When Love Is Enough (11 page)

Their fingers touched when he took it from her and she jerked her hand away as if even through her gloves his touch burned her.

Something inside him died at that moment. He wanted to say her reaction to his kiss hadn’t bothered him, but it had - more than he thought he could live with.

He took a step away from her then stopped when a voice from across the terrace interrupted them.

"There you are. Allow me to escort you back inside, Lydia."

"Yes, please."

The Marquess of Culbertson stepped toward them and claimed the woman he’d been given to be his bride.

When they left he stood in the cold December air and relived another time when he’d lost everything.

He was gone.

It had been three weeks and she should be glad he wasn’t there as a constant temptation. Glad he wasn’t there to consume her thoughts every second of her day. Glad she was free to concentrate on her future with the Marquess of Culbertson.

Except in the twenty-one days since he’d moved out of Etherhouse, she’d been able to concentrate on nothing but Gabriel. And the night he’d kissed her.

Her mind constantly relived the feel of his lips against hers, the warmth of his body pressed against her, the swirling passion she almost hadn’t been able to ignore. It took every ounce of determination and willpower not to give in to him.

Oh, how she’d ached to wrap her arms around his neck and return his kisses.

She walked over to Harrison’s copy of
Bleak House
and ran her fingers over the gold embossed leather. She started to take it off the library shelf, then pushed it back in frustration.

Why had he kissed her? What did he hope to prove? That she still loved him?

She doubled her fist and slammed it against the bookcase. She hoped he was satisfied. He’d ruined everything. She’d spent the last year convincing herself she hated him, that she would never feel anything for him except disdain. And with one kiss...

She leaned her forehead against the cool leather spines and swallowed hard. Instead, the second his lips touched hers, the earth had spun on its axis. A heat unlike anything she’d ever felt spread through her and her lungs couldn’t take in enough air to breathe. Damn him! She’d been so sure she’d destroyed every emotion she’d ever felt for him. So sure she’d be just as disappointed with his kisses as she was with the Marquess of Culbertson’s.

But she hadn’t been. His kiss reminded her of what she’d lost. His kiss forced her to realize that her life with Culbertson would be filled with the granting of every earthly request, yet remain devoid of the passion she could share with Gabriel.

She pushed herself away from the bookcase and pressed her hands to her burning cheeks. She fought the self-loathing that consumed her. She still loved him. No matter how hard she tried not to, she still loved the man who’d given her up when he discovered she wouldn’t come with a dowry.

She touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel the touch of his lips against hers. Could still feel his arms holding her, his hands touching her.

God help her. When would it go away? When would she wake up without Gabriel being her first thought? Or go to bed without him being her last? When would she fall asleep without being consumed by dreams of him? When would she—

"Are you ready, Lydia?"

She caught her startled gasp and turned around. Harrison stood in the doorway dressed in his finest. He was such a handsome man that she was confused as to why he hadn’t picked out a wife. It wasn’t for lack of eligible females throwing themselves at him.

"Yes, I was just..."

"I know," he answered when she didn’t finish and she knew he was aware of whom she’d been thinking.

He took one step into the room and stopped. "He’s fine, Liddy."

She put on a bored expression and prayed her brother couldn’t tell how rapidly her heart was beating. "Of course, he is. Why wouldn’t he be?" She brushed at an imaginary wrinkle on her gown. "Have you heard from him?"

"I dropped by the flat where he’s staying to see if he needed anything."

"Did he?"

Harrison shook his head and closed the door behind him. They were alone now and she knew what Harrison was going to say before he started.

"You have to forget him, Liddy."

She put as sincere a smile on her face as she could. "I have. I’m just curious. I wasn’t sure he was ready to be on his own when he left."

Her brother walked across the room and stopped before the blazing fireplace. He braced his outstretched hands against the mantel and stared into the fire. "Chisolmwood came to see me today. He wants to formally announce your engagement." He took a deep breath and turned to face her. "I think that’s wise."

