West Seattle Blues (23 page)

All the time the incident with Carson had stayed at the front of my mind. I’d look out the window now and then, just checking. Just wanting to be sure. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t about to stop until Nick was off the streets. And the cops didn’t seem to be doing much of a job of it. Somehow, he had to go. Gone from my life but not dead. There was no need to go that far.

Dinner was ready at six, not long after Dustin arrived home.

“Everything okay?” That was the first thing he asked.

“One stupid interview and pretty quiet apart from that,” I told him as he kissed me. “Get yourself ready to eat.”

The meal was hearty. It took me back to a time when things were straightforward. For a moment I imagined I could hear my dad’s voice asking me to pass the gravy. It felt like a small oasis of contentment in a time that was quickly spinning out of my control.

After Ian was settled for the night, we wrapped the presents we’d bought for his birthday. He was a whole year old tomorrow. That just didn’t seem possible. Three hundred and sixty-five days with him already? He’d changed my life and I loved him for it. We’d spent too much, of course: big trucks and cars with doors that opened and loads that tipped out. The kind of things he loved. Dustin’s parents had sent a package containing four wrapped items and the biggest birthday card I’d ever seen. I put everything in the middle of the floor for him to discover in the morning. A year. A whole year.

When the two of us finally settled on the couch, I told Dustin about Carson’s call.

“Why didn’t you say something about it before?”

“Because I thought we’d have some peace while we ate.” I sighed. “I’m tired of talking about Nick, tired of thinking about him.”

“He hasn’t been around here again?” His voice was dark.

“No. It was all Carson this time.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go to this show tomorrow.”

I knew what he meant. But I’d written about Carson, I’d heard some of what he was going to do and I wanted more. I wasn’t going to be made a prisoner by Nick. I felt involved with Carson, I wanted him to succeed, and for me to be there to cheer him on. But with Nick still on the loose, we couldn’t leave Ian with a sitter. I simply couldn’t take the risk. If he wanted to get to me then through Ian was the perfect way. He’d know that. He had enough cunning. Carson would understand, and there’d be other chances to see him play. Besides, I told myself, I’d probably be exhausted after we’d celebrated the birthday.

Dustin frowned and sat forward, placing his hands on his knees. He looked at me intently, pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek before sitting upright again. Then he took a deep breath. “Look, I’ve got an idea. How about this? I know you really want to see that show. Why don’t you go and I’ll stay here. Take the cell phone with you so we can keep in touch if there’s a problem.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he answered. “Really. I’ll be here, so Ian will be safe. You’ll feel better and you can have a good time.” Dustin smiled. “And we save on a sitter, too. Besides,” he added, “there’s something else I didn’t say earlier.”

“What?”

“The guy at Elliott Bay has come back to me with a package. Staying home will give me time to do some thinking.”

“How does it look?”

“The same money as before - but maybe a bonus if the store does well. Not as much as I’d make from the publisher. Full medical, 401k. It’s not bad.”

“If you want it, then do it,” I told him and he smiled.

“I’ll still have to do one last Montana trip. There’s no way I can get out of that.”

“Do you think you can put it off until…?” I didn’t need to say more.

“I can try. There’s only so much they can let slide, though. They want me to head out this coming Sunday.”

For Montana, and he’d be gone all week. Leave on a Sunday and return the following Saturday. The last time, Ian had only been a few months old and so I’d been able to cope without too many problems. This time around he’d run me ragged. But the dark shadow hanging over it all was Nick. I didn’t want Ian and me to be on our own for that long while the man was still out there. I’d figure something out, though. Maybe I’d tell May or Carla everything, and ask them to come stay here. We had a spare room. I grinned and put on a brave face.

“I’ll miss you when you go.” I dug him lightly in the ribs with my elbow. “No hitting on MSU girls when you’re there.”

“Scout’s honor.”

“You told me you were never a scout.”

“Imaginary scout’s honor.”

“I bet you never got any of those imaginary badges.”

“You want five bucks on that?”

“Imaginary money,” I told him.

He held out his arm. “See that? A whole sleeve of them. Pay up, lady.”

We started laughing. It was silly but after the last few days it was what I needed. The grimness evaporated.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted when you bought the car,” Dustin repeated. “I was being a jerk.”

“It’s okay. It’s over. We were both on edge.” I looked at him. “Are you sure you’re okay with me going to see Carson play?”

“I told you, it’s fine.”

“Next time he plays we’ll go along together,” I promised.

“You think something might happen for him?”

“I don’t know.” The music I thought should be huge somehow never was. It stayed out on the margins. Even Seattle, which had once been so wide open and welcoming to weirdness, seemed less tolerant as it had grown richer and more famous. If it wasn’t rock, it might as well not exist - except in
The Rocket
. “You’re absolutely sure you don’t mind?” I asked again, wanting to be certain.

We made slow love that night, starting with kissing and exploring there in the living room and finishing up in bed. We cuddled together when it was all over. Falling asleep in his arms gave me the same feeling I’d had back when we were dating – that lovely sense of being secure and desired.

Sixteen

I woke early, the way I did every single day now. Only 5:07. One year, one hour and forty-seven minutes earlier, I’d brought Ian into the world. First four hours of labor, of pure agony, then he’d come out and started screaming. Lungs like leather, the nurse said. Then she put him on my breast and my whole world had changed.

I checked on birthday boy and then I made coffee, watching the rest of the world come awake. Lights started to go on in houses and soon people left for work. Outside, the birds were singing and there was the promise of a sun breaking through the pale clouds. I stood out on the deck, relishing a smoke. A whole year? It seemed impossible. And there’d be all the other years to come. All the changes, all the adventures, all the sorrows and the joys.

