What She's Looking For (10 page)

Ashley gasped as he squeezed her
breasts, hard, letting her feel the strength in his hands. She bit back a cry;
it felt
so
good to be touched again. She didn’t realize how much she’d
missed it. Maybe it just meant more this time.

His fingers pinched her nipples,
and she drew a breath in through her teeth. He looked up at her, his expression
solemn.

“Quiet, Ashley.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath.

He continued pinching, harder,
until she whined despite his admonitions. “These will need to be toughened up,
girl. You feel like you’ve barely been handled.”

Parker finished with a deep pinch
at the base of each nipple, almost at the areolas, the sharp pain making her
yelp. The harshness of the pain reminded her too much of the callousness of
Terry, her ex’s sadism frequently directed at her tender nipples. Yet her sex
continued to betray, a spasm and more moisture slickening her further. Not
everything Terry had done was bad — at least her body seemed to think so.

He looked up at her and grinned,
then planted a gentle kiss on each abused nub. She couldn’t believe how soft
his lips felt.

No man that looks that good
should have lips that feel like that. It’s not fair.

Laying a hand along her cheek, he
raised her chin. “Ashley, you’re trembling. Relax.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just …
since Terry.”

“Don’t think about him,” he
murmured, shaking his head. “Let your mind go. This is just you and me. Two
people.”

She looked down, blushing.

He raised her chin again, staring
into her eyes. “Tell me.”

“Terry used to hurt me. Badly. I
hated it, but … “

“Go on. You can tell me.”

Ashley sighed, a shiver passing
down her body. This was so much harder than she thought it would be. She wasn’t
used to having to talk about these things. It made her feel more vulnerable
than even her nudity did.

“Some of what he did. I liked it.”
She could feel the blush deepening. She had a hard time admitting it even to
herself, but somehow unburdening herself of the truth of it, lifted a weight
from her. Allowed her to breath a little easier.

Parker’s lips curved into a gentle
smile. “I would think so, Ashley. Why else would you have stayed with him so
long?”

Ashley shook her head against the
gentle clasp of his fingers on her chin. “No, some of what he did. The pain.”

She saw Parker’s beautiful eyes go
wide. Surprise? Disgust?

Casting her gaze downward, she felt
a hot tear run down her cheek. His thumb eased it away, the tenderness of the
gesture making more tears flow.

Parker hugged her then, and she
clutched to him with a fervency, a desperation that shocked her. His embrace
felt so good. So
right.

“Ashley,” he whispered. “It’s okay.
This is okay. You’re safe with me.”

She cried then. Hard, racking sobs
that felt like poison being drawn from her body. He just held her, his lips
against her hair, whispering, comforting. She didn’t want to be this weak, but
she couldn’t help it. The fear, the shame, the betrayal she felt. It all came
pouring out of her, scalding, cutting. She’d loved him once, deeply. She’d laid
herself before him, figuratively and literally. And he’d crushed her. Violated
her trust. It was even worse than the violations of her body. A woman seeks
those connections of love, the vulnerability, the safety.

But the man she loved, who she’d
thought loved her, fed off of that vulnerability like a parasite, a vampire. He
took and took, and crushed, and defiled. He’d left her body whole, but
shattered her spirit.

After a few minutes, once her sobs
had diminished to sniffling, Parker pulled her back, his hand caressing her
jaw, fingers under her ear. “Ashley.”

The tone of his voice had changed,
and it alarmed her. “What?”

His expression was pained, eyes
hiding something. “We can’t do this now, not like this. It’s too soon.”

Fuck.

“Why? What’s wrong?” She wiped the
tears from her wet cheeks. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I cry. It doesn’t mean I don’t
want … to.”

Oh God, she wanted to.

But she was surprised by the depth
of emotion she’d had bottled up. The tough girl routine could only go so far.
Terry had hurt her, deeply. No amount of masking that fact with her rage and
determination to shake him would change it. She was damaged, maybe forever.

The thought that it might torpedo
something — whatever it was — developing between her and Parker was terrifying.

He looked at her a long moment, his
thumb tracing the line of her delicate jaw. He reached around her and handed
her the folded dress. “Put this on, but leave the bra on the bed. When you’re
done, come out to the living room.”

Parker turned and left, closing the
door behind him.

* * *

Parker sat on her maroon loveseat,
fingers fiddling with the tassel on one of her throw pillows. He didn’t know
what to do.

It was a positively
alien
feeling to him.

He wanted nothing more than to bend
her over that bed, his old bed, and fuck her senseless. He wanted her so badly,
it made him shake with the lust, the desire. He wanted more than that, though.
He wanted to possess her, own her. Make her his, in all ways.

But that was the problem. He
couldn’t do it yet.

Not when he’d seen the hurt, the
agony in those lovely hazel eyes. He hated the tears that spilled down her
cheeks even as they’d made him even harder. It always confused him that a
woman’s tears simultaneously elicited an urge to both protect and possess. It
made him want to comfort her, and conquer her — in equal measure.

Maybe he was just a sick fuck.

Not much ‘maybe’ about that,
Parker.

