White Lilies (A Mitchell Sisters Novel) (17 page)

He leaps off the couch and runs into my bathroom. I don’t have to ask why. I take the opportunity to clean up my wound and the kitchen floor. I carefully throw the shards of glass into the trash and then I put on a large pot of coffee.

When I emerge from the kitchen, I find Griffin passed out on my couch. Good, he should sleep it off. We have a lot of planning to do. The rest can wait. I make a few phone calls while he sleeps.

Two hours later, when Griffin comes to, my apartment has been populated with friends and family. Mason, Baylor, Mindy, Jenna and a few of Erin’s sisters are here.

Griffin looks around at everyone. His guilt-ridden gray eyes fall on mine and I see the regret. He stares at me until I give him a smile and a nod, letting him know I understand. That I forgive him. That everything will be okay. Well, almost everything.

“Who’s with her?” he asks.

“Our parents are there,” Jane says. “She’s going to be released in a couple of hours, so if you want to be there to take her home, we’d better get started.” She gives him a look of disapproval.

I had briefly explained that Griffin showed up drunk. I left out everything else that happened. I’m not sure how much everyone knows. I’m one-hundred-percent sure, however, that Baylor knows everything. The way she’s looking at me, at Griffin. It’s as if she knows we’ve been put in this impossible situation. Makes sense. I did text her to go sit with Erin until Griffin got back. Good. I’m glad she knows. This way I don’t have to explain it to her. She can help me talk sense into Erin.

But that will have to wait. We have other things to deal with right now.

Griffin and Erin’s family help add a few more things to our list and by the time we disband, we have several balls rolling in all kinds of different directions. The first of which will be Erin being whisked away from the hospital not to their townhouse, but to a pricy and pretentious hotel by way of limo. Waiting for her in the penthouse suite will be a spread of some of the finest, most exotic foods Jorge could whip up with an extra team of chefs we brought in at the last minute. Frogs legs, caviar, Ethiopian cuisine, black truffles, Peking duck. She will drink milk straight from a coconut and eat fresh oysters on the half-shell. It’s a spread fit for a queen. Or a last meal. Take your pick.

If she likes that, I can’t wait to see what her reaction will be to tomorrow’s planned agenda.

~ ~ ~

Baylor hangs around after everyone else leaves. I wondered if Griffin would stay, too. But since my sister appears to be staking her claim on me, he and I will have to discuss our predicament some other time.

Sitting on the couch with Baylor, my eyes focus on her very pregnant belly. She’s due any day now. As far as I’m concerned, the sooner the better. That way Erin won’t miss the birth. “I felt the bean move earlier.”

Her eyes light up and her face sports a knowing smile. “That’s wonderful. Isn’t it the most incredible feeling in the world?”

I suppose you could look at it that way. I simply saw it as a reminder of a huge problem that has to be dealt with. A guilt kick from a child trying to assert himself into the world without being forgotten.

“Don’t you think it’s kind of coincidental that the baby kicked today of all days?” she asks. “On the day that you officially become its mother?”

“What?” I snap my eyes to hers. “No. Are you crazy?” I shake my head vehemently.

“Are we going to talk about this rationally, Skylar?”

“I
am
being rational. I’m not cut out to be a mom. Erin is delusional.” I lean my head back against the couch cushion and sigh. “She orchestrated this whole thing. Did she tell you that, too? Did she tell you that she
made
me fall for him? That she set us up and put us in situations where we’d be thrown together? That she deliberately fed my inappropriate fantasies? Hell, maybe my feelings aren’t even my own. Maybe they are just manifestations of what she wanted me to feel.”

Baylor eyes me skeptically. “Do you mean to tell me that now the door is open, you don’t love him anymore?”

I silently pick at an invisible spot on my jeans.

“I didn’t think so,” she says. “So, what’s the problem? It’s the ideal solution, isn’t it? It may be a bit unconventional, but you are Bean’s parents after all. It makes sense. Plus, you already love Griffin. And he likes you a lot. Erin told me they talk about you all the time and that Griffin seems to be enamored.”

“I’m sure she brainwashed him, too,” I spit out.

