What Now? (22 page)

December 14

I
can’t believe that it’s only been a few days that Nick has been gone. My life
feels so empty. When did he begin to have a leading role in my life? He called
me a couple of nights ago from Washington, but I haven’t spoken to him since
and I can’t help wondering what he’s doing and with whom. I have got to stop looking
online to see if there are any pictures of him with other women. Either I’m
going to trust him or I’m not. But it’s so hard with his track record. I need
to learn to trust again, but Nick also needs to prove that he’s worthy of my
trust.

I’m
very happy with the documentary. The New York finale and the piece with his
parents will just cement it. I’m not sure how I feel about going to his
parents’ house now. Before, I was going as the journalist doing a documentary
about him; now, I’m not sure what I’m going as. I wonder if I’ll meet his
ex-wife since she still lives in the town. That might be weird.

I’m
not even sure if I’m looking forward to going to New York or not. I miss him,
but in New York I’ll have to share him with his public. When did I become so
pathetic??? I’m going to spend some quiet time alone with God. I need to get
back to my North or else I may end up making Nick into an idol. That’s the last
thing either of us needs.

New York

Nick’s
eyes scanned the crowded room. He wished to be anywhere but at the party. He
would much rather be sitting on Shari’s couch talking with her, or cooking
together in her small kitchen. Lord, he had it bad. Someone had put a drink in
his hand, but he hardly drank any; he wanted to keep a clear head.

He
stopped a passing waiter to deposit the barely tasted drink on his tray. As he
was asking him to bring a glass of water with lemon, a beautiful brunette drew
up beside him. She looked vaguely familiar.

“Hi
Nick! Great to see you again!”  Nick searched his mind and came up blank. 
While her face was familiar, he couldn’t place her and coming up with a name
was out of the question. Had he slept with her when he was last in New York? No,
he’d been with Cinnamon. Who was she?

“I’m
Honey Farrell. I used to dance with Cinnie Brown. She introduced us at a party
last year. You were with her then, but I see that you’re alone tonight,” she
added coyly. Nick would have to be blind and deaf not to notice the blatant
invitation.

“Hi,
Honey. Cinnamon and Honey? You’re joking, right?” He laughed.

“You
could have had honey and spice last year, but Cinnamon wasn’t keen on sharing.
Thankfully she’s in Miami so I hope you’re not watching your sugar intake,” she
smiled invitingly.

Nick
took a close look at her for the first time. There was only one word he could
use to describe her: hot. The dress she was wearing didn’t challenge his
imagination and the crowded room gave her an excuse to press against him, so
that he didn’t have to wonder how she felt either. The perfume that tickled his
nose smelled like one of his favorites. A flicker of desire stirred in him.

A
picture of Shari in her old jeans and white sweater flashed into his mind
making him smile and he mentally shifted his thoughts away from the temptation
of Honey. He followed that by putting some breathing space between them.

“Does
that smile mean that you’re in the mood for something sweet tonight?”

“Honey,
you are the hottest woman in the room. And believe me, even two weeks ago,
there wouldn’t have been any question about leaving with you, but there’s
someone that I’m committed to, so I have to refuse your very tempting offer.”

“Oh,
Nick, I’m sorry to hear that. But I also respect your decision. She’s a very
lucky woman.”

“Thanks,
Honey.” Nick kissed her on the cheek, put his empty glass on a nearby table and
left the party.

Madison Square Garden

New York City

The
excitement inside Shari was multiplied a thousand times in Madison Square
Garden. For Nick’s last concert of the tour she had braved the crowd to be in
the front row again so that she could appreciate fully what the fans would be
receiving when Nick came on the stage. She wondered what dramatic entrance was
planned for him tonight. Would he rise from the stage like in Vegas or be
lowered from the ceiling on a platform as in Denver? She didn’t care; she was
just longing to see him again.

The
last five days had seemed interminable and she was relieved when she hopped on
the plane for JFK earlier that day. She hadn’t seen Nick yet, since they were
doing last minute rehearsals for the finale, but she’d spoken to him the night
before or early in the morning, really. He had left the after party early and went
back to his hotel to call her. As he talked to her, he had described the view
of Central Park and Manhattan from his suite and told her that he wished she
was there to share it with him. He said he missed her and couldn’t wait for her
to get to New York. She had disconnected the call with a big, silly smile on
her face.

Her
reminiscing was interrupted as laser beams suddenly crisscrossed the stage as
if a high-level security system had been breached. New beams were added and
began to move around in time to music which started out low and intensified
until it filled the Garden. The crowd began to scream in anticipation of what
was to come. The light display built in intensity and in sync with the music
until an explosion of lights and smoke signaled the climax. All around her cell
phones were raised to capture the moment. The lasers were killed and Nick’s
name was announced and blazed across the stage in lights. From the back of the
stage Nick emerged to the greetings of his screaming fans.

What
followed for the next two hours was truly worthy of the climax of any world
tour. The set and lighting designers had gone all out to create a show that
would not soon be forgotten and Nick performed with everything that was in him.
She would forever remember the screaming, hysterical fans, the cell phones
raised to capture each stunning performance, the magnetism of Nick’s
performance and the energy with which he owned the stage.

