Want It Bad (22 page)

It took a few seconds for Carla to find her voice. “That’s… that’s really profound.”

The clerk smiled for the first time. “That’s why I can’t wait to get home and get inside my wife. Gonna strap on my rubber cock and fuck that whore till she howls like a dog. Ar-oooooo!”

Carla scribbled her signature on the charge slip, grabbed Denzel, and hurried out of there.

“And there’s a no returns policy on dildos!” the clerk shouted after her. “Once you stick it, you’re stuck with it.”

It wasn’t until Carla was back on the road that she allowed herself to think about the clerk’s words. And not just the part about the no returns.

Was I focused on the wrong things? About Jake? About myself? Was I so shocked by how carried away I got with all the kinkiness that I overlooked what I was feeling inside? How I felt about him? How I wished he felt about me?

Do I know what I want and am just afraid to own it?

Carla had no answers. She wasn’t even sure where to begin. The only thing she did know was that she couldn’t leave things the way she had with Jake. She needed to talk to him. Tonight.

By the time Carla had reached Windermere, her insides were vibrating, although she wasn’t sure if the sensation was due to excitement or nerves. She parked in her driveway, not even bothering to pull into the garage, and grabbed her tote and Denzel from the seat beside her.

Jake is sort of like a sex consultant, right? So maybe I can ask his opinion about my new purchase, just to break the ice.

Carla had just climbed from her car and started across the yard when she spotted a familiar car parked along the street. Not that Carla was the type to recognize cars, but this one, and its personalized license plate,
SXYBTCH
, she knew well.

Janet was here.

The car was dark inside, so that likely meant she was already waiting in Carla’s house, or on the pier. Had her date gone horribly wrong? How could a date go so wrong that Janet would give up on it?

Carla’s steps slowed.

I need to find out what’s wrong, be there for my friend. But if I do that, I won’t be able to see Jake.

Carla couldn’t count the number of times she’d needed Janet only to be abandoned for a man, any man, usually someone her friend didn’t even know. Surely Janet could wait ten minutes while she had a word with Jake. Carla just wanted to see him, talk to him briefly. It wasn’t as if they were going to disappear into the pleasure dungeon and never be heard from again.

But wouldn’t that be amazing?

Carla shook her head, but her feet kept moving, carrying her across the lawn. For all she knew, Jake had a client. And if he didn’t, Carla would be polite, apologize, and see how things went from there. Calm, cool, and in control.

I am not going to make the same mistake twice.

She had reached the porch, her finger poised to hit the doorbell, when she heard the sound.

At first, she thought it was a siren, police, fire, maybe ambulance. Then she realized the shrill tone was a woman’s scream.

A shriek of ecstasy.

I can’t look.

I have to walk away.

Carla managed to turn around. She took one step away from the door. Two.

Keep going. Keep going.

She made it to the sidewalk before her feet took control, circling back toward the living room window.

What has gotten into me?

Why am I doing this?

Just one peek, then I’ll leave.

Carla sidled up to the house, bracing her hands on the rough, wood siding. Slowly, she leaned toward the window, the room opening up in front of her.

The woman wore a Lone Ranger mask, black leather chaps, and nothing else, and she was riding Jake’s face like she was busting a bronco.

Well, that’s not something you see every day. And this one looks younger than Jake’s average client. Younger and in better shape and…

Holy shit, it’s Janet!

Heat washed over Carla, pooling behind her eyes. She raised her hands to her gaping mouth, slapping herself in the face with Denzel.

This was Janet’s hot date? After Carla had spilled all her secrets, her BFF had gone and hired Jake herself?

Carla stepped back from the window. She felt dizzy. She felt angry. And deep down, she knew she didn’t have the right to feel any of those things.

Jake didn’t belong to her. He never had. She’d paid him for a service, just as Janet was paying him now.

It was like recommending a hairdresser to your friend. Or a manicurist. Or the woman who plucks your brows.

Wasn’t it?

Carla never should have peeped in the first place. Again, she’d crossed the line and lost control. And now she’d never wash the image out of her mind.

