Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2) (7 page)

CHAPTER TEN

ryan

“
S
o where the hell have you been?” Seth asked. “Called a few times but you never called back.”

I tucked my phone against my shoulder and stretched out the tape measure against the wall. I made a mark with a pencil and let the tape slide back in. “God, you sound like a whiny girlfriend,” I joked. Truth be told, I didn’t want to tell Seth I’d spent the morning with Tess and Noah. He’d shit a brick if he knew. “Some of us work for a living and don’t hang around a bunch of books and chicks all day.”

Seth knew I was kidding with him. I was damned proud of my boy for going to college, and he knew it.

“Don’t forget the coffee shop study dates,” he answered back.

“Just don’t tell me you’re drinking mochaccino lattes now, or I am officially revoking your man card.”

He laughed. “So I called because the girls wanted to go out dancing tonight. We’ll all meet at the apartment at seven and go from there.” By girls he meant Avery and Shari. Going out would entail drinks and dancing and then there was a good chance that Shari would want to hook up after. Which had never been a problem before.

Shit.

Why the hell did the idea of hooking up with Shari suddenly make me feel guilty as all fuck?

“Can’t, man,” I said, before my brain caught up with my mouth.

“Why the hell not?” I had to be careful what I said because he’d know in a second that I was bullshitting him. At least I didn’t actually have anything planned with Tess, so I didn’t have to lie about that.

“Dad isn’t feeling well, and I don’t want to leave him alone tonight.”

After a few seconds, Seth exhaled. “Everything okay?”

Things with Dad were up and down constantly. It had been like that since Mom left us. Seth had my back like I had his. Which made lying to him feel like a kick in the gut. But the alternative? Yeah, that would be a
real
kick to my ass.

Seth had big fucking feet.

“I think he’s coming down with a bug, but you know how he gets. Won’t take medicine and won’t eat. Just want to make sure it’s nothing serious.”

“I’ll let Ave know. She’ll probably want to drop by with chicken soup or something.”

“Better not. I don’t want anyone else getting sick. You guys are out straight right now with classes. Would suck to fall behind.”

I knew that Seth was busting his ass trying to get in as many classes as he could manage, and Avery, well she’s a classic overachiever who needs to have six things going on at once. They really were perfect for each other.

S
ince I’d told Seth I was going to stay home, home was exactly where I ended up. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Not that I really wanted to spend the evening watching
Jeopardy!
reruns.

As soon as I walked into the door, I knew something was up. Instead of being in his usual spot in the recliner, Dad was pacing back and forth in the kitchen.

It had been the same thing for the last six years, so seeing him clearly sober and clearly agitated sent warning bells off in my head.

When he’d first started screwing things up on the job sites, I stepped in and started fixing shit. For the first couple of years, people kept calling him to do remodeling projects. They had no idea it wasn’t him doing them.

It was during that first summer after Mom left that a few people figured it out and started calling me instead. Then word spread and more people called. I barely made the grades to graduate because I worked every day after school, but I hardly cared. The money was pretty damned good.

And the kicker was that Dad didn’t even care. He sat home and did nothing all day and I found something I was good at. Except now something was wrong.

“Hey, Dad,” I said carefully.

He swung around and pinned me with a clear-eyed gaze.

“That goddamned woman is trying to drive me insane,” Pops said.

Ah, that goddamned woman being our new neighbor I’d bet.

“What did she do this time, try to fix your chi again? Give you a dozen wind chimes?”

“She baked me a blueberry cobbler.” He spat the words like that was the most horrific thing that could ever happen to a man.

Sure enough, a rectangle baking dish sat on the counter next to where he’d been pacing. I moved into the kitchen and lifted the tinfoil and groaned. It looked and smelled delicious. “You gonna eat it?” I asked, already digging out two forks from a side drawer.

Pops side-eyed the dessert like it was a rattler. “You eat that whole thing you’ll be sick as a dog. I better try it and make sure it’s fit for eating.”

I hid my smile as I wordlessly handed him a fork.

Pops took a bite and closed his eyes and fucking groaned out loud. I laughed. There was nothing I could do to stop it. “Admit it, you like our neighbor’s cobbler.”

Pops glared at me, but he shoveled another mouthful in before I could even take my first bite. “It’s just all right,” he grumbled.

But not once did he stop moving the fork from the dish to his mouth.

“So why did our irritating neighbor bake you a cobbler after you told her you hated her wind chimes?” I asked a few minutes later, when I’d finally had my fill. Over half the dish sat empty now.

“She said I needed something to sweeten me up.” Now Pops was glaring at the dish again. I think he might have been mad that he ate almost half of it when he wanted to be mad.

I patted Pops lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. I can wrap it up and take it to the guys tomorrow. You don’t have to suffer through any more of it.”

Pops nearly growled at me, then covered the cobbler back up and took it to the refrigerator. “Don’t you dare. She baked the damned thing for me.”

He headed back to his recliner, but I noticed that he didn’t have a beer with him, nor were there any waiting by his chair. Before I could comment on it, my phone buzzed. A shot of anticipation kicked my pulse into gear. I was hoping that Tess might call. But it was only a text from Seth.

How’s your dad? If he feels better, get your ass to Club Nine. Shari says to tell you she’s feeling lonely . . . oh, no, wait, she said horny
. Heh.

Will let you know,
I texted back.

“That the fancy girl you’ve been running around with?” Dad asked.

“What?”

“The one who drives the black Mercedes crossover that drops you off too early for the rooster to notice some mornings.”