By
the time he performed the penultimate song called “I’m Not the Same”, which he
announced that he’d just written, she was like the rest of the crowd – clay in
the hands of a master sculptor. She was transfixed as he sang the ballad,
sitting on a bar stool as he had in Miami when he paid tribute to the fans who
had died. As Shari listened to the words, hope rose in her and she wondered if
it was a message for her. She couldn’t help the tears that rolled down her
cheeks.

The
lights dimmed for moments and, before the tears could even dry on her cheeks,
Nick was ready for the final song which had the audience rocking again. When he
asked if the fans wanted one last song, it was really a rhetorical question as
the band was already moving into a faster paced version of “Moving On”. Shari
wondered which song she should believe: “I’m Not the Same” or “Moving On”.

The bodyguards formed a barricade
around Nick and the band and hurried them past screaming fans and paparazzi all
doing their best to take photos or to touch them. As Shari was hustled along
with the group, it reminded her of Vegas and the first time that she had experienced
anything like that. Would she ever get used to this? She had told Nick that it
was worth it to be with him.

The door to the limo
closed behind her and Nick, shutting out the noise of the crowd and creating a
sense of intimacy even in the large car.

“How
come we have the limo to ourselves?”

“I
arranged it before so that I could have you to myself,” Nick confessed, putting
an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. “I missed you.”

Shari
barely managed to echo his words before Nick cut them off with his kiss. Her
response was immediate. Winding her hands around his neck and into his hair,
she kissed him back with all of the pent-up longing that was in her. This time,
Nick was the one who broke the kiss.

“Whew!”
He sounded strained. “That’s not good for a man who has been celibate for
nearly two weeks.”

“Nick,
I’m proud of you.”

“Thank
you! I’m proud of me too,” he joked. “So, how do you do this?”

“I
try to refocus my thoughts on God, work, other activities. I find I’ve been
asking God to help me a lot recently. Since I met you, in fact,” she teased. “I
know that I’m making it into a joke, but I’m very serious. You’re a temptation,
but I can’t give in to you.” 

He
nodded, understanding with his head in spite of the protest that his body was
making.

“So
where is the after party tonight?”

“It’s
actually a smallish party in one of the event rooms of the hotel.”

“When
can I interview you about the tour and tonight’s concert? Can you slip away for
a few minutes?”

“You
can come up to my room to chat for a few minutes before I have to show my
face.”

Excitement leaped in
Shari at Nick’s words before she reined her thoughts in.

“Is that a good idea?”

“I’ll
be on my best behavior,” Nick promised.

“OK,
I’ll come for a few minutes so that I can wrap up. When are you leaving?”

“I’m
going home in the morning. You don’t know how much I want to get home, sleep in
my own bed and drive my cars.” He smiled in anticipation. “Why don’t you fly to
my place on the twenty-third and I’ll drive you to my parents’.”

Shari
thought about it for a few minutes. She’d love to see where Nick lived and she
would prefer to arrive at his parents’ with him.

“Sounds
like a plan. I’ll see what flights are available and arrange it.”

“Great!” 
Nick was looking forward to having Shari in his space, seeing her in his house
and being with her without the crowds.

The
journey that would normally take twenty minutes stretched to forty-five as the
limo crawled along in the Manhattan traffic. Many of the cars and taxis were
caused by Nick’s concert as well as just the New York life. Shari turned to
look out of the window at the shoppers hustling by, the spectacular lights and
the elaborate Christmas decorations in the storefronts and hotel lobbies. She
had always loved Manhattan and especially at this time of the year with the
Holidays approaching. Being with Nick only made it more special.

“I
love Christmas!” She turned to Nick with excitement making her face glow. She
found him looking at her with amusement. “What?” she asked him.

“I’m
remembering when you saw the blue bear in Denver. You have the same look on
your face now. Like a child at Christmas.”

She
laughed in joy and Nick couldn’t help but pick up her hand to kiss it.
Contentment flooded his soul.

The
limo pulled up to the curb and the door opened to flashes of light and shouting
fans which was as effective in bringing them back to reality as being woken up
with a bucket of cold water.

“Nick!”

“Awesome
concert, Nick!”

“We
love you, Nick!” a group of girls shouted.

There
were more flashes and photos until they were hustled through the doors of the
hotel and into the safety of the elevator which would take them to Nick’s
suite.

“How
do people even find out where you’re staying?” Shari asked in amazement.

“I
guess it’s kind of hard to keep our whereabouts a secret. As soon as we’re
spotted going into a hotel the word gets out. In any case, the paparazzi are
like bloodhounds.”

The
doors opened on the 51
^st
floor and Nick’s bodyguard escorted them to
the door of the Presidential Suite.

“I’ll
be here when you’re ready to go down Nick.” He opened the door, gave Nick the
key and stepped back to position himself outside to wait. Nick gestured for Shari
to go before him and followed her into the suite, closing the door behind them.