“Hi-yo, Silver!” she heard Janet yell through the window.

Carla needed to get the hell out of here, and mind her own business. She was just about to turn away when Janet got off Jake’s face, and he stood up.

Carla’s breath caught.

He was gorgeous as always, his dark hair tousled, his blue eyes twinkling, his chin shadowed with a day’s stubble. His chest glistened, every muscle highlighted, but that wasn’t all the bare skin she saw.

Jake’s pants were gone, his legs bare, and nothing but the straining leather pouch was covering his erection.

Janet reached for him. “I paid you extra, honey. I want to see the full monty!”

Jake… the same Jake who had refused to take his cock out… the same Jake who Carla wasn’t allowed to touch… pulled down his pouch, and let his hard length spring free.

Carla threw Denzel at the window as hard as she could.

A crash echoed off neighboring houses. Cracks spiderwebbed the picture window, obscuring Carla’s view of Janet and Jake.

What in the hell did I just do?

Carla squeezed her eyes shut.

This can’t be happening.

This can’t be happening.

When she opened them, the window was still broken, the scene in the living room just the same, only this time both Jake and Janet were staring straight at her, their mouths agape.

Letting out a shriek, Carla whirled around and stumbled on a bush. She lurched forward, half falling, half flying, and landed face down on the grass.

Jake’s front door burst open. He stood above her, looking down, his naked body highlighted by the last rays of the setting sun. “Carla? What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Nothing. Never mind.” Carla scrambled to her feet. For a moment, she couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, couldn’t even breathe. Then she spotted Janet walking up behind Jake, her eyes hidden behind the Lone Ranger mask, naked except for the leather chaps.

“Hey, skank.” Janet smiled big. “We’ll be done in an hour or so. Should I come over for a drink after?”

Carla whirled around and raced for home.

“I’ll text you!” Janet called after her.

Carla took the steps two at a time and hit the door with a wallop that stung her palms. Fingers shaking, she punched her code into the lock.

“Carla, wait!” Jake ran across the lawn toward her, his erection bobbing with each stride. The erection she wasn’t allowed to see, to touch.

But Janet was.

“Go away!” Carla yelled. She yanked open the door, ducked inside, and slammed it closed, leaning back against it.

Footsteps pounded on the porch. The doorbell rang, its chime echoing through the foyer. “Carla? I need to talk to you.”

Carla didn’t move.

The bell sounded again. “Come on, Carla. Let me in. I’m standing out here naked.”

“I noticed that. Guess you don’t always follow your own rules, do you?”

Carla covered her mouth with her hand, wishing she hadn’t said anything. Jake was an escort, not a boyfriend. What he did with other clients wasn’t any of her business.

And maybe if I recite that over and over in my mind, it will eventually sink in.

“Why did you break my window?”

“I’ll pay for it. Go away.”

“You’re obviously upset. Let’s talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Go back and finish fucking my friend.”

“Your friend?”

“Janet. Yes. My best friend.”

Silence answered, stretching ten seconds, twenty. Carla had just deduced that he’d left when he spoke again, his voice making her jump.

“Carla, I didn’t know.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“But I can tell it does.”

“You’re wrong.”

“You often smash windows with a dildo over things that don’t matter to you?”

Carla covered her face with her hands. She’d lost her shit. That was certain. And although she’d like to pretend she’d pulled herself together, she knew that if she had to do the whole thing over, it would turn out the same.

“Let me in, Carla. We can talk about this.”

“You’re on Janet’s time. She’s not paying you to talk to me.”

“Please. I’m standing here naked in front of the whole neighborhood. Let me in.”

Carla peered through the peephole. Sure enough, Jake was standing on her porch in all his glory, his hands cupped over his junk.

Still covering up in front of me.

Carla’s face heated, but this time it wasn’t from embarrassment. She’d wanted to talk to Jake tonight, wanted to test her feelings for him, find out if he’d felt something, too. And as easy as it would be to just walk away after what she’d seen, she wanted the answers to those questions even more now.

