When Love Is Enough (2 page)

"You can’t, Father," Harrison said. "We can’t sell Liddy to pay for our debts. She’d never forgive us—"

Chisolmwood held up his hand and Harrison broke off his sentence. "What would you have them do, Talbot? Would you encourage Etherington to withhold his signature?"

Chisolmwood paused as if giving Gabriel time to consider his question then paced a small area in front of them as if he were an orator giving a lecture. He stopped and fired another question Gabriel couldn’t answer.

"Or better yet, perhaps we should call in Lady Lydia and let her make the choice." He leveled his gaze at Gabriel. "Which do you think she’ll choose, Talbot? Marriage to you, or keeping her father and brothers from ultimate ruination?"

Gabriel tried not to react. Instead, he stared at the paper in front of Etherington. The paper that had the power to take Lydia away from him forever.

His mind didn’t want to consider the answers to any of Chisolmwood’s questions. Neither did his heart. Deep inside he knew he had no choice but to face the nightmare that was unfolding. Once Lydia understood what her marriage to him would cost her family, he knew the choice she’d make. She loved her father and her brothers too much to see them ruined.

Yet, how could he give her up?

"What answer would you give him?" Chisolmwood repeated.

"We’ll find another way, Gabe," Harrison declared. "You and Lydia love each other."

A similar declaration came from Austin, even more resolute. He was ever the one to search for the bright side to every problem, ever the one to refuse to admit the hopelessness of a situation.

"Choose, Talbot," the duke demanded.

Austin stepped forward. "We have until tomorrow, Gabe. Maybe we’ll find a way by then to—"

Gabriel shot him a harsh look and Austin’s words died unspoken.

"Sign the paper," Gabriel said to the Earl of Etherington.

"Gabe, no," Harrison and Austin both protested as if there was another possibility.

"Sign it," he repeated. The second the words were out in the open, a pain exploded inside his chest that nearly took him to his knees.

How could he live his life without her?

Chisolmwood smiled. "I’m glad to see you are not such a proud man. Rest assured, though, I am not totally without feelings. I will make your sacrifice well worth any inconvenience it might cause you."

Before Gabriel could think better of his actions, he stepped so close to the Duke of Chisolmwood he could have wrapped his fingers around the bastard’s throat and choked the air from his body.

"I’ll not take one pound from you, and you have my promise now. If I ever have it in my power to destroy you, I won’t hesitate to do it."

For an instant the smug, self-confident expression on the duke’s face fell away. Gabe was glad that Chisolmwood understood his meaning. If ever given the chance, he would more than destroy him. He’d kill him.

Chisolmwood faltered, then with an inborn aplomb, he recovered.

"I’m waiting," the duke said to Etherington.

Etherington lifted his gaze, first to Harrison, then to Austin. And finally to Gabe.

The older man’s features were tightly drawn over pasty white cheeks. His lifeless blue eyes clouded with guilt and regret and something more. Despair.

"What choice do I have?" he said softly, the question lacking hope, his expression beseeching one of them to offer a solution.

No one did because there wasn’t a solution.

Then, with trembling hands, Lydia’s father picked up the pen on his desk and condemned his daughter to pay for the debts his reckless spending and poor investments had created; he condemned her to live a life unlike the one they all knew she wanted.

Unlike the one Gabriel had dreamed of from the day he’d met her.

When the paper was signed, the pen fell from Etherington’s fingers and the earl sank back against his chair, a broken man.

The Duke of Chisolmwood folded the signed document and stuck it in his pocket. "I’ll see myself out," he said and walked from the room.

No one said anything for several long minutes after he left. How could they? What was there to say? The damage was done and no words could change what had happened.

Gabriel waited until his legs were steady enough to carry him from the room, then walked to the door. Harrison’s voice stopped him.

"
You
have to tell her, Gabe."

Gabe clutched his hand around the brass knob on the door. What could he tell her? What words were there to explain why he couldn’t marry her that wouldn’t leave her hating him? Hating her family? Hating the man she’d eventually have to marry?

