Watching Amanda (17 page)

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Authors: Janelle Taylor

BOOK: Watching Amanda
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He nodded and grabbed his notebook. “I'd like to visit William's weekend lady friend later this morning, and then—”
Everything in her life was an
and then
. Before she could stop herself, Amanda burst into tears. It was all just too much. She stood there, in the middle of the living room, tears streaming down her face, grateful that Tommy was engaged by his touch-and-feel book, and completely uncaring that Ethan was staring at her.
He walked over to her, slowly, and held out his arms, and before her brain could tell her to turn around and run, she sank against him and let him hold her. Forcing his hand at showing a spark of emotion seemed more punishment than letting him off the hook of comforting her.
“My life is just getting a little overwhelming,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Sorry for turning into a basket case all of a sudden.”
“You're hardly a basket case, Amanda. In fact, you're one of the strongest women I've ever met.”
“I thought there were no people in your life,” she said before she could stop herself. She mentally kicked herself. Why had she said that? What had possessed her to follow up a compliment with a barb? “I'm sorry, Ethan.”
He lifted her chin with one finger. “Nothing to be sorry about. You were right to say it. And you
are
one of the strongest women I've ever met. What you're going through right now must be harrowing.”
“Well, at least I was taken away from it for a little while the other afternoon,” she said.
He looked into her eyes and then looked away. “Amanda, I'm sorry that I've been acting like it never happened. I know that's how it must seem.”
She nodded. “That's exactly how it seems.”
“I just can't—”
“Can't what, Ethan? Talk to me, please.”
“You're going through enough as it is, Amanda. I don't want you to get hurt even more.”
She felt her heart constrict in her chest. “What makes you so damned sure you're going to hurt me?”
“I know I will,” he said. “It's what I do.”
“Cryptic statements like that don't help, Ethan.”
“All I've ever done to anyone I've cared about is hurt them. So now I don't get personally involved.”
She looked at him. “I'd say we're personally involved.”
He stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets. “We had sex, Amanda.”
She felt as though she'd been slapped. “You're so cold.”
“At ten-thirty, you'll need to do your hour on the sofa,” he said. “After that—”
At the sound of someone clearing her throat, Ethan froze and Amanda whirled around. Clara Mott stood at the top of steps leading downstairs, a Swiffer dust mop in her hand. “I'm suddenly not feeling well. Would you mind if I let things go until next time? I'm feeling a bit faint.”
Amanda could barely find her voice. How the hell had both of them forgotten Clara was in the house? Olivia's and Ivy's mothers had thrown them for such a loop, as had Amanda's sudden tears and the awful conversation that followed that they'd completely forgotten about Clara.
Ethan recovered more quickly than Amanda. “Of course that's fine.”
The woman glanced at Amanda.
“It's absolutely fine, Clara,” Amanda seconded. “I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Please let us know if you need anything.”
Clara nodded, retrieved her coat from the hall closet, and left.
“Does it matter that she heard all of that?” Amanda asked him. “If she's the one who attacked me, did we give her anything?”
He shook his head. “I'm sure Clara is used to overhearing very private conversations. And anyway, she probably suspects we're lovers so nothing we said will make a difference. We'll just have to see what happens as far as she's concerned.”
“Wait to see what happens? Meaning?” She held up a hand. “Forget it. I know. We'll just have to wait and see if she tries to poison me with Drano or something, right?”
“Amanda, nothing will happen to you while I'm here,” he said. “I promise you that I will not take my eyes—any of my senses—off you for a second.”
But he already had. She closed her eyes and turned away from him, then picked up Tommy and headed upstairs where some time with her precious son would fill her heart again and remind her that she was whole before Ethan Black and that she would be whole after.
Hurt, but whole.
CHAPTER 18
At noon, Tommy all bundled up and sleeping in his stroller, Amanda and Ethan set out for their meeting with Lara O'Hara. Lara hadn't wanted to meet at her apartment, so they settled on a nearby Starbucks. Amanda only hoped that at least one of her father's girlfriends had truly cared about him—Lara's initial response to her had been very similar to Mimi Farthwell's.
