Walk Beside Me (Walk Series) (7 page)

I call Tessa’s phone over and over but know exactly what’ll happen. No answer. I picture her on the front steps the day I left her after our one night together and want to vomit. It seems like it takes hours to get to Will’s home. I pull up to their home and see several cars and trucks parked around. I don’t even think about my looks when I step out of my truck or how well dressed I am. I just need to tell Tessa everything.

After several knocks on the door, Will finally answers the door with Tommie right behind him.

“I need Tessa please.”

“Not tonight, Finn. We’re enjoying a family dinner with friends and neighbors.”

“Please, Will. You don’t understand.”

He doesn’t listen to anything I say and begins to shut the door. Tommie’s hand stops him just in time.

“I think it would be good for Finn to talk to Tess.”

Will shoots Tommie a sideways questioning look.

“I promise I won’t start any drama and if I upset Tessa I’ll leave immediately, but I think she’ll really want to hear what I have to say.”

Tommie’s grip tightens on the door now pulling it open for me and when I step in I’m blown away to see several people. A cheerful Christmas song fills the air with several delicious smells, and I finally notice Tommie and Will are wearing costumes. Their holiday cheer oozes off of them and for the first time this Christmas season I finally feel jolly. I know the road ahead of us will be long and hard, but it’s one I’m destined to be on forever.

Tommie wraps me in her arms before I can move any further into the room. Standing on her tiptoes she whispers into my ear. “Thank you for coming for her, Finn. Please, choose her.”

I hug Tommie with everything I have. “I have chosen her, Tommie. I love her and haven’t been the same without her for these past months. I’ll never leave her again. She’s my forever.”

Tommie steps back still holding both of my hands. “I believe you, Finn, go make her a happy woman.”

My eyes begin to search the crowd for her and only land on stranger after stranger. I spot a few friendly faces but not the one I want. Caught in the middle of the living room and still searching the crowd I spot Tommie and she mouths, “Check her bedroom.”

I’m respectful but anxious as hell to get to Tessa, so I try not to push or throw any elbows as I pass through the crowd. I finally make it to the hallway and instantly become scared shitless full of nerves. What if she doesn’t want me or worse, what if she’s gone? Racking my brain, I try to remember if I saw her truck out front. My hand freezes on the cold metal of the door know to room when I realize her truck was gone.

Digging up enough courage, I open the door to her room and find it dark with only her night lamp on sitting on her nightstand. Below the only light in the room are pictures of us from the summer. They’re in the same place as last time. Just that little glimpse of us gives me enough hope to believe that I missed her out in the house somewhere. Maybe grabbing another pie from the fridge in the garage? Turning to leave, something on her bed catches my attention. Several envelopes lay fanned out with her handwriting decorating each one of them.

Walking closer, I see my name written on one of them. When I open it up, the first line stops me in my tracks. She’s gone. The first line of the letter says so. Lost in the rest of the letter, I finally let go of all my grief from losing Granddaddy and Tessa. All of the hurt that’s built up inside me boils over. My fists ache again to hurt someone again at the realization that everything and everyone I’ve ever loved with my whole being are gone now.

Each word of her letter tears me apart with their brutal honesty. She’s scared, just from her words I can detect the agony she’s going back and forth on. My eyes land on the other letters on the bed. She’s written to everyone who matters to her even our baby. When I spot Tommie’s letter my heart breaks for her, clearly she has no idea her sister has left.

“Finn.”

A new sliver of light dances into the room. When I look up, my eyes meet Tessa’s stepping out of the bathroom.

“Tessa?” I can only imagine I’m dreaming her image in front of me.

“Finn, what are you doing in my room.”

Finn collapses to his knees beside my bed with his letter still in his hands.

“I thought you were gone.” His words are a silent echo in the room.

“I’m leaving tomorrow, but that doesn’t answer why you’re here, Finn.”

“Kara isn’t pregnant.” Finn stands to his feet and tries to step closer to me. “Well, she’s pregnant, but it’s not mine.”

“Finn, what are you talking about?”

“I never slept with her.” Finn’s hands begin to tremble. “It was all a lie. I mean I thought I did, but I guess I passed out.”

“But she’s pregnant,” I rebut.

“Yes, with my father’s baby. It was all a trap.”

His words shut me up. I find it hard to breathe, let alone begin to comprehend. I mean I know how it happens, but really how did that happen?

“You proposed to her, Finn. There are pictures everywhere.” My voice is shaky, but I force it to be as steady as possible. “Please, leave.”

