Wicked Innocence (18 page)

“I’ve missed you so much,” he muttered, kissing my forehead. “I can’t fucking
breathe
without you. You’ve broken me, Micah.”

I closed my eyes and cuddled against his chest, desperate to make the most of this moment. Nothing had been resolved. He was still hurting, and I was still underage, but I had never felt closer to anyone than I did at that moment.

Micah

Rolling over, my hand slipped across the empty bed and I sighed. I sat up, using the sheet to cover myself. I was still in his bed, only he wasn’t there with me. Wrapping the sheet around me, I stood up and walked out of the room, making my way down to the living room. Silence greeted me.

Sighing, I poured myself a cup of coffee.

He was in love with me. Only we hadn’t really solved anything. I was still eight years younger than him. I still had no idea what we were…if we were even anything.

“Hello?”

My eyes widened as I realized Stace was letting herself into the house.

“Shit,” I muttered, setting my cup down. “Hold on!”

She rounded the corner and smiled at me. “Big night?” she asked, her voice dry.

I blushed and she laughed.

“Sax asked me to come over. He had some stuff to do.”

He asked her to come over? Now I was even more confused.

“Look,” she said, shifting on her feet. “I just want to come right out and say this. Sax told me everything. So if you want someone to talk to, I’m a really good listener.”

“Oh,” I said. I walked over to the sofa and slumped down onto the cushions. Everything? Who else had he told?

“Do you want to get dressed?” she asked, setting my coffee in front of me.

“Not really,” I admitted. I reached for the blanket covering the back of the sofa and wrapped it around me.

“Don’t be angry with him. He needed someone to talk to, that’s all.”

“Angry?” I laughed. “I’m not angry. I have no right to be angry…” I wasn’t sure what I felt. Embarrassed, maybe? After all, I’d lied to her too. I’d lied to everyone. “How is he? Sax?”

“He’s okay. Confused, I guess.”

I nodded. “I lied to you too,” I mumbled.

“Do you want to talk about it? Might make you feel a bit better,” she added sympathetically. “For what it’s worth, I’m not mad at you. I’m worried about both of you. I can see how much he loves you, and even in the short time I’ve known you, I know your feelings are genuine. You can’t fake that.”

It meant a lot to hear her say that. I hadn’t meant to hurt anyone. I wasn’t a kid trying to pretend to be older to impress a guy. I’d been a scared child who needed to get out of a bad situation.

“Pete had just died and Mom blamed me. She was about to send me back into care, so I left. I knew a couple of kids from the system who helped me get what I needed. Shelter. Food. I slept in refuges, bus shelters—wherever I needed to.”

“Wow. I can’t even imagine how hard that must’ve been.”

“It was, but it was better than the alternative. I was at the age where no family was going to take me, and I’d most likely have ended up in another group home.”

“So how did you get where you are?”

“Being fourteen, a girl, and on the streets is not good,” I said. “So I did what I needed to change that. It’s amazing what you can find on the Internet,” I added with a wry smile. “Once I had ID saying I was eighteen, things magically became easier. I got a job and a place to live.” I reached for my coffee and took a sip. “It helped that I looked older. People had no reason to doubt me. My ID said I was eighteen. Hell, I got my driver’s license without a problem.”

“Wow, that’s insane,” she muttered. She tucked her blonde hair back behind her ears. “I actually admire you, Micah. I think what you did took guts. You took control of a situation and made things better for yourself. If you ask me, you’re more mature than a lot of people our age.” She giggled suddenly. “Hey, I’m older than you,” she grinned.

I smiled. “Maybe that’s why we get along so well.”

“That’s the thing. I’ve always gravitated toward people older than myself. Most of my friends are in their mid-twenties. I think what happened to me, and with Sax being in trouble, kind of made me realize how fragile life can be.” She paused. “He loves you. I can tell.”

I smiled sadly. “But none of that matters if Sax can’t get past my age.”

Music was always the only thing I cared about. The funny thing was, I didn’t give a shit if I never sang again. The thought of never feeling his touch or his kiss was enough to break me.

Sax

“What do you want?” Harry mumbled.

I stood in the doorway of his bedroom, my arms crossed over my chest. He looked like shit. His face looked worse today. The swelling had doubled so that the whole side of his head was swollen. I imagined I didn’t look much better.

“And who the fuck let you in, anyway?”

“Liam did. Now get up. You and I need to talk.”

He rolled over, ignoring my comment. Fuck this. I wasn’t here to play games. I stalked over to his bed and yanked the covers off.

“Hey! What the hell, man?” He sat up, rubbing his head, his face creased in anger. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“What do you think it is, Harry? Once and for all, we’re going to sort this out. Now get dressed, or I swear to God I’ll call Mission Statement and cancel your gig.”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare,” he spat back.

“Yeah? Try me.” I turned around and walked out, slamming the door.

It took him five minutes before he finally followed me into the living room, dressed.

“Okay, I’m dressed. So talk.” He sat down on the arm of the chair closest to him and scowled at me.

“Did you go to the hospital?” I asked, surveying his face.

“You dropped me off there, dipshit.”

