When I Look to the Sky (10 page)

“
Yes, I suspect that’s what he wants. I’ve backed away any time in the past that it came up, but now I think you’re old enough to be part of the decision.”

She closed her book and sat quietly for a moment
. Finally, she put her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands, closed her eyes and scrunched her face like she did when she was processing something. At last, she looked up, with tears in her eyes. “Do we have to?”

“
We don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for,” he replied.

“
Can I think about it a little while?”

“
As long as you need.”

Later that evening, Carlee was in her room, sitting on her bed with her back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of her, reading
Rock and Roll Never Forgets
. She read it when Andy first gave it to her, but she needed to re-see things as she thought about what to do. Her door was open as Andy walked by, and then backed up.

“
Hey,” he said.

“
Papa,” she looked up, and he entered and sat beside her. As she closed the book he stretched his legs out and leaned back against the headboard to join her.

“
I know,” he told her. “It’s hard. It’s like living it all over for me, so I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.”

“
I don’t know what it would be like seeing it,” she said in a soft voice, trying not to cry.

“
Me too, sweetheart. It’d be hard to see your mama, the life we lived, see myself as I was back then. I told you, I made mistakes. It would be harder to live through what your mama went through, all of it, our ups and downs, as well as her illness. It’s up to you,” he told her.

Roddy called Franklin Newman a few days later, “Franklin, Roddy Beamer here.”

“
Well, hello! I hope you are calling to tell me that Andy is willing to meet with me to discuss
Rock and Roll Never Forgets
,” the man on the other end replied with a smile in his voice. “I think it’s a story that needs to be shared, and I can promise you that I will see to it personally, do it in a way that will be tasteful.”

“
We know that, it’s Carlee, Beth’s daughter,” Roddy began, “she just turned sixteen and is just now reading the book, processing it all. She knows the stories, no one ever held that back from her, but Andy waited to give her the book until everyone felt she was ready. It’s fresh to her, not ten years later like it has been for the rest of us.”

“
I see.”

“
Andy put the decision in her hands and she is thinking it over. She just needs some more time.”

“
I can wait.”

Two weeks later, during her Christmas holiday break from school, Andy and Carlee were in L.A. taking the elevator to the fifteenth floor office of Franklin Newman Productions.

“
Andy, it’s been a long time,” Franklin said as he shook his hand. “It’s good to see you, and this must be Carlee.”

She extended her hand to him, and rather than shake it as he
’d done Andy’s, he kissed it. “Franklin Newman,” he said. “Have a seat.”

The room had
lush upholstered chairs around a large round occasional table. Carlee glanced around, noticing the artwork and the view from the large window that highlighted the Los Angeles skyline. Franklin went to the phone, “Soda, water, juice? We have it all.”

“
Just water for me, please, plain ol’water, nothing special,” Carlee replied. Franklin and Andy shared a smile over her response.

“
I’ll have the same,” Andy said. He watched, proudly, as Carlee got comfortable. She sat, prim and proper, with her hands folded in her lap. This was her meeting and he was going to let her go as far as she was comfortable, before he stepped in. A woman came in carrying a tray with glasses and a pitcher of water. After she left, Franklin joined them.

“
Carlee, thank you for coming here to meet with me,” he said.

“
I asked to talk to you because I’m scared,” she said, honestly. “This story is about my mama, and I’m just not sure how I feel. I’ve thought about it, prayed over it, and I wanted to meet with you to tell you what I’ve decided.” Andy looked at Franklin and smiled.

“
Well, I hope that Andy, your Papa, has told you that we’ve worked together in the past…”

“
On music,” she said politely, “not someone’s life, my mama’s life.”

“
I understand your concerns,” he told her.

“
I’m not sure you do,” she replied politely. “See, this is very personal to me. My family has all shared the stories with me, even the ones that aren’t represented in the book. I know others outside the circle of my family know the stories,” she said and took a big breath. She had not shared with Andy what her decision would be, and like Franklin, he waited to see where she would go.

“
It’s emotional to read of so many ups and downs.” She looked at Andy and as though ashamed, he looked down.