“You can lead a horse to water, Skylar.” She raises an eyebrow.

“Would you quit with all the idioms, Baylor? I don’t need that shit right now. How can you be on her side? This is ludicrous. Would you be able to give Gavin away to Jenna if you were dying? Could you even think about him touching another woman?” I shake my head. “He kissed me today. Fucking kissed me. Do you think I should run back to Erin and tell her how wonderful that is? Maybe he should just fuck me now to give her a nice going away present. Maybe we could videotape it for her enjoyment. Is that what you think we should do? Is it?”

“No. Of course not.” She lays a hand on my arm. “Calm down.”

I take a few deep breaths while she goes to the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of water for me. She hands it over to me saying, “To answer your question—yes.”

I look at her in confusion.

“I spent a lot of time this afternoon trying to put myself in Erin’s position. I thought about what would happen to my husband. To Maddox. To our baby if I only had a few months to live. And the answer is an emphatic yes. I would absolutely want someone I love and trust to take care of my family.” She gives me a look of compassion, the look only a big sister can share with a little sister. The look that tells me I’m not alone in this. “Let this sink in. Give yourself a chance to accept it. It seems as if Griffin is on board, although I have to say I don’t agree with him kissing you.”

“Me either. I know he did it because he was drunk. And angry. And confused over the whole situation.”

“And that’s understandable,” she adds. “But you need to show Erin the respect she deserves. You need to let this play out separate from her, when she’s not watching. After she’s gone even.”

“Play out? I still think you’re all crazy. How can we be together? Even if I do love him, and I’m not even sure I do anymore, he hates me half the time. Heck, sometimes I think I even hate him. We seem to fight constantly when we’re together.”

“Hate isn’t the opposite of love, Skylar, it’s just its twisted cousin.” I eye her speculatively, thinking of something similar that Erin said earlier today.

“You can do this, little sister. You owe it to Bean to at least try. You owe it to Erin. But most of all, you owe it to yourself.” She gives me her best big sister smile. “It wasn’t so long ago when I remember you telling us that you wanted to do something meaningful with your life. That’s what got you here today. What could be more meaningful than fulfilling a dying woman’s last wish? What could give your life more purpose than allowing this little baby to grow up with both his parents? You said it yourself, Skylar. You wanted to change in a fundamental way. This is your chance. This is the ultimate test. This will define who you are and direct the course of your life. But, most importantly, I want you to think about this—if you walk away, will you be able to live with yourself?”

Her words are profound. They swirl around in my head like a damn tornado eating up everything in its path. I never looked at it that way. I’ve been consumed by thoughts about how I can’t do it, how I’m not cut out for it, how I’m being forced into it. But I never for one second stopped to think how I would feel down the road if I walked away. Walked away from my best friend. Walked away from this baby. Our baby.
My baby
.

I put a hand on my stomach and for the very first time, I allow myself to feel. I allow myself to feel the connection to the life growing inside of me. And as if responding to a question I’d sent up to heaven, my tummy flutters as the little bean answers back.

chapter fifteen

As we wait for Erin to emerge from the dressing room, Griffin tells me how wonderful last night was at the hotel. He again thanks me for the food I had sent over, saying they enjoyed tasting all the exotic cuisines as they sipped champagne that cost as much as my first car. He was even able to arrange for them to set up a king-sized waterbed in their suite.

We stand off in a corner, trying to remain out of the way as dozens of people rush around in a flurry of activity, shouting this and moving that. I find a ‘Mad Max Productions’ director’s chair to sit in while we wait. Gavin was able to shuffle a few things around last minute which resulted in Erin getting cast as an extra in the movie being shot under his studio label. It’s not anything big and fancy. No Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts. It’s an indie film that Gavin’s company bought as one of their first projects when he started his company early this year.

I smile thinking how grateful I am to be able to be a part of moments like this. Yesterday, one of Erin’s sisters had mentioned that before Erin decided to become a teacher, her life’s dream was to be an actress. Star in a movie and walk the red carpet. When she was little, she had a large roll of red felt her mom bought at a flea market and Erin would spread it across their living room and dress up like a princess while prancing around on it, thanking her many fans.

