White Tiger (37 page)

It’s worth it.

‘You should find another, Emma. I will never be anything for you. I will go, and leave you and Simone alone. You should find another love.’

My fierce reaction surprised all three of us.

There will never be anybody else in a million years.

‘How long will it take you to return?’ Ms Kwan asked Mr Chen.

‘I have no idea. I am unique: two separate creatures. This is a unique situation: a powerful Shen almost completely drained. Nobody else has ever done anything like this before.’

‘Let me look at you.’ Ms Kwan did something but I couldn’t see what it was. ‘Anything from ten to a hundred years, perhaps more.’

‘Ten years?’ I cried, full of hope.

‘Ten years?’ Mr Chen said, full of the same fierce hope.

‘There is a small chance of you returning after ten,’ she said. ‘The chance becomes slightly better after twenty years.’

‘At what stage does the chance become fifty-fifty?’ I said.

‘About twenty-five years. That is far too long to make any human wait, Ah Wu. Do not do this to her.’ ‘I can wait,’ I said.

He squeezed my shoulders and leaned into me. ‘You would wait for me?’

‘Forever,’ I whispered.
Forever. But I would be an old woman.

‘I am already an old man,’ he said with amusement. ‘I am not even completely human. It makes no difference to me.’

‘Do not do this to yourselves,’ Ms Kwan whispered.

I tried to hold back my elation. I didn’t care how long it was, I would wait for him forever. And now I had a small hope that I could cling to: that he would return, and I would be able to see him again, and we could be everything we wanted for each other.

I began to feel embarrassed by the strength of my feelings.

‘Don’t be,’ he said gently.

He pressed forward into me. I leaned back into him, and felt him against the back of my head. We shared the warmth of our feelings for each other, physically as well as mentally enjoying the touch.

I wondered if he really felt the same.

‘Enough to kill you, dear one,’ he said. He showed me.

Ms Kwan gasped.

It was like fast-forwarding through a video, except the video was me.

The day I’d agreed to go full-time, when I shook his hand. I saw myself; all he’d seen were my blazing, intelligent blue eyes. He’d been entranced.

Six months later, when Leo and Simone had rushed us home from Central and I’d told him that I’d find the truth. He’d been attracted by my spark and spirit and my complete lack of fear, more than he was willing to admit to himself.

The trip to the zoo, where both Simone and I had been delighted by the reptiles. He’d suddenly found himself right next to me and felt my hair near his face, felt my warmth, smelt my floral shampoo. He hadn’t been able to resist the urge to touch me, to savour me. All he’d wanted to do was reach around
me and hold me close, pull me into him and bury his face in my hair.

Me kneeling on the floor after the pizza delivery demon had tried to take Simone. Me fighting for Leo’s job, unconcerned for myself.

Our first lesson, when I’d managed those first simple moves and a huge, delighted grin had spread across my face. He’d wanted to sweep me up and take me down the hall and throw me onto his bed. Then I’d become flustered and he had grabbed the chance to correct me, to be closer to me, to press himself into me. It had taken everything he had to control it.

‘Oh dear,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘You should have dismissed her a long time ago, Ah Wu. I did not realise it was so strong so soon.’

The first time he’d seen me in my Mountain training uniform. He wanted to pull me close, push his hands inside my black jacket and run them over my skin. He’d had to concentrate on the Arts so that he wouldn’t hurt me.

I came out of my room ready for the first charity concert. He hadn’t seen the dress; he hadn’t seen the hair or the make-up. All of that was a blur in his memory. He had only seen my smile and my glow, and it had pierced him through. My smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. And then I’d knelt and held Simone, and he had changed his mind; me with Simone was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

He had a fleeting memory of Michelle and Simone, full of pain. I touched him and we shared the grief. I understood. I had helped him to heal. He had stopped living in the past and was living in the present, with Simone and me.

Simone and me. The two women he adored more than anything in the world. One of the happiest moments of his long life was the time spent with us at
Chinese New Year, being able to hold both of us together on the boat. Being able to kiss me, something he had wanted to do from the day he saw me. And after that moment, he knew that his heart was lost forever and both of us would gain nothing but suffering.