Gabriel spun around. "
You
tell her. I’ve sacrificed enough for this family."

"I know you have. More than any of us. But you can’t let her think you still have feelings for her. You have to convince her you no longer love her."

Gabriel dropped his head to his chest. It was suddenly too heavy to hold up. "I can’t."

"If you feel anything for her, you won’t let her go through life thinking you still love her. It would be kinder to sever any ties today."

There was a softness in Harrison’s voice that pulled at Gabriel’s heart. Harrison was right. It would be better if she forgot what they’d shared so she could be happy with someone else.

He sucked in a deep breath that burned in his chest. He would make his break swift and clean. Maybe it would be less painful that way.

Except he knew the pain he felt now would never go away.

"Where is she?"

"Probably in the garden. Down by the lily pond. It’s where she always goes when she’s upset or needs to be by herself."

He walked across the room to the multi-paned glass door that would take him outside. Austin’s voice stopped him before he left.

"Gabe?"

He didn’t turn around. He couldn’t face any of them. He needed all his courage to face Lydia.

"I’m sorry," he heard Austin say as he threw open the door.

Except Gabriel Talbot knew he was the one who would regret this day for the rest of his life.

___

He crossed the terrace, then made his way down the flagstone walk, each step echoing a plea that she would survive the pain he would cause her. He had to be cruel, final. He couldn’t let her think he still loved her or that there was a chance he would come back to her.

Harboring such hope would be unfair to them both.

He took the path to the right of the gazebo and walked a few feet. He saw her ahead of him looking out over the small pond and stopped. Fingers of dread clenched around his heart.

God help him. He couldn’t do this. He loved her too much to lose her. But if they married and she found out their love had ruined her father and brothers, she’d hate him forever. And herself.

He willed his heart to turn to stone - unfeeling, unemotional...as cold as ice. He walked toward her. She turned when she heard him.

"Gabe!"

Her dainty hand flew to her mouth. She ran to him and threw herself in his arms.

He saw the fear on her face and held her, but not close enough to feel her warmth. If he weakened now, he knew a part of him would die when he had to let her go.

"Oh, Gabe. I’ve been so afraid."

"Afraid? Why?"

He pushed her away from him before her body left an imprint that would last a lifetime.

"Didn’t Father tell you? The duke wants me to marry his son, the Marquess of Culbertson! I refused, of course. I told Father I loved you and we were going to marry."

She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist. His flesh burned from her touch. Every protective instinct raced to the forefront. He wanted to take her somewhere far away from here. Someplace where they would never find her. Someplace where he could keep her safe, keep her to himself.

"What are we going to do, Gabe?"

God help him. He wasn’t going to survive this.

He placed his hands against her upper arms and separated her from him. The desperation in her deep blue eyes was nearly his undoing. He forced another layer of ice to form around his heart before he looked at her.

"Did you tell them?" she asked.

"Tell them what?"

"That we love each other. That we want to marry."

She stared at him, her expression darkening with concern. He didn’t want to say what he knew he must. He didn’t want to see the pain he would cause her. But—

"Oh, Liddy," he said, tapping the tip of her nose with his finger. "What a silly goose you are. Surely you realized all along we couldn’t marry. I’m not titled. My future is with the army. I’ll never earn enough to support you."

She stiffened in his arms. "You know the money doesn’t matter. I’ve never cared whether you were rich or titled. We wouldn’t need a great deal. We’d get by on whatever you could provide. And I have Southerby Manor that my maternal grandmother left me. It would be enough."

"No, it wouldn’t. If I married you without your father’s blessing, you’d come with no dowry."

She separated herself from him. "And that matters?"

He laughed. "Of course it matters. Even
you
have to realize it matters."

She stepped back another step. "Is that why you wanted me? For my dowry?"

"Well, I just naturally thought. . ."

She stumbled again. Her voice broke when she spoke. "No, Gabriel. Don’t do this to me."

The pain in her eyes shot through to his heart.

