When Jeff Comes Home (19 page)

I was wary, expecting questions or a lecture or both, but Lewis was businesslike as he laid out the rules and routine of his PE class. The only personal remark he made was to let me know that he coached track in addition to teaching PE. After urging me to try out for the team in spring, Lewis handed me a lock, combination attached, and pointed the way to locker 105.

My locker was located in an alcove, off from the crowded main section of the room. Whether I had been given that location by accident or design, I was thankful. The two guys dressing near my locker didn't even look up at me.

Still, I waited for them to finish. I opened the locker slowly and put my backpack inside. Sitting down on the bench, I untied the pack and pulled out the green shorts and T-shirt uniform I was supposed to wear.

In seconds, the locker room went from pandemonium to near silence as the bulk of the class followed Coach Lewis through the passageway to the gym.

Five minutes passed. I knew I could not put it off any longer. I dressed out, feeling cold and exposed.

Badminton nets were strung across the gym floor, and eight separate courts had been set up. Coach Lewis and a tall, blond woman dressed in sweats were lecturing a mix of guys and girls standing over by the basketball bleachers. I joined the edge of the circle. Charlie stood opposite, near the coaches. She caught my eye and smiled over at me. I nodded, giving her a half wave.

"Okay, people," the woman teacher concluded, "break into small groups and practice serving."

Charlie hurried over. "Sherry's going to get the racquets. Practice with us, okay?" Her smile looked forced, and I wondered what she had heard while I was in the locker room.

I hadn't played badminton since I was about nine, but the knack returned to me quickly. Soon Charlie and Sherry were giggling and I was trying hard not to smile as we became involved in an elaborate game of hot potato.

Sherry let the birdie drop when Coach Lewis blew his whistle. "Listen up. Break into teams of four, boys against girls, extra people rotate in. Come on, let's get some games going."

Charlie and Sherry looked at each other. That my dilemma was as obvious to them as it was to me was humiliating.

"Maybe you can stay with'us, Jeff ..." Sherry said, trailing off.

I closed my eyes a moment, then smiled at her. "Nah. Don't worry about it."

"Hey, Sherry, play with us," a girl called from a nearby court. "You too, Charlie." Sherry moved off, but Charlie hesitated, looking back at me.

"Go ahead," I said, trying not to sound impatient. Charlie nodded, walking off. I stood back, trying to blend into the wall.

Vin's team was playing fast and furious already, lined up against four girls who looked like athletes themselves. I watched them for a while until I noticed Andy watching me. I looked away fast, catching the coach's eye as I did.

"Hart, what are you doing over there?" he called, coming my way. Blushing, I shrugged my shoulders. "Find a team then and ..." He hesitated, looking around. "There!" he said, pointing to the nearest court: Charlie's. "Stand by the net and wait your turn to rotate in."

"Yes sir," I said automatically, blushing again as he turned to stare.

"Right, then," Lewis nodded awkwardly, showing me the way.

"Aw no, Coach," one of the guys cried as I arrived. "Why do we have to take him?"

As I shuffled in place, Lewis watched the guy, who wilted under his stare. Lewis turned back to me. "Got a watch? Good. Let them go another five minutes, then rotate in. Hooten"—he pointed—"you're out at that point."

"Coach, why don't you put Hart on the girls' side?" Another guy spoke, grinning, looking over at Hooten for approval.

Lewis stared at him. "Now why should I do that, Woods?"

"You know, Coach. You're the one who told us ... "

I closed my eyes. It seemed another group of people had been discussing me and my problems.

"You're out, Woods," Lewis said coldly.

"Come with me." Lewis strode off toward the far corner of the gym, Woods trailing after him sullenly. Hooten watched them go, grinning, then started the game again, serving brutally hard into a girl's face. I stayed where the coach had indicated, trying to look cool but shaking inside. Glancing at my watch again, I saw that the period wasn't even half over.

I wasn't about to insist on rotating into the game, but Sherry, who seemed to have appointed herself captain, did it for me.

"Okay, Mark, it's been five minutes. Let Jeff take your place."

Hooten said, "No way," just as I said, "That's okay. I'll just watch." I regarded him coolly. He stared at me, smiling. I had backed down too easily.

Steeling myself, I looked him over. Hooten's mouth appeared to be the strongest thing about him. He was easily five inches shorter than me, and a potbelly strained against the fabric of his T-shirt. I looked him over again, sneering this time, wanting him to know that if I cared to do it, I could best him physically, no problem.

For the first time, Hooten looked uncertain. But he blustered it out. "Don't look at me, boy. You faggot."

I blushed again, retreating. How could a word hold so much power over me? A word, after everything I lived through with Ray.

"You can have your fucking game," I muttered, turning my back on him, heading for the gym wall.

"So, Hart, did you like it?" Hooten called after me. I stopped, my face burning. Charlie came over, and touched my arm. I recognized the expression on her face.

"Charlie, don't." I meant both for her not to cry and not to touch me. She understood, backing away.

I could think of nothing to say to Hooten. But I knew, at least, I could face him down. Turning back, I met his stare directly, keeping my face expressionless. Hooten grinned, knowing he had the edge.

Vin's team stood motionless, watching the action on our court. Vin was at the edge of the group, his eyes on Hooten, head cocked to listen. I felt like a deer stunned by the headlights. I knew disaster was coming and there was absolutely nothing I could do to prevent it.

"So, sweet Hart, you miss getting it regular?" Hooten laughed, glancing around at the others. He stopped laughing when he saw Vin coming his way.

Swearing to myself, I scanned the room for Coach Lewis. He was at the other end of the gym talking to Woods, writing something down on a clipboard. I didn't want this. I didn't want any of it.

Vin walked right into Hooten's comfort zone, towering over him. When Hooten tried to back up, Vin grabbed a handful of T-shirt, pulling him close.