He felt a stab of pain. He was immensely guilty that he hadn’t told me earlier that there was no future for us, that he would never be able to touch me in the way that he wanted. He felt that he’d betrayed me. He was sure that if he’d told me sooner, I would have been able to leave him and find someone else. Words could not begin to express the remorse he felt at what he’d done to me. He’d selfishly kept me around, keeping me ignorant of the truth. He should have told me; he should have sent me away.

‘That is quite correct,’ Ms Kwan said.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I should have told you.’

‘Yes, you should,’ I said. ‘But it would have made absolutely no difference whatsoever, because I would still love you, and I would still have stayed with you. I don’t need more than we have.’

Ms Kwan moaned softly. ‘You are both such fools.’

I felt humbled that a mighty being like him should harbour such feelings for me. I didn’t know what to say, but then I knew: between us, words would never be necessary. I could feel him agreeing and smiling with wonder. The way he felt surprised even him.

He straightened. ‘I think we have seen all we need to.’

‘Good,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘I have seen entirely more than I
ever
needed to.’

You know everything there is to know about me now. One day I must do the same to you.

‘I couldn’t let you, Emma. Inside you is bright and welcoming. Inside me is dark and sometimes cold. I am sure you would not like some of the lower levels. And if
you were to go inside me, you would never come out again. You would be lost completely.’

I’d love to be absorbed by you, to become one with you. I’d love to take the time to go through all of you.

‘I doubt if you’d live that long,’ he said with amusement.

Found anything supernatural?

‘Ah Wu?’

‘No,’ he said. ‘You are as you appear. You are a perfectly ordinary human, just very naturally talented. You are not a dragon or a spirit or a Shen. And despite some of your recent behaviour, you are not even a demon.’

Both of us laughed softly.

‘She is remarkably cold-blooded for a human, though, Ah Wu,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘Look at her. After suffering all of this, she is still able to laugh.’

‘Emma has some extremely attractive reptilian qualities that I have always found irresistible. I agree with you. She is absolutely fearless. Her courage and spirit are exceptional. She is one of the most cold-blooded human females I have ever met.’

‘You say that like it’s a
good
thing,’ I said.

‘That’s because it is.’

‘Release her,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘I have seen enough.’ ‘One thing first,’ he said. He dropped his head and kissed the top of my hair. ‘I do love you,’ he whispered. ‘And I love you.’

He dropped to kneel beside me and put his arms around me. ‘Don’t let go of Mercy’s hands.’ He buried his face in my neck. I turned my head to him. He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me. We lost ourselves in each other. I shook one of my hands free from Ms Kwan and put it on the back of his head.

We pulled back and gazed into each other’s eyes. He ran his fingertips over my face. ‘I think that was one of
the last times for us to touch, Emma. I will not be able to touch you again unless it is very brief.’

‘I don’t need more than I have,’ I said. ‘I’m profoundly privileged to have you and Simone in my life.’

‘You really are a complete pair of fools,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘I should have told you both right from the start that there was no hope. Now you both will wait for each other, suffering like this.’

‘Look,’ I said fiercely, glaring up at Ms Kwan. ‘Can I explain something here?
I’m not suffering.
I’m
happy.
Okay? I don’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. I want to be here, with Simone and with John. I don’t care if I can’t touch him, that’s not important. What’s important is that I have his company, and his wonderful daughter. Got it?’

‘You were correct, Ah Wu,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘This one is certainly worthy. If she does not find the Tao I will be most surprised. Release her.’

He moved away from me and she disappeared.

‘Let’s get Leo, Jade and Gold,’ Mr Chen said, ‘and we’ll make the arrangements.’

L
eo looked bewildered as he came into Mr Chen’s office with Gold. I touched him gently on the arm. ‘You’ll find out all about it in a minute, Leo. It’s not that big a deal anyway.’

He nodded. ‘Thanks, Emma.’

We sat around Mr Chen’s desk. It was a nice change to have room to move in the large office. Back in Hong Kong all the meetings were held over the dining table.

Mr Chen shuffled the papers on the desk. ‘Let’s put Leo out of his misery, people.’ Leo grunted.

‘It’s a simple thing, Leo, and I’m sure you’ve probably thought about it,’ Mr Chen said. ‘I only have a limited time here. So do you. Somebody will need to have guardianship of Simone when I go. I’ve decided to arrange for Emma to look after her.’