“Amanda!”
Amanda whirled around at the familiar voice. Paul Swinwood was hurrying up the block toward her. She glanced at Ethan, who seemed suddenly very much on guard.
“Hello Paul,” she said.
“Amanda, I'm so glad I ran into you again. I was hoping you'd call, and when I didn't hear from you—” He hesitated, then glanced at Ethan. “Paul Swinwood. I'm Tommy's father.”
“Ethan Black.”
There were no extended hands.
Paul kneeled down beside Tommy's stroller and caressed his sleeping son's cheek. “Hey there big boy,” he whispered. “I have something for you the next time I see you. A really cool talking monkey.”
Amanda smiled. “I'm sure he'll love that.”
Paul glanced from Ethan to Amanda. “Well, I guess you're on your way somewhere.”
She felt a slight nudge at her back and realized Ethan was trying to tell her something. He wanted her to invite Paul over later, she knew. He wanted to observe, investigate.
How dare you?
she almost screamed at him.
This is my life! This is my son's father!
Tommy deserved to know his dad without Ethan thinking his father was trying to kill Amanda so he could—could what? What could Paul possibly gain by killing her? He wouldn't get custody of Tommy—or would he? Amanda realized she had no idea how that worked. She did have a will that named Jenny as guardian in the event of her death, but that was before Paul had suddenly reappeared in her life. Perhaps if the father of the child wanted custody, he would win hands down. And gain control of whatever assets the mother left behind.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
“Paul, if you're free for dinner tonight, please consider yourself invited to join me and Ethan and Tommy at my place.” At the mention of Ethan, Paul frowned, then recovered quickly. “My father passed away recently, and he left me his apartment in his will, and Ethan was retained by the estate to ensure that everything connected to the will goes smoothly.”
“I see,” Paul said, glancing at Ethan. He turned to Amanda. “I'm so sorry about your father. I didn't know. What time should I come over?”
“How about seven?” Amanda suggested. “Tommy's bedtime is seven-thirty, so that'll give you a good half hour with him before we sit down to dinner.”
“Sounds good,” Paul said. “Thanks for the invitation, Amanda. I really appreciate it. I'll see you at seven. Nice to meet you, Ethan,” he added with a nod before turning around and heading back down the block.
“Interesting that he didn't ask for the address, don't you think?” Ethan whispered.
Amanda's stomach sank. It was, after all, the second time she had just “run into him” on the street. “Paul,” Amanda called after him, “I forgot to give you the address!”
He turned around. “I've got it. I saw you come down the steps of the second brownstone,” he said, pointing at the house he was practically in front of now. “This one, right? I just assumed.”
“Yes, that's the one,” Amanda called, brushing aside her concerns. “See you at seven.”
He smiled and then disappeared around the corner.
“He saw us leaving,” Amanda said as she and Ethan resumed walking. “That's why he didn't need to ask for my address.”
“Or he's smart and covered his ass,” Ethan said.
Amanda took a deep breath.
 
Lara O'Hara was yet another tall, thin regal-looking woman. She was also married.
“Don't look so shocked,” Lara said, as she handed a wallet-sized wedding photo, perhaps taken ten years ago, to Ethan and Amanda. “Affairs are the spice of a comfortable marriage.”
Ethan kept his mouth shut. He glanced at the photo of a younger-looking Lara in her wedding dress, stuffing a piece of cake into the mouth of her groom, a large man around her age.
“I can't get over how cute your son is,” Lara commented as she poured two packets of sugar into her tea. “He looks just like you,” she added to Ethan. “Despite his blond hair. It's the eyes and the expression. And around the mouth. Yes, he definitely has your chin.”
Ethan almost spat out his coffee. “I'm not his father.”
Lara's cheeks pinkened. “Oh! Well, he still looks like you.”
“Lara,” Amanda said, her expression tight, “I hope you don't mind my asking personal questions about my father, but we weren't very close and I'm trying to understand him a bit better now that he's gone. Does that make sense?”
