Vivid Temptation (Touched By You) (3 page)

Natalie felt empathy for the man. Although he’d brought it on himself, still he was sad, and it pulled at her heart strings. “It wasn’t the money, you know. It’s just that you never seemed to care about us. You left us. That hurts, and I don’t think it will ever go away. Then the first contact you make is to ask for handouts.”

Nicolas frowned. “Yes, that was bad.”

Natalie was hardly sure where to take the conversation. It was difficult to fill in so much lost time, and get to know a father that had been missing most of her life. “Can I ask you something else? And I know this is a tough question. It’s just that I’m trying to understand. I’d like to understand.”

“What?”

“Knowing you had two daughters, how could you live your life and never wonder how we were? Why? Didn’t you care?” Natalie had said what she’d been thinking for so long, and it felt good, though it hurt.

“I don’t know that you will like my answer.”

“I need to hear it.”

“I’ve thought about it, you know, especially recently. I’m alone. I haven’t made much of a life for myself. And I’ve thought what it might have been like if I’d stayed. What if I had been a part of your life and Jazzy’s? As it is, I have no family. I have no one.

“And I had to face the truth. I was too afraid to face the additional responsibility raising a family entailed. It was too much for me. I couldn’t envision taking on the duty of raising two daughters.”

Natalie was stung by his response. The truth was what she’d asked for, yet it was a bitter pill to swallow. Her own father had been willing to leave his daughters to whatever fate life would deal them to avoid being responsible. Though harsh, she could see it was the reason Nicolas has escaped fatherhood.

“I feel sorry for you. You are the one that really missed out.”

“I know,” Nicolas said. “And over the years I had regrets. But then it was too late. Or I felt it was too late. Plus I don’t think I would have made a good father.”

“You are a father,” Natalie said. “And what makes a good father is love. If you love your children, they will know it. That’s everything. Most other things can be forgiven, worked through.”

Nicolas was quiet. Whether he understood the concept was questionable, but that didn’t stop Natalie. Now that she could finally talk about it, she was going to. “I missed you. And Jazzy did too. Other little girls we knew had fathers. You might think it didn’t matter because we had Emma. But it did matter. A lot.

“You abandoned us. As a child I was sure it had something to do with us, or me. Why didn’t you love us, care about us? It’s tough emotionally to deal with that.

“And now you are here. But, you’re right, it’s too late. It’s really too late to make it all okay. But it helps me to understand, at least a little. And I’m grown up now. I’m a married woman creating a family of my own.

“Any damage is already done. I don’t need a father; that time has passed. But I didn’t want to live the rest of my life with all that uncertainty, confused about why you left.”

Nicolas shifted from one foot to the other, clearly at a loss for words.

“Anyway…father,” Natalie said tentatively, “I appreciate you meeting with me today, and being willing to talk with me. It was helpful.”

They made their way back down to street level and said goodbye. Natalie was glad she’d talked to Nicolas. It had been the right thing to do. He’d have to spend Christmas alone, because there was no way she’d include him in the family circle. Not with Emma there. But she’d see him again; she knew she would.

Natalie decided that singing classic songs of the season was the way to spend Christmas Eve. Tanner wasn’t so sure, but since his wife seemed excited about it, he went along. Caroling started at five that evening in the Dickens-like neighborhood of downtown Manhattan under the arch in Washington Square Park. A brass quartet accompanied the singers, and complimentary songbooks were distributed, so there was no need to have all the words of the favorites memorized.

Dressed like a woman out of a Dickens novel, Natalie wore her dark wool Marc Jacobs, vintage coat with fur collar, matching fur hat, and black leather boots. Tanner sported a goose-down parka with fur-lined hood. It was cold outside. Singing along with the group, able to see their breath in the chilly air, Tanner and Natalie pressed next to each other for extra warmth. The large group of carolers belted out the songs in the spirit of Christmas.

