White Heat (Lost Kings MC #5) (19 page)

What a pussy. “Risky. One of these days he’s gonna fuck with the wrong guy.”

He chuckles. “No kidding.” He takes a few steps closer and lowers his voice. “You got a woman, make sure she don’t come to visit when he’s on the gate.”

Not what I wanted to hear.

I’ve only encountered him in the evenings and afternoons, and after some more inquiries, I determine the morning visiting hours—from eight to ten—are the only times Hope can come to visit. Honestly, even that I want to put a limit on. Not that I don’t want to see her. I miss her like fucking crazy. But every visit puts her at risk and worse, I’m afraid seeing me like this will begin to take a toll on her.

When I’m able to make my allotted collect call to explain the new visiting schedule, of course she argues with me.

“Rock, I’m an attorney. I can see you during the attorney visiting hours. Or schedule a time during—”

“It’s not about that, Hope. Don’t argue with me about this.”

The line’s quiet for a few seconds. “Okay.”

“Thank you.”

“Rock, are you okay?”

“As good as I can be. Glassman said you been pulling some research together for him on the bail hearing?”

“Yes. I think we have a crappy chance of it going our way.” I close my eyes when she says “we” because it reminds me too much of how we met and fuck if I don’t love her more than I ever thought possible. “It’s worth a shot. If you get denied again, we’ll appeal to a higher court.”

“Sounds good. Thank you.”

“I love you, Rock. I miss you so much.” Her voice comes through strong, but sad.

“I know. Same here.”

We’re cut off before any more words pass.

Between the hours of four a.m. and six a.m. are when I’ve discovered the clubhouse is, for the most part, quiet and still. For some reason—no matter when I fall asleep—I find myself awake at four almost every morning. Instead of forcing myself to go to sleep, I decided it’s easier to get up and do something. At least no one’s awake to hover over me, asking if I’m okay every time I so much as sigh.

Not that I’m ungrateful or I mind everyone looking out for me. But before Rock, I spent a lot of my life alone and doing things for myself. Having so much company is exhausting sometimes. Nice, but exhausting.

In these early hours, I have the clubhouse to myself. I’d go for a walk outside, but ever since Z joked about the wild life up here, I’ve been too afraid of getting eaten by a bear to wander around by myself at night.

More often than not, I find myself downstairs in the gym on the treadmill. Trying to out walk—no matter how I strap them down, my boobs won’t tolerate running—my racing mind. It never seems to work, but after a few hours I’m usually tired enough to go back to sleep. Or it’s daylight and I can hike out to our unfinished house to sit on the front steps and imagine happier times.

The mornings Trinity joins me at the gym are nice because she’s quiet and never feels the need to fill the air with endless chatter. We never walk out to the house together, as if she knows that’s my personal place to sit and wonder if Rock and I will ever get to live in it or not.

This morning, there’s no sign of Trinity. After stopping by the kitchen, I plan to go upstairs, but I find Heidi and Teller at one of the dining room tables instead. Since, other than Rock being in jail, things are calm, Wrath has unclenched his iron grip on everyone.

Well, Teller and Heidi. Not me or Trinity.

“Hey, Heidi, leaving for school soon?”

She glances at her brother before answering. “Yeah, just trying to figure out these financial aid forms.”

Teller runs his hands through his hair and gives me a pleading look.

“Do you want some help?”

Heidi’s hopeful expression settles the reservations I have about sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

“Thanks, Hope,” Teller says.

Heidi’s bottom lip wobbles. “Are you okay, Hope? Is there any news about Uncle Rock?”

Teller bumps her with his arm, but I pull out a chair and sit next to her.  There’s no reason to worry her with Rock’s
you can only come between eight and ten
phone call. “Not yet,” I answer simply.

“I feel bad doing all this,” she waves her hand over the papers scattered on the table. “When he’s—” she chokes on a sob, and I pull her into a hug.

