Watch Me Walk Away (23 page)

I sag against him and wrap my arms around his middle. At last I can breathe. He is safe. I start to cry from relief and feel Arthur tense then he puts his arms around me lightly patting my back. “You heard the part where their all safe right?”

I nod, step back and look at him through my tears. “Yes, I am just so relieved. I’m sorry for crying on you.”

His face softens and I can’t believe I ever thought this guy was scary. “It’s okay,” he grumbles, “I was getting worried too. I was expecting to hear from them yesterday.” That does not really make me feel any better. If he was worried that means something must have gone wrong but he said they were all safe. Safe not uninjured.

“You said they were safe. Was anyone injured?” The worry is back.

“Nothing major, just a few scrapes and bruises. He’s okay, Lisa. He’s alive and well and on his way home.” He wraps me in his arms again and it is just what I need. “I will know better by the time I see you on Sunday to take you to the concert. I will give you an update, I promise.”

I can make it to Sunday for more information. Now all I have to worry about is if he wants me anymore. “Thank you, Arthur.” I try to smile at him. “I will see you on Sunday.” I start to walk to the house. My emotions are all over the place.

Arthur calls out to me, “He loves you, Lisa. Hold on to that.”

I can only hope he’s right. That Bobby’s love wasn’t obliterated by my omission. But he’s on his way home. I have to remember that. I will be able to talk to him even if I have to track him down myself. I know where he lives. He won’t be able to avoid me forever. With that thought, I walk through the door and right into Jodi’s arms.

“What’s wrong?” She holds me tight.

“He’s okay. They are on their way back to Germany, that’s all Arthur would tell me.” I sniffle. “What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

She moves me to the couch and we sit down. “Look at me. That man loves you. I know I haven’t been the most supportive friend about this relationship but I know what I see when he looks at you. He will move heaven and earth for you. He is not going to give you up. You just have to talk to him, give him time to process what you told him. I am sure you were on his mind the whole time and now that he is safe he probably won’t think of anything but getting back to you.”

“How did this happen, Jodes? How did he become so important so fast?” I really think I am going crazy. This shouldn’t matter so much.

“Lisa, you’ve always been in love with him. He is the only one you’ve ever given your heart to and vibes the two of you give off when you’re together makes me jealous and I’ve been with John for years. We love each other but it isn’t anything like you and Bobby. We all feel the bond you have. Why do you think Brad gets so upset? He knows there is no way to compete. It’s like the two of you were made for each other.”

“But it’s not meant to hurt this much is it?” There is a piece of me missing.

“I think with great love there is also great pain. Sort of like Ying and Yang. You can’t have one without the other. When you’re together everything is perfect but when you’re apart you feel incomplete. I saw it the first time he left, it was like he took a piece of you with him and even though you went on with your life I haven’t seen you look like yourself until you walked through that door with his hands on you. You finally looked like the Lisa I knew growing up. It was amazing the change in your face and even the way you stood. It was like you were more sure of yourself, like you could handle anything. That is what he gives you, strength and stability. I think you give that to him too.” She strokes my hair. “You two will work it out. I know this because I can see the two of you can’t really live without one another.”

I do feel incomplete. Is he the only one that can make me whole? God I need him, I know that but it’s scary. The idea that in just over two weeks he has become so important that I need him to live. No, that’s not right. What was it that Jodi said? I haven’t been the same since he left the first time. Is she right? I don’t remember the girl I was before Bobby. Did we affect each other this way before? When you’re that young all the feelings feel more pronounced, was what I attributed to first love really finding my soul mate? At the age of sixteen? Maybe we are pre-destined. Every other man has left me wanting. I’ve never loved anyone else. I felt for them deeply and cared what happened to them but none of them ever pulled me like Bobby does.

Jodi gets up. “Let’s go get something to eat. You know he is okay now. Just hold onto that. The rest you can’t do anything about until he gets back. I promise it will be okay, you’ll see.”

“Alright, just let me go to the bathroom and change. I want to get comfortable,” I make my way to my room. Jodi’s right. I need to focus on the fact that he is safe. I will deal with the rest on Sunday when I know when he will be home. Arthur said he would know more then.

