Wicked Beginning: An Ivy Morgan Mystery Books 1-3 (42 page)

“Hey, kid. What do you want for breakfast?”

Ivy fixed Max with a dark look as she shuffled toward the kitchen table shortly before ten. “I’m not hungry.”

“Pancakes it is.”

“I said I wasn’t hungry,” Ivy barked, irritation with Max’s jovial nature and her own hurt warring for supremacy in her muddled mind. “I don’t want to eat.”

“Well, you’re going to eat,” Max countered, refusing to coddle his morose sister. He loved her, but he’d often found tough love to be the best option when she got in a mood … and her current mood looked to be one for the ages. “I’ll make you pancakes and you’ll feel better.”

“Did you ever think maybe I don’t want to feel better, Max?” Ivy challenged. “Did you perhaps think I want to … do whatever I want for a change?”

Max ran his tongue over his teeth as he considered how to answer. “So, do you want blueberries in your pancakes?”

“Ugh!”

“Ivy, I know you’re upset,” Max said, his expression softening. “I know that Jack taking off hurts more than the gunshot wound. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I’m going to beat him up. Don’t worry about that.”

“Leave him alone, Max,” Ivy said, her voice cracking. “Just … let him go. That’s what I’m going to do.”

Max didn’t believe her. “You’re not letting him go. You’re upset … and you’re angry … and I’m hoping you’re going to turn into one of those real housewives I see on television and beat his car with a baseball bat. You’re not letting anything go right now. That’s written all over your face.”

“Let me be, Max.” Ivy was petulant as she reached down to stroke her black cat behind his ear. Nicodemus slept with her the entire night, not moving as much as a whisker as she cried herself to sleep. He was the only thing she wanted to be around right now.

“I can’t do that, Ivy. You’re my sister and I love you.”

The sound Ivy made was something akin to a wounded animal and Max couldn’t stop himself from going to her. He knew that crying was the last thing she wanted to do, but he also knew that was the one thing she desperately needed to do. He pulled her in for a hug, holding her tightly against his chest as she dissolved into tears.

“I knew this was going to happen,” she sobbed.

“I’m going to beat the piss out of him,” Max promised, rubbing her back. “I’m so sorry.”

IVY
couldn’t go to the nursery – mostly because she didn’t want to deal with the hundreds of questions she knew well-meaning customers would flood her with if they caught sight of her – so she opted to work in her own garden after breakfast in lieu of further wallowing.

Max put up a token fight, but when she promised to keep her arm bandaged and not do anything requiring brute strength, he left her with her beloved plants. She needed time alone to think.

Ivy was angry. There was no getting around it. Jack promised he would never purposely hurt her in one breath and walked away with the next. She expected it from the beginning. She had no idea why she was surprised. No, that wasn’t true. She knew why she was surprised. She believed his lies because she wanted them to be true. There could be no other explanation.

Ivy was so lost in thought she didn’t hear Brian when he parked in the driveway, only looking up when he dropped the picnic basket close to her knees. For one brief moment hope flared in Ivy’s heart, only to be cut short when she realized who was visiting.

“Thank you for bringing this back to me,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t sound as unnaturally squeaky to him as it did to her. “This is one of my favorites. I’m glad I didn’t lose it.” Along with everything else, she added silently.

Brian forced a tight smile. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. It barely hurts.” That was kind of true. The pain had diminished to a dull ache thanks to the painkillers. “They say I’ll be back to my usual charming self tomorrow.”

“That’s good,” Brian said, sitting on the bottom step of the porch so he could watch Ivy work. “How are … other things?”

Ivy sighed. She knew why Brian was the one making the rounds instead of his partner. “You can tell Jack there are no hard feelings,” she said stiffly. “I expected him to walk away so I’m not surprised. I’m fine. He doesn’t have to feel guilty.”

“Listen, Ivy, I’m not making excuses for him,” Brian supplied. “I just … he’s got a lot going on right now. If it’s any consolation, I think the absolute last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.”

“That’s not any consolation, Brian,” Ivy replied. “I don’t care, though. I knew it would happen – no matter what he said – and it’s done now. I don’t expect anything from him. If he’s expecting me to make a scene … well … he’s fresh out.”

“I think both of you are in a lot of pain right now,” Brian said. “I don’t want to add to your troubles, but we got the ballistics back from your shooting yesterday. There are some things we have to talk about.”

“Oh,” Ivy said, realization dawning. “God, I’m so stupid. I thought Jack sent you here to make sure I was okay.”