“
It’s far more emotional for me to read of her illness. I was so young - I remember some of it, but when I read the words, well, it’s a pain that I don’t want to see, so I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to see my mama’s life in a movie, not yet anyway. I talked to Roddy and he said that there is a way to give you exclusive rights to it, so that if I decide later that I want to move forward we can. He said he would discuss that with you.” She looked at Andy and added, “But not now.”

Franklin sat quietly a moment,
“I am willing to work with you every step of the way, your approval on every step, every decision. I just think it’s an important, beautiful love story and I’ve waited a long time to pursue it. I have one of the best screenwriters in the business waiting for the OK to start putting the story into a screenplay format.”

“
No sir. I’ve thought about this, not now,” she said again.

Andy
watched her a minute. “OK?” he asked, finally.

“
Yes, sir.” she said. She looked down a moment. “May I be excused, and can someone please show me where the ladies room is?”

Franklin rose from his seat and showed her a back part of his office and pointed to the door. He returned to his seat and Andy
turned to him.

“
It’s hard for me; I know she’s having a hard time. It’s her decision; it’s her mama,” he said.

A moment later he looked up and she was making her way back. He saw red eyes and rose to go to her.
She stepped into his arms. “Do you want to go?” he whispered.

“
Yes sir, I’m ready.”

“
Carlee Elizabeth, I love you.”

“
I love you, right back, Papa.”

Franklin Newman
looked on and saw the special connection between them. Carlee turned to him, finally, and said, “Mr. Newman, thank you. It was a pleasure meeting you. Maybe someday in the future we will talk again, just not now.”

In the elevator, Andy
slipped his arm around her and squeezed. No words needed; he knew she was struggling.

CHAPTER SIX
~ New Beginnings

Carlee
’s graduation from high school was just around the corner. Adaleigh received the invitation and hesitated before she called to respond. She’d talked to Andy several times, but she hadn’t been to town in a while.

“
Hey there, stranger” he said when he answered. “I’ve missed hearing from you.”

“
Been kinda busy, working on some stuff for another album, some tour dates and appearances…”

As she spoke he noticed a difference about her and asked,
“What’s up?”

“
I want to come for Carlee’s graduation.”

“
But?”

“
But I want to tell you I’ve been seeing someone,” she said.

“
That’s great. I heard. If you’re worried about coming because of this news, don’t be. I told you from the beginning I couldn’t commit to anything more than what we’ve shared. I’m happy for you, Addy. You should be with someone who can give you all you need. I don’t know that I’ll ever be there. What we’ve shared has been good, better than good,” he said and she could hear the smile in his voice.

“
It has, and I will treasure all of it. We’ve come a long way since that first encounter in 2005.”

“
We have, and I love you for who you are, and what we’ve shared. I hope you’ll come to the graduation.”

“
I wouldn’t miss it.”

A
nd another chapter closed.

~ ~ ~

Carlee stood in front of the mirror and turned, admiring her outfit. She slipped on her sunglasses, grabbed the car keys and headed out the door. She was about to begin a new phase in her life, and she was ready for that journey. She jumped in the red 1985 Mercedes SL convertible that Andy had given her for her seventeenth birthday. It was a thirty-year-old classic, different, and she liked different. It had been Beth’s, and she cherished it. The day was warm, and she decided to put the top down. She pulled the wild, curly mass of red hair up in a knot on top of her head with a clip.

Turning the music on loud,
she found her favorite playlist. She drove in the direction of the school. Carlee had grown up with music, and she loved it all. Andy taught her to love it; everything from classical to classic rock, and she loved whatever was current and popular at a particular time in her life, as well. She related moments to the songs that went with the times. But she loved Andy’s music best.

She left early
; there was an important stop she needed to make on the way. Pulling the car along-side the narrow roadway she got out and walked five rows down, and stopped. As always, there were calla lilies in a beautiful arrangement. Andy had them replaced with fresh flowers every few days, and she knew he’d come that morning. She paused and looked to the sky; it was clear and blue, without a cloud in sight.