I decide to take a quick shower then change into old jeans and a t-shirt. When I get back out to the living room John is there. “So where do you want to eat?” he asks. I really love John. He is such a calming influence on everyone. When you’re with him he instinctively knows just what you need. Jodi is a lucky girl. I will have to remember to tell her later that I’m a little jealous of her too.

“How about Chinese. We haven’t had that in a while.” I go up to him and hug him. “Thank you for being such a great friend,” I tell him.

He hugs me back. “Always, you mean the world to both of us you know. And everything will work out, don’t worry,” when he says it I can almost believe it.

“Moving in on my man?” Jodi says behind me, “I don’t share you know.”

I laugh for the first time in a week. “Oh come on, just for tonight? Haven’t you ever wanted a threesome?” John blushes, oh that is cute.

Jodi starts to play along. “That could be fun.” She comes over and hugs him from behind. “What do you say, baby? Want to play with both of us?” John sputters and Jodi and I laugh. I move my hand up his chest and I feel Jodi moving her hand up his thigh.

John puts his hands up and steps to the side. “You girls are evil.” He is as red as lobster. “We are going to China House and both of you will keep your hands to yourselves.”

We laugh and hug each other. “Well we could just give you a show,” I say kissing Jodi’s neck.

John stares at us like we’ve lost our minds. He is so cute when he’s uncomfortable. God I needed this just a little fun and John is the easiest target. Jodi grabs my hand and starts to lead me to the door. “Let’s go, we can make out in the back seat while he drives.”

John follows behind. “How am I going to drive with my eyes closed?” Which makes us laugh again.

I have the best friends! I will get through this with their help and hopefully everything will work out.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Saturday was not as hard as I thought it would be. I did cook up a storm. We now have extra sauce in the freezer along with a lasagna, stuffed shells and manicotti. We had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and Brad came over to share. We watched The Hangover two and laughed at the situations the guys got themselves into again. Not as good as the first one but still funny. I fell asleep leaning on Brad and slept better than I had since Bobby left.

It’s a little after five and both Brad and Arthur should be here soon. I actually hope Arthur shows up before Brad. I want to talk to him and I don’t think he will be as forthcoming if Brad is with me. I need to know what he has found out. When will Bobby be home? Has he asked about me? I was so hoping that since the mission was over he would call me or at least a text. There was nothing though and I tried not to read into that.

I am dressed in skinny jeans and a blue button down shirt with cowboy boots. I think about braiding my hair but I think that would be overkill, trying to look a little too much country. I ask Jodi what she thinks.

“You would look cute with two braids,” she says with a smirk. “A real hick.”

“Yeah, too much, I get it,” knowing she is just fooling with me. “You sure you don’t want to come? He is really cute and the seats are awesome.”

“You know I don’t listen to that shit,” she says. “Yeah he is cute but still too twangy for me. I still can’t believe you came home from the south liking country music.”

“Well you do realize that sixty percent of radio stations down there play it. It is hard to avoid and there are some really good artists. I still listen to rock and alterative you know. I just expanded my tastes.” I stick my tongue out at her. “You should try it some time.”

“I will stick to my top forty and rock listening thank you very much.” She turns away from me. “When are you leaving?”

“I told Brad I wanted to leave by six so we could catch the opening act,” I tell her.

“Do you want to eat before you go? I am making myself a meatball sandwich I can make one for you too.” She moves into the kitchen.

“That sounds good.” I follow her. “I’ve decided I am going to start looking for an apartment. You and John need your space and I hate the commute. I think it’s time.”

“Well I think you need to wait until you figure out what is happening with you and Bobby. Who knows maybe you’ll move in with him.” She smiles at me.

I can’t think like that yet but maybe she is right and I should wait to see what happens. If Bobby and I don’t work it out I will need her support but listening to her and John at night has gotten uncomfortable and it just reminds me what I’m missing. “It’s not like I will find something right away. I am just going to start looking. I will have Allison get me a rental agent on Monday and see what is available. I hate imposing on you.”