She felt her cheeks warm but refused to back down from her brother’s intense gaze. "We will," she said with a smile on her face. "We just haven’t discussed that. I’m sure that in time—"

"Time isn’t your friend. It won’t change anything."

"I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why do you think I want anything to change?"

He narrowed his gaze. "Gabe will never ask you to marry him. He can’t. Father signed the papers betrothing you to the Marquess of Culbertson. There’s nothing you can do to change that without causing a scandal."

Her heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach. "That was cruel, Harrison."

"I’m sorry. It wasn’t meant to be cruel. I meant it in the kindest way possible."

"Then you don’t need to worry. I don’t want to marry Major Talbot, and he doesn’t want to marry me. He made that quite clear a year ago." She walked toward the door. "Now, if you’re done explaining my duty, I think we’d better go. The Biltmore Ball is guaranteed to be a lavish affair and the crowd will be impossible if we’re late."

Harrison crossed the room and opened the door for her. She silently walked through the foyer to where Hannah and their butler waited with their cloaks. The weather had turned colder this week but it wouldn’t be long until spring.

She pulled her red velvet cloak closer around her neck to ease the heavy weight that pressed down on her. A painful breath stabbed inside her chest. Harrison was right. Thinking about Gabe didn’t help her. In fact, it hurt her.

"Perhaps if Geoffery is there tonight," she said as the carriage rumbled over London’s cobblestone streets, "the subject of our betrothal will come up."

Harrison laughed. "What do you mean,
if
he’s there? Of course he’ll be there. He always attends the functions at which he knows you’ll be in attendance."

"Unless he’s away on government business," she added, knowing she couldn’t put off giving the marquess an answer any longer. Knowing she didn’t want to.

"Yes, there is that," Harrison said as the carriage came to a stop in front of the Biltmore town house.

Every window was aglow with the brilliant lights from the huge chandeliers that hung from the ceilings in every room. She hoped the festive ambiance would replace the dread she suddenly felt. Why wasn’t she brimming with excitement? Why wasn’t she giddy with anticipation? She would see the marquess again tonight.

She stopped at the top of the stairs and looked around the ballroom. Her gaze focused on Culbertson and her good friend Emmeline, swirling in perfect unity to a waltz the orchestra played.

It was hard to miss him. His tall physique and striking appearance made him stand out in a crowd. Add to that Emmeline’s grace and beauty and only someone blind could overlook them.

She smiled. The marquess held his partner in his arms and looked down into the warm, open smile on her face. Liddy watched for several moments, wishing her heart would race when she looked at her future husband. Wishing she’d feel something other than the unsettled turmoil that had been there since Gabriel had reentered her life.

She stared out onto the dance floor and gathered her resolve. She’d survived losing Gabriel before and she could do it again. Her father had exposed Gabriel’s greed and chosen a man of exemplary character when he’d picked the Marquess of Culbertson. No matter what feelings she still harbored for Gabriel, she wouldn’t go against her father’s wishes. Harrison was right. She’d avoided the inevitable long enough.

The orchestra stopped playing and she took Harrison’s arm and walked down the stairs into the ballroom. The minute Culbertson noticed her, he brought Emmeline over to where they stood.

"Lady Lydia. Etherington," he greeted, and Lydia greeted he and Emmeline in return. They talked for several minutes about nothing in particular and when the orchestra struck the chord to begin the next set, he asked her to dance.

He held out his arm and she placed her hand on it, praying she would feel a shiver of excitement when she touched him.

Telling herself it didn’t matter when she didn’t.

The carriage Harrison had sent for him stopped in front of Etherhouse, and Gabriel slid to the edge of the seat. It had been several weeks since he’d left, weeks since he’d seen her. If Harrison’s message hadn’t sounded so damned urgent, he’d have ignored it. He wasn’t ready to see her again. She’d made her feelings obvious the last time he saw her. He could still feel her cold, unresponsive lips beneath his. Still hear the disdain in her voice, the rejection. She wanted nothing to do with him and he vowed to honor her wishes.