“It’s okay, Heidi. You know he wants you to start college in the fall.”

“Yeah.” She pulls away and swipes at her nose. “I don’t even want to go to prom. It’s not right to celebrate anything—”

I glance over her shoulder and raise my eyebrows at Teller. Why isn’t he reassuring her better? Heidi’s already been through a lot for her age. She shouldn’t be taking this on too.

“Heidi, it’s okay. We’re doing everything we can for Rock. Your job is to finish school strong and do all your normal senior year stuff.”

She shakes her head sadly. “Do you think he’ll be out in time for my graduation?”

I have a hard time swallowing over the lump in my throat before answering. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

That grinds our conversation to a halt. After a minute, I nod at the papers. “What’s giving you trouble?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure if I should check off that I’m an orphan or something else? I think they want a death certificate…and I don’t—”

“Let me see.”

She hands over the pile of papers and I search through them. “Here, honey, I think this is the one you should probably fill out, The Emancipated Minor or Legal Guardianship Form. I can get you the guardianship papers if you don’t have them.” I look up at Teller. “They might need to verify your income, though.”

“That’s fine. I had to do all that shit for the court case anyway.”

“I can write you a letter to attach to that one, Heidi. Just remind me.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks, Hope.”

Murphy joins us while we’re flipping through the rest of the papers. “You guys look so serious.”

Heidi groans. “Financial aid forms.”

“Thought they passed out scholarships to smart kids?” He’s teasing her, but her forehead wrinkles and she rolls her eyes.

“I’m not that smart. And I still have to fill all this crap out,” she grumbles, before turning back to me. “What do I put down for trust fund? I can’t touch any of it until I’m twenty-five.”

“My guess is, you still have to disclose it. Did it have an allowance for educational expenses?” I ask Teller.

“No clue.”

“I’ll talk to Adam about it.”

“Thanks.”

When she’s finished with one packet, she sets everything aside and sighs.

“Is that it?”

“Yeah, I only applied to Hudson Valley.”

“Why? There are so many schools in the area and with your grades—”

She makes a “duh” face at me.

“Heidi, you know I think Axel’s great. But don’t base this decision on your boyfriend.”

She doesn’t get as annoyed as I expected her to. “I’m not. They have the best program for what I want to do and a good job placement rate.”

“Okay.”

“Besides, he only has one more year. And Hudson Valley will be cheaper.”

“Heidi, you can go anywhere you want,” Murphy says.

She spares him a glance. “Thank you, Blake.” The tone of her voice isn’t thankful at all. Not sure what’s going on there. Nor do I really want to know. Teller throws a glance at his friend, then me.

What am I supposed to do about it?

“Marcel, we need to get going or I’ll be late.”

Teller shakes his head as he stands. “You ever gonna get your license?”

“Why should I when my big brother will drive me around?”

I remember at her age I couldn’t wait to get my license. “Why haven’t you gone for your road test yet, Heidi?”

I didn’t mean to embarrass her in front of the guys, but she ducks her head before answering my question. “I don’t know. It’s a lot of responsibility.”

“She’s scared,” Teller says.

“A dose of fear is good. But don’t let it rule you Heidi. You don’t want to depend on men to drive you around forever.” Teller and Murphy both chuckle at that.

The corner of her mouth lifts and she sneaks a peek up at me. Then,
I get it
. Once she’s able to drive herself, her brother won’t have to spend as much time with her. Clever kid. Wherever her mother is, she’s an idiot for missing out on this girl. I slide my chair back and pull Heidi in for a big hug before she leaves.

After they’re out of earshot, Murphy and I are the only ones left at the table. “Thanks, Hope.”

“For what?”

“Always being so good to her.”

“I can’t help it.”

The corners of his mouth turn up. “Thanks for trying to talk her into another school.”

I turn his words over in my head before answering. “I wasn’t saying it for your benefit.”