“No, he doesn’t even know I’m here.”

“Well, that’s great,” Ivy said, rolling her neck until it cracked and gripping her small rake so hard her knuckles whitened. “He didn’t even care enough to see if I was okay. I … wow.”

“Ivy, no,” Brian said, immediately shaking his head. “You’re following the exact wrong line of thinking. I do not want to get between the two of you – and I told him this morning that I was on your side – but he’s killing himself with guilt over what happened.”

“Of course he is,” Ivy said. “He’s a brooder. It’s all about him.”

“I know that’s how it feels right now, but Jack is … a freaking mess,” Brian said. “He drank himself to sleep last night and I woke him up with a glass of water to the face. He wasn’t in much of a state to think about much of anything while I was over there.”

“Well, that’s the one good thing anyone has managed to tell me today.”

Brian offered Ivy a wan smile. “Kid, I don’t think you’re grasping everything that’s going on here,” he said. “Jack cares about you a great deal.”

“Yes, because you often leave someone in the hospital after they’ve been shot because you care.” Ivy knew she sounded bitter and yet she couldn’t seem to stop herself from piling on the vitriol. “I guess all those romance books I read as a teenager had it all wrong.”

“Ivy, Jack is just as upset as you are right now,” Brian supplied. “In fact – and I know this sounds awful because you were the one who was shot – but I think he’s taking it worse than you. He blames himself.”

“He should blame himself. He walked out of the hospital without even saying goodbye.” Tears threatened to spill over. “He said he was getting some air.”

“Yeah? Well, he found that air in the bottom of a bottle.”

“Good. I hope he has a horrible hangover and throws up.”

“We all hope that,” Brian agreed. “I … .” He looked up when he heard the front door open, pressing his lips together as regarded Max. “I’m not causing trouble. There’s no reason to hover.”

“It’s fine, Max,” Ivy said, waving him off. “We’re just talking.”

“That’s good,” Max said, jingling the keys in his hand. “I have to run out to the lumberyard. There was some sort of accident with one of the workers. I have to be there to fill out some paperwork.”

“Is it anything serious?”

Max shook his head. “No. I still have to go out there. That’s what happens when you’re the boss.”

“That’s fine,” Ivy said. “I’m fine. You can see I’m fine. Go and take care of your business. We’ve already spent more than enough time together for one twenty-four hour period.”

Max smirked. “I know you love me no matter what you say,” he said, tousling her hair. “I called Dad.”

“Oh, Max! I don’t need anyone smothering me today.”

“He’s not going to smother you, drama queen,” Max countered. “I wanted him to know that I was leaving and you were on your own. I told him you promised not to do anything kooky. He’s agreed to stay away and not check on you for a couple of hours if you agree to text him if you need something.”

“Like what?”

“He’s willing to beat up Jack, too.”

Ivy scowled. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop saying things like that? You can’t threaten a cop in front of another cop.”

Max glanced at Brian, sheepish. “Yes, well, I already admitted I left a threatening message on Jack’s cell phone last night, so it’s not exactly a surprise to Brian that I’m going to beat him up.”

“I deleted the messages this morning,” Brian added. “I made Jack listen to them and then I erased the evidence.”

“You’re a good man,” Max said, clapping Brian on the shoulder. “As a good man, I expect you to make sure my sister isn’t crying when you leave.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Brian and Ivy watched Max leave, raising their hands to wave before returning to their conversation.

“I’m honestly okay, Brian,” Ivy said. “You don’t have to watch me. I’m an adult. I knew what I was getting into when I let my guard down with Jack. I won’t be making that mistake again. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Brian’s heart rolled. Ivy was one of the prettiest girls in town, but she closed herself off because people judged her because of her Bohemian lifestyle. Jack was the first man to pique her interest in years. If she shut down now … . “Ivy, I’m not telling you what to do, but you might not want to write Jack off just yet,” Brian said. “He still might pull himself together. Sure, it’s not going to happen right away because of what we found out, but … I still think it’s going to happen.”

“Well, I hope it works out for him and anyone he finds down the road,” Ivy said stubbornly. “I … wait, what did you find out?”

Brian explained about the ballistics report, going into minute detail so Ivy understood the ramifications. When he was done, she was flabbergasted.

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand either,” Brian said. “Whoever is doing this has a grudge against Jack. He’s the common denominator right now. It’s not you. I … he’s crushed because you were shot instead of him.”

“Oh, well, great,” Ivy said, hopping to her feet and kicking one of the paver bricks that sectioned off her garden from encroaching weeds. “He dumps me in the dirt and still manages to be the wounded party.”

