Watching Over You (19 page)

Over the next week, Charley and Aaron saw each other most evenings. Ella kept her distance and Charley didn’t see Sabrina visiting again. The following weekend was spent mostly at Aaron’s house so on Sunday evening, Charley cooked him a meal at her flat. Afterwards, they sat together on the settee.

‘Want a cuppa?’ she asked after a while.

‘Hmm?’ Aaron didn’t take his eyes from the football match he was watching on the television.

Charley stood up. Still he watched the screen. She laughed.

He looked at her then. ‘What?’ he said eventually.

‘We’ve only been dating for a fortnight and already we’re like an old married couple.’

‘We’ll be visiting IKEA soon, then.’ Aaron grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap. ‘It’s called contentment.’

‘It’s called football fanatic.’ She pushed him away playfully. ‘Tea or coffee?’

‘Coffee, please.’ Aaron sat forward and raised his hand in the air. ‘Aw, come on! Did you see that? The ref must be blind – he was definitely offside.’

Charley smirked and went through to the kitchen. Despite the football match taking his attention, she did feel content. She reckoned it was a good sign that they felt so comfortable together already.

As she filled the kettle with water, she noticed the outside light glaring across Ella’s garden. It was still on once she’d made the drinks so she stepped outside to investigate. In the quiet of the evening, she could hear crying from Ella’s garden. She waited for a moment, unsure whether to let her know she was there or not. But as she heard another sob, she couldn’t help but open the side gate.

‘Ella?’

She was sitting on the doorstep, arms wrapped tightly around her knees. She looked like she was trying to make herself seem smaller.

‘Yes, s-me.’

‘Are you okay?’

Ella shook her head.

‘Would you rather I left you alone?’

‘No.’

Charley sat down next to her on the step. Ella’s cheeks were wet with tears. From the smell of her breath, it was clear she’d been drinking.

‘What am I going to do, Charley?’ she said. ‘My life – it’s so fucked up.’

‘I bet it isn’t,’ Charley spoke softly to her. ‘We all mess up but it’s how we choose to handle things afterwards that builds
character
.’

‘Then I have no character because I’ve messed up all my life.’

‘I bet you haven’t,’ she soothed, although inwardly she’d begun to wonder.

Ella snorted. ‘You don’t know the half of it. I don’t know why
I car
e about it, really – no one cares about me.

‘Of course they do!’

‘They don’t.’ Ella shook her head vehemently. ‘I wish I could get so drunk that I’d pass out and forget everything. And I don’t want to keep going out to…’ She paused.

There was silence for a moment.

Charley couldn’t help but pity her. Here she was spending an evening laughing and joking with Aaron and here was Ella, lonely and turning to drink for a companion.

‘I don’t mean to pry,’ she said, ‘but haven’t you any friends that you can visit, or maybe family? I bet if they knew you were so unhappy, they’d want to help.’

‘I haven’t got any family, or friends. No one can help me anyway. I’m beyond help, apparently.’

‘Who told you that?’

‘Lots of people.’ Ella pointed to her temple. ‘I have mental scars that will never heal. No matter what I do to myself, or what other people do to me, I’m fucked up anyway.’

‘Maybe there’s someone I can get to –’

‘She’s coming back to get me.’ Ella began to cry. ‘And there’s nothing I can do to stop her.’

‘Who’s coming back?’

‘She is – she takes over my life, my head! I have to do what she says and I don’t like it. She scares me, Charley. I don’t even like her.’

‘Who scares you?’ Charley leaned closer. ‘Ella, has someone hurt you?’

‘No.’

‘Then what?’

‘It’s her! I just told you! She messes with my head and makes me do things. I don’t want to do what she says. I want to be normal and have friends and a boyfriend like you have Aaron and I want a house like you used to have and I want another baby and I want to be in love and –’

‘Everything all right out here?’ Aaron appeared in the
gateway
.

‘What the fuck does he want?’ Ella muttered.

‘Ella!’ Charley admonished.

‘Well, everything was good until he showed up.’

‘That’s not a nice –’

‘Leave me alone!’ Ella stood up and went inside. ‘Mind your own business, both of you.’

Charley shouted after her but Ella shut the door. With a shrug, she turned to Aaron.

‘What was all that about?’ he asked as she drew level with him.

‘I’m not sure.’ Once back in her own garden area, Charley closed the gate behind them. ‘She’s so manic,’ she went on. ‘One minute she’s smiling and laughing; the next she’s having a go with the sharpest of tongues. I don’t think I’ll ever understand her. I’m sure she’s just said something about a baby too.’

‘A baby?’ Aaron looked perplexed. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Well, yes, I’m sure, but she’s never mentioned anything before.’

‘Perhaps she doesn’t want you to know about it. Or perhaps it isn’t true?’

‘Perhaps.’ But Charley wasn’t convinced. Wasn’t she already questioning Ella’s constant attention seeking? Maybe it was another cry for help, letting her know a little more of her background.

‘She’ll be fine,’ Aaron said soothingly. ‘I doubt she’ll remember any of it in the morning.’

