What Endures (29 page)

Then there was the awkwardness between them that she had willfully ignored all this time. Their newfound closeness was great, but there was a distance there too. She had just chosen to ignore that. How many times had she changed the subject when she felt things grow uncomfortable between them? And how often had she chosen to ignore the warnings that little voice inside her head had given her?

“Meg? You O.K.?”

“I just. . .” Her voice trailed off. Why would Jason lie though? She had never once pressured him about baseball. If he wanted to quit, she would have supported him. She racked her brain, trying to think back over the past months to see if she had somehow, in any way, unwittingly pressured him about baseball. But she honestly couldn’t think of any instances. If anything, she had been decidedly disinterested. So. . .why?

“I’m sure there’s some kind of reason or explanation.”

Her mind was still racing.  “I mean if he wanted to quit why would he-“ She stopped abruptly as another piece of the puzzle slammed into place. “PT. He’s at PT. Why would he go if he-“ Again she stopped, looking at Tyler before she grabbed her purse and dug through it for her cell phone.

“Megan?” Tyler asked her, confused.

She held up a hand to quiet him as she listened to the line ringing on the other end.  When it connected, she forced herself to sound calm and pleasant when she spoke. “Hi, good morning. This is Megan Williams. I was wondering if you could page Jason Kincaid for me please? He’s in PT with Nolan. I’m sorry to bother you about this but he’s not picking up his cell phone and it’s kind of an emergency.”

“Could you hold a moment please?” asked the voice. So many things were racing through her head in that instant that it took all her energy to focus on the phone call. After what seemed an eternity, the friendly voice at the other end of the line returned. “Ms. Williams? I’m sorry, I think there might be a mix-up. Mr. Kincaid has checked out of our facility.”

She had been expecting the answer, and yet when it came, it still surprised her. “I-I’m sorry? Checked out?”

“Yes. Last week. He’s no longer in PT. At least not with us.”

“I see,” she murmured.

“Is there anything else that I could possibly help you with?”

“No, no, thank you,” she answered before she terminated the call. She looked over at Tyler who was looking at her in concern.

“Megan, I’m sure-“

She didn’t hear the rest of what Tyler said. She already knew from the moment the pieces in her head had started to fall into place that there was only one thing she needed to do.

Find Jason.

#

It was interesting.

How many emotions you could go through on any given day. And how quickly you could go through them. Or how one emotion could supplant another in the blink of an eye.

Worry. Anger. Fear. Hurt.

It was all whirling inside her as she pulled up to the beach house, several hours after she had rushed out of
Jolt
. Several long hours. It should have occurred to her that Jason wouldn’t be at the beach house. He quit PT last week and since then, he had disappeared to who-knows-where for several hours each morning, so the odds of him actually coming back to the beach house early on the exact day that she had uncovered his charade would have been slim at best.

But still she had tried.

After that, she had driven around for a while, not looking for him but giving herself some time to think. And the time alone hadn’t really helped. If anything, it had jacked up her anxiety level even further. It gave her too much time to wonder and ponder and come up with less-than-pleasant reasons for why he would lie about baseball, and PT. And she had to wonder that if he had lied about those things, what else was he lying about?

So to say that she was ‘in a state’ as she got out of her car would have been a gross understatement. She felt a rush of relief to see Jason’s car in the driveway. One of the many, many scenarios that had rushed through her head was that he had gotten into another accident.

Then she noticed another car parked in their long driveway and felt her emotion switch from relief to annoyance.

What is Bruce doing here?

She stopped and drew in a deep breath.
When it rains, it pours
, she thought wryly. Of all the days for Bruce to come visit, it just had to be today.
Of course
. She drew in another deep breath and headed inside.

She had barely opened the door when she heard the raised voices. She involuntarily winced and her protective instinct kicked in. It usually did when Bruce was around either her or Jason. If anyone could raise your internal ‘fight or flee’ instinct, it was Bruce Kincaid.

“So it’s true?” asked Bruce, his voice loud and disbelieving.

“How do you even know this?” Jason countered, his voice matching his father’s in volume.