“You aren’t imposing. We both love having you here and will miss you when you do find something. We won’t see you as much. Maybe you could come stay on the weekends?” she asks.

“I would love to come out for the weekends.” I move to hug her. “I will miss you too but with all the new work I really do need to live closer and I have three events coming up in the next two weeks to go to. I can’t see myself driving back out here at midnight getting home at almost two just to turn around and go back in at seven-thirty the next morning. It will be too much and you know how much hotels in the city cost. I will probably have to do it a couple times when it is a weekday thing but that will get expensive after a while. Not that the rent will be much better. I am probably looking at three-thousand a month.”

She whistles. “You know you could get a house out here for that.”

“But I would still have the commute and I don’t want to burn myself out. I love what I do most of the time but if I wear myself down I will start to resent it and I don’t want to do that,” I tell her. It is the truth, I am really tired but I think most of it is due to the fact that I haven’t been sleeping much at all.

She hands me a sandwich and we sit at the table. “Just don’t rush into anything. You are always welcome here.”

I take a bite of the sandwich. I don’t feel like I’m rushing. I just feel so out of place and I know that most of it is the question of what is going to happen with Bobby. When is Arthur getting here? I need to know when he will be back! I can’t live without knowing anymore. I put the sandwich down and get up. I go to the front window shouldn’t he be here by now?

Jodi follows me out. “You’ll know something soon. Come finish your sandwich and relax.”

“I’m not hungry anymore.” I just want to see the car pull up.

“Standing there looking out the window is not going to make him get here any faster. You need to eat,” as she is saying it Brad pulls up. Damn why did he have to get here first?

I watch him walk up and go to open the door for him. “Hey stranger, ready to get your hick on?”

“I listened to the album you sent me and he’s not half bad.” He walks in and kisses my cheek. “Do I smell food? I didn’t know if you were planning to eat there so I haven’t had anything yet.”

“Well I will share my meatball sandwich with you.” I take his arm. “I’m not really hungry at the moment.”

“You okay?” he asks as we walk into the kitchen.

“I’m fine just not hungry, excited about the concert.” We sit and I hand him the sandwich.

“Don’t let her lie to you,” Jodi says, “She’s crawling out of her skin waiting for Arthur to show up and give her more information.”

Frowning at her I say, “I’m not crawling out of my skin. I just need to know when Bobby is getting home. Is it too much to ask?”

Brad puts his hand on my back. “He’s safe, Lisa. He is coming home and you just need to be a little patient.”

Yeah as my mother always tells me, I skipped the patience line. Waiting has never been a strong suit of mine. “I know he’s safe but I need to see him.” Why doesn’t anyone get this? My life is on hold until I see him and talk to him and hopefully hold him. I need to hold him.

I get up again, I can’t sit still. I walk back into the living room just as Arthur pulls up. I run out the door and get to the car just as he puts it in park. I am rocking on my heels waiting for him to get out. “When will he be home?” I ask as he opens the door.

He smiles at me. “Calm down, you look like you’re ready to take off. The guys are leaving Germany tomorrow morning. They’ll be home by the time you get out of work.”

Tomorrow, he’ll be home tomorrow. Thank God. “Have you talked to him?” I need to know.

“Yes, I talked to him today. He is fine, he can’t wait to get home,” he says. That isn’t really what I want to know. I am too scared to ask what I really want to know. Did he ask about me? The words are stuck in my throat. “He did want me to tell you to plan on having dinner with him tomorrow.”

Dinner, is dinner good? I will see him tomorrow. Twenty-four hours I only have to wait twenty-four hours. Please let him still want me. “I thought you would be happy,” concern laces his words.

“I am happy but what if he’s still mad at me?” I ask.

“He’s been through hell this past week, believe me all he wants to do is spend time with you. You were the first thing he asked about when I talked to him.” He puts his hands on my arms, “He wants to see you.” He wants to see me, I want to hold him. God I have to get through a whole day of work. But he wants to see me. I need to see him.