When All Hell Breaks Loose (100 page)

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My! Persistent Paranoia or Prudent Preparation?

Survival kits in the house, the car, and the office—man, I can hear your friends and family giving you a hell of a time. You can never be overprepared, unless the act of preparation takes over your life and transforms you into a hyperparanoid, doomsday freak. Once you have your bases covered, and you take a few minutes every six months to a year to rotate certain items in your kit(s), it's time to relax and enjoy life. This doesn't mean that you should drop your guard. Simply pay attention to your life and just enough of the news to keep in the loop regarding current affairs. I know people who have consumed themselves with survival preparedness. They live it, breathe it, and force others to listen to it. They are so busy preparing for the horrific variables of the future that they never truly live in the now. They rob themselves of life in the present moment due to their fears of an unknown future. Folks, this is not what preparing for an emergency is supposed to accomplish. If your survival plan doesn't increase your ease and confidence in life, then it's the wrong plan. I support you fully in being prepared, but not at the expense of your not living your life to the fullest and doing what you are here to do as part of your sacred pact with life.

On the other hand, you will need to tolerate and ignore, if possible, people that have been completely seduced by the modern conveniences of life to such an extent that they have become sheeple. Oblivious to most forms of common sense, independence, and reality, obnoxious sheeple will take great pleasure in criticizing all of your attempts at becoming self-reliant in your life. They will harass you about storing this or that and laugh at your "paranoid" behavior. Some of these sheeple might live in your house and you will be beholden to feed them if the brown stuff hits the fan. There have always been those throughout time that have mocked another's sense of intuition about preparing for the unseen. Don't let them disrupt your harmony. Do what feels best to you, like the ant, and pay no attention to the grasshoppers that cross your path. After listening however briefly to people on both sides of the fence, only you know if you're balanced in your family's emergency preparedness plan or not.

What About Running To the Hills?

"R
UN TO THE HILLS
. . .R
UN FOR YOUR LIVES
!"

—C
HORUS FROM AN
I
RON
M
AIDEN SONG
, 1982

 

Due to my profession, I've been subjected to countless monologues about "getting out of town when the %@*# hits the fan to live off the land." Ninety-nine percent of these well-meaning people have no idea what living off the land entails, let alone the skills, the supplies, the landscape, or the guts to do anything about it. Yet somehow, the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side concept waxes strong within their psyches.

For those who are entertaining this concept, and torturing your family with it, have you ever tried to live off the land? Have you tried to do so in the wintertime? Have you tried it with a dozen other armed crazies in the woods that had the same bad idea that you had? Have you tried to hunt and gather with your nagging kids and pissed-off spouse by your side? Have you been camping for more than a weekend or a week without the usual modern-day camping comforts that are guaranteed to distance you from how unforgiving the natural world can be? Have you been camping at all? Are the calluses thicker on your butt and fingertips from surfing online survival forums than from being outside practicing what you're blabbing about? Do you need to drive several hours in your SUV to find the land to live off? Are you (and every one of your family members) physically able to hike even one mile across a potentially rugged, backcountry landscape that will eventually be very hot or cold, and covered with biting and stinging bugs and plants that poke, prick, and tear at your flesh? Have you ever been hungry,
really hungry
, where your only option is to gather weird-tasting plants or attempt to kill something? If you have tried living off the land, how long did you last (be honest!) before raiding the energy bar stash in your camouflaged bug-out pack? Do you remember how you felt afterward, physically, mentally, and emotionally? If you thought your experimental living-off-the-land trip was successful, do you assume that Mother Nature will deal you the same playing hand the next time?

I have come across a few less-than-hidden survival stashes in the wilds of Arizona. I like to look at the contents and see what their creator(s) thought was important enough to haul out into the bush. One stash had not one, two, three, four, or five, but six different cooking pans; from a huge frying pan to various skillets and cook pots. I applaud his or her choice of at least one cook pot, but six? Maybe they thought they would be exceptional hunters and gatherers, thus requiring the extra cooking capacity. Along with this were dozens of paper plates complete with many pieces of plastic silverware. This gear alone took up more than half of the would-be survivalist's rickety wooden military ammo box, the one which animals had forced open and pillaged to eat the packets of instant coffee.

If I burst your bubble about living off the fat of the land. . .good. Be realistic about you and your family's physical, mental, and emotional abilities during times of extreme stress and leave the wild boar hunting from a tree up to Rambo.

