Wanting Control - Secret Chronicles Series Book #1 (7 page)

The remainder of the day was a blur. At some point Dalton ordered Chinese takeout and they ate in front of the television never speaking. It was more like being roommates in college than a married couple of several years. MJ cleaned up the dinner mess and shortly after Dalton went upstairs to bed. The entire day passed without an apology or explanation for his poor performance from the night before.

Rather than join him in bed, Mary-Beth stayed down stairs and comforted herself with a bottle of Merlot.
What now?
She thought as she sipped her wine and starred at the television.
Is this the new normal for me and our marriage? Do I confront him? Should I just ignore the card and go on as if nothing happened? Maybe… If I confronted him how would I know if he was telling the truth? I wouldn’t. I don’t want a divorce, at least not yet. Is it just a fling or does he care for her? What’s wrong with me that I’m not enough?

Her head hurt from the stress. Since finding the card there had been one question after another. She had expected it but now that it was on her door step she had to deal with it. Not knowing why he was cheating was the biggest question. She was faithful to him, she supported his career and kept the house in immaculate condition. As far as she could tell, she was the perfect wife.
So why is he spending time with someone else? It has to be me…

~*~*~*~*~

MJ woke up on the couch with the television still on and half a glass of wine left on the living room table. She had fallen asleep still going over options in her head. The only thing she was certain of was that there would be no conversation today.
Let it sit for a while and get your thoughts straight before launching into a fight. We can always talk later if that’s what we need, but not today.

She got up and went to the kitchen to pour out the wine and make some coffee. The sun was shining in and the day looked much better than she felt. Dalton would be leaving for the airport before noon and she would be alone again for the rest of the week. Needing some emotional support, MJ texted Trish and asked her to come that afternoon for a late lunch and to talk about ‘new developments’ in the relationship saga.
Minute’s later Trish texted back:

See you at your place. 12:30?

MJ responded and they had a date. It would be good to talk to the only other person she knew dealing with a similar issue. Trish was many things but no one ever accused her of being dumb. The advice she shared was not always the best for everyone but meant well. In any case she needed to talk to someone and Trish was trustworthy if nothing else.

MJ looked up as the morning ritual began; the toilet flushed and then the shower was running
. I’ll have something to clean again today.
He would be down soon and gone soon after that.
Don’t let on, just be cool and think about what’s best for me.
The coffee dripped into the pot and rather than do nothing she made eggs and toast, more for herself, but Dalton was welcome to have some too.

He came into the kitchen smelling fresh from the shower and poured a cup of coffee. She was happy with the distance between them now; there was no sense in her pretending too. “Thanks for making breakfast”, he said.

“You’re welcome”, she responded pleasantly enough. “What time is the car coming to pick you up?”

“I’ve scheduled it for 11:30, but you know how they can be. It might be a little early, why?” He was casual and polite, eating between words.

MJ went on, “I texted Trish this morning and asked her to come over for lunch today. I just wanted to make sure that we weren’t in your way.”

“Nope, not at all. My flight leaves at 1:45 and I want to make sure I have plenty of time to get there and checked in.”

She couldn’t help herself from asking, “Why so early on a Sunday? Is there something important going on that you need to get back to?” It was a simple jab at him but she liked doing it. She knew he wouldn’t tell her the truth.

He seemed to jump when she asked, “No, just, you know, normal stuff. I just need to be ready in the morning for the week of endless meetings.” He went back to his eggs.

“Okay. I hope it goes as planned this week. I know hard you’ve been working”, she said. But she was thinking,
and tell Miss Betty Harrison ‘hello’ from all of us back home! Or does Betty even know you’re married? I wonder…?

“Thanks”, he said. “I think it should be a good week most of the negotiations are completed. We have some issues with the unions that could take the better part of three months, but that’s not the difficult stuff.” He finished his breakfast and stood drinking the last of his cup of coffee. “I’m
gonna finish getting ready. I have just enough time to pack and get my emails finished.” He set the coffee cup next to the empty plate and walked out of the kitchen.

MJ stay
ed seated at the table, “Okay, I’ll get the dishes.” She heard a distant ‘Thanks’ and heavy footsteps going up the stairs.
I guess I’m just the God damned maid and fuck buddy now.

