Wanting (22 page)

Now they were just waiting
for Sebastian, Josh, and Paige to get back from scouting out the
club. Then they’d spend the rest of the afternoon and evening
practicing until they can hit each note perfectly. It would be a
long day, but Carrie knew they could do it.

“
So...” Alessandra sorted
copies of each song for the various instruments. They’d have Dan on
a traditional five-string guitar, Josh on the drums, Carrie on the
keyboard, Paige on bass guitar and Alessandra on electric lead. It
was enough, Carrie thought, to give the appearance that they were
serious about their art.

“
So?”

“
You and
Lorcan?”

“
What about us?”

“
Carrie! Spill. You haven’t
to admit the man is one of the hottest to set foot in the division.
And from what I heard, you have locked lips with him. So, spill. Is
he any good at it?”

Carrie let a smile stretch
across her lips. Al was so funny at times. Wickedly funny—though
Carrie often didn’t get her jokes until later—but extremely smart,
too. And beautiful. Most of all, she was a genuinely nice person.
“I didn’t exactly think to rate him on a scale of one to
ten.”

The blonde woman shrugged.
“So do it now.”

“
Eleven thirteen. At
least.” Carrie smiled at her friend again. She was always so
relaxed with Al. “It was that good. I’m thinking of sleeping with
him.”

“
Oh, boy!” Al wheeled her
desk chair closer to Carrie’s and leaned her chin on her palm less
than a foot from Carrie’s elbow. She reminded Carrie of an
overeager puppy, just then. “When, where, how? Please tell
me!”

“
Wow.” Carrie laughed,
before looking out the conference room window to make sure no one
was nearby. “I haven’t planned it out, you know? And I think he may
have something to say about it, too.”

“
Naw, I have a feeling all
you have to do is crook your finger like this and boss man will
fall to his knees panting.”

A moment’s uncertainty hit
her. “Do you?”

Al’s face turned serious.
“Don’t doubt it. He’s watched you from that first week. I’ve seen
him staring when he didn’t think anyone was watching. Interested,
from the very beginning.”

That was similar to what he
had said. “He said it was because he wanted me. But I thought it
was because he thought I didn’t belong or was weird, or
something.”

“
You are weird, Care. In
your own way. But so are all of us. I mean, look at Georgia—she’s
got two degrees, knows judo, and speaks how many languages? Look at
Josh. He’s also got two degrees, is all-buttoned-up conservative,
yet plays the drums and piano. Then there’s Jules. Bona fide girl
genius who wears pencils in her hair and talks to herself. Hell,
look at me. No don’t. I look like a freakin’ plastic doll, was a
college cheerleader, and look like I’d have bubblegum between my
ears. Yet I have my doctorate in Urban and Cultural Studies. We are
who we are for a very good reason. And those reasons make us pretty
kick-ass at our jobs! So...back to Hotlips Lorcan.”

“
Well, the things I hear
when you don’t think I’m around.” Paige stood in the open door, a
smirk on her face. Carrie handed her a stack of papers when Paige
sank into a chair next to Alessandra. “So...Hotlips? Are we
evaluating?”

“
We’re discussing whether
Carrie should sleep with him.”

“
I’m against it,
personally.” Paige shuffled the sheet music then looked at Carrie.
“I don’t think she should risk it. Getting involved with someone
with even the smallest bit of power over you is crazy. This job is
your life; I don’t think you should do anything to jeopardize that.
And if he screws something up—and he will, he’s a man after all and
they can’t help it—I’ll have to mess him up. And I actually would
hate to do that.”

“
I think you’re being
melodramatic, P.J.,” Al said. “So she has a flaming hot affair with
him. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. They both move
on. They’re not on the same team, and they are both professionals
and can behave as such. I don’t see anything wrong with
it.”

“
I do. Power
corrupts.”