Leo leaned back. He didn’t say anything. His face was completely expressionless.

‘Are you okay, Leo?’ I said. ‘I hope you’re not too upset by this.’

Leo still didn’t move or speak. His face was a mask of control.

‘I would prefer not to have to order you to accept this decision, Leo,’ Mr Chen said.

Leo leapt out of his chair and stood rigid. Both Mr Chen and I flinched.

Leo studied me searchingly for a long time. I expected him to storm out in disgust any moment.

‘She won’t be safe after I’m gone,’ Leo said without looking away from me. ‘Once they know she’s Simone’s guardian they’ll come straight after her, and she won’t be able to defend herself.’

I didn’t move or shift my eyes from Leo’s.

‘We have two years, and she is exceptionally talented,’ Mr Chen said. ‘She will be able to defend herself against smaller attackers, and I will arrange a guard for her.’

‘She’s not qualified to manage the estate as guardian,’ Leo said, still looking straight at me. ‘She’s just a nanny.’

‘She has an undergraduate degree in business, and has nearly finished a part-time MBA,’ Mr Chen said. ‘But most of all, she loves Simone as her own. She is the most suitable person for the job.’

Leo remained staring into my eyes for a long time. I waited to see what he would do. If he walked out it would break my heart. He was the most loyal and trustworthy friend I’d ever had, short of Mr Chen himself. But the choice was his to make, and I would understand.

Leo dropped to one knee before me and took my hands. ‘I take you as my Lady,’ he said, his voice thick with emotion. ‘I vow to obey you for as long as I live. I will serve you as I have served the Dark Lord. I am yours to command. I only hope that I will prove worthy of you.’ He looked up into my eyes and smiled. ‘Lady Emma.’

I freed one of my hands to put it on his face, and kissed him on the cheek. I touched my forehead to his and we smiled together. We remained like that for a while, sharing.

‘You are my best friend, Leo,’ I said quietly. ‘And I love you dearly. I really don’t know what I’ll do without you.’

When I released him he sat down again and wiped his hands over his face. ‘That’s a big relief,’ he said to Mr Chen. ‘I was worried you might give somebody else guardianship.’

‘Good. Now, let’s go through the details of the bequest and then we can arrange the formalities. All of the Earthly fortune will be left to Simone, with Emma acting as guardian until Simone reaches majority. When I lose it I will do my best to leave the human form behind so there will be no legal entanglements about whether John Chen Wu is really dead.’

I winced.

‘Emma, Jade is a qualified accountant and Gold is a solicitor registered both in Hong Kong and the Mainland. Jade.’

Jade pulled out a piece of paper and read from it. ‘The estate as it currently stands includes the building on the Peak—’

‘Wait a minute, the
whole building
?’

‘Let her finish, Emma, then ask,’ Mr Chen said.

I sat back. But the whole building?

‘The building on the Peak, the office building in Central, the office building in Wan Chai, and the apartment buildings in North Point and Happy Valley. The house in London, the house on the Earthly Plane at Wudangshan, the hutong in Beijing—’

Gold cut in. ‘That courtyard house was reclaimed for development and demolished. I told you that, Jade.’

‘Yes, that’s right, I forgot.’ Jade drew a line on the paper, then glared at Gold. ‘You should have fought harder.’

Mr Chen waved one hand impatiently. ‘It was inevitable. It was right next to the Palace. I’m surprised we lasted that long. Continue.’

Jade raised the paper again. ‘Other sundry items such as the cars, securities holdings totalling about a hundred and fifty million Hong Kong dollars, cash of…’ She pulled out another piece of paper. ‘About fifty million, but the major assets are the properties.’

I quietly vowed that the fortune would be even larger when I handed it to Simone.

‘Jade and Gold will help you to manage the assets and run the Mountain when I’m gone,’ Mr Chen said.

‘Wait a minute, back up there,’ I said. ‘Run the Mountain?’

‘Somebody has to do it while I’m gone.’

‘No
way
!’ I shouted. ‘I’ve never been there, and as far as I know I can’t even go! I don’t know anything about running the blasted Mountain! Get the Generals to do it!’

‘The Generals will have their hands full running the Northern Heavens,’ Mr Chen said. ‘They should be okay for a while. I’m sure a quarter of the sky won’t fall down without me.’