“Oh absolutely,” she said. “Your father wanted to do that too.”
“Do what?” Amanda asked.
“Get to know you better. You and your sisters,” she added. “William—your father—he talked about you girls all the time.”
Amanda glanced at Ethan, her face softer now. “He did? Really? What kinds of things he did say?”
“Well, mostly that he regretted not being there for you all,” Lara said. “He used to shake his head and say he was a selfish person and even worse than selfish because he didn't want to change, didn't want to deal with all the stuff involved in being a parent. I used to tell him the rewards and the highs were so worth the lows—the chicken pox, the backtalk, the sleep deprivation, the disappointments, the whatever—but he said he'd rather just enjoy himself, devote his life to his corporation, enjoy a nice meal, his friends, girlfriends.”
Amanda seemed deflated. “That does sound selfish. He did father children, for God's sake!”
Ethan gently touched Amanda's hand, and she glanced up at him. She was hurting, and right then he was so compelled to comfort her, to take her into his arms and tell her he knew it stunk, but that she had other love in her life. She had good friends, clearly, and a baby who adored her.
A man in her life who made love to her and then slammed a door in her face.
Selfish ...
Ethan sipped his coffee and forced his attention back to Lara. The woman was as gentle and as sweet-natured as they came. He highly doubted there was evil lurking inside her. She might be cheating on her husband, but it didn't seem to have anything to do with William's money. They'd met at some kind of benefit, hit it off, and began a weekend affair since her husband was so often away on business.
“Lara, if you don't mind my asking,” Amanda said, “Did my father leave you anything in his will?”
“Not a thing. When he told me he was drafting a new one, I told him not to include me,” she added. “First of all, I'm rich in my own right. Second of all, all I wanted was his company. A memento or a wad of cash can't replace what I lost. I truly adored your father.”
Amanda seemed to let that all sink in. “May I ask why? I don't mean that in any sarcastic way. I really want to know. What made you love him?”
Lara sipped her tea and then broke off a piece of her scone and nibbled it. “His honesty. That's it. My husband's a liar. Lies right to my face so effortlessly I'm not even sure he knows he's lying. But William never lied. He told it to you straight. If he said he couldn't make our date because he had to be out of town on business, I knew it was the truth.”
“How?” Amanda asked. “How did you know?”
“Because he told me things I didn't want to hear. Early on he said he couldn't make our date because he'd met another woman and wanted to take her out that night. Another time he said I annoyed him the last time and so he wanted to take a little break.”
Ethan raised an eyebrow. “That doesn't sound very loveable, Lara.”
“But it's honest. William was also brilliant, funny, a terrific listener, and could fix anything around the house, unlike my husband, who couldn't change a lightbulb.”
Fix anything around the house ...
Nick Marrow's face popped into Ethan's mind. He wondered how the boy was doing, if his dad had come around about the toaster.
Tommy began fussing in his stroller, and even a bite of Amanda's corn muffin didn't interest him. He wanted to leave, Ethan thought. And from Amanda's expression, so did his mom.
“Lara, thanks so much for meeting with us. We'd better get going.”
Amanda clearly had been lost in thought. She started and turned to Lara. “Yes, thank you, Lara. I do feel like I've learned a lot, even if it wasn't quite what I wanted to hear.”
A few minutes later, Lara was gone, and Ethan and Amanda stood outside of Starbucks in order to regroup.
Ethan downed the rest of his coffee, which he had taken with him. “Well, at least we can cross her off our list.”
Amanda twirled her hair in her fingers. “It's so odd—I keep expecting someone to tell me that my father was this wonderful person and I get so disappointed when I keep hearing negatives. But I already know he wasn't a wonderful person. He fathered three children and then pretended we didn't exist.”
“Amanda, your ambivalence makes perfect sense. Your father is supposed to be your hero. You're preprogrammed to love him. And it's supposed to be your birthright that he loves you. Family can be very complicated sometimes.”
She glanced up him, and he could tell he'd said the right thing—for once.

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