“I have my sources. I can’t believe this Jason!”

“You can’t?! I thought you were obsessed with baseball when I was a kid but my God! It’s even worse now. You have sources to keep track of me?”

“Don’t be so paranoid! And you honestly think you can make a life-altering decision like this without people finding out?”

“What people? No one knows yet! No one is supposed to know yet!”

“Well I do!” There was a brief pause before Bruce erupted anew. “You cannot be serious about this!”

“Well I am!” Jason’s voice was angrily defiant. Clearly she had walked in on an argument that had been brewing for some time. She quickly made her way toward the living room. She was halfway there when Jason’s next words stopped her in her tracks. “I’m quitting and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

So it was true. She hadn’t really doubted it but hearing Jason confirm it somehow made things worse. Again, the questions overwhelmed her.

No one said anything and she knew that she should have taken that opportunity to announce her presence. To stop standing there in the hallway, eavesdropping.  And yet, she seemed unable to move.

“Why?” Bruce’s voice had lowered significantly and he sounded almost resigned.

“Why does it matter?” Jason countered. “I want to quit.”

“That’s it?” Bruce’s voice began to rise again. “You woke up one day and decided to throw away your life? To throw away all the years you put into this? To just say ‘the hell with it’ to all your dreams?”

“What makes you think the Majors was my dream? Or my life?”

“What makes you think it wasn’t?” Bruce challenged. “You can’t remember can you? How do you know you didn’t change your mind later on? Come on, Jase. Sure, I pushed you-“

Jason scoffed loudly enough for her to hear it. “You did more than push Dad! And maybe it was my life, but it’s not anymore. Things change.”

“Things change?” Bruce repeated incredulously. “Jase, I get that you had a really traumatic experience. I understand that, more than you know. And I’ve tried really hard to give you time. Time and space so you can get better but this is. . . .I just can’t stand by anymore. What you’re doing is crazy! I’m not going to let you throw away everything you’ve worked for. Not like this. You’re recovering from a trauma. You need some time to-“

“I don’t need time! And I’m not discussing this with you! I’m not a kid anymore and yeah, maybe I’m messed up in the head or whatever but I can make my own decisions and that’s what I’m going to do.” There was a pause and when Jason spoke again, his voice had a mutinous edge to it. “I don’t care what you or anybody else thinks.”

“What about Megan?”

“What about Megan?” Jason spit back at his father, his voice sharp now.

“What does she think of this?” Jason started to say something but Bruce abruptly cut him off. “Is that what this about? Megan? Does she want you to quit? Is that why?”

“No! Just leave her out of this!”

But she had caught the shift in his voice. That and the way he seemed to deny it a little too quickly and with a little too much force. She frowned. She had never pressured him to quit baseball any more than she had pressured him to return to it. So what was going on?

Unfortunately, the only other person besides her who really understood Jason, who could ‘read’ him, was Bruce. And if she caught it, she was sure Bruce did as well. And sure enough,

“Is that it? She wants you to quit?”

“No!” She winced at the tone of Jason’s voice. “I told you, leave her out of this!” Jason, she knew, was very close to completely losing control. She knew she needed to stop this and began to head toward the living room again.

“This is unbelievable!” Bruce’s anger apparently matched his son’s. “I was afraid this was going to happen! I knew I shouldn’t have stepped back, but your mother insisted and I thought it would help you but this is-“

“Dad! Just stop!”

“Just because you’re trying to figure out your relationship with Megan again doesn’t mean you should do what she wants you to!”

“I told you! She has nothing to do with this!”

“The hell she doesn’t! You expect me to believe she has nothing to do with you wanting to quit baseball all of a sudden? She’s never supported you fully in that!”

She felt her anger rising at Bruce’s words. She already had enough to deal with and now she had to deal with Bruce and his unique brand of revisionist history? She finally reached the living room but neither of them was aware of her presence. Both were too caught up in their argument.

“What is it about her, huh?” Bruce continued. “I’ve never understood it! What does she have over you, huh? What? What is it about her that would make you want to give up the best thing in your life?”

