Whites (7 page)

In those days Mma Wren must no longer drive freely on her own, but only go about with Bastiaan or Rra Wren. It was because when once she was driving, she stopped in North Ring Road but not pulling to one side, these women said, because she wished to chase up an albino boy. They said Mma Wren stated that this boy was over-red from sunlight and that albinos could die thus, they must all wear broad hats in summertime. Those women said She is mental, that is all, she is mental. They said Now she is held from driving, as she made commotions in North Ring. She is bewitched, they said, she has transgressed something, so she has become mental, and it is we alone who must suffer. And they said The master bought that Peugeot for a present for her alone, at one time. She fears fires, they said.

At Wrens we were Tswana in our food: mealie and sorghum. We must join to stamp mealie. Those women would beg and tease to make me join. Food from the table was sent for the dogs, and these women saw it, bemoaning. But worse by far was about the fruits, because Mma Wren must have filled-full baskets in every room, of apples and bananas growing spots, and these fruits were just lost. But I said this rule was good, in fact, because those women would scheme about who is to get this or so, as to who would be favored. We were too many. As to stamping, in secret I liked it because at each stroke I fancied I am stamping down God and his snares, to become safe. When the drought came, you could not buy costly fruit, so these women raged the more. But they watched against Bastiaan, who can hear as far as birds.

Rra Wren’s many books were fit for a thief, with gold letters and all such things. You cannot ask to loan such books, I knew. So I was silent. For speaking English, those maids refused me every way. They said I was tormenting them. Some Batswana tell you everything of English is just
torment and that some day it shall be thrown down. At school, if you should speak Setswana in the hearing of teachers, it was told to you it would bring strokes. But that was false. Many Batswana teachers spoke Setswana in classes, with no shame. The cur Sebina told that head boys must report on Setswana-speaking at play-times or revision, but never did they. I was brave many times to say back words in English for Setswana said by older boys, but they came to hate me and said I was a traitor and scheming Mokgalagadi.

I was caring for that rose bower above all. After midday it was allowed for staff to sleep, but I alone would not sleep on many days, but would at times be found reading in
St. Joseph
. Now, Mma Wren could as well be found in that bower, under the net-shade, with some drinks. Those maids ragged me for not sleeping as they did. Ever slowly, Mma Wren grew kind to me. She asked my name over again. She said I must sit in a chair, not upon the ground, for reading. Those maids said Why must you go that side to read?—you can read here, we have chairs if you greatly love to sit in a chair, you can do so among us. Of course, Batswana must ever love best to lie or sit at ease upon the earth, as we know. They said I was seeking favor. That was their way, always, yet all were strong Christians. Mma Wren saw I was one for books. So she said can I be most careful if she finds some precious books for me to read? She said I must never harm or mislay them, only. I said yes. Always she repeated how precious were these books to come. She would give me one at one time and I must return it back to her perfect as she gave it to me. She said these were the most precious books to a boy, she knew it. Over again I said I would be glad.

She came forth with one book. It was
Erik Noble and the Forty-Niners the Big Little Book
. It was old, from 1934, with pages breaking. It was one picture-page, one writing-page, all repeating up to the end. Many pages were spoiled with
handwriting of a name, Brian. I read that book, sweating strings lest I break some page of it. It is about the orphan boy Erik Noble. After many countless adventures and missteps, he becomes a partner of a kind man. They make a café in San Francisco, California, at the end. I must always remember those last words,
With a young Yankee watching the cash, their enterprise had to succeed
. I handed back that book unharmed. She said I must relate how I liked that book. I said In America there is very much helping of lone boys if only they are bold and glad to work their hardest, but if it is so today I am not sure. She said she knew all boys loved these
Big Littles
and she must search to find yet more, for she had another at present time lost.