"You know what they say, Hooten. The more a guy talks about it, the more likely he is one." Hooten was actually standing on tiptoes.

"I wasn't talking to you," he choked out, trying to backpedal. Vin's friends, including Andy, came to stand behind him.

"No, but I'm talking to
you,
dickhead," Vin said calmly.

"Stop it," I told him. "I can fight my own battles."

Vin considered that, then said, "I don't like assholes, so this is my battle." He focused his attention back on Hooten. "You don't say a word to him without saying it to me first. Then I'll let you know if it's okay. Got that?"

Vin kept his hold on Hooten until he nodded. Then he released him like he was throwing away a used tissue. The girls and most of the guys laughed as Hooten stumbled, then fell to the floor.

Coach Lewis charged over, ready to explode. He looked from Hooten, still on the floor, to Vin, cool and collected a few feet away from him.

"Looks like I'm going to have to baby-sit these boys, Perini," he said finally.

"Yes sir," Vin said blandly. "Coach, I want Hart on my team."

Lewis regarded me. "Yeah, go ahead," he said crisply, nodding to Vin. "And Hooten, get off your ass unless you want to join Woods and take an F for the day."

We reassembled in Vin's court. "Hey, Keller," he said to Andy, "let Jeff take your spot." Andy looked at him in disbelief. Vin stared back at him, raising his eyebrows. Andy gave, muttering to himself. I stepped into Andy's spot, holding my breath as I passed him.

I was the first one out of the gym when the bell rang. The guys filing into the locker room after me were mostly subdued. But each one, as he passed, glanced over at me, and I heard several of them rehashing what had happened between Vin and Hooten, embellishments added.

No matter what Dad expected from me, I had had enough. It was not in me to serve as chief freak in a traveling sideshow. Vin's gesture was meaningless, stemming from sudden pity or the urge to play big man for an audience. I couldn't accept it either way.

I paced outside the girls' locker room, waiting for Charlie so I could tell her I was leaving. My foot caught on a depression in the sidewalk and I stumbled into a chain link fence, cursing. But I felt how the sun had touched the metal, and I threaded my fingers through the links, leaning back, gradually resting my entire weight against the fence.

After a minute or two, I heard the distinctive creak of the boys' locker room door swinging open, and then someone calling my name. I stood up, tense. Vin came charging around the corner. When he saw me, he stopped dead.

"Why'd you run out like that?" he said, attempting a smile. I gave him the coldest, most knowing look I could muster. "Come on, say something."

"Okay. Thanks. Is that what you want to hear? You're free. You can feel good about yourself now."

Vin stared at me, tilting his head as if he had not heard correctly. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm impressed, the coach was impressed, the geek was impressed. No one's watching now. I'll take it from here."

"What does that mean, you'll take it from here?" Vin was starting to look angry.

Charlie came out of the girls' locker room and hurried over to join us.

" Charlie, don't worry about anything, but I'm leaving." I left without waiting for her response.

"Hey," Vin called, "I'm not done talking to you."

"Let it go," I said, loudly enough so he would catch it, repeating the words to myself.

Let it go.

As I walked away from them, I could still feel the cross-hatching of the fence against my back.

VlN CAME POUNDING AFTER ME BEFORE I HAD

even reached the end of the Humanities building.

"What's the point," I muttered, but slowed down. Some of the classroom doors were open and the last thing I wanted was to explain to some teacher who I was and where I was going. Vin caught up to me and we walked along together in silence.

When we were past the building, out in the open courtyard, I stopped, turning to face him.

"Look," I said, choosing my words carefully, "whatever you think you're doing now, you don't need to. I forgive you, if that's what you want. I even understand. I'm embarrassed to be me, so why shouldn't you be embarrassed to be around me?"

Vin looked down.

"Maybe you weren't trying to show off in the gym. Maybe you really were being a nice guy. But what is that worth? Right before that you and Andy and those guys were laughing at me. They must have been saying the same kind of things Hooten was."

"I never laughed at you. You have to believe that. I just stood there while they ..." Vin hesitated. "I just stood there."

I watched him for a moment, then sighed. The bell rang, and the surrounding classrooms began to empty out. "Just forget it, okay? See you around."

But Vin kept pace with me as I retraced the route Charlie and I had taken that morning. When we reached the student parking lot, he stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I looked at him in disbelief, wondering how far he was prepared to take this.

"Don't leave now. It'll look terrible. Come on. Let me walk you to your next class."

I laughed sharply. "You and Charlie. I must really be pathetic."

Vin squinted at me, frowning. "What's does that mean?"

"You want to lead me around campus? Like your goddamn puppy?"

He didn't flinch. "You'll need help at first. Once people know you're with me and they know I'm okay with it, they'll treat you right. You saw what happened in the gym."

"Big man," I said softly.

"I am if I want to be," he said, not sounding offended.

"An hour ago you didn't want anything to do with me. What's different now?"

"Jeff, come on," he said quietly. "I made a mistake, all right? Let me make it up to you. Please."

I searched Vin's face, really looking at him for the first time since I had come home. Suddenly I saw the boy I had known so well, so long ago. We had been inseparable once. From fifth grade through eighth, barely a day had gone by without our seeing each other. But what did a childhood friendship mean now? What
could
it mean, after everything, after Ray? Ray had stolen that from me too, I realized: the ability to have a friend.

"Sorry, Vin," I muttered, my voice thick. "I. . . "

"Come on," he said quietly, but insistently. "Let's take a ride."

Not sure why I was doing it, I climbed into Vin's truck. It was only then I realized how tired I was. It seemed as if I had been standing forever. My legs shook in delayed reaction. I clasped my thighs to control the effect, but Vin didn't appear to notice.