Wanderlust (12 page)

She was so depressed about leaving him that as they dressed for the last time, lingering in the enormous marble bathroom that they shared, having just made love in the bath before they dressed, she could barely speak, thinking of what it would be like saying good-bye to him. And then suddenly, as she thought of it, the dam suddenly broke, and she began sobbing as she looked at him.

Darling, don't ' don't do this ' . He was beyond pressing her anymore. He had begged her to come with him, and she had remained firm in insisting she could not. It would have been cruel to continue pushing her, and he had promised not to do it again. I'll come to San Francisco as soon as I can. As soon as I finish in Peking. I'll come directly by ship. He was holding her in his arms, and she was sobbing uncontrollably. She had given herself to this man, and now she couldn't bear to leave him again. She belonged with him. Every fiber of her being shrieked at the thought of leaving him, and yet she knew she must. She had absolutely no choice. Her arms were around his neck and it was a long time before she regained control again.

Charles helped her into her dress, and watched her fasten her pearls, and her earrings and put on her big straw hat, and he wanted to stop time as he looked at her. It was the dearest moment of his life, and he noticed that Audrey hadn't touched her camera in two days. This wasn't something one could record, it was a time filled with feelings, and aching desires fulfilled at last. It was a time neither of them would ever forget, and they were both somber as they checked out of the hotel, and watched their things being put in the gondola outside. She turned back to look up at the hotel once and then she looked sadly at him.

I never want to come back here again, Charles.

Why not? He looked shocked. Had he misinterpreted how she felt? He couldn't have ' .

It could never be as beautiful as this again. I want to remember it just as it is now ' in my mind her eyes filled with tears and he took her hand in my heart ' . She looked up at him with her eyes swimming in tears and he held her close and helped her into the gondola. He dreaded what it would be like saying good-bye to her. He doubted if he could stem his own tears. It choked him just thinking of it. They sat huddled together like two lost souls on their way to the station, and he took her to the train, as she was scheduled to leave first, by half an hour. He watched the porter settle her things, and he stood in her private compartment with her. There was nothing left to say, except promises that neither of them could keep. He had his work and she had her family, and they loved each other in a way that few people did. They each knew that as the time finally came, and he stood holding her, tears rolling slowly down their cheeks and their eyes closed as they kissed.

He was the first to pull away. He couldn't bear it anymore. I love you, Aud. I always, always will. He wanted to ask her again to come to Istanbul with him, but he didn't dare ask her again. It wasn't fair to either of them to push anymore. It was time to say good-bye. It had to be faced. But it was the most painful thing that had happened to him since the loss of Sean, and he wasn't sure he would be able to bear losing her, except that he had no choice.

I love you with all my heart, she whispered to him. Take care of yourself ' keep safe ' . She clung to him for a last moment, and then he hurried from the compartment and down the corridor, down the few steps and ran back to her window again. She opened it and leaned down, and he kissed her again, and they both smiled. See you after Peking ' . But she didn't even like to think of it ' by his own admission it would be several months ' maybe even six ' he had no idea how long he would be tied up in China. His deadline was at year end, but with the hostilities with the Japanese he had no idea what he would find once he was there.

I'll write to you, Aud. It was a promise he had never made to anyone else, and he intended to keep it with her. But he stood looking at her then, wanting to ask her just once more, to go to Istanbul with him. But he didn't say the words. He kissed her once more, and then turned and hurried away before he no longer could. He couldn't have borne one of those painful scenes, standing on the platform as she pulled away. He went to his own train to wait, and twenty minutes later, he heard her train grinding slowly away, as he closed his eyes and winced, like a man facing a firing squad. He put his hand over his eyes, and lay back against the seat, thinking about her. And the images he saw in his mind's eye were so real that he could almost feel her in the compartment with him, smell her perfume, hear her voice ' .

You can open your eyes now, Charles. He almost jumped out of his skin, as he dropped his hand and opened his eyes to look at her. She was standing only two feet away, smiling at him, as a porter stood juggling her bags with a look of dismay.

