Voyeur Extraordinaire (17 page)

There was a fine line between falling in lust and falling in love, and I’d crossed it willingly – had practically smashed it like a lovesick Hulk, because deep down I’d really thought things between Adrian and me would be different, that I’d be different from all the women he’d had before.

I'd been stupid and naïve. Silly, stupid, naïve Nora.

And I couldn’t even blame Adrian, at least not for the meaningless sex part. He’d never given any indication that I was more to him than a fling. He’d pointedly ignored
Giovanne’s question if I would visit the restaurant again.

I wished I could have blamed it on the wine. I wished I could say that if I hadn't drunk an entire bottle of it, I would have been clever enough to decline Adrian's suggestion to go up to his apartment. But I’d promised myself last night that I was done lying to myself. I’d been intoxicated by Adrian, not by the wine. I’d wanted him. I’d wanted to
be the one to capture his heart. God, all those fucking Hollywood romances must have gotten to my head if I’d actually believed I could convince Adrian of a monogamous life with me of all people.

Adrian.

I don't do virgins.

The words echoed in my head over and over again, tearing at me, hurting me. I'd been so stupid.
So very, very stupid. I'd thought I could change him, could change his antics, could make him care for me. And now I was just another notch on his belt. Just another woman who'd spread her legs for him. Just another one of his whores.

I choked back a sob but I couldn't stop the tears from falling and soaking the pillow. Something warm and furry pressed itself against my cheek, and a teary smile curved my lips. I turned my head slightly and found Bruno curled up on the pillow next to me, his brown eyes gazing at me. He wasn't really allowed to be on my pillow, especially since this was Amy's guest-bed, but I decid
ed to let him get away with it.

I untangled my hand from the blankets and wiped the tears off my face. I made another promise right then: I wouldn’t cry over Adrian ever again.

I stroked Bruno’s head gently and he closed his eyes and let out a little snuffle; a sign that he enjoyed the attention he was receiving. I needed to thank Jared and Amy for keeping an eye on him last night, and for taking care of me. It was mortifying to think that I'd told them everything. Even if Jared had pretended to be immersed in his newspaper for my sake, I knew he’d heard every word I’d said. And even if he hadn’t, I was pretty sure Amy told him everything. They were that kind of couple.

Maybe I could at least blame my
oversharing on the wine; I'd have never told them about the most horrible evening of my life in such detail if I’d been completely sober, but I wasn’t even sure if that was the truth. I’d wanted to confide in Amy. But now, I wasn't sure if I could ever face them again,
especially
Amy. She'd warned me against going on a date with Adrian, had practically begged me to tell Adrian about my inexperience, and I'd ignored everything she'd said. If I’d at least told him about my virginity, he would have dumped my sorry ass before banging me against the wall.

I swung my legs out of the sofa bed, startling Bruno. He jumped to the ground with a reproachful face. My eyes drifted over to the front door. Maybe I could sneak out of the apartment without their notice, and then I could move out of my apartment, leave New York and return to my parents. I could already imagine what my mother would say. She’d always been against me moving to New York. I staggered to my feet and took a step toward the door,
then I stopped. No. I was done being pathetic. I was not going to run away from my life or Amy. Not because of Adrian. Not because of anyone. I’d done that once before.

A knock made me tense, thinking it was coming from the front door and Adrian had returned, but then the bedroom door swung open and Amy’s head peered around the corner. When she saw I was awake and up, she came into the room. She frowned. “Were you about to leave?” She put her hands on her hips.

“No, not anymore.”

Amy gave me a puzzled look,
then nodded toward the kitchen corner. “Let’s make breakfast. I need carbs and coffee.”

People always mistook Amy for a health fanatic who banned fat, carbs and everything tasty from her diet because she was vegan. Those people should try her coconut-banana pancakes.

She was whipping them up as I sat at the kitchen table, sipping her delicious coffee. She bustled around the kitchen, humming under her breath. She opened a cupboard, took out two plates, then kicked the door shut with her bare foot. She was wearing a baby-blue satin camisole and matching tiny shorts, but her hair was all over the place. She’d cut it recently into a sharp bob that reached her chin. She gave me a smile as she loaded out plates with pancakes, then topped them with coconut whipped cream and maple syrup. Their sweet smell filled me up and I let out a sigh. She put a plate down in front of me and balanced the other on her knees, her legs pulled up against her body. Her fork hovered inches above the pancakes, her eyes glued to me. “You probably don’t want me to ask how you feel?”

I shrugged and pushed a massive chunk of pancake into my mouth. I chewed slowly before I replied. “I won’t say I’m fine because that’s not true. But I will be fine eventually.” I was glad she hadn’t mentioned my puffy eyes. They were a pretty good indicator for my mood.

“Yes, you will. What about Leon?” She slipped a piece of pancake into her mouth. “Oh, mhhh. I’ve outdone myself.”

“What about Leon?”

She wriggled her bare toes. “Well, we need to find someone who will make your second and third and fourth and all the following times as good as they can get.”

I dropped my fork. It clanked against the plate,
then landed on the table top, sprinkling it with whipped cream and syrup. “No, absolutely not.”

“What? You don’t even know what I was going
to say,” Amy said indignantly.

I rolled my eyes and picked up the fork I’d dropped, then took a napkin and wiped away the syrup off the
table top. “I know
you.
”

Bruno walked over to Amy, then rolled on his back and let out a low snore. Amy began petting him with a bare foot. “I just think you need a little help moving on from Adrian.” She got up and fetched us both a glass of orange juice. “I know you said it meant nothing but we both know that’s not true.”

I stared down at the remains of my pancakes and the syrup pooling around it, suddenly not hungry anymore. “I don’t want to move on. At least, not like that. I don’t want to go looking for a new guy to break my heart.”