He dismounted the carriage and stood for a moment until he could gain his balance. He’d improved a great deal since he’d left Etherhouse, and the intense pain that gripped his knotted muscles when he demanded too much from them wasn’t nearly as severe as it had once been. He was confident the day would come when perhaps he’d even walk without a cane. Never without a limp, but perhaps without a cane. But not yet.

He took his first step then made his way up the walk. An intense wave of unease washed over him as Ruskins opened the door. From the look on his face, something was definitely wrong.

"Good day, Major Talbot." There was a hint of strain in his voice.

"Good day, Ruskins."

The frown didn’t leave Ruskins’ face and as he helped Gabriel off with his cloak, the butler’s usual staid and steady slowness seemed hurried.

"Lord Etherington is waiting for you in the library."

He followed Ruskins to the study door and walked inside.

Harrison stood by the crackling fireplace, his posture unnaturally rigid, his hands clasped behind his back and a deep frown darkening his features.

"Gabe."

He would have brushed aside the worry he felt if the strain in Harrison’s voice hadn’t been so obvious. "Harrison?"

Gabriel noticed his friend’s pale complexion and the dark rings that circled his eyes. Worry and lack of sleep were evident.

"Is something wrong with Lydia?"

Harrison shook his head. "It’s Austin. They have him."

Gabriel’s heart clenched tight in his chest. "Who has him?"

"The French. I just received word from the Ministry of Defense. Of course, officially our government denies they know Austin or that he has any military connection. But at least they were considerate enough to inform me that he’d been captured."

Gabe took a few steps into the room. "Tell me everything you know."

Harrison swiped his fingers through his hair. "I received a visit from one of the undersecretaries during the night. He wouldn’t tell me why Austin had been sent to France, only that he was there."

Gabriel breathed a heavy sigh. "If Austin is in France, he was sent there to watch Napoleon III."

Harrison’s brows shot upward. "Why do you think that?"

"It’s been rumored for some time now that the emperor has ambitions as great as his uncle."

Harrison released a heavy sigh. "Yes, I’d heard rumblings along those lines but hoped they were unfounded."

"Where is he being held?"

"I’m not sure. All I know is he was last seen in Paris."

Gabriel thought of Austin being held in a French prison. He’d move heaven and earth to save him. That’s what Austin had done for him. "It won’t take me long to locate him."

"No, Gabe. I can’t let you go after him."

"You can’t stop me."

"You’d be arrested before you stepped on French soil."

"I may walk with a limp, but my injuries haven’t affected my thinking, or the connections I have in France."

"But it has affected your mobility, the way you get around. Sending you over to save Austin would only get you killed."

"That’s a risk I’m willing to take."

"Well, I’m not!"

"You have no choice. I have connections in France."

"If you can get to them."

"I will. I’ll go ashore in Le Havre or Rouen and make my way to Paris by land."

"Your limp draws attention to you whether you like it or not. You can’t hide. And you can’t enter France from someplace else. They have every inch of French coastline guarded night and day. You’d never make it past the military."

"Then I’ll sail in under their noses."

"You can’t! I won’t let you!"

"If you didn’t bloody want me to go after Austin, then why the hell did you send for me?"

"Because I need your help. Give me the names of people over there who can go after Austin. Names of people I can trust."

"No one! I’m the only one who can get to Austin. If the country’s as unstable as you say it is, do you really think I’ll give you the names of the agents I know the government is looking for? No. I won’t take such a risk. I’ll go. Or no one will."

Etherington slammed his fist down on the top of the desk. "You can’t do it! Not alone! Not with your injuries! You’d need a diversion. Something or someone who could draw attention away from you!"

"There isn’t anyone who can do that!"

The door opened and both men spun around to where Lydia stood inside the room.

"I can do it."

Gabriel’s heart leaped to his throat. He’d spent every day since he’d left her trying to convince himself he could live the rest of his life without her. Seeing her today undid everything he’d tried to forget - the feel of her in his arms, the way her hair smelled of lilacs and roses, the feel of her lips pressed to his.