Authors: Lily Paradis
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Copyright © 2015 by Lily Paradis
In Association with Empire Books
Published by Lily Paradis and Elia Sayre
Cover Design by Sarah Hansen of
Editing by Katie Molloy of Indra Editing
Proofreading by Jovana Shirley of
Print and eBook Design by
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products, bands, and/or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
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For anyone who can’t let go of their Jesse.
“My will is mine... I shall not make it soft for you.”
I hate love triangles. I swore I would never write one. You might hate them too. But I wrote this book for myself. It was far more cathartic for me to write than it’ll ever be for you to read. That's why I'm not changing anything to make it more appealing, or understandable to the masses, because that wouldn't do justice to Tate or myself. If you want to understand this book, you’ll have to work for it. You’ll have to think. You’ll have to let go of what you want. I'm not going to trim it up neatly and put it into a genre box so it can be ripped apart when it doesn't exactly fit.
I’m not going to give you a bubbly, insanely likeable main character. Traditionally, when male narrators are unlikeable, they’re considered edgy, romantic, and endlessly alluring. When a female narrator is the same way, she’s just deemed a bitch. We all have our quirks, and it just so happens that Tate McKenna is stranger than most. It was difficult to make her relatable even through her actions, and I hope I succeeded even in a small way. If you don’t like her at all, I don’t blame you.
I thought long and hard about not publishing this book at all, because this book is my horcrux. It is a piece of my soul in ink and paper.
What happens in this book isn’t exactly a “love triangle” to me, but it may seem that way to you. That’s the funny thing about perception. I will never be able to experience the words the way you will, and you’ll never see them the way I do.
Regardless, I hope you see something of yourself in them. It’s not meant to be just a story. It’s meant to make you reflect. I wish I could write something universal, but that’s just not possible. I hope that even if you don’t like it, you still feel it. Even a tiny, shred of a feeling would do.
I like to do everything deliberately. If you’re asking a question, that’s valid. I want you to ask it. If there’s a reason it’s not answered, it’s meant to make you think. Everything in this book is done intentionally so that the events unfold in the right way. If anything feels wrong to you, it means it is so right for this book, and that's how I want it to feel.
If you’ve never heard of the iceberg theory, I encourage you to look it up. Essentially, there’s always more below the surface than what you see. I love finding meaning in the smallest things. I wrote
There will be people who get it and what that means in
. They’re going to get it, and it’s going to be like a hammer to the chest. If you’re one of those, I want you to email me, and I want to hear about your self-reflection. I want to hear about your Jesse.
If just one person this and feels the catharsis I felt while writing about anything in their life, maybe not even a Jesse or a Hayden, then that’s why this book exists, and that’s why I chose to share it with you.