Brian clucked sympathetically. “He
is
wounded. You are, too. Just … give it some time before you completely cut ties with him. He’s going to be a bear for the next twenty-four hours. Then I think he’s going to fall apart due to losing you.”

“It’s too late.”

Brian recognized the obstinate tilt of her chin, and yet he still had his doubts. “I don’t think it’s too late. You’re entitled to your anger, though. Just be careful. If someone is going after Jack, you’re going to look like an attractive way to hurt him.”

“That’s not true. If that were the case he’d be here to protect me. I don’t see him. I don’t think I’m going to be seeing him anytime soon. Thank you for telling me, though. I’ll be extra careful until this is settled.”

“You do that.”

TWO HOURS
later Ivy’s frustration was still mounting and she had no idea why. She’d decided to push all thoughts of Jack out of her mind – just like he’d pushed all thoughts of her out of his head when he walked out of her life – and yet all she could do was dwell on what Brian told her.

This had to be killing Jack. She wasn’t going to kid herself into believing any of his pain was because of her, but the rest of it had to be plaguing his soul.

Ivy lifted her head when she felt … something. She couldn’t put a name to it, but if she didn’t know better she would swear someone was watching her. She shifted, studying the tree line in three directions, and found nothing.

She shook her head and tried to return to her work, but after a few minutes she realized it was impossible. She couldn’t get Jack out of her head and she was done gardening for the day.

Instead of going back inside, Ivy dropped her gardening gloves on the front porch and moved around her tiny cottage. It was her childhood home, her parents selling it to her so she could be close to the nursery when she opened it, and it was her favorite place on earth. She would find no solace in there today, though. No, if she wanted mental respite she had to find it someplace else.

Ivy headed into the woods behind her home, pointing herself in the opposite direction of the nursery and trudging into the heavy foliage. Normally she would go to her fairy ring when she was upset. That was the first place anyone would look for her, though. Today she was going someplace else. Today she was going to wallow in a place where she knew she wouldn’t be interrupted. Today she was going to find peace if it killed her.

Now she just had to figure out how to do it.

Ivy picked her way through the dense underbrush, being careful to stop and listen to the woods around her a few times to make sure no one was following her. She couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was out there – although she didn’t feel like she was in danger.

She’d been visiting Duskin Lake for as long as she could remember. In truth, the body of water was barely a lake. It was more of a glorified pond than anything else. Still, Ivy didn’t want to be bothered. She wanted a place where she could feel sorry for herself that was away from prying eyes – and more importantly, pity.

In truth, Max would be able to find Ivy at the lake when he checked her fairy ring and found it empty. Ivy wasn’t worried about upsetting anyone else. She needed space from her well-meaning family. She needed time alone to … cry.

Ivy hated admitting it to herself, but that was what she really wanted to do. She felt like the world’s biggest pathetic mess when she started sobbing the previous evening – and again this morning – and while she knew Max didn’t hold either crying jag against her, she couldn’t help feeling ashamed for falling apart.

She was Ivy Morgan, after all. She built a reputation on being strong and needing no one. So why did Jack’s abandonment – something she told herself he was going to do from the beginning – hurt so much?

Ivy was so lost in thought she didn’t initially notice the quiet figure sitting on a fallen log next to the lake. When he shifted, the familiar muscular frame tensing at the sight of her, Ivy’s heart fell.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Jack frowned. “What are you doing here?” He pushed himself to his feet, running a hand through his dark hair as he regarded her with red-rimmed eyes. “You should be in bed.”

Ivy rolled her eyes. “You’re unbelievable.”

Jack’s expression softened, although he was wary. “I’m sorry for leaving the hospital the way I did yesterday. I … .”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ivy cut him off. She didn’t want to hear lame excuses about how he had a job to do and that came first. She didn’t want to hear how he’d changed his mind. “I knew it would happen. It’s … exactly what I expected.”

“Don’t say that,” Jack said, his voice soft. “Please don’t say that.”

“What do you want me to say, Jack?” Ivy rested her hands on her hips and fixed her icy blue eyes on him. Jack already missed the hint of warmth and flirtatious energy he usually found there. “You kissed me on the forehead and said you were going to get some air. That was the last time I saw you. You walked out of the hospital and out of my life. I get it. Just … whatever.”

Ivy’s eyes filled with tears and she hated herself for it. She loathed showing weakness, and that was exactly what she was doing.

“Ivy … .” Jack was miserable.