Back inside, I booted up the computer, knowing I had a good thirty minutes before Dustin and Ian would wake. There was time to work on the Irish musician piece. With help from the
Trouser Press Guide
, I’d cranked out eight hundred words by the time I heard low moans growing louder from upstairs. I saved the document and went up to find my son waiting with a big grin on his face. I changed and dressed him, and by the time we reached the kitchen, Dustin was there, already showered, shaved and ready for work.

“Happy birthday,” he said, tickling Ian until he began to giggle. “Ellensburg and Wenatchee today,” he told me. “I’ll make sure I’m home early.” He gulped down his cup of coffee and kissed me.

“Drive safe,” I called after him, but by the then slider had closed and he was disappearing down the stairs to the backyard. We watched him drive off. “Right,” I told Ian, “you have a birthday to celebrate. Let’s go take a look, shall we?”

Breakfast was a long time coming. First we had to open every package and throw the wrapping paper around everywhere. Then we had open each toy and play with it for a few seconds before moving on to the next one. As the pile of presents grew, his eyes seemed to open wider. He kept looking up at me, beaming with joy, wondering just what was happening here, and I kept encouraging him. He was surrounded by paper, boxes and toys, the happiest little boy in the world as he gurgled and laughed.
God
, I thought,
don’t ever let me forget this. Please
.

Eventually I left him to play and made us both something to eat. He’d be too excited for much. Later there’d be cake and a candle- nothing nutritious, but for once I didn’t care. I wanted him to enjoy every waking moment of today.

Later, we drove down to QFC and picked up the cake I’d ordered. Chocolate, with ‘Happy 1
^st
Birthday Ian’ piped on the top in orange icing. A pack of Jell-O, birthday candles, cookies. There would only be three of us for this party, but who cared? Dustin and I would always remember it.

We’d just finished lunch and Ian was starting to flag, ready for his nap, when May arrived. Her hair was brushed to a high gloss, her makeup so subtle that it looked like a professional job. Even dressed down in
jeans and a ratty old Sonics sweatshirt, she looked as if she’d stepped out of an ad. I felt frumpy next to her in my baggy Levi’s and old plaid shirt with the holes in the elbows.

She scooped up Ian, kissing his hair and nose and singing ‘Happy Birthday’ in a glorious soprano, so loud that half the neighborhood could hear.

“Come on,” she said, and I followed her out to her car. “What’s that?” she asked Ian, pointing at the box in the back seat. “Do you know? I bet you don’t.”

She handed him back to me and wrestled the package out of the vehicle. It was half as big as her.

“My God, what have you bought him?”

“Just something.” She put her arms firmly around it and toted it into the house. I hadn’t told her it was Ian’s birthday. She’d obviously just remembered the date and noted it in her calendar. ‘From Auntie May.’ She cocked her head and looked at him. “Do you want to open it?”

Ian stared at the package while she took out a pocket knife and cut through the cardboard. Inside was a tiny pup tent, already assembled. While he watched, she attached a wide nylon tube, braced with hoops, to the entrance.

“Go on,” she encouraged him. “You can go inside.”

“That’s incredible,” I told her as he began to explore it, crawling around inside. I hadn’t seen anything like this at Toys ‘R’ Us.

“Everyone needs somewhere private - a place to hide from mom and dad.”

“Thank you,” I told her. I was staggered. “It must have cost you a fortune.”

She waved the comment away.

“It wasn’t that much. I had my brother order it wholesale.” I knew he owned a store of some kind down in San Francisco, and how she spoiled her nieces and nephews for birthdays and Christmas. And now Ian. “Are you going to see that country singer you wrote about?”

“Yeah,” I answered, watching a shape wriggle around happily inside the tent. “I think he could be pretty good.” I wasn’t about to tell her the problems with Nick. “Sure you don’t want to come? Some company would be good.”

“Can’t tonight. Maybe next time.”

“Decided anything about the
Weekly
job?”

Her eyes twinkled.

“Second interview’s tomorrow,” she said. “So keep your fingers crossed.”

“It’s yours,” I told her. “It’s got to be.” She knew music, wrote like a dream and she genuinely loved being out and about in the clubs. She seemed perfect for it.

“Let’s hope so.”

“What about the guy?”

Her mouth quivered mischievously.

“He asked me out and I said yes. Then five minutes before we were set to meet, I called and blew him out.”

“Thattagirl!” I told her.”You want a cup of coffee?”

“I got to get going. I just wanted to swing by with the present. Big party later?”

“Just us. But that’s fine.”

Ian reappeared, just his face with a huge smile at first, then the rest of him. May picked him up and kissed him, then lowered him back to the floor, watching him vanish into the tube again.

“He seems to like it.”

“It’s unbelievable.” It was, too.

“I have to go.”

We hugged and I thanked her again as she left. Good friends were hard to come by. Five minutes after she left, the phone rang. It was Monica from the library.

“It’s that little cutie’s birthday, isn’t it?” she asked.

“On the nose,” I said with a smile.

“Well, shoot, I was sure it was. But I can’t make it over to give him his present today.”

“You shouldn’t have-” I began.

“Not remembered the birthday of my favorite boy?” She made the idea sound unthinkable. “Listen, will you be around tomorrow? I finish at one. I can swing by then and we can take him to the park.”

“Sure.” I’d be glad to see her, and I knew Ian would be overjoyed.

“That’s settled,” Monica said. “You just make sure he has a good day.”

I looked over at him, surrounded by all the new toys like he was in hog heaven.

“Don’t you worry about that.”

Dustin arrived not long after four, smiling and glad to be home. Ian had been too excited to nap, moving from one toy to another and yet another. Dustin glanced at the tent, then turned to me with a question on his face.

“May,” I explained, and he smiled as he tickled his son.

“Where are we going to put it all?”