He just stares at me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that to come out so harsh. I want what’s best for her. I followed my high school boyfriend to college and it was a big mistake.”

“I thought you met your husband in college?”

How exactly had I forgotten that?

“I did. They were actually roommates freshman year.”

“Awkward.”

Enough years have passed that I can laugh about it now. “You have no idea. My boyfriend was cheating on me, and Clay couldn’t figure out how to tell me.”

Murphy chuckles. “Bet he was there to comfort you after.”

“Not really. It—” Huh. I never gave this a whole lot of thought. “He took a few months to ask me out. He said I was aloof.”

“Sounds like guy code for
stuck up
.”

“That’s what I said!” He laughs a little harder and I move over a few chairs to sit next to him.

“That was nice advice you gave Heidi about the driving too. Thanks.”

Sometimes I think Murphy worries about Heidi more than Teller does.

“What did you mean about she can go anywhere she wants? Did she have somewhere else in mind?”

His gaze wanders to the mural over the bar against the back wall. “I don’t know. She hasn’t talked to me about that stuff in years.”

It seems he has more to say, so I keep quiet and wait for him to continue. “She’s always been smart. Knew when she was little she’d be going to college.” He shrugs but still won’t look my way. “Been putting money aside for years now, so you know, if she got into a real good school but didn’t have enough scholarships to cover it she could still go.”

Jesus. My breath catches and I can’t speak. My own mother drained every penny from the college fund my father started for me long before I started filling out applications. Here this guy who has no obligation to her…I can’t even wrap my head around it.

“I know that’s dumb,” he says quickly. “T’s been doing the same thing.”

It takes a second to find the right words. “It’s not dumb at all. I think that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He huffs a short laugh. “Yeah, sweet. That’s me.” His jaw tightens and his next words come out harsh. “She asked if I was trying to buy her when I mentioned it a few months back.”

“I’m sure she was only kidding.”

“Maybe.” He shakes his head. “You see the good in all of us.”

“I see what you can’t see about yourself.”

“You keep thinking I’m good and I’m not, Hope. I hurt everyone around me.”

Murphy’s always so hard on himself. To everyone else he’s tough and cocky. But under—way under—the bravado, he’s awfully sensitive. I’m already teetering on the edge of tears every day, and this conversation is about to push me right off the ledge. Instead, I throw my arms around his shoulders, embracing him in an awkward hug. He reaches up and pats my arm.

“What’s going on?” Wrath’s voice booms through the dining room, startling me. My arms drop from Murphy, but I pat him on the back.

“Nothing. Heidi was here with her college applications. We were just talking about where she’s planning to go.”

Wrath narrows his eyes at me making me feel like a kid who got caught doing something naughty. “You need to have your arms around him to do that?”

Oh, he did not just say that. I’m out of my chair so quick, it screeches across the floor. “Don’t turn a friendly gesture into something ugly. I’m not in the mood for your caveman rules right now, Wrath.”

“See what I mean?” Murphy mutters.

Now I’m only more confused.

“Cut it out, bro. She’s—”

I whip around and nail Murphy with a stare. “If you say ‘old enough to be your mother,’ I will kick your ass.”

Murphy snorts, his shoulders shaking with laughter. “That’s not what I was going to say.” He raises his gaze to Wrath. “Don’t take shit out on her. She didn’t do anything wrong.”

This has to be the first time I’ve seen Murphy challenge Wrath and I want to get out of here before the room explodes. Wrath catches my hand as I pass him. “Hey. I’m sorry.”

Wrath apologizing?

“Everything okay?” Trinity asks as she enters the dining room.

Wrath gives me a pleading look, silently asking me not to tell her he’s been an ass before nine o’clock, I think.

I give him one last narrow-eyed glare before turning away. Yes, I’m being a brat, but he really pissed me off implying…whatever the hell he was implying. “Everything’s good, Trin. I need to run upstairs and change. Unless you need help?”