When I look to the sky,
she thought about the lyrics from the song by Train. It was a favorite song of hers since she was young. The sun was bright and a light breeze blew as she stood, taking it all in. Turning, she looked out from the rise toward the river. She saw a family of sandhill cranes nearby and watched them a moment. They were usually there, and she always loved seeing them. The view was beautiful, and tears rolled down her cheeks.

I can always find my way when you are here…
the song continued in her mind.

E.E.M.O.S.

13 July 195
6 – 24 Sept 2002

Beloved Wife, Mother, and Friend

Elizabeth Ellen Morgan Oliver-Stevens; they didn’t put her name on the headstone. Andy told her it was out of respect for her privacy. Her dad never went there, but Andy did. He would always ask her if she wanted to go with him, and she always said yes. She loved being with him. Saying a prayer, she kissed her fingers and touched the headstone, got back in the car and continued on to the school.

Carlee missed her mama every day. It had been fourteen years since she passed away. She was almost five, and she remembered how her mama loved her, ‘sweet girl’ she always called her. She remembered how pretty she was; petite with reddish hair, and when she was younger, Carlee would look in the mirror and try to see her mama in her own reflection. Nanny told her she looked more like her dad, but she had Beth’s heart and her passion. From what she knew, Carlee thought that was a good thing. She remembered the sound of her laughter, and it made her smile when she heard it in her mind. And although she tried not to, she remembered her being sick. She missed getting to know her in person, but she felt that she did know her. She knew her heart anyway, because of the book… because of her family.

Mostly she remembered how
Andy grieved. It wasn’t sad grief, it was lonely grief. He loved her mama; he was
‘in love with her’
, he’d told Carlee.
‘There’s a difference’,
and he didn’t hesitate to show that emotion. He didn’t hide it, he shared it. He talked to her about his Bethy, the affectionate name he had given her early in their relationship. He shared things that others didn’t, maybe because they were
his
memories. Carlee knew that he saw her as a link to her mama, but she saw him in that same light. She knew he went on dates, she knew about him and Adaleigh, but she also knew that he never got over her mama. There hadn’t really been anyone else in his life, but her.

S
he missed her dad too, but he’d left a different void in her life. She knew he loved her, she just couldn’t figure him out. At first, she was too young to try. She just knew that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make him happy, couldn’t get close to him. As she got older it all started to make sense, but it didn’t make it easier. He was always just out of her reach, and he died before he really got to know her.

With Andy, Carlee grew up with privilege. She attended private school where most of the students came from families with money, but not like Carlee. She had friends, but she knew most of them were only around because of ‘who she was’, or who they
thought
she was. She sought out only those who were genuine; and kept to herself, unless it was her family.

Most of her classmates knew the story. She would receive a trust fund from
Beth’s estate when she turned twenty-five. When her dad died, there was a life insurance policy that went to her, as well as the money from the sale of the house she had shared with him. 

Andy
made sure she wasn’t spoiled, but none of her school friends knew that. They only knew what they thought they knew. She didn’t flaunt what she had. She was simple and low-key, loved to shop at thrift stores and was, in her words, ‘an eclectic mess, that always looked cute.’ She received an allowance, and asked for what she wanted if it was beyond what she received.

~ ~ ~

Graduation… she thought it would never get here. She parked the car and entered the auditorium at six; the procession began at 6:30. She stopped to pick up her cap and gown, along with the gold drape she would wear to signify that she was graduating with honors, as well as her Associate in Arts degree. She doubled up her junior and senior year to complete the curriculum, and would receive both diplomas as she graduated from Brighton Prep.

Lining up with her classmates, the procession to the auditorium began. As they entered
, she saw them. To the left of the stage, where the graduates would receive their diplomas, sat the whole big group of people she called her family. She waved and blew kisses to them.  

Seated,
she looked again to where they were all sitting. Nanny and Pops were in the front row; Andy sat next to them, and then Kimmy and Lane, along with Jenna and her boyfriend, Maxx. In the row behind them were her mama’s brothers and their families. The next row was filled with Roddy and Vince, Adaleigh and Marco, and Nathan and Dina beside them.