She was in so much pain, so
fragile. It was written in her beautiful distraught face, her brimming eyes,
the trembling, swollen lips he longed to claim with his own. That cocksucker of
an ex had done a number on her. The worst thing to do to a submissive woman
(and he had no doubt she was one, down to the marrow of her bones), the worst
possible
thing, was to betray her trust. Her ex had done it to her, and left destruction
in his wake.

If he could get his hands on that
miserable piece of shit now, he’d kill him. Slowly. With pain.

Parker realized he had the throw
pillow crushed in his fists. He relaxed the homicidal grip, tossing the pillow
over onto the other side of the loveseat.

She wasn’t ready; maybe she’d never
be ready. As much as it pained him to entertain that possibility, he would be
just as much of an amoral asshole as her ex if he pressed forward with his
plan. Her ex confirmed all the worst crude stereotypes about dominance and
submission.

Parker had to make sure she
understood that what her ex had done to her was not how it should be. He’d
abused the trust (and body) of his submissive. It wasn’t supposed to be that
way, and he was determined to show her how it
should
be.

There were deeper problems than that
though. What she’d said sent chills down his spine, even as it made his iron
hard cock jerk with the shock of realization.

She liked the pain.

Maybe it was a Stockholm Syndrome
thing happening. Maybe she didn’t realize that it didn’t have to be that way.
But whatever it was, she reacted to some of the things he’d done to her. It had
excited her.

While a submissive liking some pain
was fairly common, he had a pretty good idea that this was a lot more serious
kind of pain. Just the kind of hurt that a sadistic wannabe Dom would clumsily
deal out to an unsuspecting submissive.

Jesus, he wanted to
end
the
motherfucker.

Be honest, Parker. That’s not
the only thing bothering you here. Glass houses and throwing stones are not a
good mix.

Sitting forward, he rubbed his face
with both hands. He had to get it together. For her. To preserve whatever
chance, whatever shot, was left. He wanted to make something good out of this.

He wanted her. Badly.

The door to her bedroom opened, and
he looked up, straightening his spine. Weakness was not an option here. She
needed his strength. He could sense it.

She’d get it.

Sitting back again and crossing his
legs, he laid his arms along the top of the loveseat as she walked into the
living room, her generous breasts moving under the thin material of her dress.
He had told her to leave the bra off as a spur of the moment thing, not really
thinking about the whys of it.

Now he was thankful he’d done it.
He was glad that his crossed legs concealed the bulge of his erection as his cock
came almost instantly back to life.

“Come here, Ashley.” He held out
his hand to her.

She walked right to him, her
breasts swaying at the movement, and he clasped her hand in his. She moved to
sit next to him, but the squeeze of his hand stopped her.

He shook his head, then pointed his
gaze downward.

Her expression was a mixture of
puzzlement and surprise. Then her eyes went wide for a moment and she blushed,
sinking to her knees in front of him.

Parker smiled. Such a pretty blush
she had. He wondered what her round buttocks would look like suffused with that
same hue.

His hand twitched in his lap, his
cock throbbing again.

Calm down, Park. Not time for
that. Goddamn it.

“I’m sorry, Parker. I don’t know
what happened.” She looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. “Can we try
again?”

He nodded. “Of course we can.
That’s what we’re doing. Now, I want you to be quiet, and listen to me.”

Ashley dropped her head.

She’s such a good girl.

Her compliant demeanor fired his
lust even higher. The way her kneeling posture rode the dress high up her lush
thighs wasn’t helping either. This was going to be hard.

“Your ex did something to you that
no woman should ever have to go through. I’m sorry for it. You don’t know how
sorry.”

She nodded, and he could hear her
sniffle again.

Oh God, not the tears please.

Parker was going to go off in his
pants like a twelve year old if she kept this up. He took a deep breath. He had
to get through this.

“I am not him, and I
never
will be,” he said, noting her slight flinch at his vehemence on the word
‘never’. “You need to forget him as much as you can. In time I think you’ll be
able to. You’ll have lots of help from me. And from Drake.”

Her head snapped up. “What?”

Parker locked gazes with her for
several long moments, his expression as neutral as a rock face. She looked like
she was a hair’s breadth from bolting.

Too fast Parker, you dumb fuck.
Too soon.

He decided to just let it sit
there, let her think about what he might have meant

Anticipation and uncertainty were
effective tools to use with a submissive. He relished them.

“What do you mean ‘Drake, too’?” He
saw concern in her eyes … and something else.

Her slender fingers twisted
together in her lap, and he was distracted by the pale smoothness of her
thighs. Her legs were blessedly bare. He usually liked stockings on his women,
but it would be a shame to hide her creamy perfection under the silky fabric.
Well, some of the time anyway.

“Lower your eyes, and be quiet,
Ashley. You need to listen to this.”

Her bright eyes bulged again, her
lips working, but she seemed to control it and finally lowered her head.

He liked spirit; there was zero
enjoyment to be had with doormats. Bending a strong will to his stronger one
was one of the things he treasured most.

Careful, Park. Don’t get ahead
of yourself.