By the time they were done, Natalie was half frozen but couldn’t stop grinning and giggling. “I need to take you out more often,” Tanner kidded, hustling her to the warmth of the limo. The driver took them to Ai
Fiori, where they had dinner reservations. The driver served as bodyguard since Andre was out of town.

Sara had taken Andre to meet her parents in Montana, and they’d be away over Christmas. When Sara had asked for the time off, it was granted immediately. Not only did she have vacation due, but both Tanner and Natalie were happy to hear the relationship with Andre was progressing. Meeting her family had to be a big step.

The restaurant served the chef’s modern interpretations of cuisines from both the Italian and French Riviera. The waiter was skilled at describing each dish. Natalie could clearly imagine it and almost taste the food, which made her selection easier. They ordered butternut squash soup followed by Atlantic halibut, apple puree, and Brussels sprouts. The food was special and the service excellent.

Tanner was pleased with their notable wine list, and chose a
Viognier from Condrieu, a region of France he believed produced the best of that varietal. He commented on the exotic floral and fruit aroma as he took a sip.

Natalie examined the bright golden yellow color, and swirled her wine before drinking. “I think it smells like a mixture of grass and violets.”

Tanner smiled. “I’ll make a wine connoisseur out of you yet.”

Dessert was
Ligurian olive-oil cake, a light cake made with the Ligurian, which was more delicate and buttery than other Italian oils. They finished with espresso, lingering to enjoy the evening and relax together. Natalie was never one to keep secrets, and though the holiday might not be the best time, she revealed that she’d reunited with Nicolas.

“Why?” Tanner didn’t seem upset like she thought he might be.

“It bothered me. I couldn’t go the rest of my life not speaking to him again, just wondering.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you planned to see him?”

“I was afraid you’d talk me out of it. I was hesitant at best, and if you’d voiced disapproval, the chances were I wouldn’t have done it.”

“I would have cautioned against it. He’s not a responsible fellow, you know.”

“Yes, I guess that’s what it is all about after all. He admitted to me that he couldn’t be responsible for children. That’s the bottom line. Sad, though.”

“It is sad. He could have had so much more out of life. He would have had Emma, and you and Jazzy.”

“He wouldn’t now be sitting alone at Christmas,” Natalie said. “But as bad as I feel for him and even though I’ve forgiven him for abandoning me…I can’t include him in the family. It would devastate my mother, I’m sure.”

“Likely it would. You know I support you in your decisions. I just don’t want you hurt more than you already are. But let me know if you plan to continue the relationship.”

“I will. I think I will see him again. He is my father, after all. But we will never be close like we could have been.”

“No, I imagine not.”

Tanner didn’t press the issue, and seemed satisfied that Natalie was dealing with it so well. He had nothing against Nicolas personally. He just didn’t want his wife upset, or Emma. As long as Nicolas behaved, he wouldn’t interfere. One thing he knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, was that he would never abandon a child of his own. It was unconscionable.

After dinner, they went home and snuggled in front of the fireplace in their bedroom. Watching the flames lap at the wood and feeling the warmth was relaxing and romantic. Tanner served some dessert wine and they sipped and talked until late in the evening. Wrapped in her husband’s arms, Natalie felt impossible love for him. Her love only grew by the day.

When Tanner kissed her deeply and ran his hands down her back and over her hips, she melted in his arms. Kissing him back and feeling his hard chest under her palms, Natalie ached for him, desire flooding through her. Lovemaking was long and slow; erotically romantic and intimate. It was the best way she could imagine spending Christmas Eve.

Christmas was always special, but even more so now that Asher was part of the family. He’d be with them permanently because the adoption had come through. Jazzy was thrilled, but to her credit, kept the showering of gifts on her new son to a minimum.

Jazzy wanted Asher to value the correct things in life, and put love of family before material things. He was allowed to receive gifts as they all did, but not expensive ones, despite the wealth of his aunt and uncle. Toy trucks were allowed. High-tech computers for children were not.