‘I know, but –’

Aaron took hold of her hand. ‘If you’re that worried about her, talk to her when she’s sober and see if you can help.’ He pulled her towards the door. ‘Come back inside.’

‘So you don’t miss any of the match, you mean?’

‘Don’t be daft,’ Aaron grinned. ‘It’s half time.’

Charley looked up as a light went on in Ella’s kitchen, heard water gushing from a tap. She hoped she was making black coffee to clear her head. Charley knew the drinking was a coping mechanism; she’d seen it so many times in her job. And if she was going to figure out if Ella needed help, she had to know some of what she was dealing with first. Even if she couldn’t do anything for her, maybe she could signpost Ella towards someone or some agency that could. She was a sweet person when she was happy. It was a shame that she couldn’t be like that more of the time.

She wondered what had happened to make her drink so much again, and why she had to be so rude to Aaron all the time. For some reason, she seemed threatened by his maleness.

What was her background? Was she one of the lonely souls who lived forgotten after a traumatic childhood, trying to get through their lives, pushing the right people away, clinging on to the wrong people for affection? Or maybe Ella was a manic depressive, her mood swings a constant. It didn’t all stack up yet. Charley hated it when she didn’t have answers to all her questions.

Aaron’s hand slipped inside her top and she tingled at his touch on her skin. He drew her into his arms and kissed her passionately, leaving her breathless. She pressed herself into him, not wanting to end the embrace. God, she couldn’t get enough of hi
m – hi
s scent, his taste, his touch.

Yet, as they went back inside afterwards, her thoughts quickly returned to Ella. It wasn’t pleasant to see her so unhappy, especially because she knew exactly how lonely she’d be.

Charley had only recently got rid of that feeling herself.

Chapter Twenty

Charley grinned when she heard her phone beep the next morning. Aaron hadn’t left until two a.m. She hadn’t wanted him to go last night, nor did she suspect that he’d been too eager to leave, but it didn’t seem right yet to spend every night together. Taking it slowly was good for her, even though her heart wanted to rule her head. Or was that still lust…She knew the dizzy feelings wouldn’t last forever.

But the message wasn’t from Aaron: it was from Ella.

‘You were with him again last night. You should have been there for me. I needed someone to talk to.’

Charley sighed. She wasn’t going to reply to that; Ella was most probably still drunk from the night before. If she ignored it, maybe Ella wouldn’t even recall sending it.

She got up, went about getting ready for work, and the phone beeped again, then again a few seconds later. Then as she buttered her toast, another message came through, and another. In exasperation, she picked up her phone.

Ella:
‘Can I see you tonight?’

Ella:
‘You’ll probably be going out with him, won’t you?’

Ella:
‘Come out with me instead.’

Ella:
‘You needed me until he came along.’

Charley read them one by one and then scrolled through them all again. She sighed. Ella must be feeling really low to send such messages. But, drunk or sober, there was hardly any need for the accusatory tone. Charley decided she might ask her about them when she next saw her, see if she couldn’t get to the bottom of things.

When another message came through as she was leaving, she thought for a moment about ignoring it. But luckily when she looked, this time it was from Aaron. She smiled as she read it, feeling herself blush at its bluntness. God, that man really had changed her life for the better already!

Upstairs, Ella was pacing the living room.

‘Answer me, you bitch. Answer me!’ She checked her mobile phone for the umpteenth time but no messages had been received. She threw it down onto the settee. Then she walked the room again, picked up the phone, and repeated the procedure.

Damn that woman – why wasn’t she good enough to be her friend? She should want to spend time with her too, surely? It wasn’t right that she would ignore her; she wouldn’t let her either.

She was about to check her phone again when she heard the entrance door open downstairs, close again moments afterwards. Racing to the window, she was in time to see Charley walk towards her car and sling her bag onto the back seat before getting in. She waited until the car was out of sight. Then she picked up her phone again and sent another text message.

‘
Why won’t you reply?’

And then another.
‘What’s wrong?’

The final one: ‘
Why are you ignoring me?’

It was two thirty on Tuesday afternoon. Drunk, Ella sat sobbing,
knocking back more alcohol as she tried to blot out her non-
existent
life. She was losing control again, she could tell; knew this obsession with sex was tearing her apart. But wanting to kick the habit of sleeping around and doing it was another thing entirely. All she longed for every day was the release it brought. It was as if with every orgasm, every coupling, a piece of the bad inside her was released too, but it didn’t last long. Soon, she’d be feeling like shit again and the circle continued.

She wondered whether to seek help from her social worker, maybe go back to the group counselling sessions. She hadn’t seen Tanya Smith for a few months now, not since she’d shown her the notebook she’d written in. She’d been scared to go back in case Tanya was tempted to lock her up. Section her and put her into a mental institution; say she was losing her mind. Ella was certain that she wouldn’t find her anyway. She didn’t know she was living in Warwick Avenue. She’d go to the wrong address, if she was still after her.

She knocked back another mouthful of vodka straight from the bottle, wishing there was someone she could trust enough to tell her secret. Someone who would encourage her to get help and then guide her so she could get better – not the likes of Tanya or that stupid sex therapist she’d seen in the past. Someone who would be there for her all the time and not just when she had an
appointment
.