What ' my ' for chrissake, Audrey! You almost gave me a heart attack! He was shouting as he jumped to his feet but he swept her off her feet and into his arms, giving an alarming whoop as he did, and kissing her so hard she thought he would push her teeth down her throat. What in hell are you doing here?

I thought I'd come to Istanbul with you. She had made up her mind as he walked away. She knew she couldn't leave him yet. It wasn't time. And she could make it back to London in time to sail on the Mauretania on the fourteenth, if there were no major delays. And if there were, she would catch the next ship home after that. All she knew was that she had to be with him, no matter what. Does the invitation still stand? She was beaming at him now, and he desperately wanted a drink to soothe his frayed nerves.

I think it might. He looked down at her ruefully, and then pulled her close to him again as the porter closed the door and left them alone. I never want to be without you again, Aud ' or at least not for a long, long time ' like the rest of my life. He smiled.

Is that a proposal? She looked stunned.

Of a sort. I can't imagine living without you again, Aud.

She felt the same way about him. But one of them would have had to give up everything. She her family, or he his career. And she couldn't imagine either of them giving up what they loved. I don't think it's time to worry about that yet. Maybe we should just enjoy what we have. She was a wise woman, and she had made up her mind. She knew she had to be with him. And she intended to be. To Istanbul, certainly. And perhaps beyond. That remained to be seen.

They spent the night making love on their way to Austria, and when Audrey awoke the next morning, she had tousled hair and wide eyes. For a moment she had forgotten where she was going with him, and then suddenly it all came back to her, as they ground to a slow halt and she peeked out the window over Charles's shoulder, and saw the sleek blue and gold train on the other side of the platform waiting for them. The marking on the side said COMPAGNIE INTERNATIONALE DES WAGONS-LITS ET DES GRANDS EXPRESS and suddenly Audrey was wide-eyed as she looked at it. This was the train she had read so much about, for so many years. Her grandfather had even told her about it. He had taken it years before. And there were photographs of it in her father's albums too, and now suddenly here she was, staring out at it, in all its splendor, waiting to discover its mysteries.

Charles ' look ' . She poked him like a child and he stirred sleepily and looked up at her with a lazy smile.

Good morning, love. He ran a hand caressingly over her behind and she smiled at him, but she was far more interested in the scene outside. Even at that hour, there were fascinating people boarding the train. Men who looked like bankers and women who looked like concubines or movie stars or presidents' wives. There was a woman draped in silver fox, and another carrying an armload of sables despite the warm September air. There were men in pin-striped suits and homburgs, with heavy gold watch chains stretched across their stomachs, as though holding them in. She was fascinated, and she reached across Charlie distractedly, groping for something just beyond him, as he looked at her, amused at her excitement over what he jokingly referred to as a mere train.

Are you crazy? she intoned, outraged, as she found what she had been looking for. It was her Leica, and she focused it immediately on the scene outside. That's the Orient Express out there, not just a train for heaven's sake. He laughed at her, took the camera out of her hands when she had had a chance to take at least half a roll of film, and set it down gingerly before pinning her down beneath his long graceful limbs and looking down at her hungrily.

Is this why you came with me? Just to take photographs? He was teasing her and she was laughing up at him.

Damn right. What did you think I came here for? He was kissing her by then, and they were both laughing, as he kissed her again and again, and then slowly the laughter faded and gently at first, and then passionately after a time, he made love to her, and she arched her back with pleasure as he teased and taunted her and then brought her to the place she instinctively sought in his arms, and when they lay peacefully in each other's arms again, she looked up at him happily. I'm glad I'm here with you, Charles.

So am I, my love.