She touched the pearl bracelet
she wore on her wrist and smiled, remembering. Her very first real, vivid, memory was her fourth birthday,
The Little Mermaid
party. Andy had given her a pearl necklace in the theme of the party. When she could no longer wear it, because it was too small, he had the original pearls made into the bracelet she wore. Except for Maxx, Marco and Adaleigh, all those people sitting there had been at that party; her family, the people she loved most…

The list of the names of her classmates, the Brighton Preparatory Academy Class of 2016, began. She watched as they crossed the stage to receive their diplomas. O
, I’ll be here a while…
she thought.

Finally, it was getting close;
“Debra Eileen Martin…” She rose and followed those before her as they moved closer to the stage. “Candace Caitlin McLean…” “David Gregory Napier…” “Myers Allen Newell…” “Carlee Elizabeth Oliver-Stevens…” She ascended the steps, and the headmaster moved her tassel from the right side to the left, and handed her both diplomas. As she exited the stage, she heard Andy whistle as the rest of them hooted and hollered, and she grinned.

Afterward, they all met in the courtyard. As she hugged Andy, she knew his thoughts. “Your mama would be so proud,” he whispered in her ear. She hugged him tighter, and nuzzled his cheek.

She made her way around the group of people, hugging them all as they congratulated her. Nanny and Pops were having a
big party the next day. That evening Andy wanted her time.

“
Carlee, wait, let’s go for a ride,” he suggested as they got ready to leave.  

“
OK, I’ll drive,” she answered. They got in her car and she put the top down, “Where to?” she asked.

“
Let’s head to the beach, what about The Bistro?” he asked.

“
Sure, I love it there!”

As they entered, Carlee looked around, it was a small place with only a few tables, one of the reasons they liked it. The tables were round and that night there were white carnations in the vases, except on their table, which had calla lilies.

“
You knew we were coming here,” she laughed.

“
I hoped,” he replied, loving the smile on her face, the bright eyes that looked back at him, and the laughter he heard.

Andy ordered a glass of Chenin Blanc, and Carlee her favorite
raspberry tea. They looked over the menu, chatting about the days’ festivities. After a while, he pulled an envelope from his back pocket and put it on the table. He didn’t give it to her. He just put it there for her to see.

“
What are your plans for the summer,” he asked, knowing their last conversation on this subject had netted no real reply. She’d been accepted to Flagler College. It was close to home, and she wanted to stay close. She committed for the fall term, considering a major in psychology.

“
I’m not sure, Papa,” she replied, fiddling with the straw in her glass. “Camp later in the summer… I have some other ideas, but nothing carved in stone.”

“
I have an idea if you’re interested,” he said and pushed the envelope her way.

She ripped into it
to find a beautiful card; all of his cards were, and she knew why – he was making up to her what he’d neglected with Beth. She saved every one of them. Inside were a trip itinerary and a credit card. She looked up at him. The plan showed departure from Orlando, landing in England and return a flight four weeks later. The departure city for return was open.

“
You can take whoever you’d like,” he told her.

She was drinking it all in, her mind racing, but she said nothing.

“I never made that trip with your mama. We went to England and Ireland one time, but I never took her on the European tour. That was a bad time,” he continued, sadly, remembering.

She knew the story.
 She thought for a while, still saying nothing. Finally, she replied, “I’d like that.” Thoughtful another moment she added, “When do we leave?”

“
We?” He looked up and she had a big smile on her face.

“
Papa, I can’t think of another person I’d rather take that trip with!”

“
Really?” This surprised him. “I made sure the ticket could be in anyone’s name once we confirmed it all. What about Jenna?”

“
Are you saying you don’t want to go with me?” she teased.

“
No, not at all, I just figured…”

“
Well then, its set! Let’s get this thing going! I gotta be back by August 12
th
. Butterfly Camp starts the 15
th
, and I move into the dorms at school the 27
th
.”

“
You sure you want to drag this old fella along with you? I’m not as quick as I used to be,” he said and laughed. He would celebrate his 66
th
birthday in October.