a steady pace, not fast, but not slow, either.

"Regulate your breathing,” he reminded her occasionally, but he gave no further instruction. She began to wonder if she had been too eager to think he was training her. He had simply told her to breathe properly so she would not tire from her exertions.

They walked for hours until late in the night, stopping for another quick meal before they resumed walking. They both had rested for two days, so she imagined they probably would walk through the night. She kept up as his strides lengthened. Never faltering, he walked quickly with a quiet, agile energy she would like to achieve. She would have never been able to walk this fast before or even last this long. Somewhere along the way, she had acquired stamina, and she charted it to his having healed her several times. Aislan never had physical endurance, but everything took time, and she intended to do whatever it took to build strength and—

"Stop daydreaming and concentrate on every step and every breath you take."

Aislan knew he was deliberately being impossible. If this was training, she could only guess that he wanted her to give up before they even started. Well aware his anger still lingered from her running away, Aislan wanted to let him know how much she regretted her foolishness. She wished he would talk to her instead of treating her so coldly.

"Lucien.” The only way she could stop him was to hug the hard, unyielding muscles of his arm against her breasts. “Lucien, please."

"No.” He peeled her arms off his and took a couple of steps away from her. “No more wiles!"

"Please. You are unnecessarily cold to me."

He shook his head in disbelief. “Am I expected to
woo
you through this?"

"This? You mean—are you training me?"

Lucien visibly flinched at her words. “I am no longer allowed to train you. Anyhow, you would never last through the rigorous training required of you.” He waited as if expecting her to acknowledge something.

"What do you want me to do?” She wiped away her tears of confusion.

He looked frustrated, and then sighed. “Do you even understand the full extent of your predicament? Your future is in great doubt. You have a death decree over your head and a sorcery power acquired through an outcast sorceress. You spent your life preferring misery to adaptability. You refuse to adjust unless the conditions are ideal for you. You expect everything to be your way, on your terms. I can only give you a few words of advice, Aislan. In the end, only the fittest who adapts the quickest can survive. You have to adapt as quickly as possible."

His lecture came unexpected, and every word he uttered struck her hard. Aislan felt hot tears scald her eyes, and she struggled not to cry. How could he know her so well? All her life, she had been too busy living inside her head. She had rejected real life and all the people around her, refusing to conform to the expectations everyone had of her. She tried to sort through the myriad of patterns in her mind, to grasp onto an image that would tell her what to do next. Realizing what she had reverted to doing, Aislan immediately abandoned her visions. She had to start living in reality, and reality was Lucien standing in front of her.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do,” she promised.

Lucien would not allow himself to soften to her, this woman who had proven to be a handful. He could not understand her disregard for self-preservation despite her obvious will of steel.

In the past, Lucien had always made himself scarce when it came to women who required high maintenance. Because sex was easily available, he had felt no need to exert too much effort for female companionship. Except for sex, there had been no other reason to have a woman around. He had no choice with Aislan. As things stood, she would not live very long if left on her own. She had lived in isolation all her life, and now, he did not know what to do about her naivety and her lack of knowledge about practically almost everything. In so deep now, Lucien refused to have wrecked his life in vain. His goal was for her to come out of this alive. At the very least, he had to provide her with the means to take care of herself.

"First, we eat.” Bidding her to sit, he pulled out their rations. When he picked the best pieces and gave them to her, he realized he would not help matter if he continued to coddle her. During the first fourteen years of training, she would be treated like a slave, not a princess. Her life would be hard if she expected everyone else to pamper her.

Aislan had shown herself to be quite uncooperative. Lucien had endowed her with some energy that enabled her to have sustained stamina, but she could not stay focused long enough without constantly drifting off into whatever went on in her busy head. During regeneration, he had noted that she had the sight, but she had no control over what she saw in the tangled mess of images. He could not tell if those images derived from memories of the past, visions of the future, or even projections of her own dreams and imagination.

Lucien sighed, seeing no other way around this. Subtlety bounced right off her. If he had to spell everything out to her, then he would have to become her teacher. The thought made him want to groan aloud. He could not look at her without wanting her. How would he make it without having sex with her ever again?

No matter how much he lusted for her delectable body, the line defining the relationship between master and apprentice was a clear one. Lucien could skirt around it and make past actions excusable by reasoning he had slept with her before he trained her, but he would no longer touch her if their relationship shifted. She seemed to have dismissed this taboo in the same way she dismissed everything else, no doubt because it was not what she wanted. A teacher and student relationship was forbidden in all walks of life, but most especially in the Circle because of the lifelong ties of obligations and duties. Aislan had to learn fast that she simply could not do whatever she wanted without regard for consequences.

Aislan went to the river and took off her cloak. He watched warily when she adjusted her tunic about her slender body. His cock reared up at the prospect of looking at her naked splendor. If she stripped now to torment him, he would—
he would
—give in. No, he would control himself. Damn this woman who held him in throes of lust, who bewitched him with all the guiles of a royal courtesan.

At the thought
courtesan
, Lucien felt an immediate damper to his libido. His cock went flaccid and all thoughts of lust skidded to an abrupt halt.

More than six months ago, he had learned from his mother exactly who and what he was, the bastard son of a royal courtesan whose father could be any one of the ten men whom she serviced nearly three decades ago. She had refused to divulge the identity of his father, if she even knew.

Two of the men were the king and the
Sorsverein
.

Aislan did her best to wash herself. She had walked for many hours and had sweated despite the cool weather. In the face of Lucien's lack of interest, she did not have enough confidence to take off all her clothes and wade into the water.

Brushing her teeth with a soft twig, she then rinsed her mouth and washed her face. She could smell her armpits and fastidiously did her best to wipe herself clean. She saw no reason to go about stinking like a pig. Thinking about sex could get quite messy, and she dripped whenever Lucien came near, her thighs shamelessly sticky from her arousal. Aislan would have liked to be able to wash herself, but she could not imagine pulling down her braes to do so. She still had some dignity left, however very little. She glanced at Lucien, who sat leaning against a tree looking lost in his thought. He had always watched her as if she fascinated him. He found the branches more interesting now. She sighed.

She was not certain if he only pretended to be tired of her, or if he already had enough of her company. Knowing she could be trying and difficult, at times downright impossible, Aislan resolved to become a better person, to be more cooperative. She had to grow up, and now was as good a time as any.

Even as Aislan pondered her appeal and feared for her lack of it, Lucien got up and went to join her. Her heart raced and rose to her throat when he doffed his cloak. Getting down on one knee, he leaned over the water to wash up for the night. He looked at her once, but the silvery eyes did not warm to her. Ever since she met him, he had always sported a huge erection whenever she came near. Plainly, his ardor had cooled. She could see the bulge of his cock outlined beneath his braes, but it did not tent, as it was previously wont to whenever they came within sniffing distance of each other.

"You need to catch some sleep,” he said in a neutral tone. “We will have to walk for at least four days to reach Danier."