Bastiaan came to me. He said Your duties are altered, we shall say you are to work inside for training to become a steward, but it is untrue because you are too young. But Mma Wren wished me at her orders, it seems. He said she was greatly favoring me in this. Above all else, I must never put my hand to cleaning, for there would be cries unending from the house staff, but I must always say I am steward-in-training, full stop. He said Perhaps there shall be some assisting Mma Wren in cutting out of pictures from journals. But there was one room, called the sewing room, where I must pitch up every day and see what was to be. At other times she would see to my English, with lessons. Bastiaan was crossed, I saw. He said I was to be under him alone, and the mistress and master, and never under the kitchen maids, despite them. At some times I must take meals with Mma Wren, if she commanded it. He brought me to Rra Wren and left me.

It was at night. In his private room was more to do with fish, by far, with many fishing poles and chests of items. He came there to smoke. You must wish to drink down such sweet kind of smoke. He said the same to me as Bastiaan. I
must help Mma Wren with filling of empty books. If she shall vanish at times to find out some thing, I must remain waiting with patience. He said one day I shall see her storeroom, which was disgracing, with many papers and mementos confused together. I must never laugh, as she was striving to bring this room to order, but too slowly. He said You can make her prosper. He said She is collecting too many damned little items from our travels world-over. As well, he said If you can, by little, question as to if she may play a bit upon the piano that is standing silent, do so. I told him my liking as to singing and indeed all kind of music. He said I was fine. Then, I must pledge to come to him, if at all I am strained or unhappy in this. Bastiaan must always stand ready to bring me straightaway to see him soonest he was at home. He said that above all things I must pitch nothing out from our endeavors, lest at some time she discern a need of it and be cast down if it was gone. Then he praised my English-speaking as a pleasure.

Those maids said I was no more than a toy of late. I made no reply. Mma Wren must keep her eyeglasses enchained about her neck and fix her watch to her breast with pins and as well with a chain for safety, and now she must have a follower at every step. In part, it was true. Mma Wren was forever searching up mislaid things with my help. Nothing was safe from her mislayings. Soon she stated I may search up items in her storeroom and bedroom, at her order. I was uneasy and in straits, because it seemed God was trying me anew, as I could freely take some thing and only say that it was lost, full stop. At that, I am a thief, full made. She said Your young eyes can find out every thing.

Most slowly we made four books full with many senseless pictures of small boys, all kind of mothers and fathers together with children. By little, I said Can we now and again bring in some pictures of musicians? She said it would be
pleasing, and said Do you love music? I said What! I am great as to singing and all such things. I told how I wished to know music and instruments but was forced from school. I said You can see my voice. I sang two hymns.

Because at times I was idling there, I fell to more reasoning as to God’s ways. When I set myself against thieving, always God punished me, I said. And if I go near to thieving, as with Alias and Rra Jarvis for his posters, always I am saved, I said. I saw God’s doing in these endless mislayings, as a sign to me. I saw I must block this. I said perhaps if once you obey Him, He could be pleased and ask no more of you. I said if only one time God can see me a thief full-made, and see me then in straits, lamenting, He shall know His error. I said I must be as grieving mothers, or some wronged people, crying.

Rra Wren said I was fine, praising me. He said I was a jewel found. I said Many thanks. In fact, it was strange to me. If you discuss some theme, she could rise up flat and go from the room before you answer. Where did she go? To any place, to unknown rooms, about the drive, oftentimes to the garage, those maids told me. And I must just idle, or set to reading what is at hand. Still it was my best time. I drew her to the piano, by steps. Now she even played me tunes. She said You have fine hands for music. She said You shall study. I should one day read music freely, with her, she said. I saw she was my savior.

So it was then I knew I must be bold, and steal, or again be punished.

What must I take? To deceive God, it must be such as a schoolboy must covet, though I was not at school. It must be of worth and not a mere toy only. Because of danger, it must not be some prized possession of Mma Wren, lest they look straight and foremost to me as one who is at her side by far the most. It must be such as to be missed, yet not so greatly as to call forth police to oppress you. Slowly, I came to it.

It was a case out of leather. I saw it twice or so, in the garage. It was in behind some boards, pushed from view save for its handles at times. You must mount upon a box to feel it. This case was for a rich kind of student. It was old. Withinside, it held only some papers as letters and some crayon pictures from a child. It was not locked.