“What are you even doing out here?” Ivy asked, impatiently brushing away a falling tear. “Why would you come out here?”

“You mentioned there was a lake behind your house,” Jack explained. “I needed a place to think where no one else would be hanging around. I … some stuff has happened … and I like being by water. It helps me clear my mind.”

“There are three other lakes within driving distance,” Ivy snapped. “Pick one of those places to … clear your mind. This is my lake.”

“Why are you out here?” Jack prodded. “You should be resting. I … you shouldn’t be wandering around after you were … hurt.”

“Oh, you mean after I was shot?” Ivy relished the quick flicker of pain on Jack’s face when she said the words. “Well, as you may or may not know – I’m going with the assumption that you don’t know since you walked out of the hospital without even saying goodbye – I’m actually fine,” she said. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I didn’t say you needed a babysitter. I … .”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work? Aren’t you supposed to be keeping the good people of Shadow Lake safe from the bad guys? Aren’t you supposed to be doing the one thing you claimed you came to this town to do?”

Jack exhaled heavily. She was so angry he could practically feel it wafting off of her from ten feet away. He welcomed the anger and he basked in the hatred. He deserved it. What he didn’t want to see was the underlying current of emotional pain that was fueling that anger.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” Jack said, fighting his own batch of tears.

“Don’t call me that,” Ivy hissed. “Don’t … ever … .”

“I’m sorry,” Jack repeated, holding up his hands. “I didn’t mean to hurt you this way.”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Ivy said, another tear cascading down her cheek. “I’m sure you had the best of intentions. You didn’t mean to throw me away. I get it. Just … let it go and leave my lake.”

Jack took a step toward her, hating the way she shrank away from him. “I can’t just leave you out here,” he said. “We need to have a talk.”

“I don’t want to talk about it! I don’t want to listen to you rationalize why you had to do this. I get it!”

Jack licked his lips, tugging on his fleeing patience. She was stubborn. It drove him crazy. It made his blood pressure spike and his anger flare. He could not yell at a woman with a gunshot wound, though. Even he drew the line at that. “You don’t get anything,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “You’re just saying what you want to say right now.

“I know I deserve it,” he continued. “I know what I did was … unforgivable. That doesn’t change the fact that we have to talk about a few things.”

“No.”

Jack pursed his lips to keep himself from saying something hateful.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Ivy said, her eyes completely dry for the first time in a full day. “I don’t want to listen to an apology. I don’t want to hear cop talk about the shooting. I don’t want to … know you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, I mean it,” Ivy seethed. “I can’t even stand the sight of you. I wish I’d never met you.”

Jack stalked toward her, ignoring the distressed look on her face as he closed the distance. “I’m not playing this game with you,” he argued. “We’re going to talk and … well … you’re going to shut up and listen to what I have to say.” He reached for her shoulders, realizing at the last second that he couldn’t hold her in place that way because of her wound and shifting his hands so they grabbed onto her hips. “Now … .”

Ivy lashed out, smacking him across the face as hard as she could and taking him by surprise. “Don’t touch me!”

Jack released her hips and rubbed his chin, impressed with the force she managed to put behind the slap until he saw her grimace of pain. She’d used her injured shoulder to give the slap some oomph. “Are you okay?”

“I just slapped you,” Ivy replied. “I … how can you even ask me if I’m okay?”

“Because I deserved to be slapped.”

“You deserve to be run over by a car and then backed over again,” Ivy countered. “You’re lucky I don’t have a vehicle with me.”

Jack fought the urge to smile, knowing it was the exact worst thing he could do, but the situation was so surreal he couldn’t fight the expression. Twenty-four hours earlier they were having the time of their lives on a picnic blanket. He could touch her without reservation. Now she was right in front of him and yet she still felt miles away.

“This is not funny!” Ivy went to place her hands on her hips and groaned, instead reaching for her bad shoulder. “Are you happy? Now my arm really is going to fall off.”

Jack sobered. “I’m not happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been this unhappy.”

“Whatever,” Ivy said, rolling her eyes and refusing to fall for his act. “You know what? You can have the lake. I’m going home.” She turned and flounced back in the opposite direction, her hand resting protectively over her shoulder.

Jack immediately fell into step behind her, keeping two feet between them, but refusing to let her wander off on her own.

Ivy ignored the sound of his footsteps for as long as she could, but after a few minutes she swiveled and fixed him with a murderous look. “Why are you following me?”