Carrie knew what Paige was
saying. Paige always spoke out against those with even the least
little bit of control over someone else. But Carrie knew something
Paige had never seemed to realize—every relationship anyone had
with another involved power. Each participant did have a power over
the other. Healthy sexual relationships there was equal power. It
had taken Carrie a while to realize that, after what had happened
with Jeremy. What had happened between them when she was fifteen
had not been healthy, though she had no real regrets about it. She
could regret that she was so gullible, but if she did, then she had
to admit she wouldn’t be where she was right now. She wouldn’t have
met Paige, and knew for a fact the other girl would be dead if that
hadn’t happened. How could she regret what the end results of that
first relationship were?

The two relationships she’d
had since Jeremy were right. She had no regrets with them, either,
despite the fact that she’d chosen not to continue them.

If she chose to get
involved with Sebastian further, would she be able to look back and
think that that involvement had been right for her right
now?

She would have to think on
that.

“
Care? Carrie? Are you in
there? What do you think about rearranging this right here? You
take the solo? You have a deeper range than Al. I think it will
work better in the club’s acoustics if you carry it
here.”

Carrie forced herself to
focus on Paige rather than the thoughts of Sebastian still in her
head. She would have time to deal with him later. Right now she had
to focus on her job. “I think I can do it. What was the club
like?”

“
Dirty, even though it
seemed to be run well. It just had that feel. You know what I mean?
Kem—he’s this big black guy—runs the place for Benito Sr. and he
seems kind of cool. The rest of the people are the typical bar
employees. But it was down time, so we’ll see.”

“
So when is the audition?”
Al asked. “And what do we wear?”

Paige rolled her eyes.
“Clothes, Barbie. Clothes. And the audition is tomorrow afternoon,
three o’clock. That give us enough time?”

“
It’s cutting it close on
wardrobe.” Al frowned before pulling out her phone. “This is going
to call for the big guns. I’ll have George and Jules get shopping
on the clothes angle. Carrie, what size?”

“
Fourteen.”

“
And Twiggy here is a
four. So...have them get a few cut-down-to-heres in fourteens for
Carrie, tens for me, and fours for Paige. What about the
guys?”

“
Boss man has decided that
we’re a family act.” Paige flopped back into her chair, disturbing
Carrie’s piles of sheet music. Carrie straightened them, her
attention only partially on the conversation. “Get this, I’m with
Josh, you and Care and Josh are Dan’s kids. And boss man is my
brother. He’s the reason we’re in this area, as he’s supposed to be
local. I convinced the rest of you to move to St. Louis from Osage
City to be closer to my only family, and because the gigs are
better. But they haven’t been, which is why we are in East St.
Louis. How’s that for a kick?”

“
I think it will work.” Al
stared at Carrie for a moment. “Red streaks in my hair?”

Paige nodded. Carrie knew
this was routine for them. Before transferring to PAVAD and
Sebastian’s team, the two had worked in Undercover Operations,
devising backgrounds and identities for the rest of the
division—when they weren’t a part of the operations themselves.
“And your hazel contacts so that your eyes are closer to Carrie’s.
And we’re goth-ing up the boss man. Messing up that GI Joe-meets-GQ
look he’s got going on. Making him edgier. Sexier, in a dangerous,
club-hopping kind of way.”

“
And Dan and Josh?” Carrie
asked.

“
Dan’s going for the rough,
construction worker Dad turned band manager look. Department store
jeans and work shirts. We’re deepening the red in his hair to
closer to Carrie’s, and we’re doing the same to Josh. It’s just
cool that they both have red in their hair to begin with. This
might actually work, if we can nail the audition. Al, you’re going
to be the available-vamp-type. Carrie, you’re the protected baby of
the family. I’m the wild lover of the only boy. This is gonna be
fun.”

Carrie hid her smile. Paige
had always loved pretending to be other people. She’d entertained
herself—and Carrie—many nights by telling stories of who they
really were. Then she’d write skits for herself and Carrie to
perform. They’d role-play for hours—when they weren’t traveling or
playing the battered guitar Paige had traded a few hours’ work in a
secondhand store to get. Or when they weren’t reading the battered
old high school textbooks they’d found at the same store. Carrie
had easily mastered the math and science questions. Paige had
enjoyed the humanities books. They’d carried those six books with
them to every city they’d landed in. They’d read aloud and quizzed
each other nearly every night.