I took away that school case with ease, leaving no sign. I hid it for safekeeping in a hole prepared far off. I was unseen, I know it.

So I went to Bastiaan to say I must depart for two days, Saturday and Sunday, for a funeral at Mochudi. He was unkind, saying it was bad, as Rra Wren was gone to Maun for some days. But I said I am strained and I must. So he said he would allow it only for this, that he knew I would in all cases lead Mma Wren to say go. He said I must not stay off above two nights.

I went to Molepolole, not Mochudi as I told Bastiaan. Because I am too tall I can be in hotels. I stayed three nights at Slayer of Hunger Hotel—Mafenya Tlala Hotel. They said I must pay beforehand. I did. My saved money was fast going.

As to meals, I ate little, for proving to God I am oppressed even up to my hunger, even when on every hand they are eating chicken peri-peri and such things. One day I ate nothing. Over Sunday I ate mere soup and some ground-nuts, at most. I was just lingering in sorrow, waiting long hours in my chalet. I read
St. Joseph
. My scheme was to go at the last to visit Livingstone Tree that is in Molepolole. It is where Livingstone brought God and Christ upon the Batswana by his preaching. I schemed to stand nearby that tree, all sorrowing, because such a place must be at all times under God’s view. When I saw that tree, what! I saw names carved freely in its side. But I saw these were names of Europeans. I said what! they have set their names down
to be cursed hereafter, why? It was surprising to me. I lingered about. I said, loud, I can hang myself from this suffering, I can hang myself to this tree, even. Slowly I went away.

Yet one day farther I stayed at Molepolole, lamenting. I broke my pledge to Bastiaan. I said God must see me faced with sacking rathermore than going freely back to that place where I am now a thief. I hid from God my scheme to put that case back, in fact, as soon as I may.

Tuesday I returned back. It was late. At once I was trembling an amount, for I saw police about, and many vehicles. I was afraid. Many lights were switched on.

I said to the women What has happened? All within the house was coming and going, but no staff could be there, only Bastiaan. Bibiana said They say we are unworthy, yet at most we obeyed our mistress and now we shall be punished. Time and again I asked them to tell me what has happened.

They told me that days past Mma Wren came searching all about for some mislaid thing, but not as when a thing was mislaid in times past, because she would not say what was this thing, but only said over again to staff that they already know and must surrender it to her. Over again she refused to name this thing and thus aid them any way. She said it was precious. She accused them the more, if they said she was misled. She accused Bastiaan, in time, as well. In fact, she sacked him, commanding him to go away in his clothes. He was trying long hours to ring up Maun to find Rra Wren, with no success because those lines were down as always. She banished him off. She was gone mad with searching. Those women saw him go with pleasure, I know it. They hated him. They said Let him return back to white-rule South Africa, where he was reared amidst snakes.

Sunday Mma Wren came forth at sunrise to awaken them. She was quiet, no longer raging and hard. She said they must not go to church, but rather aid her in some task
of importance. She said We must not store up possessions in our life, as you can find in scripture. She said you must give your goods out. She said I am punished, now I must do it.

So at once she carried out countless things to set before those women, saying to take them from the face of the earth. At times she would bear many items to them, as towels and cushions. At times she would carry them one item, down to a spoon. Those maids say they warned against it many times, but failed, but yet why did they summon friends to come from nearby? Food was carried out. Goods flew like sand across the fence: shoes, knives, a clock. At every turn, the women said Is it your order that we take this thing away? and always she agreed. They are clever. Some guys who came said to Mma Wren, Can you carry me some tools, Mma? But those maids crushed them to silence. They said No one shall ask any goods beforehand. They said She is serving God in this way.

Those women are of differing churches. Sunday one pastor came, and then another, seeking gifts for God. One came with men for bearing loads. There are many tales of men swiftly bearing off chairs and tables with no one hailing them to say, What! It is because they are clever and went by the back paths and not where cars could mark them. And much was taken as from Monday, very early, before Europeans rise and see from their windows. A pastor came to thank Mma Wren for helping Africans with enriching of their churches so as to gain level some day with Europeans, because without such aid they must always remain poor.