It was sheer luck that Gavin’s production was shooting locally today. He was able to get her added as an extra and as a bonus, she even gets to say a few words in passing to one of the lead characters. Because of the speaking part, and the fact that the cameras will be focused on her, even for just a few seconds, she had to be done in full hair and makeup. And apparently, even for an extra, that takes a lot of time.

So Griffin and I sit and make small talk while we wait for Erin’s film debut. We talk about the weather. It’s getting chilly. It makes me wonder if Erin will be able to hold on until the holidays. We talk about the restaurant. It makes me think of the first time I met her, looking larger than life and ready to take on the world with me. We talk about Baylor and how she’s ready to pop any day now.

It’s then that I notice him staring at my belly.

He looks around to make sure we’re alone. “Are we going to talk about this?”

“Talk about what?” As if I don’t know.

“The elephant in the room,” he says, nodding to my stomach.

“Are you calling me fat again?” I tease.

He laughs. It’s nice to hear him laugh again. “I wouldn’t dare. Not after the new asshole you ripped me last time.”

Now I laugh, thinking about the fight we had during his one and only cooking lesson. He studies me, looking between my face and my pregnant belly that is just beginning to become obvious to the world.

“She couldn’t give a rat’s ass if you learn how to cook,” I tell him. “You realize that now, right?”

He nods his head. “Yeah. Listen, I’m so sorry about what happened yesterday. I know my being drunk is no excuse. It won’t happen again. I was just so pissed at her.”

“Pissed?”

“Yeah, aren’t you? She took away our choices, Skylar. She took away the chance to be with her these last six weeks. I mean, if I had known then, I would have quit working and maybe taken her to see the world. Paris. She always wanted to go. We said we would. Someday. And now, well, what we’re setting up next week is great and all, but it’s not the same.”

I agree. Even buying out the entire Imax theater for a day and treating Erin to a visual experience in Paris that way, still won’t produce the memories of actually being there.

“And the choice of who we should be with? After she . . . when she’s gone. She’s taken that away from us, too. So, yes, I’m pissed at her. I won’t tell her that. I won’t taint her last months with my anger, but that’s the way I feel.”

I can only nod in agreement with everything he’s said. But I add, “We do have a choice, Griffin.” I motion to my belly. “We don’t have to do this.”

“You don’t want to?” he asks. His eyes trace the outline of the chair I’m sitting in.

“Do you?” My heart braces for his answer. And even though I know that if he says yes, he’ll be doing it for Erin and not for me, I still wait with baited breath.

“I want to honor her wishes. And it’s not like I don’t find you attractive. Of course I do. Any man in his right mind does.”

It’s hard to enjoy the compliment when I feel a
‘but’
coming, and it sends a spear straight into my heart. I’m not sure if I want to do this either, but hearing him say he doesn’t will crush me.

“But, I just can’t say for sure what I want right now. My wife is dying. It’s all I can do to hold it together and get through this. I’m sorry I can’t give you a better answer.”

I’m not sure what I expected him to say, but I respect him for what he said. If he’d said ‘
hell, yeah, let’s get it on,’
I’d run the other way. If he’d said ‘
hell, no, I don’t want my kid,’
I’d think he was just as much a low life. He said the perfect thing. Which happens to be the only thing he could have said to make me fall for him even more.

“We don’t have to figure it out right now,” I say. “This little guy isn’t going anywhere for a long time. But Erin is going to want answers. And we don’t have them. What are we going to do about that?”

He bites the inside of his cheek and stares at the ceiling. “We’re going to tell her what she wants to hear, I guess. We’ll not bring it up unless she does and when she does we’ll just say we’ve agreed to try. Nothing more, nothing less. Sound good?”

“Sounds good.”

We sit in awkward silence for a few minutes. How the hell can this be taking so long? It’s only a little hair and makeup. Erin’s already beautiful, they don’t have to do much. I search my mind to think of anything to say to pass the time.

I glance over at Griffin to see him rubbing his tattoo. “Do you think she’ll really get one?” I ask.