Carrie still had those
books in her safe, though she had not looked at them in years. She
just couldn’t seem to get rid of them.

“
We need to get Dan and
Josh and find some instruments. Then we need to practice.
Hard.”

Chapter 52

*****

Ashleigh had told the FBI
everything she knew about Elliot. But the nightmares still came.
Would they always?

She threw the blankets back
and stood. Her mom slept in the hotel suite’s other room. Her dad
was on the couch in the sitting room. He’d barely let Ashleigh out
of his sight since he’d arrived at the FBI. He’d hugged her and
hugged her. She’d hugged him back and cried. He’d make everything
safe—he’d promised her that.

He hadn’t said a word to
her mom, and Ashleigh was happy about that. They were always
fighting over her, and she didn’t want to hear it anymore. Her dad
was still mad that her mom was with Elliot in the first place. If
her mom hadn’t met him Ashleigh wouldn’t have had to run
away.

So it was her mom’s
fault.

But Ashleigh tried to tell
herself that her mom had just made a mistake. And she loved her
mom. Her mom loved her. But that didn’t mean she wanted to talk to
her mom about anything that had happened, no matter how many
questions her mom asked. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to
anyone about it. Not yet. She had talked to Paige, the Goth FBI
agent. She’d understood. But Ashleigh couldn’t talk to her
anymore—Paige had had to leave. Her and Al. They had to go stop the
other men responsible for that boy’s death.

Ashleigh shook her head,
trying to get Marco’s face—his dead face—out of her head. She’d
never seen anybody dead before. She’d never even went to a funeral
before. Marco’s family would have him a funeral. Should she go? She
kind of wanted to. To tell his family she was sorry for what had
happened, and that she was sorry she hadn’t been able to tell them
about Marco sooner. It must have sucked for them, not knowing what
had happened to him for so long.

Had it sucked for her mom?
What had Elliot told her? What had she believed? Did he tell her
all kinds of lies; lies that made her mom hate Ashleigh?

Ashleigh slipped the door
to her hotel room open and crept down the short hall toward her
mother’s room. She just wanted her mom, that was all.

Her mom was asleep.
Ashleigh knew she would be—her mom slept deeper than anyone
Ashleigh had ever seen. Ashleigh slipped into the bed beside her
mom and pulled the blankets around her shoulders. Like she used to
when she was little. She just wanted her mom to make things all
right again.

Somehow.

That wasn’t too much to
ask, was it?

Chapter 53

*****

Three o’clock the next
afternoon Carrie walked into Benito’s dressed in black leather
pants and a daring green top cut almost to the center of her chest.
Paige and Al walked on each side of her, Josh and Dan trailed
behind, carrying the guitars. Al was to be the spokeswoman for the
group, and the now-strawberry blonde’s outfit was the most daring
Carrie had ever seen. It had drawn eyes the moment Al had entered
the hotel lobby. Hell had checked the non-band members of the CCU
into a lower budget hotel close to Benito’s to use as their home
base , as a safety precaution. Al was enjoying the attention, too.
She’d laughed at the teenage boys who’d gawked at her, tossed her
hair at the construction workers they’d passed on their walk to
Benito’s, and strutted. Paige cracked jokes at the other woman’s
expense the entire time. The two were hilarious together and Carrie
fought laughing several times.

Benito’s was dark, with
only the lights by the bar and over the stage on. A large black man
was behind the bar, a stack of papers in his hand. Two other men
sat at a table near the bar. The men stared, their attention going
back and forth between Carrie, Al, and Paige. One of the men at the
table stood and met their group halfway across the dance floor.
"You here for the audition? I’m Benito, Jr. My father owns the
club, and I oversee its operation."