~*~*~*~*~

The doorbell rang at 11:25 and Dalton greeted the driver. “Good morning, Mr. Johnson. I’m a little early but ready when you are.”

MJ had seen this driver before. In all the time Dalton had been working with corporate and flying to God knows where, there were only a few drivers that he used for his trips to the airport. Dalton had his bags placed by the door and driver stepped in to get them. Seeing MJ standing in the living area he tipped his hat, grabbed the bags and went back to the waiting limo.

Leaving the doorway, Dalton went back to finish packing his laptop for the trip. From his office he shouted, “I’m not sure if I’ll make it home next weekend or not. It just depends on the union and how far we’ll get with them.”

She doubted this was the truth, but knowing what she knew it was a good time for some distance between them. “I understand, just call or text me later in the week to let me know. Maybe I’ll go out with the girls if you can’t make it back.”
Won’t Betty be happy about that!

“Sure, I will. See you soon.” And with that he had gathered up his phone and laptop case and was out the door. Once more he offered no kiss good-bye, no ‘I love you’, nothing. Just an un-ceremonial slamming of the door.
There is no doubt that things have changed. I’m glad Trish is coming over. She’ll at least be honest about what’s going on…

Trish was sitting on the couch when MJ came back with mimosas. She said, “Wow, mimosas, what’s the occasion?” Without waiting for a response she went on. “Is Dalton off to one of his far away destinations already?”

“Yea”, MJ said, “He left about an hour ago. I think, for the first time, I’m actually happy he’s gone.”

“Oh, bad weekend?”

“Bad doesn’t begin to describe this weekend…” MJ was clearly unhappy.

Trish put the drink on the table and folded her hands in her lap. “Well, tell me all about it. You said in your text that there were new developments? What’s that all about?”

MJ took a big swallow of the cocktail and sighed heavily before beginning. “Dalton texted me last Thursday and asked me out on a date. I was so excited; he hadn’t done that for quite a while. We set the date for Friday night at Jean-Roberts Table, his idea.”

Trish’s eyebrows were raised, “Sounds nice so far. What happened?”

“It’s more like, what didn’t happen.” MJ spat, “He wanted a romantic evening and I was all for it. I went to the Pink Pyramid and bought a new sexy outfit. I totally rocked it in black leather and lace. I really wanted to have a great date night.” She paused to collect her thoughts and took another drink of the mimosa. “We had reservation for 7:00 and he walks in the door at about quarter after six. I didn’t think we would make it. I had on a red cocktail dress, heels, makeup, I was ready for a great evening and here he strolls in at 6:15…”

“What did he say?” Trish encouraged.

“He gave me a story about his plane getting delayed on the runway. But he didn’t bother to text or call. Any way, he changed clothes and we left. On the way over I tried to get him in the mood by rubbing his crotch and playing with him. He moved my hand away.”

“He didn’t”, Trish was surprised.

“I didn’t know what to do, he’s never done that. I thought maybe he didn’t want to walk into the restaurant with a hard on so I let it go. But over dinner he didn’t respond when I played with him with my foot, no dirty talk, he just went on about the merger. And I’m
still pretty okay with that. When we got back home I went to change into my new outfit. I re-did my hair and makeup and put on this little leather outfit with a matching thong. When I walked out into the bed room, I thought I had his attention for sure.” She paused remembering the evening.

“What happened next?” Trish asked.

“It seemed to go okay for a while, I gave him some head but before he could cum I got on the bed and gave him a little show of my own.” They both giggled to each other, “When I thought he was ready to reciprocate I gave him the sign to join me. I laid back and waited for him to go down on me before jumping on for a great fuck session. Instead, he turns out the light, climbs in bed and before I knew it, shoves his dick in me and starts going at it.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like the way you used to describe him in bed.” Trish was always jealous of the stories MJ shared with her about their sexual adventures.

“The next day he didn’t apologize or even bring it up. At first I was willing to believe that the long time apart had been too much for him and then I found this going through the dirty laundry.” MJ slid the business card across the coffee table.

“Betty Harrison? Never heard of her. Who is she?” Trish asked confused.

“Turn it over.” MJ instructed.

Shock registered on Trish’s face as the realization of what she was reading hit her. “Oh no, I’m so sorry MJ.”

