Walking on Sunshine: A Sweet Love Story (Seasons of Love Book 1) (10 page)

Richard turned back to look at me, the porch light surrounding the two of us like our own little island in the dark. “I'm glad you got an extra set of hands. He seems protective of Ben. I can appreciate that, and Ben seems to like him too. But if you think I will help pay for this Cee character, you are fucking wrong.”

And there was the man I learned to despise, always about the money.

“I better get back to Ginger. She's been waiting up for me,” Richard said as he walked out of the light and to his car. The mention of his other woman jogged me out of my memories.

I gave a half-hearted wave goodbye, turning out the porch light and heading inside. Closing the door, I pulled myself up the stairs. I was emotionally drained. I needed to see Ben, to know he was all right. I went into his room to see Cee tucking him in. Carefully, I made my way towards Ben, avoiding the strewn about lacrosse sticks. He definitely needed to clean up his room tomorrow, but for tonight I just wanted to give him a kiss and tuck him in bed like I always did.

“I love you,” I murmured to him as I bent over to kiss his forehead. He closed his eyes and snuggled into his pillow, already most of the way back to dreamland.

I smoothed his hair one last time before following Cee out of the bedroom. He gently shut the door behind us. I rested against the hallway wall and wiped away a tear that trickled down my cheek. I couldn't contain it any longer.

A warm arm wrapped its way around me, and I leaned into it. It provided a comfort that I needed so greatly. Tears streamed down my face, and my shoulders shook with each breath I took. The pit that had been growing in my stomach finally swallowed me whole. I could no longer hold back the pain. His arm flexed and pulled me into his chest. I buried my face in his shirt and sobbed. I felt foolish letting my emotions out like that in front of him, in front of anyone. I normally waited for when I was in bed alone before I broke down.

This added comfort of having him, though, it made me feel better. I wasn’t forced to hold my misery in and share it with a pillow. I sobbed, letting the ache soothe itself against his strong chest.

After a few minutes with his strong arms wrapped around me, I was all cried out. I stayed against his chest enjoying the warmth and security it gave as I sniffed and searched for the calm after the storm. I never wanted to move from his grasp. I was safe here, in his arms. It didn't hurt when I was with him.

I concentrated on the way his chest expanded with each breath he took in, his arms as they gently rubbed my back in comfort, and his breath as it tickled my cheek. I wanted to feel him move beneath me, feel his skin rub against mine and absorb his warmth like a sponge.

I wanted more. I wanted him.

I took a step back from his grasp, shocked at my own thought. I was crying a moment ago, and now I wanted sex.

No. It wasn't right.
I wiped my eyes and noticed my fingers covered in mascara.
Great, I probably look as awful as I feel
.

With a big sniffle, I tried to control my runny nose and debated what to do next. As I stood there, torn between crying and lust, a laugh escaped my lips. I was embarrassed, for the situation and from my emotions. I covered my mouth to hold in the laughter, but it didn't work. Cee looked at me confused, and cocked his head to the side.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“Just that I don’t pay you enough for this job. You're probably used to a four-year-old girl crying over a scraped knee, not a full grown woman breaking down.” The laugh threatened to turn into a sob again.

“It's okay,” he cooed. “At least with the four-year-old, I can give them some candy to make them happy. I don’t really know how to make a grown woman feel better.”

“Wine.” I said with an exasperated chuckle, wiping at a fresh set of tears on my cheeks.

“Let's go get you a glass, then.” His hands went to my shoulders, as his eyes evaluated me for a moment before letting me go completely. “You go sit down and I'll get it. Just relax.”

I followed him down the stairs until I collapsed onto the couch and watched as the particles of dust floated in the air, dancing in the rays of lamplight and paused TV. I wanted to stay like this forever, not moving, not thinking, just watching the dust. Dust didn't have children aching for their fathers. Dust didn't have ridiculously attractive men bringing them wine who were barely old enough to drink it themselves. Dust had it easy.

“I can’t find the wine. Looks like you have some whiskey, though. Would that work for you?” Cee called from the kitchen. I reluctantly left the world of dust. I couldn't have stayed there anyway.

“Sure,” I called back, my voice thick and broken from crying.