“Because we have to talk.” It was easier for Jack to keep his temper in check this time. Her pain put everything in perspective. “I’m going to walk you back to your house, check your shoulder, tell you what I have to tell you and then … .” And then what? Would he really be able to walk away again?

“And then you’ll go,” Ivy finished for him. “Great. This sounds exactly how I wanted to spend my afternoon. I think I must be the luckiest woman in the world.”

Jack didn’t know about lucky – although that bullet might have killed her if she hadn’t bent over exactly when she did – but he was convinced she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

“Start moving, Ivy,” Jack said quietly. “It looks like it’s going to storm.”

“Oh, bite me.”

“WHAT
did the doctor say about giving you pain killers?” Jack asked, his fingers gentle as they prodded the bandage over her wound as she sat in a kitchen chair and allowed him to tend her wound. “Hold still while I take this off. I don’t want to hurt you.”

After the longest twenty-minute hike of his life, Jack followed Ivy into her cottage – despite the fact that she tried to shut the door in his face – and patiently set about checking her shoulder. He was done yelling at her. Well, at least for now.

“You’ve already hurt me.” Ivy was petulant.

“I know I have,” Jack said softly. “You’ll never know how sorry I am for causing you one moment of pain.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“I … panicked.”

Ivy stilled, her expression thoughtful as she studied his intent face. He didn’t meet her gaze, afraid he would fall into those eyes and never find his way back out. Instead, he pulled the bandage off and frowned at the angry wound.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a bad wound. It was nothing compared to the mess left on his chest after Marcus shot him. The sight of the marred and angry flesh caused his heart to constrict all the same. This was his fault.

“Everyone panics, Jack,” Ivy said. “It’s what you do after that’s important.”

“And I let you down.”

“I think you let yourself down,” Ivy replied. “Just slap a new bandage on that and say what you have to say.”

Jack licked his lips. “I’m the reason you were shot.” It took everything he had to admit it, and he waited for her to slap him again before risking a look at her annoyed face. “It’s my fault.”

“You’re just … an idiot!”

Jack was taken aback. “Excuse me?”

“It’s not your fault, Jack. You didn’t shoot me.”

“The gun used to kill Mark Dalton … the gun used to shoot you … is my old partner’s weapon,” Jack said, his voice wavering. “Someone went after you because of me.”

“And you put yourself in danger to save me from Heath and Gil Thorpe,” Ivy reminded him. “If you died in either of those instances, would that have been my fault?”

“Of course not. That’s different.”

“Why?”

“Because … .” Jack was at a loss for how to answer.

“Because I’m a girl?” Ivy pressed. “Because you’re a big, strong cop and I’m a weak girl? Is that it?”

“Oh, don’t play that game,” Jack snapped, affixing a new bandage to Ivy’s shoulder and taping it in place as he tried to control his racing heart. “You’re stronger than anyone I know. That was my job, though.”

“Oh.” Ivy’s eyes flashed. “Are you saying you only did what you did because it was your job? And here I thought it was because you cared about me. I’m such a moron.”

“I do care about you,” Jack hissed. “You have no idea how much I care. I just … I did this to you. Don’t you understand that?”

“No,” Ivy replied, fumbling with the top of her pain medication bottle and then popping two capsules into her mouth. She grabbed the half-empty bottle of water on the table and downed the medication under Jack’s watchful eye. “You didn’t do this to me, Jack. This was done to both of us. The difference is, I’m not the type of person to throw everything away because I’m afraid.”

Ivy got to her feet and pushed past him. “I’m sure you know the way out.”

“What are you doing?” Jack asked. “We’re not done talking yet.”

“Oh, yes we are,” Ivy said, moving down the hallway and toward her bedroom. “Those were the pills that knock me out. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m exhausted. I … hurt. I can’t deal with you making excuses. I’m tired.”

Jack frowned as he followed her, hating that he couldn’t stop watching as she unsnapped her pants and let them fall to the floor, revealing a pair of black panties that caused his heart to speed up. “I … .”

“Go and do what you want to do, Jack,” Ivy mumbled, climbing under the covers. “Do what’s right for you. You don’t care about what’s right for me. You’ve made that obvious.”

“That is not true. Stop saying that.” Jack was flustered. “I … we’re not done talking, Ivy. You’re in danger.”

“I’m done talking,” Ivy said, her eyes heavy as she closed them. “I just want my heart to stop hurting.”

Jack fought back tears at the words even as he worked to tamp down his irritation. He moved to Ivy’s side. “We need to finish this conversation.”

Ivy didn’t answer, her breathing already steady as she slipped off into dreamland.