Natalie was pleased to be an aunt, especially to such an adorable boy. And she observed that Tanner took on the role of uncle effortlessly. Emma had gone to dinner and then church with Martha on the eve of the holiday. On Christmas Day they picked her up, and went to
Jazzy’s home to celebrate.

Apparently Santa had been there the night before, and Asher was scooting toy cars around the polished wood floors when they arrived. The shyness he’d exhibited months before had long since vanished, especially around his grandmother and favorite aunt and uncle. Seeing them enter, he lost interest in the toys and ran to greet them.

He wore corduroy pants and a red sweater. His dark hair was combed neatly, which likely wouldn’t last long, and his dark brown eyes were alive with excitement. Emma opened her arms and he flew into them. She hugged him. “Asher, hello. I see you got toys already.”

“Santa was here. He found me. Momma said he knew I moved.” Pulling on Emma’s hand, he led her over to take a closer look at the new cars. “Come, Aunt Natty…Tanner.” He wanted everyone to follow to see.

“Hey, where’s my hug?” Natalie pouted. A beaming Asher flew into her arms and she whirled him around, making him giggle.

When she set him on his feet, Asher went to Tanner. “Hey, buddy.” Tanner lifted him high in the air and made a smooth swoop like an airplane, then put him back on his feet.

Asher plopped to the floor and grabbed one of the treasured cars. “Look, Gramma, look.” Emma sat in a chair nearby and gave him her undivided attention.

Jazzy came from the kitchen and hugged everyone. She had her hair up in a loose ponytail and wore a ruffled apron. “Come help me,” she said to Natalie. “I’m making some snacks for us to eat while we open gifts.”

Ellis was in the kitchen making preparations for the Christmas dinner. He shook hands with Tanner and gave Natalie a big hug. “I hope you don’t mind a French flair to your meal. It’s what I do best.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Natalie said.

“I’m hungry already,” Tanner said, which was probably true, because they hadn’t taken time to eat breakfast.

The Christmas tree was decorated in colorful, glittering decorations and strings of lights. Across the room was the stone fireplace with stockings hung from the mantel. Jazzy had planned Christmas at her house. It was Asher’s first, so she decided he should be comfortable and feel at home. The last thing she wanted was for the holiday to be a big, overwhelming event for him.

“He’s done so well at adjusting,” Natalie said. “But then with you as his mother, how could he not?”

“And Ellis.”
With a smile, Jazzy rubbed her hand across her husband’s shoulder. He looked up from his food preparation, his pale blue eyes shining.

“Well, Asher is having a good time out there with Mom. I’m so glad he doesn’t seem to have any lasting issues,” Natalie said.

“Wait until you see what we got him for Christmas,” Tanner chimed in.

“I hope it’s not expensive.” Jazzy wagged a finger at him, smiling.

“No, never. When do we open gifts?” Tanner grinned.

“How old are you?” Jazzy laughed.

Asher was soon in the kitchen asking the same question. “Can we open now, Momma, pleeeease?” He was jumping up and down, doing a little dance of excitement.

“Okay,” Jazzy said. “Let’s go.”

Ellis handed out the gifts one by one, with two to Asher for one to the others. Despite the budgetary restraint imposed by his mother, he got many presents. It was delightful to watch his enthusiasm over opening each one. Then he’d start playing with it, forgetting there were others to open.

The new basketball he got from Tanner became a favorite immediately, and he coerced the men outside to play with him at the child-sized hoop that came with it. Tanner was outside for quite some time, but Ellis was back in the kitchen overseeing preparations for the evening meal.

When at last Asher came inside, he was exuberant. “I beat him, Momma. I beat Uncle Tanner.”

Tanner shrug
ged. “He’s a tough opponent.”

Natalie sat and talked with Emma, sipping eggnog. Later, she helped Jazzy in the kitchen. Ellis had the main course in hand, and dinner was served in the dining room early in the evening. It could only be described as a Christmas feast. The table was set with white linen, sterling silver, and white china.