"Ah, Liddy. Don’t look so shocked."

"You said you loved me. You said you wanted to marry me."

He forced himself to laugh. "A man says many things when he
thinks
he’s in love. I would have promised you the moon but you know I couldn’t have given it to you."

She shook her head, the shock, the disbelief, the pain evident in her eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

"I’m doing nothing. Only being practical. We need money to live, and you, unfortunately, will come with none."

A vast chasm of silence separated them until she spoke, her voice hesitant, filled with pain. "Did you mean anything you said to me? Even one word? Or was everything a lie?"

"Of course, I meant what I said." The icy shield around his heart cracked. "At least I did when I thought you’d come with a dowry."

She opened her mouth to say something but no words came. He filled in the gap. "I wouldn’t be satisfied living the rest of my life in poverty, Liddy. And neither would you. In time, you’d resent me because I couldn’t provide for you like you’re accustomed. As I’d resent you."

"You know that’s not true."

"But it is. Without money we’d end up hating each other."

She slapped his hands away from her and stumbled back to put more distance between them.

"Who are you?" she asked, the horror on her face plain to see. "You aren’t the Gabriel to whom I gave my heart."

Another layer protecting his heart shattered and fell away.

"You aren’t the man who had no care for riches or the title he’d never have. Nor are you the loving and caring man I would have been content to spend the rest of my life loving. What have you done with him? You aren’t that man."

The final layer surrounding his heart crumbled, exposing his vulnerability. He struggled to protect himself with the thin barrier left around his emotions. "Of course, I am. I’m just more practical now. I’m the same person, only now I’ve had time to realize the obstacles we’d face if your father refused to give you a dowry. Now I realize I could never be content with just your love."

She shook her head. "No, you’re not him. I could never have loved someone as vain and selfish as you."

His heart died inside his chest. "Surely you’re aware of how important money is to someone who has none."

"Get out," she whispered, her voice harsh. "Go away and leave me alone."

"Liddy—"

"Go!"

He stood, unable to move for several seconds.

Finally, he forced his body to turn and his feet to go forward. He walked away from her. But it was only his body he took with him.

He left his broken heart behind because he knew he would never love again.

Crimean peninsula
April 16, 1855

The stench of death permeated the air so that Gabe could hardly breathe. The moans and screams of the injured and dying echoed in his ears. There was no escape from it. Death was all around him, a part of him. Even if he survived this madness, he knew the sights and sounds of the suffering and inhumanity would haunt him for the rest of his life. And the nightmares would stay with him until he drew his last breath.

Major Gabriel Talbot sucked in as deep a breath as his injured body would allow, then prayed to God he wouldn’t die here. Not in this hellhole, fighting a war that had no purpose and would gain nothing for Britain when it was finished.

Blood dripped steadily from his fingertips and he clutched his hand over the blood-soaked bandage wrapped around his upper arm. Just his damned luck. The bullet was still lodged in his flesh. Now he’d have to let those filthy butchers cut on him to get it out.

Every soldier in the Crimea knew they had a better chance of surviving on the battlefield than in an army hospital. And Gabriel knew the wounds he’d suffered tonight were too severe to keep him from going under the surgeon’s knife.

He dragged in a shuddering breath and fought a pain so intense he could barely stand up under it. The dead Russian general responsible for his injuries lay lifeless at his feet and Gabriel tucked the papers he’d taken from him into a secret pocket in his jacket. Papers that outlined the Russian plan of assault. Papers that contained information that would save thousands of lives and affect the outcome of the war. He had to get the information to General Simpson.

Gabriel pushed himself away from the crumbling wall that surrounded the town of Sebastopol, the Russian stronghold that protected their naval port. From here the Russian army received food, arms, and the replacement troops they needed to rain down destruction on the allied forces. He’d received a coded message that informed him about the Russian general who’d be carrying the secret papers, but he’d been forced to venture far into enemy territory before he had an opportunity to take them from him. Now he was in more danger than he wanted to admit.