Finn’s face instantly turns to rage. His trembling shakes vanish and he stands before me very pissed off.

“It’s all fucking lies, Tessa.” This time Finn roars his words at me.

“Finn, I’m done with all of this.” My hands fly out to around me pointing to everything possibly fucked up in the universe. “I’m done trying to win you. I’m leaving tomorrow. I made a decision not to answer your calls because we are over.”

Still on his knees, Finn tries to pull me into him. “Tess, please, just listen to me.”

“Don’t touch me, Finn. You have no idea how bad you’ve hurt me.” I turn with no more thought of Finn and walk back into the bathroom.

The sounds of Finn’s hollers and words fill the room and echo very clearly in the bathroom. He’s in pain. I try to take a minute to truly soak up every single one of his words, but deep down in my gut I know it’s too late for us. Too many harmful actions and words have been thrown to ever save us.

Pounding on the bathroom door begins while all of Finn’s pleas swirl around me. I can’t stand to see the man in pain. I’ve fought like hell over these last weeks to put him out of my life as much as possible. I’ve loved him since the first time I laid eyes on him.

“Tess, just fucking listen to me, please.” One final pound hits the door and I heard his body slide down the length of it as I can only imagine he’s sitting in a pile on the floor. “I shouldn’t have left you. I’m sorry and know I can’t take any of it back, but you hurt me when you left me. I’m human I guess I had to hurt you back.”

His words stop and the sound of his sobs now fill the room. His words hurt me, and I know they’ve just crushed him as he finally admitted how badly we’ve both fucked up. I could stay in this nasty cycle or I could jump off now and never look back. I have to choose to never look back.

Opening the door I was exactly spot on. Finn was leaning against the door and when I drew it open he sat up a bit but didn’t move or look up. I gather the letters from the bed and toss them in the trash since the one person I wanted to read them has and knows why.

There are just a few more questions I have to ask Finn before I can put this all behind me and move on. Kneeling down on my knees before him I gently place both of my palms on his knees. It takes several moments to pass before he looks up at me.

“You never proposed?” Finn shakes his head from side to side. “But there are pictures all over Instagram of the two of you.

“Show me, Tessa,” he pleads. “I never proposed and I never slept with her. I’m here for you. I choose you, but it’s clear I’m too late.”

I process each one of his words and like a puzzle everything fits perfectly. I knew there was something fishy about Kara’s pictures. Very few of them actually had Finn’s face in them. There would be just random objects that resembled Finn.

It.

Was.

All.

A.

Lie.

“Tessa, please say something. I mean anything.” Finn’s large hands squeeze mine causing pain to shoot up the length of my arms. “Talk to me even if it’s the words I don’t want to hear. We can’t do this any longer.”

“I am leaving tomorrow,” finally leaves my mouth.

Finn doesn’t respond and it’s a stalemate between the two of us as we rise to a standing position mere feet away staring at each other in the very dimmed lit bedroom. After several silent minutes pass by the bedroom light is flipped on and we’re joined with Tommie.

“Sorry, guys, just making sure you found each other,” she says stepping back into the hallway.

“Wait, Tommie.” My voice sounds shaky. “I need to say something.”

The room falls absolutely piercing silent once again as Finn and Tommie stare back at me this time. Neither of them prompt me to go on with my speech rather they simply give me the time I need to process everything.

“I just told Finn that I’m going to leave tomorrow.” Finn’s beautiful eyes finally realize the words spoken between us have been shared with someone else cementing their reality and harsh truth. “I’m leaving everything behind me that’s happened over the last year and want to start new. I want to be with Finn but not in the crazy fucked-up turmoil we’ve been living for months.”

“What?” Finn stutters out. “I’m completely confused.”

I step closer to Finn, grabbing both of his hands. “I’ve been confused for months now and have even found myself hating life again. But the one thing that I do know is true is that I love you and we have to leave the old us behind. So, I’m leaving the hateful, jealous, and insecure Tess behind. I just want to be with you.”

“You’re staying.” Finn drops his head to mine closing his eyes shut tight. “You’re staying.”

I’m not sure if he’s asking a question or just reconfirming my words to him.

“Finn, I’m staying with you, but we have some stuff to work out and we have to leave the past in the past. Never throw it in my face that I left you and I’ll never speak of Kara or your father again.”

Tears are now streaming down his face. “You’re staying.”

He repeats the two words over and over while falling back down to his knees hugging our future. I look up to see a weeping Tommie watching the whole scene.

“Tommie, I think you need to sit down because Finn has something to tell you.”