‘The Northern Heavens may not fall, but they could be a bit lower when you return, my Lord,’ Gold said, his boyish face alight with grim humour. ‘I suggest the Generals defer to Lady Emma as well.’

‘Good idea,’ Mr Chen said. ‘Jade and Gold will come to you for advice, Emma. I’m sure the three of you will be quite capable of administering everything in my absence.’ He looked around the table, then back to me. ‘Emma, after I am gone, you will have Regency. You will rule in Simone’s name until either she has majority or I return. I know I only mentioned you caring for her, but this is part of the responsibility.’

Everybody stared at him, speechless.

He didn’t seem to notice our reaction. ‘If fortune is on our side, you should have at least two more years before I go. We have plenty of time to bring you up to
speed with the management of the family assets and the Mountain. And when I am gone, you will be Regent.’

‘My Lord, this is highly unusual.’ Jade shuffled the papers. ‘You can only offer Regency to one who is family by either blood or marriage.’

Mr Chen gazed silently at me for a long time. Then he looked down at his hands. ‘If I could, I would marry Emma in a second.’ He looked into my eyes again; his own were full of pain. ‘I know she feels the same way. But I cannot marry a woman I cannot even touch. It would not be legitimate; the Celestial would not permit it.’

‘You’re killing me, John,’ I said. ‘You know how I feel. I would marry you in a second too.’

‘Can you Raise her, my Lord?’ Leo said. ‘If you can, then you should.’

‘Much as I would like to, I cannot. Right now I do not have the ability, and frankly neither does she. But Lady Emma certainly has the potential. In fact she has more potential than anyone I have seen in centuries, apart from Simone. I like to think that the two women I love most in the world will find the Tao together.’

Everybody at the table was silent. Finally Leo spoke softly. ‘I wish I could be around to see it.’

Mr Chen rose. He stood motionless and gazed intensely at me. Everything went still. It was as if the entire Universe held its breath.

Mr Chen put one hand on the table in front of him. His voice became loud and firm. ‘I swear that one day I
will
marry you, Emma Donahoe. I will return, and I will find you, and I will Raise you, and I will take you to live on my Mountain, and you will be mine. This I swear as Xuan Wu, Xuan Tian Shang Di.’

Jade and Gold shot to their feet. Gold knocked his chair over. They stood shocked and silent, staring at Mr Chen. Jade turned to me, her eyes wide and her mouth open.

Mr Chen smiled slightly and sat.

‘What was all that about?’ I said. Mr Chen didn’t reply. ‘Jade? Gold?’

Gold shook his head in wonder. ‘If one such as he swears such an oath, Lady Emma, then the Heavens and Earth will be moved if necessary to ensure that it comes about.’

Mr Chen smiled. ‘It
will
happen, Emma.’

Gold retrieved his chair, and he and Jade sat, still shaking their heads.

‘I never thought I would see such a thing,’ Jade said. ‘A solemn oath by the Sovereign of the Four Winds, the Dark Emperor himself. It is something to tell my grandchildren.’

Mr Chen and I looked at each other across the table.

‘I will be waiting for you,’ I said.

‘You may have to wait for some time.’

Leo turned away.

‘That’s all of them,’ Gold said, tapping the stack of papers on the table. ‘I’ll see to it that a copy is sent to the Celestial and one is sent to the Hall of Records. We’ll keep a set on the Mountain as well, for reference.’

‘Good, my arm is ready to drop off,’ I said. ‘Can we get back to training now?’

‘We have to do the Oaths of Allegiance,’ Gold said. ‘Everybody who is a sworn servant of the Dark Lord must swear allegiance to you.’

‘Okay, let’s do it,’ I said. ‘I don’t like the idea of you two going down on your knees to me, but if we do it, we do it. I just want to get it over with and return to the training.’

‘It’s more than just us, my Lady,’ Jade said with a small smile.

‘Gold, the Tiger’s here at the front gate,’ John said. ‘Let him in.’

Gold lowered his head and disappeared. He returned a few seconds later with Bai Hu.

Bai Hu saluted John. ‘My Lord.’ He saluted me. ‘My Lady.’

My mouth flopped open. ‘Oh my God.’

‘Is there a problem, Emma?’ John said.