Really Cool, Gotta Have It, Multiple-Use Stuff

The following items, listed in no particular order, contain many multiple-use options for the savvy survivor. Their practical uses in mitigating the cause or effects of emergencies are limited only by your needs and imagination. While this list is by no means all inclusive, it will give you a head start in your ability to adapt to changing environments. These are not all necessarily for your bug-out pack, although some of the same things are listed.

Methods to Make Fire

All hail the power of fire! It has the power to create, sustain, transmute, or destroy if the owner of the fire is ignorant about how it works. Lighting and safely maintaining a fire is a massive responsibility and one that demands that you receive the proper training. I've often wondered why local and federal fire officials are quick to ban fires on public lands during dry seasons yet offer no training whatsoever on how to responsibly make and build a campfire. The tools most commonly used to light the fire itself were covered on page 317.

Cutting Edges

Metal knives are the most obvious choice and are far from a tool used only in the wilderness. Try not to use a knife for a few days in the kitchen and you tell me how useful they are around the house. All cutting edges—knives, saws, axes, etc.—should be kept sharp and in good condition.

String and Rope

Indigenous peoples literally tied their worlds together. String and rope show up on every survival kit list in existence, both primitive and modern. This supremely multiuse gear is second only to my beloved cutting edges and fire.

Five-Gallon Buckets

Entire cultures revolved around the making and use of containers. Five-gallon plastic or metal buckets, especially those with tight-fitting lids, have unending uses for the survivor. Plastic buckets should be stored out of the sun as ultraviolet rays will eventually degrade and weaken the plastic.

Plastic Sheeting, Both Clear and Black

Native peoples the world over would have given their eyeteeth for a lightweight barrier that sheds rain, snow, and wind. It can make your house warmer or cooler, create an improvised window to keep out the elements, and wrap up a dead body. Along with crumpled up newspaper, duct tape and a cutting edge, plastic sheeting makes a pretty slick improvised diaper. Purchase plastic sheeting that's 4 mil or thicker to meet the widest variety of tasks.

Two- to Four-Quart Capacity Stainless Steel Pot with a Tight-fitting Lid and Bail [Handle]

A multiuse, fire- and waterproof container that will prove itself over and over again in its usefulness.

Duct Tape

I can't say enough about this wonder material. I've made handles, containers, cordage, sandals, and repaired many, many things, including packaging up broken body parts for transport to the hospital. There are many grades of duct tape available at the hardware store. Buy the thicker, more expensive stuff as you get what you pay for, yet I've seen some of the cheaper brand names perform well too. I have two or three different types of duct tape wrapped around my water bottles so I can choose the one that best fits my needs of the moment.

Rebar Tie Wire

I love this stuff. My entire home was lashed together with tie wire before being sprayed with concrete. Available at any hardware store or building supply center, its multiuse noncombustibility excels where duct tape cannot go.

Zip [or Cable] Ties

Zip ties offer strong, multiuse, static bindings without the complication of fine and complex motor skill knots.

Old Newspapers [At Least Two or Three Weeks' Worth]

Newspapers can be used as insulation against hot or cold temperatures in the home or in clothing. They have numerous packing, cleaning, and sanitary uses, can help with fire building, and can be read to keep your mind from being taken over by boredom or fear, among many other uses.

Fifty-five-Gallon Drum or Barrel Liners and Plastic Lawn and Leaf Bags

I've already mentioned the awesomeness of plastic sheeting and containers. So imagine the power of a collapsible plastic container! Both can be purchased at most hardware and building-supply stores in clear and opaque plastics. Their rugged, contained, nonpermeable disposability makes them excel at dealing with sanitary and storage issues from excrement to improvised body bags for the dead. They also make great raincoats.

Zipper-lock Freezer Bags, Quart and Gallon Size

The staggeringly multiuse "mini-me" version of the drum liner, except in this case it's food-grade plastic! They also double as disposable mittens that have any number of uses such as skinning rodents and moving the dead.

Plastic, Canvas, or Nylon Tarps

The ability to quickly create shade, cut the wind, or keep things dry might mean the difference between living and dying in extreme conditions as they all deal directly with the regulation of core body temperature. At the very least, tarps will help make your family more comfortable. Tarps work well for creating privacy around the improvised potty as well. While opaque plastic sheeting can double as a tarp in many ways, it lacks the durability and factory grommets that make the tarp such a great addition to any family's preparedness gear.