“Don’t be. You know I had some suspicions that he had something on the side. Seeing that card yesterday just made me come to terms with it. He’s gone all the time because of his job. It would have been impractical of me to think that he didn’t have a fling or a prostitute every once in a while.” MJ remained surprisingly clam.

Trish was dumbfounded at the calm resolution of her friend. “So now that you know, what are you going to do?”

For the first time MJ smiled, “I think of it like you were saying at dinner. This is marriage. There are always going to be good time and bad times. I’m not going to leave him if that’s what you mean. Regardless of what he’s doing, he is
my
husband. And the truth is, I do love him. I want to give it some time and see how it goes. He’s been working in Seattle for months now and that’s the address on the card. He’ll eventually be finished there and move on to another city. As long as he doesn’t try to leave me for this other woman…”

Trish could see that MJ had put a lot of thought into her relationship troubles and was willing to rethink her marriage. “Can you just let it be like that? I know I have for the time being. He has his fun and I am definitely having mine.” A brief smile flashed across Trish’s lips. “It works for me but there may come a time when it doesn’t. I know that about letting him have his flings and with Devon it’s just great sex, nothing more. But I am prepared to bring it to a halt if there needs to be a change in our relationship. But for now… it just works. He gets his, I get mine and we get
ours together with no regrets right now. Can you do that?”

MJ starred Trish right in the eye and gave her the most honest answer of all, “The truth is that’s what I’ve been doing. In the back of my mind I have known something was different and I didn’t even ask him about it. I let him continue on and I lived in the fantasy world that everything was alright and that he would finish his work and come home to me for a fairy tale ending. I knew, I just didn’t do anything about it, shame on me. Now that I have the proof I needed to bring me back to reality I will take steps to make me happy. Yes, I think I can just let it be, but I
am
going to take your advice and not be a victim.”

Trish grinned and asked, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m not completely sure but I have another friend who might be able to help me with it”, she smiled and felt better just to have someone to confide in.

They drank mimosas and eventually ate a light lunch. When Trish headed home she thought that her friend might soon approach a certain grocery store ‘manager trainee’ for some extracurricular activities. But Mary-Beth Johnson had something completely different in mind for her future.

When the alarm clock sounded Monday morning, it not only woke her, it signaled a new beginning for Mary-Beth Johnson. She had thought long and hard about her current situation. She was a smart woman and would not let the circumstances go on without some sort of action. After years of being faithfully married she was facing the crisis of a cheating husband. Her friend had put it in the proper context; this is how marriage is, you have to make it work for you.

MJ was about to do just that, make it work for her. She was past the sorrow, feeling like she was done wrong and the guilt of taking matters into her own hands. Today she would begin making her happy. There was no need to hurt Dalton, there was enough of that in their relationship as it stood. But she could be happy without him, she could be happy and remain in her current lifestyle, she could be happy and stay married.

Mary-Beth had devised a plan. If he could cheat, then so could she. If he was out there trying to find something that didn’t exist in their relationship, then so could she. If he wasn’t telling her about his indiscretions, then neither would she. What was good for the goose, truly would be good for the gander and she wanted to find out first hand.

The time had come for her to take full and complete control of her life. Realizing how much she had depended on Dalton all these years led MJ to the point of severing the tie of emotional dependence. She would continue to let him support her, she would keep a neat and orderly house,
she would be his wife when he was at home, but past that, she would be her own woman.

MJ moved about the bedroom as she continued to put together what she wanted life to be like from this point forward. She made the bed and picked out clothes for the day. After getting out of the shower and a quick breakfast it was time to find out what was out there. She had an idea of how to go about things but if ever there was a time she could use the advice of a trusted friend this was it.

~*~*~*~*~

Over the years,
Ella had become her friend, confidant, and somewhat of a mentor. Running the book store gave her access to any information a person would ever want or need. She was easy to talk to and if you knew her, there was nothing you couldn’t bring up. Ask a question and chances were that Ella had some information about the subject. MJ returned to Books and Beyond for just that purpose. If she was going to step outside the boundaries of her marriage it was going to be on her terms. She needed information…

The bells rang that familiar jingle as MJ threw the door open. Ella looked up from another of her books and smiled. She always seemed glad to have Mary-Beth visit her and today was no different. "Well, hello. I was hoping to see you this week. How was the book I recommended? And more importantly, how was date night?" Ella said closing her book and sliding
it to the side of the counter.

