Waking Up With You (2 page)

I try to remonstrate with Charlie one last time. “But he’s not in love with me. Just like you, he thinks of me as a little sister. It won’t be a real marriage.” I sob, torn between my brother’s wishes and the last remnants of my deflated pride.

“I understand. But you’re young and, all this time, I’ve been by your side. It’s going to be different when I’m gone. Someone has to be there for you, Em. You need family, and Jake is family in almost every sense of the word.” He turns his face away as if he is dangerously close to being overcome with grief and he doesn’t want me to witness that.

I wipe my tears with the back of my hand, like a child. I straighten my shoulders and grasp Charlie’s hand. He turns to me again with a questioning look. “You know why you lost so much time? Because of me,” I say through my bittersweet smile. “You never even got married or had children. You were too busy taking care of me, trying to make ends meet.”

“That’s not true. I just never met anyone special enough.”

I know Charlie is dissembling, ever the loving brother to the end. Everything he’s just said makes sense, but a small part of me resists the idea because it’s like admitting I don’t have the strength to make it on my own. I make up my mind to give in to him, though, for it is worth it to see him happy, if only for the little time he has left.

“You’re right, Charlie. I’ll do whatever you say. It’s time for me to grow up,” I say with false bravery.

He looks at me tenderly, and asks, “You promise?”

I imagine my smile makes him feel better, and I utter the words he wants to hear. “I promise.” I move to hug his gaunt frame so tightly, while my heart breaks into a million pieces.

Tears unwillingly slide down my cheeks as I stifle my remembrance of the past. I reflect on how arbitrary fate is, taking the life of someone in his prime. Bitterness once again threatens to engulf me.
Do I really have any choice at this point?

Jake moves close to me. He then clasps my right hand and puts his mouth close to my ear, whispering, “You’ll be alright, Em.” His potent male scent pervades my senses. I raise my chin to look into his disturbingly attractive face, and wordlessly incline my head in assent.

We saunter back into the office in comfortable silence. We then stand in a corner, waiting for our turn to be called.

I think about how other women would gladly exchange places with me. A wealthy, good-looking man is voluntarily committing himself to me, an average-looking, penniless woman, in the name of honor and friendship. And he wants nothing in return. Why shouldn’t I just say yes and be grateful? Why am I even questioning the wisdom of such a move?

“Jacob Philip Morgan and Emma Louise Gilmore,” the clerk shouts out, distracting me from my train of thought.

Jake stands up and extends a hand. “Are you with me?”

I let out a long exhale, nod in agreement, and give my hand to Jake. We approach the clerk and she ushers us into the commissioner’s chambers.

The Commissioner of Civil Marriage pronounces us husband and wife in a ceremony that lasts no more than ten minutes. There is now a platinum band with a half circle of round brilliant diamonds on my fourth finger. After the usual pronouncement at the end, Jake kisses me on the cheek in an affectionate way, like a brother would a sister. I’m surprised at the disappointment I feel.
Am I really expecting more?

We sign the papers, the staff congratulate us and, for good measure, throw a handful of confetti our way. Jake smiles while he lightly brushes the glitter off my white lace dress with his hands.

He quickly registers that color has returned to my cheeks. “You’re no longer pale, and there’s now a bit of a sparkle in your brown eyes,” he murmurs teasingly.

“Thanks,” I reply dryly. He’s right, though. I’m definitely in better spirits.

I also help Jake with the scattered glitter on his clothing, quietly admiring how well he carries himself in his expensive, tailor-made suit. As always, I’m struck by his sophisticated good looks, his coal black hair, icy blue eyes, and chiseled features. He is so effortlessly urbane in the way he moves and behaves.
Will everyone be asking the inevitable question of what he sees in me?

Just then, one of the staff asks, “Would you like me to take your picture?” I glance at Jake and he nods, handing the lady his cell phone. I don’t have the time to pose, but the photograph isn’t bad. Jake is looking straight at the camera and I seem to be looking up at him in a wistful way. I’m not sure how that came to be, but this is our only memento of the occasion.
A newly-wed couple
. I realize with a pang that the tag will be attached to us for at least a number of months. How ironic that we were bound, supposedly for life, in a rite that did not even reach a quarter of an hour.