I listen as Finn retells the story this time even with more detail. Some of it I could have done without, it was downright gut wrenching to hear the specifics of how far his father and Kara went to ruin my life.

“Come out and enjoy everything Will has done for Christmas Eve?”

Tommie doesn’t judge nor ask any further questions, she just wants her family together for the holidays.

“We’ll be out in a minute, sis.”

Tommie walks out of the room turning back to smile at me before she closes the door. The happiness covering her face is contagious, and I know she only took all the positive meaning from Finn’s message.

Making my way over to the trashcan I snag the letter to our baby. “Here I’d like you to read this one and keep it please. I’m scared to become a mother, Finn.”

I hand him the letter for our baby. It was written at a time when I wasn’t sure if I could ever be a mom or was even worthy of the title. I want Finn to read it and keep it. He needs to know my greatest fears, joys, and accomplishments. I guess it’s my way of showing him that I want him in my life.

“Tessa?”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Looking up at his pained face, I reply, “Yes.”

“Does this mean you’re staying?”

I grab his hand, placing my hand on his stubbled cheek. “Only if you walk beside me forever.”

“Tess.” Finn reaches in his pocket. “Never mind I want to save this for later.”

I grab his hand and lead him straight out into the chaotic mess Will has created. Just like a proud child I parade him around the house to all the company. We easily fall into laughing, cuddling, and eating. It seems so easy to fall right back into Finn’s arms, but I’d be an idiot to think this is going to be easy. However, the one thing I do know is that I’ll work my ass to stay by his side forever.

It’s like a moment has never passed us by and I’ve been by his side these past months. Finn never takes his hand away from my belly the whole night and I even catch glimpses of him tearing up staring down at it. I remind him several times that it’s okay, and every time he brushes my belly and shows affection towards me I understand how Will makes Tommie feel.

By the time the crowd leaves, baby Emma is wide awake for her midnight feeding. Will and Tommie take Finn back in as easily as I do, and I know it’s their very own Christmas miracle playing out in front of them. Will passes his bundle of joy over to Finn, and I watch as he carefully handles the little bundle. I will away any signs of tears and just enjoy the moment.

Finn begins to tell Will the whole story, but Will stops him and explains that none of it matters.

“If Tess is happy and you can get that damn girl to have an ultrasound I’m a happy camper.”

I roll my eyes at his obsessive-compulsive behaviors that shine through in any situation. While Finn only agrees with a handshake then a bro hug to follow the two men are best of buds again. Will and Tommie leave us alone in the living room. The house is tidied up to its best considering the amount of people who were just here a mere hour ago.

We are left standing in front of the Christmas tree. When Tommie left the large family room she flipped off all the lights except for the Christmas lights.

“I bought you a gift, Finn.”

“You did?” He asks.

Going behind the tree, I grab the large silver package that I wrapped for him days before. I saw it in a store and instantly knew that it was perfect for him.

“I can’t,” he says.

“What do you mean?”

“Granddaddy Jimmy only let the women open gifts up on Christmas Eve it was one of his favorite traditions.” Finn pulls me into him. “After my mom passed no one on the ranch opened gifts on Christmas Eve.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his chest.

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Finn rests his chin on the top of my head. “I feel like I’m cheating the tradition being so happy in this moment with you.”

“This is real, right, Finn? Not a dream. I’m still afraid the universe doesn’t want us together no matter how hard we try.”

“It’s real, baby, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

“Finn, you have to read the letter to the baby and understand how scared I was.”

I immediately feel the warmth of Finn’s body leave mine. He sinks to his knees, grabbing back into his pocket, and I watch silently as he pulls out a beautiful ruby ring.

“The night Granddaddy passed he asked me to join him on the porch.” Finn has tears running down his face that he doesn’t stop to wipe away. “He told me to give this ring to you the day you came back and to never stop loving you, Tess. Granddaddy made me promise no matter how hard or messy the situation that I fight for you, Tessa. He knew. He knew it all. This was his true love’s ring and now I give it to you. Tess-uh, will you marry me?”

Sinking to my knees finding eye level with Finn, I can barely say yes before my lips attack his. It’s been far too long since they’ve met and in this moment on Christmas Eve, I vow not only to marry the man but to make sure I find his lips everyday and kiss away each of my worries knowing he’s by my side.

Finn has me spread out on the ground below the tree and in moments he begins devouring me from head to toe. His lips create a blazing hot trail leaving me only wanting him more and more. When he carefully covers my body, makes eye contact, and connects us as one, it is at that moment I find myself finally believing in fairytales.