"Date night
was not so great, the book on the other hand, I loved it!", MJ said. "I wanted to talk more about both. Do you have some time now." "Sure, it's not like the place is crowded. Mondays morning can be slow. What's on your mind?" Ella made a motion to the seating area were patrons lounged on comfortable chairs and sofas to read and chat with one another. With no one there the two made their way over and took seats. "So, spit it out..."

"I read the book and was captivated by the story. I couldn't put it down. It's the type of thing I had thought about in the past but never had the right partner to try, you know, dominating." She paused obviously nervous.

Ella took the lead, "What about your husband?"

MJ went on, "You know my situation with him. I
kinda figure it's not just a dry spell now. When we went out last Friday all he talked about was business. I couldn’t get him aroused or into a sexy conversation like most of our other night’s out. When we got home I changed into the new outfit you saw.”

Ella interrupted, “I bet that did the trick!”

“Not exactly”, MJ said disheartened once again. “He liked the look and I thought it was going to be a great night of sex, but he just jumped on and, wham, bam, thank you ma’am, he was done in just seconds. He rolled off and fell asleep. It was the worst sex I’ve had since high school.”

“Ouch, sorry to hear about that. I know you were looking forward to the date night and the after party. Did he say anything the next day or try to talk about what might be the problem?” Ella probed.

“Not a word, he just came down stairs on his cell phone and went right to his office. He came out for coffee,
with his phone
and acted like I wasn’t even there. The whole thing was bad enough as it was, but it got worse…”

“How could it have been any worse?” Ella asked.

“That afternoon I found a woman’s business card in his pants pocket when I was doing the laundry. Normally that wouldn’t be an issue, but on the back, written in a woman’s handwriting, was a note telling him to be at her apartment at 7:00. It said something about not being late or he would be punished.” MJ paused.

Ella jumped in, “I have to agree, that sounds worse. I’m sorry you
’re having to deal with all that. It doesn’t seem like a simple dry spell. I had my hopes for you.”

“I appreciate that, but I really think I knew it for a long time. I just needed this last piece to get me clear about what’s going on.”

“What are you going to do now?” Ella asked.

“I was hoping you could help me with that.” MJ smiled but there wasn’t all of the happiness she usually possessed.

“Sure, anything, what can I do?” Ella jumped at the chance.

“Now I don’t want you to think any less of me, but I have a friend who is in a similar situation. Her husband is out of town every week and she knows that he has his action on the side. She likes the lifestyle he provides and is not willing to leave him. With that said, she has a guy on the side too. She says it works for her because she is not interested in
a divorce, it’s just sex and that’s the way they keep it.” MJ paused making sure her point was heard.

“I know a few people that have the same kind of arraignment”, Ella said calmly. “It works for them and life goes on. Everybody gets what they want I suppose. But what does that have to do with me or you?”

“When I was in here last time you mentioned that there was quite a world of people who were Doms and Subs. I was thinking that it was all just fantasy, but you said that I should believe that. You were certain that there were people searching for others. Do you remember the conversation?” MJ was hopeful that she did.

“Yes, I remember it quite well actually. There are people like the ones in the books. Even here in Cincinnati.” Ella grinned as she started to understand what was being asked of her. “Is that what this is about? You want to know if there really are people that are kinky like in those
books?”

MJ was beginning to get embarrassed but she couldn’t stop now, “Yes and no. I want to know if they really exist and…” she paused, “how do I find
them?”

Ella had heard it all while managing the book store but the request from her mild mannered friend startled her. She was willing to help but didn’t see this one coming at
her. “Wow, I have to say that I’m a little shocked. Are you sure this is something that you want to do? Have you really thought it over?”

“Yes”, she said without a moment’s hesitation. “This is something I’ve fantasized about for a long time and now that I have the opportunity I don’t want to wast
e it. Look, I’ve made up my mind that I am going to live my life to the fullest. I’m not going to confront him or ask him to stop whatever it is he’s doing. But I want a life for myself. There should be no reason I can’t have my needs and desires taken care of. And if there’re people out there wanting to do it, why not go for it?”

Ella had to admit that it all sounded quite logical. There was no reason MJ should hold back at this point. “Okay, as long as you’re sure, I can help you. There’s a lot you need to know before you just go jumping into the lifestyle. Have you read the other two books you got?”