Cee came over with a tumbler and a bottle of whiskey. I watched as he poured me a couple fingers worth. He handed me the cup and set the bottle on the table. I sipped it greedily, feeling the warmth go into straight to my belly. I let out a breath that I had been holding on to for hours, and I allowed myself to relax, the muscles relaxing one by one until I was finally at ease. Cee watched me with careful eyes.

“You know what would make this better?” I asked, closing my eyes and focusing on the taste of the whiskey.

“What?”

“You having a bit too. It's so depressing to drink alone, especially after a night like this.”

“Are you sure?” His voice was deep and soothing. “I try to keep business and personal life separate.”

“Let me check with your boss.” I looked up at the ceiling and nodded my head. “She said it was fine.” I winked at him.

Cee rolled his eyes, and went to grab his own glass from the kitchen. He sat back down on the couch and poured a small amount into his. It wasn’t much more than a sip, but at least I didn’t feel alone.

“What are you watching?” I asked as Cee took a tiny sip from his glass. The TV was on pause. There were two women yelling at each other, and two girls in ballet outfits standing near by.

“Oh, nothing,” he said quickly. Too quickly. I grabbed the remote before he had a chance and hit the info button.

“Is this what I think it's?” I looked at him shocked. “You’re the one who has been watching my reality show? I thought it was the TV being strange again.”

He looked at me a bit ashamed. His cheeks reddened and carried the color up to his ears.

“Yes,” he bashfully admitted. “I put it on because there was nothing else to watch, and then I got sucked in to it. It is like a car crash, you just can’t look away.”

I chuckled, reveling in the discovery. “It is kind of addicting. Especially when all the moms are fighting about what outfit their daughter should wear or how the judges screwed their kids over in scoring. I see you have almost caught up to where I am.”

“I have a little bit left on this episode. Do you want to finish it with me?”

“I'd like that,” I answered truthfully. “I'm not quite ready to be alone tonight, and some stupid reality TV sounds pretty good right now.”

He settled into the couch a little bit more, his leg bumping up against mine. I could feel the low warmth of his body heat through my skirt. It was enough to make me hate that I didn't have on a shorter dress. I wanted to feel his skin against my own.

Shaving on a daily basis must start occurring,
I thought.

“Here is to one of the weirdest nights of my life being a nanny,” he cheered, lifting his glass into the air. Cee paused to look at me, and I felt like I was getting absorbed into his intense violet eyes as they cut right into my soul. I was naked underneath his gaze. Exposed. I knew he could see how tangled up and confused I was inside.

Not only about my son, but about how he made me feel as well.

As quick as that premonition, came it was gone. Instead, I was just some silly woman staring into the eyes of my babysitter.

“Cheers,” I replied meekly, clinking my glass against his.

He sipped, and then frowned, looking into his glass. “I’m sorry that I didn't realize he was your ex-husband and let him into the house. I hope I didn’t step out of bounds.”

“No, not at all,” I finally replied, glancing away from him. “Richard has a bark much bigger than his bite.”

The way he was looking at me made me nervous, so to distract myself I ran my fingers through my hair to pull it up into a bun. The motion made my leg drift closer to his, and I tensed. I tried to distract myself from my leg quivering, but it was hard with him so close. My body was responding in ways my brain wasn't prepared to even consider. He was the nanny, not a potential suitor. I pulled my hair hard.

“I'm glad to know you are so protective of my son, and thanks for being his best friend,” I added, feeling a bit lame.

“It's my pleasure,” he replied. For a moment, it seemed like he might say something more, but then instead he just nodded toward the remote. “Do you want to hit play, or do you want me to do it?”

I flashed him a smile and hit play. At least, I knew that despite it all, I didn't have to watch bad TV alone.

I
moaned as the incessant beeping from my phone pulled me from my heavy sleep. My eyes adjusted slowly to the morning light streaming in from the window. I focused on my brown living room table. My head was clouded with sleep and it took me a moment to realize I was on my couch. I had dozed off and never made it to my room.

After my head had finally cleared, I sat up and saw that my pillow was Cee’s leg. What was worse was I had left a huge drool spot on it. My mouth dropped open. I was mortified. I really was a four-year-old girl.