I had no idea he was even coherent enough to notice anything that early, much less me coming home. I rarely saw him before I left for work.

“She’s just a friend,” I said. I had no desire to talk about Shari with my father. Or any woman for that matter. I had a belly full of homemade blueberry cobbler and didn’t feel like having this conversation.

“She’s the only one I’ve seen you with more than a few times. Sure it’s not serious?”

Christ, I’d spent the last however many years pretty much doing my own thing while Dad did his, and
now
he wanted to talk about my sex life? Uh, no way in hell.

“You want pizza later? I’ll order it.” I quickly changed the subject and stood up and went to the kitchen. We had a dozen delivery menus on the fridge, and I pulled down the first one I could reach. Maybe I should have just gone out with Seth and the girls. I could have thought up some excuse why I wasn’t in the mood to hook up with Shari tonight.

Beat the hell out of this twilight zone moment with my father.

I couldn’t remember the last time we actually talked about something besides what he wanted to eat or whatever reality TV show he was watching that month.

I heard my dad’s voice from behind me. “I’m tired of takeout. We got anything in the house to make instead?”

I may have forgotten what the hell I was doing for about ten seconds. The last time Dad tried to cook anything had been years ago. We’d had takeout every single night. About all we had was a bottle of ketchup and a twelve-pack of beer.

“Not really,” I finally answered.

“Next time you stop at the store, pick up the stuff to make chili, will you?”

If a vortex opened up and sucked me back to the Jurassic age with fucking dinosaurs, I would not have been more surprised. The last time my father made chili was when my mom was still around. It was one of her favorites.

And he had not made it again since she left.

God, maybe he was really sick. Shit, what if he was dying or something? Mrs. Taylor from a few trailers down took him to his doctor appointments when I couldn’t, which had been more often lately. Was his blood pressure worse?

“Everything okay, Pops?” I asked.

“I ever tell you about the time your mother chained herself to a tree?” he said instead, out of the blue. A smile danced over his lips and his gaze went to some memory I couldn’t see.

My feet filled with lead, and it was all I could do to walk to the old couch. Dad never talked about Mom. Ever. Something had to be wrong. Whatever it was, I’d take care of it. I hope he knew that.

“What’s going on? Really.”

“Kate said something the other day when she was taking me to get my medication and it got me thinking. I’m holding you back, son.”

“What the fuck, Pops?” I jumped up and started to pace. Busybody Taylor told Dad he was a burden to me? Jesus. Tomorrow I was going to have a talk with her and tell her to mind her own goddamned business. I appreciated the time she’d taken the past few years to get Dad to the doctor when I couldn’t, but it didn’t give her the right to fill his head with a bunch of shit.

“You’ve been taking care of me since before you should have had to. Don’t you want to find a nice girl and settle down? There must be things you want to do with your life that don’t include taking care of your old man. You have the trust money from your mother; you could travel, or go to school, or something you want to do. There’s enough to do all of that.”

I whirled around, unable to contain the fury that washed over me. “I will never use one cent of that guilt money. The only reason she sent it was to ease her own fucking conscience, so no, I will never ever do any of those things. I will not give her the satisfaction of thinking I give one fuck about her when she left me without a backward glance. That money can rot for all I care.”

Pops cringed. “Ryan, that’s not true. I should have told you—”

“Forget it. I can’t be here right now. I can’t listen to this.” I stuffed my keys into my pocket and headed for the door. “I need to get some air. I’ll be back later.”

“Ryan, wait . . .” I heard my pops’s voice behind me as I pushed out of the trailer and slammed the front screen behind me.

My hands were shaking and my head felt like it was going to explode. Six years of barely talking and when he finally decides to pull his head out of his ass and stay sober for one night, he has the fucking nerve to tell me I should settle down? Travel?

Using my mother’s guilt money?

Gravel flew from under my tires as I tore out of the trailer park. I had no clue where I was going, only that I needed to get some space between Dad and me. Did he even know how crazy he sounded, spouting off advice like that after barely talking for years?

Because of her.

He fell apart. Stopped functioning. Stopped fucking living because of her.

I slammed my palms against the steering wheel. My mother and Tess had somehow morphed into the same image in my head.

I was never going through that.

Hell, I’d been torn up when Tess left, and I was fucking fifteen. My parents were
married
. They chose to love and honor and cherish and then my mother shit on all of it and just up and left.

Why? That’s what dug down under my skin and rubbed me raw from the inside. I had no idea why, had never found out, had always been too afraid that I was somehow what drove her away. Coming so close after Tess left, I couldn’t help but think part of it was me.

And there was the kicker.

Everyone always said how much my old man and I were alike, before he let himself go. The spitting image, they said. What if we were even more alike than just in looks? What if I was also destined to be made a fool of in the name of love?

I drove blindly, making turns on a whim and losing track of where I was.

I should go to the club and meet up with Shari and then go back to her place and remind myself why it was so good to get up and leave afterward. No strings. No fucking heartbreak when it fell apart.

No feeling at all except physical satisfaction.

So why couldn’t I make myself want that?

I did.

Just not with Shari.

Fuck.

Spending the morning with Tess probably was not the smartest thing I’ve done lately, but I couldn’t stay away. Seeing her in a towel, well that made it even harder now. But I already knew that Tess was not someone to just fool around with. Someone with a kid had to be careful, and she was probably looking for long-term and that was just one place I could not go.

Would never be able to. There was too much baggage and I knew that, and I didn’t give anyone any indication that hooking up was more than just hooking up. It was why Shari and I had been working so well together.