“No not yet. I’ve been a little busy.” MJ giggled at the joke. She was finally starting to feel better and excitement was setting in.

“Take your time”, Ella went on. “They’ll give you some good ideas of what to do and how to have fun. But you’ll have to educate yourself about the mindset of a submissive and the proper way to discipline them without harm. Above all it’s important that the sub feel completely safe with the dominant. If you break that trust it will
not be good for either of you. Follow me to the back room. I have some things that will be good for you to read.” They got up from the seating area and for the first time MJ was escorted to the back room. “I keep the special books back here. Not everything can be placed on the shelves for all to see.”

Ella pushed open the curtain and they went through. The customers never asked about the room behind the curtain. It was naturally assumed that it was storage and perhaps a sorting area for incoming stock. To the contrary MJ was amazed to see another complete, yet smaller store. There were identical rows of shelves and books from front to back and side to side. There was even a sitting area like the one in front.

MJ was taken aback by the revelation of the back room. “What’s all this?” she asked.

Ella smiled and said, “This is more like my private collection, things that not everyone needs to see or books that are too rare for children to handle.”

“I had no idea, how long have you had this back here?”

Pride showed in Ella’s face, “Most of my customers don’t know
it’s back here. Several years ago, before you started coming in, I converted this part of the shop. I told the public it was for storage, but this is what I did. It’s kept for valuables and odd things. The books you need to read now are part of the collection. It’s not that I couldn’t put them out front, but the folks that want to have access to them don’t always want prying eyes to know what they are interested in.”

MJ’s eyes moved from one shelf to another. She couldn’t make out the codes that labeled the ends of the isles. It looked like it was specific to how Ella had them arranged. “What exactly are you looking for back here?”

“I have several in mind for you. Since this is your first steps in the lifestyle you’ll need as much information as possible. It’s important for you to know how to treat a sub correctly. That’s the biggest problem with that popular ‘Mommy Porn’ book. It doesn’t give the reading audience the correct information in order to get into the life. It makes it look like you can just abuse someone and everyone is supposed to get pleasure from it. It’s just not that easy. There are rules and conditions and if everyone can follow them and get pleasure doing so, then it will be a beneficial relationship.”

Ella purposefully walked down the third isle with MJ in tow. She stopped at a series of books that looked like they were written in the 1950’s and 60’s. She handed the first one to MJ and said, “This one will give you the best insights as to why people want to be
sumbissives. There are many different wants, needs and desires but most of all they need to feel safe while serving. For a true submissive, giving up all control is the most freeing sensation possible. This is how they get satisfaction by foregoing their needs and fulfilling the sexual desires of another.”

MJ took note of the simple way she described the mindset. This is what she wanted, information. Every time she had asked her for something in the past, the same thing happened. Ella was like
a teacher and when she was helping another person there was no judgment or condescension. It was obvious to MJ that she wanted to give her the best possible advice without making her uncomfortable. This was one of Ella’s most endearing qualities and MJ was thankful to have her as a friend.

I feel like I’m in school, but at least I have a good teacher.

The second book was covered in burgundy leather with nothing printed on the outside. She handed it to MJ and said, “This was sort of an underground book in its day. There weren’t many publishers who would print deviant writings. The book has been recovered and although it’s old, I think it’s the best for what it has to offer.”

“And what’s that?” MJ asked.

“It outlines the proper uses of discipline and punishment with a sub. They refer to them as slaves or sex slaves but the meaning is all the same.” Ella paused, “You will find that the sub wants to give to the dom in every possible way. If they fall short of their goal or fail to comply, they expect to be punished. Pain is okay in most instances but really getting hurt isn’t. This book shows you what to use, how to use it, where to apply it and so on. In my mind there hasn’t been a better book written on this subject.”

As they walked back to the front of the store Ella said, “I’ll be happy to sell you these books and any others from the back that you might need. I make one condition with my ‘Backroom’ clients. If you ever want to get rid of the books you get from me, I want to be the first to buy them back. They’re hard to come by and it makes it easier to keep my shelves stocked.”

“It’s a deal!” MJ said. Her head was spinning with all of the new information that had been shared with her. She never imagined there was so much that went into what she had considered fantasy until a short time ago. The books were expensive compared to other she had purchased, but there was nowhere else to go and she was happy to pay for them.