I sat up as I felt Cee stirring beneath me. He fell asleep sitting on the couch just like me, his head resting on the top of the couch cushion and his arms stretched out along the back. His hair illuminated by the morning sun, the bright red highlights like warm fire. I watched his eyelashes flutter under his mussed hair. I quickly tried to fix my own hair and wipe off the remaining drool before he fully awakened.

“Oh man, what happened?” he asked, rubbing his neck. His voice was heavy with sleep, but in a way that made me warm.

“I think we fell asleep last night on the couch,” I said as I straightened the top of my disheveled dress. I could already feel the blush threatening to overwhelm me.

“Oh wow, I'm sorry, I didn’t realize I was that tired. I should have left earlier.” He raised his arms above his head letting out a small grunt. “But I see you made yourself quite comfortable,” he commented as he straightened out his pants, making the drool spot more noticeable.

“That’s embarrassing. I'm so sorry. When I'm really tired I tend to drool a lot,” I said, looking down to hide my humiliated face. He always seemed to catch me at my worst.

He chuckled. “It's okay. I'm glad I was a comfortable pillow. I wouldn’t look nearly as good as you do if I had fallen asleep on someone’s lap.” He stood up slowly working out his leg muscles. I straightened up beside him and stretched out my back, hearing a  pop.

He looked at his watch.

“I'm going to run home real quick and shower. I'll see you in a little bit.” He reached over and gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. I was surprised how soft his lips were. It was something that I had been longing for, ever since I started having those naughty dreams. He abruptly became rigid, realizing what he just did.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you. Again. I... I really need a cup of coffee.” He turned away before I could see his face and quickly ran out the door.

I stood there motionless unsure of how to react. That was out of nowhere. Or was it? My mind started to buzz with everything it could mean. Did he have feelings for me, or was it just an accident? If he did mean to do it, would that mean something would start between us? Did I actually want something to start between us?

I had no idea and I knew that I needed a shower and a coffee before I thought about it at all.

***

A
s I slipped into the shower, my hand immediately went between my legs. I needed release...

––––––––

C
ee wraps his hands around me, his hands gripping my sides as we kiss. He leans down, those violet eyes staying open as we make out. Suddenly, he's got a handful of shampoo, washing the tangles out of my hair...

––––––––

I
jerked myself out of my fantasy. After sleeping on the floor, I'd need extra time to brush all these tangles out of my hair. I sighed as I quickly washed and rinsed my hair, then hopped out. Release would have to wait until I had a little private time this evening, maybe with the vibrator again.

I stared at my face in the mirror. Even after I thought I had washed my face, eyeliner and mascara ringed my eyes and I looked like a punk rocker three days after a concert. I even had a dried drool spot left on the right side of my face. Hot stuff.

If only Cee had been in the shower with me
, I thought.
He would have told me that my face was a mess. Or cleaned it up for me...

How could Cee think I looked even remotely close to good? I attacked my hair with a brush, ignoring the protest of my scalp whenever I hit a new knot. After I was satisfied that my hair wasn't a complete mess, I headed back downstairs to see Ben sitting at the counter eating his cereal.

“Morning, honey,” I said, pouring a cup of coffee. I had never been more thankful for an automatic brewer. “You just get up?”

“Yeah,” Ben answered, focusing on his cereal. I let out a slow sigh of relief. He hadn't seen me sleeping on Cee's lap. I had no idea how I would explain that away to him.

I grabbed a power bar and started to eat it greedily. My stomach was happy to have something in it. I looked at my watch and it was almost eight o’clock. I hoped Cee would be back soon. I started pacing back and forth, hoping that our falling asleep last night hadn’t made him run away. I knew how much this job meant to him, and how he treated it so professionally. Plus, he meant so much to Ben. Each second that ticked by on the clock felt like hours. I kept looking out the door.

Finally, his car pulled up and he jumped out. Even though he only had a few minutes to shower, he looked like he stepped out of a surfing magazine. His hair was still damp, but styled as he jogged up. He had put on a tank that allowed me to count his abs and had his signature board shorts on. I hastily looked away, not wanting to be caught staring. I had to get my mind on other things, like work, or shoes, or anything. My lower extremities were reminding me how long it was since the last time I had sex.