Someone close to her that she could call on to chat to when the urge to get used struck her.

Someone as close to her as Charley.

Yeah, as if that’s going to happen.

‘I KNOW!’ Ella screamed.

Charley had kept her distance since she’d caught her crying in the garden on Sunday evening. Since then, Ella had gone further and further into a spiral of chaos. All of the text messages she’d sent had gone unanswered and that riled her – along with Aaron invading the space that should have been hers.

There had been a bit of light entertainment between her periods of drunkenness. Ella had seen Sabrina again last night. It had been fun – she’d made her laugh as much as she’d made her com
e –
but that was all it would ever be. The young woman seemed a little smitten with her. Sweet Sabrina would be good for her. But Ella didn’t want good: she wanted bad and nasty.

October was upon them, the nights creeping in, the recent Indian summer forgotten. The week was turning out to be a washout so far but although the sky was grey and rain splashed at the window, it was still warm enough for her to lie naked and uncovered on the settee, fingers idly stroking her skin as she fantasised about Charley. It would have been fun if she could have orchestrated it for real. But it wouldn’t happen now that she was keeping her distance.

Charley was pulling away – and all because of that bastard, Aaron. If he hadn’t come along when he did, she and Charley would be great friends by now. It was more his fault than hers. If Ella ever had the chance to harm him, she would hurt him as much as he had wounded her by taking Charley away.

Frenzied by alcohol and bad thoughts, she slipped downstairs. It took a few times before she could see clearly enough to put the key in the lock but finally she managed to get inside Charley’s flat. She headed for the living room, noticing different things along with familiar objects. There was a pile of paperwork on the desk this time, with several manila folders. She flicked one open, saw notes about someone called Margaret Owen who’d been sexually assaulted by her partner. Ella wished she hadn’t drunk so much now or she would have read them all.

Trying to read, she brought the paper nearer to her face. The address looked familiar – Uttoxeter Road, Meir. Of course, she realised. It was where she had followed Charley to when she was out visiting, where Charley had touched the woman’s arm to comfort her.

Feeling drowsy, she dropped onto a settee and thought about what Charley and Aaron must have got up to in this room. Had
he fu
cked her at the desk, or shagged her on the carpet in front of the fire? Had they screwed on this very sofa? It made her feel aroused again. She dropped the empty bottle to the floor, touching herself to orgasm, imagining them both with her.

Satisfied afterwards, she congratulated herself. This was
fantastic
– why hadn’t she thought of it before? She could come
down here, see them in her mind everywhere in this flat, touch herself standing in the exact same spot and come over and over again. Not even have to leave the house. It was perfect and so fucking rude.

Her eyelids fluttered closed as she slipped back into her
fantasy
. Moments later she was asleep.

Jean couldn’t believe Ella was in Charley’s flat again. What was wrong with that woman? She had hoped it would be a phase of Ella’s, that once she’d got to know Charley she wouldn’t feel the need to snoop around. She knew there was nothing she could do about it but it made her sad. It was one thing to do as Jean did, stare out of the window all day every day, but it was another thing entirely to be in someone’s home when they didn’t know about it. She didn’t invade anyone’s privacy, go through their belongings, and search through personal possessions. Jean couldn’t imagine that Charley would be too excited about it if she did find out any time soon. It was deceitful.

She heard the door go downstairs.

‘It’s only me, Jean!’ Ruby shouted up to her. ‘Wait a couple of minutes and you’ll smell something nice that I’ve bought you.’

Jean smiled. On her last visit, Ruby had said she’d call in at the chip shop the next time she was due. Knowing she would keep her word, Jean had been looking forward to it all day. So too, she imagined, would Tom if he knew what leftovers he could expect. He was curled up on her lap; she stroked the top of his head.

‘Fish for tea, Tom,’ she told him. ‘Far more important than looking out of the window.’

She noted down Ruby’s arrival time and closed the notebook. That one completed, she took out another from the cabinet by her side, excited about starting a new first page all over again. With all Ella’s comings and goings lately, she’d used up the last notebook much quicker than usual.

Ruby placed the tray on her lap, her eyes scanning the room. ‘Where is it?’

‘I haven’t the faintest idea.’ Jean looked on in amusement.

Ruby pushed her hair behind her ear and pouted. ‘It’s called a Lifeline system for a reason.’ She spotted what she was looking for and went to retrieve it. Jean had a cordless telephone and a pendant which were attached to a twenty-four-hour call-out system, so if anything happened to her, help would be at hand. It allowed Jean to be independent. The emergency pendant hung by a cord over the corner of the headboard. But the phone was nowhere to be seen.

‘What’s the point of having this if you don’t wear it – or at least keep your phone nearby in case you fall?’

‘Consider me told off,’ Jean said, as she placed the pendant around her neck. She knew she’d remove it as soon as Ruby had gone; she didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.

‘Right, then,’ Ruby reached over and pinched a chip. ‘I’ll find your phone and whether you like it or not, at least I’ll feel better knowing that someone is looking out for you!’