And she was even more so when she saw the train. The interior of the parlor and dining cars was all in inlaid wood. There were glass reliefs and shining bits of brass. The compartment they shared had a drawing room with velvet curtains and more magnificent inlaid woods. It looked more like someone's living room than a train, and Audrey continued to be awestruck as they ate lunch, still waiting for the rest of the passengers to board. It was a six-course meal, smaller than dinner of course, and there were strolling gypsy violinists to keep them amused while they ate. The waiter brought them a plate of little hors d'oeuvres with steak tartare and slices of smoked salmon on dark bread before they began the meal, and Audrey was embarrassed to discover how hungry she was, but she and Charles managed to clean the plate. They also devoured the generous helpings of caviar, and Charles commented that they were obviously showing off how excellent their refrigeration was. With their new refrigerated cars, they could serve their patrons almost anything, and they did. The rest of the repast was equally extraordinary ' asparagus hollandaise ' rack of Iamb ' perfect tiny shrimp ' profiteroles ' . Audrey felt as though she could barely stand up by the time they finished their excellent Viennese coffee, and Charles lit a cigar, which was rare for him, but after a meal as fine as that, it seemed a suitable indulgence for him. Audrey sat back in her chair, enjoying the haze of blue smoke from Charlie's cigar, and watching their fellow travelers arrive one by one. There was a woman draped in mink over a gray wool suit, turning to speak to a man in a homburg with a monocle as they both laughed and two tiny white Pekingese barked at their heels, and in the distance two maids carrying what looked like an armful of fur coats for her. There was another woman in a red silk dress, she had incredible skin and her hair tightly pulled in a knot with two huge rubies in her ears. She looked like a demimondaine, and she exposed a suitable expanse of leg as she boarded the train, and there were countless matched suitcases and steamer trunks being put on with her. And once ensconced in the huge velvet chairs in their suite, Audrey sat back comfortably, talking to Charles, telling him what her father's photographs had been like, and chatting easily with him. Traveling with Charlie was like traveling with her dearest friend. They seemed to laugh at the same things, to find the same people amusing or unbearable or ridiculous, and together, they laughed at everything. He was enchanted by how delighted she was with all of it, and he was in heaven over the idea that she had come along with him. He could hardly wait to show her Istanbul, when they arrived there, and share a night with her in his favorite hotel, before putting her back on the train again. But he couldn't think about that now. The trip was just beginning for them. It was no time to think of saying good-bye. Not yet. Not now. The fun had just begun.

That afternoon, before they left, she showered and changed for him, and she emerged from the bedroom of their suite, wearing a dress that enchanted him, it was a pink wool dress with a bias-cut drape and a little pink hat by Rose Descat that Lady Vi had insisted she buy in Cannes, and she didn't regret it now. It seemed perfect for this extraordinary train filled with equally extraordinary people, and for the occasion, she had worn her grandmother's very large pearls, with matching pearls in her ears. Grandfather had given them to her when she turned twenty-one, and like the hat, she was glad to have them with her now. She felt very chic as they strolled the platform arm in arm, and she was surprised to see some uniforms she hadn't noticed before, as a group of men arrived and seemed to hover near the entrance to their car, conferring quietly, and looking as though they were waiting for someone, as indeed they were.

Who are they? She looked intrigued, and Charles off-handedly glanced at their lapels. The uniforms weren't identical, but they were similar to others he had seen in Germany.

I think they're some of Hitler's men.

Here? She seemed surprised. He had been named Chancellor of Germany seven months before, but this was Austria after all.

There are Austrian Nazis too. I saw some in Vienna when I was there in June. Even though here I think it's fairly rare to see them in uniform. Dollfuss, the Austrian Chancellor, banned Nazi uniforms here this year, and Hitler got so mad, he imposed a tax on any German visiting Austria. It kicked the hell out of their tourist business here, and I think some Nazis here just ignored the ban. Maybe these guys are here on official business of some kind.

Audrey glanced at them again, even more intrigued. She had read a great deal about Hitler before she left the States. And Vi and James had had quite a lot to say about him. They seemed to think he was dangerous, even though in America, no one appeared to be worried about that. She noticed then that the men in uniform were speaking to a man and his wife who were traveling with another man. All three of them were well dressed and in their middle years. The taller man of the two seemed quite composed as he explained something to the two Nazis, both of whom were frowning menacingly. They made a curt demand, and the shorter, older man produced two passports, obviously his and his wife's, as Audrey stared at them.