I pointed at Bai Hu, then remembered and dropped my hand. ‘No. No way. The other three Winds as well?’

Bai Hu threw himself to sit at the table and grinned at me. ‘I think about two hundred people will be swearing allegiance to you, my Lady.’ He winked at John. ‘I felt that oath all the way from the Palace. Way to go, Ah Wu. I couldn’t have thought of a better solution. How long will she have to wait?’

‘Between ten and a hundred years,’ I said. ‘
Two hundred people
?’

‘I’ll take Simone outside to play; this has nothing to do with me,’ Leo said. He saluted John. ‘My Lord.’ He saluted me. ‘My Lady.’

‘Don’t leave me to handle this by myself!’ I shouted. He ignored me and went out. I ran my hands through my hair with exasperation. ‘No
way
.’

‘Use my hotel in Guangzhou,’ Bai Hu said. ‘The ballroom’s free, plenty of space. When do you want to do it? You’ll need to give everybody a couple of days to get organised. How about the day after tomorrow?’

‘I do not believe this is happening,’ I moaned quietly.

‘Sounds fine,’ John said. ‘Jade, could you take Emma upstairs and help her find something suitable to wear? If you can’t find anything, we’ll need to contact Mr Li in a hurry.’

‘You all hate me.’

‘Only if you want to, Emma, sorry,’ John said. I threw myself to my feet. ‘Come on, Jade. Mission Impossible.’

‘You are quite correct, my Lady.’

We went into my room and shuffled through my disaster area of a wardrobe together.

‘It doesn’t matter what you wear, my Lady, Western or Chinese,’ Jade said.

‘Please, Jade, just Emma.’

‘I’m sorry, my Lady, you’ll need to get used to it.’

I sighed and pulled out my cheongsams. Both of them were falling to pieces from being worn so much. They were all I had apart from a couple of plain dresses and my jeans and shirts.

‘Do you have anything in black?’ Jade said. ‘If you and the Dark Lord were to wear his colours together, you would make a most striking couple.’

A
couple.
‘I wish, Jade.’

‘It will happen. Even if Heaven and Earth must be moved.’

I sighed. ‘I wish I’d had a dress made out of that black fabric at Mr Li’s. It would have been perfect.’

Jade held her hands out and a box appeared in them. She put the box on the bed, lifted the lid and pulled out a gorgeous black cheongsam. ‘You mean this?’

‘Where did you get that?’

‘I had it made anyway. He had your measurements, so I just ordered it for you.’ Her voice softened. ‘Now I know why you didn’t want it at the time.’ She smiled gently. ‘And I understand.’

‘I’m glad you’re happy for us, Jade,’ I said. ‘I know how you feel about him.’

‘How I feel?’ she said, confused.

‘I know you disliked me since I started teaching Simone, and you were jealous of me and him.’

She smiled broadly. ‘I could never be jealous of you, I could never feel that way about him, he is far too terrifying.’

‘He’s not terrifying, he’s gentle and kind.’

‘You haven’t seen his True Form.’

‘So why did you dislike me so much?’

‘Mrs Chen was a truly wonderful woman and I thought that nobody would ever be able to care for either of them as well as she did. When you arrived I thought you were trying to take her place, and hated that. Now I know that I was wrong, you are worthy of both their love.’

‘I’m worthy?’

‘Yes. Now try the dress on.’

She held it out to me and I took it. ‘It’s so perfect I can’t believe it.’

It was cut conservatively, with low splits up the sides and a high, stiff mandarin collar. The silk toggles and loops were gold, and the ends of the three-quarter sleeves were trimmed with gold. It swept to the floor, and the golden chrysanthemums shimmered as I moved.

Jade guided me to sit in front of the mirror. She pulled my hair up into a high bun. ‘I will do your hair on the night. I have some elegant antique hair ornaments that my grandmother gave me; they are well over a thousand years old and the colour is perfect. Do you have any gold jewellery? It would not be fitting for you to attend without any pure gold on you.’

‘Twenty-four carat gold? One hundred per cent pure? We don’t have that in Australia, Jade. Most of our gold is either nine or eighteen carat. The first time I saw really pure gold I didn’t even know what it was.’

‘No pure gold?’

‘Not a single bit,’ I said. ‘Not part of the culture.’