“Oh Nora,” Amy said quietly. Shit, why did I have to say Adrian had broken my heart?

I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about this, about Adrian anymore. I just want to pretend last night never happened. Can we do that?”

Amy nodded. “Of course. But if you ever feel like talking about it or men again, tell me.”

“Don’t worry. There’s no one else I could talk to anyway.”

“So Janet has discovered her passion for jackfruit. She’s introduced three new dishes with jackfruit in them. And they all taste perfect. It’s scary how close her jackfruit jerky and her shredded jackfruit come to tasting like actual meat. I don’t think people would even realize there wasn’t shredded chicken in their tacos if
we weren’t a vegan restaurant. You have to come for lunch soon and taste it!”

I gave Amy a grateful smile. Only she could change the topic that smoothly and entertainingly. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer. Shredded pork and chicken tacos are something I’ve been really missing since I stopped eating meat.”

She smiled widely at me, then stuffed more pancake into her mouth before she began to chatter about a few of her odd customers in the restaurant. I took a few bites from my pancake as well, laughing occasionally about something she told me. Bruno was too focused on the food to pay much attention to us, though Amy was still patting him. He would choose food over women any time.

Having Amy act so normally, like a true friend, showed me once again that I couldn’t run away from her and Jared, and my life. I didn’t enjoy working in the bar, but I liked Leon and Mona, and I actually kind of liked living in New York even if I was constantly broke. And then there were Amy and Jared. They meant so much to
me, especially Amy, and I would not lose her because I'd been stupid enough to sleep with Adrian.

I wondered what he was doing now. Probably laughing his ass off because I'd spread my legs for him. Or maybe he was disgusted because he'd slept with a little, stupid virgin. And tonight he would likely take the next woman into his bed and bang her. In a few days he would have forgotten about me completely. I wished I could say the same about me, but I would never be able to forget what had happened. I'd given him a part of me. I wasn’t someone who attached great importance to her hymen, but it would certainly have been nice to do the deed with a somewhat decent guy. Instead I’d fallen for the epitome of a bad boy. I would never again be able to roll my eyes at a protagonist who fell in love with the bad boy in a book. I was that girl now.

I let out a small sigh, causing Amy to stop talking and look at me.

“I think I'll spend a few days in Harrington. I'm missing my parents and I haven’t been home in a while,” I told her, trying not to let my inner turmoil show. Even though it was a spontaneous decision to go home for a few day
s, I knew it was the right one.

Amy’s expression turned worried. “You're not thinking about moving back in with your parents, are you?”

I shook my head. “No, not anymore. There was a brief moment of panic last night when I considered it, but not anymore. I want to be a writer and New York is publishing central.” Not that it was doing me much good…

She regarded me closely for a moment before a relieved smile broke out on her face. “Good. I wouldn't have enjoyed coming to Harrington to kidnap you and drag you back to New York with me, if you'd chosen to move back.”

I couldn’t help but grin at her. Amy had that effect on people, and especially me. I didn’t doubt for a second that she would have come to my parents’ house to give me a tongue-lashing.

“Will you take Bruno with you?”

I nodded, glancing at my little pug; he was sleeping on his side, his hind legs twitching as if he was dreaming about running. “Yes. I'll just have to call my boss later because I'm supposed to work the next few days, and then I'll leave as soon as possible.” Jack would be royally pissed that I bailed on him, but I needed a change of scenery. But he wouldn’t fire me. I doubted he’d easily find someone else for the job. Who was keen on working minimum wage plus meager tips and get their butts touched on a daily basis?

Amy grabbed my hand. “Promise me you’ll have fun. Promise me you won’t dwell on that night. Promise me you won’t think about that asshole for one second, don’t even give him that much of your time. Just forget about him. He's not worth it. You'll find a nice, caring guy. You’re too good not to.”

I didn't say anything but I forced a smile. It would be hard enough not to think about Adrian every waking moment of the day. Until I wouldn’t think about him at all anymore, that would take a long, long time. I put down my fork. “I think I need to get home and take a shower. I’ll wash your pajamas and bring them to you before I leave.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I rose and winced from the soreness between my legs.

Amy noticed of course. “Maybe you should take some pain killers,” she suggested gently.

I shook my head. “No, I want to be reminded of my stupidity as long as possible, then I won't do something like that again.”

Amy's forehead creased in concern but she didn't argue with me.

She stood as well and gave me a smile. “And really you can keep my pajamas for as long as you want. Gives me a reason to go shopping.”

I shook my head with a little grin and picked Bruno up from the floor. Amy followed me toward the d
oor.

“Thank you, Amy. For everything,” I whispered and hugged her briefly, eliciting a yelp of protest from Bru
no who was squeezed between us.

Amy shook her head. “Any time.” Then she huffed. “Well, I hope you won’t meet anymore
jerkfaces like that guy.” She pulled back. “But I mean it, Nora. You can come to me with anything.”

“I know,” I said, pushing down the door handle. “Please tell Jared thanks from me. The poor guy has been hiding in the bedroom all morning because of me. Don’t deny it.”

Amy smirked. “He’ll survive. He’s got his iPad and is probably playing Tetris.”

I laughed. “Save him from himself then,” I said, then walked out, waving her good-bye as I crossed the corridor toward my apartment.

When I unlocked the door, I thought I caught the scent of Adrian's aftershave. I shook my head in annoyance and pushed the door open. I set Bruno down, threw my red dress onto the ground and headed for the phone to call the bar. After the twentieth ring, Leon picked up. I flushed, when I remembered Amy’s suggestion, then shook it off. “Hi Leon, it’s me Nora. I need to visit my parents for a few days. Can you tell Jack that I can’t come to work the next three days?”

Leon laughed. “He’s in his office. You could tell him yourself.” His tone was joking and light.