“Dad!” Jason’s voice had a dangerous edge to it. She looked at him and could almost see the tension emanating from him. He was standing completely straight, his arms at his sides and his hands clenched into tight fists.

“I’ve been in love son! I understand it. You may think I don’t, but I do! I get it. I get that it can overwhelm you. But you know what else I get, Jase? Love is fleeting! People change! They betray you and they hurt you! And in the end, love isn’t what matters! In the end, what matters is that you only have yourself to rely on! So you better not give up your dreams for anyone else ‘cause all you’re going to end up with is a life full of regrets. And nights wondering ‘what-if.’” Bruce looked at his son. “You deserve better, Jason.”

“Better than Megan?” Jason asked coldly.

“Better than this! Better than reliving your life! Did you ever once think that the accident was your chance to start over? To not make the same mistakes again? But here you are going through the exact same thing! You quitting baseball! You and Megan! What? Are you falling in love with her again? Is this-“

Jason finally exploded. “Shut up Dad! Just shut up! I don’t care what you think! I don’t want to hear it anymore! You don’t get a say in my life! And you don’t know the first thing about Megan, or me! I’m not falling in love with her! I-“

She knew words could hurt. She didn’t remember how much they could hurt. So much that she actually gasped in pain at Jason’s words, loud enough so that it finally drew both of their attention to her.

For a several long moments, no one said anything as she stared at Jason. She was dimly aware that Jason’s father was still there, and he too, was looking at her, although she guessed that he probably didn’t have the same look of remorse and surprise on his face that Jason did.

She fought the instinct to turn and run out of there. But then, she didn’t think she could move. She felt oddly separated from herself, as if she had floated right out of her body and was now observing everything from somewhere near the ceiling. Nothing seemed quite real to her in that moment. Not her standing there. Not Jason. Not even her emotions. She was barely aware of them now. She knew she hurt, she knew she was angry, but she didn’t quite feel it. She didn’t know whether to be thankful or concerned about that.

“Megan.” Jason took a step toward her.

She recoiled at his movement, and he winced at her action. But he stopped, making no more movement toward her. His eyes sought hers, but she avoided them.

“I need to talk to Jason. Alone.” She looked at Bruce impassively.

“I think-“

“
Now
.” Her voice was still oddly quiet, but the force by which she delivered that single word clearly left no room for argument.

Bruce looked at Jason once more before he nodded and then walked out. A few seconds later, she heard the front door open and close.

She didn’t know how long she and Jason stood there after his father left. Neither said anything and the silence between them seemed to grow louder and louder. Finally, Jason spoke, his voice soft and hesitant.

“Megan, I didn’t-“

“Why?” She somehow found her voice and asked the one question that had been floating around her head since this morning.

“Why?” he repeated, confused.

She finally looked at him and she was aware that he flinched when he made eye contact with her, but actions like that seemed meaningless to her now. “Why did you lie to me?”

“Lie to you?” His voice still held that note of confusion.

She felt the anger rise within her. Instantaneous and uncontrollable. “Don’t pretend that you don’t know! You’re quitting baseball! You quit PT! What have you been doing all this time? When were you going to tell me? Or was that something you were planning to keep from me? What else have you been keeping from me Jason? What!”

There was a play of emotions across his face. Surprise. Confusion. Hurt. “You know?”

“Yes I know! I’m not as stupid as you think I am!”

“Megan-“

“Why! Why did you lie?”

“I didn’t lie, I-“

“Don’t give me that! You just didn’t tell me! It’s the same difference!”

“Like you didn’t tell me about us when I came out of my coma?” he shot back at her. She withdrew at his words. He sighed. “I’m sorry. Look, why don’t we just take some time, O.K? This isn’t the best time for us to talk about this, or anything else really.”

“What’s the point?” she countered. “Is anything going to change? Has anything really?”

“Megan."

“Why are you quitting baseball?” She was aware that this wasn’t really what she wanted to talk about, but what he had said about his feelings for her, she didn’t dare consider that. This already hurt enough. There was no point in ripping the wound open even further.