“I want to tell you that I’m sorry,
Ashley. I was wrong, and I admit it.”

The shocked look on her face amused
him, and he was pleased to see she remembered herself and lowered her eyes
again within moments.

“You’ve been through hell. I should
have known better than to push things.”

She apparently couldn’t help it. “I’m
not broken, Parker. I asked for this, remember?”

He glared at her, and she stared
right back, her lips a thin line, the defiance blazing in her gaze.

God, could she be any hotter?
How the fuck am I going to do this?

“What did I tell you to do, Ashley?”
His voice was quiet, controlled.

“You don’t really know me, Parker.
What I can deal with.” Her eyes were tear-bright. She was so beautiful. All he
could do was look upon her for a moment.

“I’m not going to argue with you,
Ashley.” He stood, straightening his coat. “You either do what you’re told and
listen to me, or this is not happening.”

He’d been wrong again about his
beautiful, disobedient girl. Her earlier compliance was a smoke screen,
playacting. He’d never handled a girl quite this defiant, but it intrigued — and
aroused — him. He’d see where this went.

Those intelligent hazel eyes
followed his. “No — I. Please stay. I’m sorry.”

She reached out to touch his knee.
It made his balls tingle, and his cock harden even more, but he wasn’t about to
let her know that.

He glanced down at her hand, then
back at her, his dark eyebrow raised.

She let go, returning to wringing
her small hands in her lap, pulling down at the hem of her skirt.

“Now, I want you to answer my
question, Ashley. What did I tell you to do?”

“To lower … my eyes. Be quiet.”

Parker could tell that saying the
words was like swallowing broken glass to her.

He walked behind her, turning to
look down upon her kneeling form. She was sitting on her heels, the black dress
stretched tightly across her ass. The pleasing expanse of her broad hips
aroused the male animal in him even more. He imagined that once she started
eating enough again her buttocks would be as lush and proud as her breasts.

Soon.

“First. Don’t tell me what I know
and don’t know. Second, if we are to have anything, anything at all, then you
need to start learning how to do as you’re told.”

I really hope she doesn’t do as
she’s told.

He continued. “Third, you must not
hold me in very high regard if you think I should just take advantage of a
traumatized woman.”

She turned her head to try to look
back at him, her face red. That one hit the mark.

“Face
forward
, eyes down,”
he said, stepping in to clutch the crown of her head and turn it forward. “Don’t
defy me again.”

“It’s what I want,” she whispered. “Please.”

“This isn’t about what
you
want, Ashley. This is about what’s
right
.” He fingered the dark tendrils
of loose hair at the nape of her neck. “While part of me would like nothing
better than to have you bent tight over the foot of your bed while I pound your
wet cunt, it would not be the
right
thing for me to do.”

She gasped, and he could see her
blush even at the back of her neck.

“Quiet, Ashley!”

This was getting interesting, and
he was more aroused by the minute. But it was torture, because he knew exactly
how far it could go tonight — and no farther. He had to find out though. Had to
find out if there could be something.

It doesn’t matter, Parker. Once
she finds out, she’ll run.

He shook off that thought. There
had to be a way. He could make it happen. He just had to be careful with her,
nurture her, steer her along the path she needed to follow.

Yes, he wanted her, every part of
her. He wanted to fuck her. Own her.

But he wanted to heal her too, if
it was possible. He couldn’t believe he was feeling this way so soon. He wanted
to take away the hurt, and replace it with happiness. Joy. Pleasure.

Love.

Oh no.

He moved around to her front, and
sat down again, this time leaving his legs open so that he could see all of
her, and her him.

“Look at me, Ashley.”

She raised her eyes, and his heart
broke to see the tears tracking down her swollen cheeks once more. He was
disgusted at the increase in his heart rate it elicited too, the throbbing in
his confined cock. He had to get out of those pants, and soon.

“We’re taking this slow.” He
softened his voice. “See where this goes.”

“Parker, I don’t know. I don’t know
what you want. I want to be with you.”

He leaned forward, and reached his
hands out. Her hands leapt into his instantly, her touch electric. He wanted to
hold her in his arms, and kiss those tears away. God, how he wanted to.

But he knew he had to maintain a
distance — at least in the beginning.

“Here is what I want,” he lied. “I
want you to go to bed, and sleep.”

She started to protest, but he held
a hand up.

“Just sleep. Tomorrow we talk some
more. I want to go slow. I want to make sure this is really what you want.”

His cock was screaming at him to
rethink this plan. For God’s sake rethink it!

“Parker, don’t go—”

“Now.” He stood and buttoned his
jacket, hoping it distracted from the obvious bulge at his crotch. His cock
felt like it was tied into a knot. “I want you to stay kneeling for me until I
let myself out. Then you’re to lock the door behind me and go straight to bed.”

He stepped close to her, unable to
help himself, his hand caressing her ear, her temple. She leaned it against his
thigh, sighing, her arm around his knee. He almost lost it right there, the
sensation of her touch tingling right up into the base of his testicles. It was
wonderful.

“Until tomorrow, Ashley,” he
whispered.

Then he stepped away from her, and
walked out, closing the door behind him.