Just last week, my best friend, Paige, was questioning my sanity for even considering the idea of marriage. And now it’s over.
I’m married.
I want to say it out loud, as if doing so will somehow make the situation less surreal but, of course, I stop myself, knowing how that would result in some curious stares from passers-by.

“Paige, I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I say, peeved at Paige’s constant prying.

“You’re crazy to even think about the idea seriously. Why, Emma?” she asks, her voice soft with solicitude. “Are you really going through with it?”

“Yes! I promised Charlie and I intend to keep that promise,” I say firmly. “I didn’t lie to my brother, Paige. He took care of me. He made the major decisions for the two of us. I’m convinced he thought this through. It wasn’t a whimsical request. He really thought that a marriage between Jake and myself would work out.” My brow furrows as I consider the future.

Paige stands and throws up her hands in dismay. “I can’t believe you! Yes, Charlie wanted what he thought was best for you. But, that’s just it. Only you know what’s best for you,” she shouts, her chin set in a stubborn line.

Paige sits on the couch next to me. “I can’t bear it that you’re in this situation. I know Charlie meant well. Jake is an upstanding man You’ve had a giant crush on him for ages. But this whole thing is crazy. You should have a choice,” she insists.

“But, I do have one. I choose to honor my word,” I slowly say, emphasizing every word. “Paige,” I close my hand over my friend’s and continue with determination. “I will not break my promise to Charlie. This is going to be a marriage of convenience. Both Jake and I know that. ” I try to depict an ease that I don’t necessarily feel. “I’m not deluding myself that this will be forever. Right now, we’re both in mourning, but when it’s time to move on, I will need Jake by my side. Do you get that?” I silently plead with Paige.

“Doesn’t Jake have a girlfriend?” Paige inquires.

“I don’t know,” I reply doubtfully.

“Well, are you going to sleep with him?” she asks, deciding to push me one more time.

“Paige! No. This arrangement is nothing like that. Sure, the thought has crossed my mind, but I don’t think Jake will want to make things complicated that way. I’m sure he thinks of me as the kid sister – nothing more. Besides, with his money and looks, he has the pick of all the beautiful women in the city, so why should he even want to go to bed with someone who looks like me?” I ask pointedly.

“I don’t know why you always do that to yourself. Throw your insecurities out the window, for God’s sake!” she orders me. Paige gives me a sly look. “But, you know what I get from all of what you just said? You’re not against the idea of sleeping with him,” Paige announces dryly, wanting to ease my discomfort. I redden and mischievously fling a throw-pillow in her direction. We both burst out laughing.

“Paige, Charlie explained it all to me before …” My sentence trails off as I remember my brother. Paige touches my hand in sympathy.

“He said,” I continue in a small voice, “that it makes perfect sense for us to get married. Let’s face it, any woman married to Jake would resent his playing protector to me, as well as providing me with financial support. Charlie wanted Jake in my life. That’s how much he trusted him.”

“But that’s just it. Your brother was asking you to surrender your freedom. It’s like he was saying you’ll never be capable of making decisions on your own, or even making a living to support yourself,” Paige argues heatedly.

“Paige, please, just stop. Charlie was a great brother. Honestly, everything he said made sense, and Jake’s on board with it as well,” I say in a tired voice.

I know Paige wants to scream at me that I’m not seeing the big picture. I know she wants to counter with a number of arguments, but she also understands that any more unsolicited advice will just create trouble in our friendship.

“Em, I love you. I just want you to carefully weigh your options. That’s all.” She shakes her head. “Are you sure you don’t want me by your side at the ceremony?”

“Thanks, Paige but Jake’s gonna be by himself and I don’t want to give him the impression that I need someone else to hold my hand.”

She moves much closer to me on the sofa. I enfold her tightly in my arms, and we stay that way for a long time, each one of us absorbed in our individual thoughts.

As Jake and I make our way to the parking lot, I have the urge to call Paige and let her know that the ceremony is over.

“Jake, may I borrow your phone?” I timidly ask. “I’d like to call Paige.”