She flipped the dead bolt and opened the door.

Jake stepped in. “Thank you. Uh, do you have a towel or a robe I could borrow?”

Carla closed the door behind him. She knew it was only fair to fetch him something to cover himself with, and yet she didn’t feel like being fair. She looked down at him, his hands still hiding the view. “I would have paid extra to see your cock, Jake.”

“It isn’t about money.”

“Then what is it about?”

Jake shifted his bare feet on the mahogany floor. He glanced into the living room. “Do you mind if we, uh, sit down and talk this over?”

“I’m comfortable here.”

Jake glanced around the foyer, his gaze landing on her tote. He reached into it and pulled out her crochet project. Straightening the thing as best he could, he held it in front of his crotch.

“It’s too late. I’ve already seen it.”

Jake looked down at the tangle of yarn in his hands. “What is this anyway?”

“A scarf.”

“It’s… uh… interesting. I didn’t know you could knit.”

“Crochet. And I can’t.”

“Can we sit down?”

“You want to sit?” Carla pointed to the bench. “Then sit.”

“I meant both of us go in the living room or something.”

“You meant to avoid answering my question.”

“It’s complicated.”

“I bet.”

“I’m not interested in a relationship, Carla.”

His words stung more than she thought they would, and she had to let a moment pass before she could speak. “I never said anything about a relationship. I asked about your
no cock
rule.”

“I’m trying to explain.”

Carla folded her arms. “Then explain.”

“It’s the reason I became an escort. My job lets me be intimate with women, but I don’t have to worry about things getting any more serious than that.”

Carla watched his eyes. His explanation felt right. Since she’d met Jake, he’d been alternately flirty and distant. And although he was doing a fine job of dashing her hopes that there could be anything personal between them, he still hadn’t answered the question she’d asked.

“I never said I wanted to tie you down, Jake. I just wanted the full monty, like Janet. Why would you do that for her and not for me?”

“You’re not listening.”

Carla didn’t want to listen. She’d already heard him loud and clear. And the worst part was the real reason she’d wanted to see him tonight, to talk to him, wasn’t to answer her questions.  She realized that now. She’d wanted him to say he had feelings for her like the feelings she had for him.

Pitiful.

Pathetic.

Deluded.

A heavy feeling blanketed her chest, weighing her down with each breath. When she saw Jake take it all off for Janet, she’d been angry. Now she just felt tired. It had been rare for her to find a guy she really liked. Rarer still for her to be able to open up with him. Unheard of for her to lose control.

But her hopes for a personal relationship not working out? She knew just how to navigate this terrain.

Give him an out and let him go.

“It doesn’t matter, Jake. I’ll pay for the window. Go home. I’m new to this paying for sex thing. You do it all the time. What you do with Janet is none of my business.”

Jake stood there, looking like a kicked puppy.

“I want you to understand, Carla.”

“Understand what?”

Jake didn’t answer. Carla’s cell phone buzzed. She took it out, saw a message from Janet. It was a selfie of her on Jake’s fucking machine, with the text OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“You better get back to your client,” Carla said, showing him the picture. “She’s starting without you.”

Jake didn’t look at the phone, and his eyes never left Carla’s. “Your friend, the handful of other clients I’ve stripped for, I didn’t have to worry about them.”

“You had to worry about me?” Carla wasn’t sure, but that might have been the most hurtful thing he could have said to her. “Why?”

“You’re different.”

“How?”

“Because, I…” He pressed his lips together, as if stopping himself from revealing some giant secret.

“I thought we kind of liked each other. At least I thought you found me—”

“I like you too much, Carla.”

Carla frowned, waiting for his words to fall into place in her mind, to make some kind of sense. She’d just made peace with the fact that he didn’t share her feelings, and now…

“What are you saying, Jake?”

“I don’t have to worry about getting involved with the others, but you… With you, I forget myself. I mean, my rules. My boundaries.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“For me, it is.”

“I thought we were trying to move beyond our boundaries.”