He hands his cell phone to me without hesitation and I dial Paige’s number. After a few rings, it goes to voicemail and I end the call without leaving a message.

“Thanks,” I say to Jake, and give him back his phone.

“Didn’t you want to leave a message?” he inquires curiously.

“Not really. I’ll be able to catch up with her later, I’m sure.”

As he put his cell phone into his pocket, it starts to buzz. He looks at the caller ID and his forehead creases slightly. He ignores the ringing and puts it back into his pocket. I look oddly at him and say, “Unknown caller?”

“Something like that,” he replies briefly, his eyes avoiding mine. I say nothing, though I know he’s being evasive. We reach Jake’s sleek black BMW 650i Gran Coupe, and he courteously opens the door for me to get in. He eases himself into the driver’s seat and then reaches out to open the glove compartment. He hands me a rectangular, robin’s egg colored box. I stare at him, not knowing what to say.

“It’s just a small wedding present, Emma. Don’t fuss,” he mumbles.

“But I don’t have anything for you. I didn’t think…” I stammer in embarrassment.

He gives an audible sigh, like I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

“Do you want me to open it now?” I ask shyly.

“Of course. Why not?” he replies.

I carefully unfurl the white satin ribbon and open the box. Inside is the most exquisite bracelet, with marquise diamonds forming flower petals all around. It is so breathtakingly beautiful that I remain motionless as I continue to gaze at the dazzling thing before me.

“I… uhm…this is…why would…” I babble like a fool. His gesture is beyond my comprehension.

“If it’s not your style, I can easily replace it,” he says.

“Jake, please don’t be offended. It’s the most wonderful and expensive thing I’ve ever received in my life! But you shouldn’t give me anything like this. It’s just too much,” I protest in a gentle tone.

“Emma, it’s just a little token. Don’t see too much into it. I can afford it. Besides, we saved a lot of money by doing away with the grand wedding and reception,” he says with a smile, in an effort to put my mind at ease.

Though I want to say more, I merely touch his hand lightly and whisper, “Thank you.”

He starts the engine as soon as he buckles up and maneuvers the sleek car around the lot till he reaches the exit.

Traffic on the I-5 moves at a snail’s pace. Jake doesn’t seem to feel the need to indulge in petty conversation to while away the time as we’re stuck in traffic. I, on the other hand, don’t find any solace in the silence. I open my tiny purse several times, looking for something to keep busy with. I’ve accidentally put my cell phone in the luggage, which is stored in Jake’s trunk, so I have nothing but a lip gloss, driver’s license, and a few dollar bills. I absently play with the window controls on my side.

“Are you okay?” Jake asks with a frown. “Or are you simply so bored you have to take it out on the car?”

“I’m sorry, “ I say sheepishly. “You’re so quiet, and it’s making me nervous,” I add in complete honesty.
Why are men so touchy about their cars?

“God, Emma,” he bursts out with some amount of exasperation. “I didn’t think that it was necessary to amuse you with empty talk.”

“You don’t have to be mean. It just feels strange to me. We’re a newly-married couple who have nothing to say to one another right after the wedding.”His insensitivity hurts.

“I’m a jerk, I’m sorry,” he lightly touches my knee. The gesture mollifies me, but also makes me a tad ill at ease.

“So what would you like to talk about?” he asks me.

“Never mind.”

“Emma, I’m seriously asking you.” His tone is placating.

“Alright then, I’d like to work for you.”

“Whoa! Where did that come from? You’re my wife. I’d never be able to focus at the office if you were around all the time.”

“Jake, will you please stop joking around. I’m serious about this.”

“So am I. Husbands and wives do not work together.”

“That is so 19
^th
century. Besides, we’re not really husband and wife,” I smilingly retort.

His brows pull together in an affronted frown. “But, we are.”

“Yes, but you know what I mean.”

“Just because we don’t sleep together doesn’t make it any less true.” His words make me blush. I don’t exactly understand what he means, but at least now I know he has no intention of sharing a bed with me. I’m not sure if I feel relieved.

“Okay, then I’m working for someone else,” I finally say.

“Emma, are you trying to start a fight on our wedding day?” he asks jokingly.

“Jake, how on earth am I going to earn any money?”