“What did they say?” I asked, ignoring his comment.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, rubbing his head. “Bruised ribs, but nothing broken. Why do you care?”

“What the hell is your problem?” I sighed, shaking my head. “Am I ever going to be able to apologize enough for what happened to Kara?”

“You think I should forgive you? You ruined her life, man. How about I forgive you the day she can get up out of that chair and walk?”

“I think about that fucking night every single day. Trust me, I’ll never forgive myself for what happened to her. But for her sake, I’m trying to move on. All you and I fighting does is remind her of what she lost.”

“Don’t you think she gets that every fucking day when she wakes up?” He shook his head and laughed. “That’s just it, Sax. She’s reminded of what happened every fucking day. Dude, you had everything. Everything I could have ever wanted, you had it just handed to you. And you fucked everything up, including my sister.”

Wow. I stared at him, shocked by the hate in his voice.

“I worked damn hard—”

“Fucking bullshit, dude,” he spat. “You were discovered by some hotshot while you were singing in a fucking park. You didn’t even want it. And when it came down to it, you couldn’t handle the pressure.”

“You think you know what it was like?” I retorted, my anger rising. “What you’ve experienced with Resurrection doesn’t even come close to the pressure I felt back then. Nowhere near it. You have no idea what it’s like to have your every fucking move highlighted and criticized. I couldn’t breathe without someone reporting about it. Everyone wanted something from me.”

“That’s the price you pay for being famous,” Harry shrugged, frustrated.

“Then you’re right—maybe I didn’t want any of it.” I shook my head and laughed. “This has nothing to do with Kara, does it? You’re not angry with me because of what happened to her. You’re pissed because it was me that got discovered and not you.”

“Fuck you,” he growled, standing up. “You don’t know fucking shit about me, okay?”

“I know enough to recognize jealously when I see it.” I laughed again. “You have a lot of growing up to do, Harry. You think I fucked up my life? You’re heading down the same path with yours, only you’re too blind to see it.”

I turned around and stormed out.

Micah

Don’t leave. I’m ten minutes away and I’d really like to talk.

My heart pounded as I reread the text. I glanced at the time again. 10:56.

This was the slowest moving ten minutes ever. What did he have to say to me? Was he going to end this? I swallowed, the lump in my throat growing.

Stace had left about an hour earlier. I honestly wasn’t sure why I was still at his house. I hadn’t heard from him all day. If that wasn’t a sign, I didn’t know what was. So I’d sent him a text saying I was leaving, and that was when he’d responded.

Don’t leave.

Don’t leave.

Pushing myself up from the sofa, I paced the length of the room. I felt sick. My stomach was in a knot and I could feel my heart fluttering in my chest. Wiping my sweaty palms down my jeans, I looked up as I heard the sound of the front door unlocking.

He walked in and offered me a small smile. He looked tired, his blue eyes filled with so many emotions. “Thanks for staying,” he said.

He walked over to me and as his lips brushed over mine, I felt my body relax. This had to be positive, didn’t it? He wouldn’t be kissing me if he were letting me go, right?

“I don’t want to be anywhere else but here,” I replied evenly. My eyes locked on his. “But what do you want, Sax?”
I refuse to cry.
No matter what the answer is, I refuse to cry.

He reached out and took my hand. “I just went and saw Harry. For so long, I thought he hated me for what happened with Kara. But you know what I realized?”

I shook my head, struggling to understand how this connected to us.

“I realized that his hate toward me had little to do with Kara. He was—
is
—jealous of me. Everything he wants, I’ve had. His lifelong dream I’ve lived, and fucked up.
That’s
what he can’t forgive me for.”

“How does this relate to us?” I asked quietly.

He pulled me close, his fingers dipping under my shirt and running along my bare skin. His mouth found mine, and I sighed as he kissed me, my lips tingling at the feel of his on mine.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Things I’d do anything to be able to change. I’ve refused to forgive myself because I’d hurt so many people. I’m the last person who should be judging you, Micah. I was angry because you lied to me, but I do understand.”

“So, what you’re saying is…?” My heart thudded in my chest as he smiled at me. I knew I was being silly, but I needed to hear him actually say it. I couldn’t let myself believe it until I heard it from him.

“I’m done with depriving myself of living. It’s not what Kara wants, and it’s not what
I
want.” He smiled as his fingers curved around the back of my neck. “Now, the question is, are you willing to give this old idiot a second chance?”

I giggled and kissed him, not bothering to hide my glee. “What do you think?”

Micah

“Are you ready?” Harry muttered, peeking out and into the crowd from where we stood on the edge of the stage.

“Are you?” I retorted.

“Fuck, yeah. I don’t get stage fright,” he boasted. “This?” he said, waving his arm. “Bring it on. I live for this shit.”

I shook my head and laughed. “You’re an idiot,” I giggled. “And I think you’re doing something wrong if a small part of you isn’t terrified right now. We are about to open for Mission Statement.”

Harry snorted. “They’re good and all that, but come on. Are they really any better than us, or have they just had a hell of a lot of good luck?”

I sniggered as the lead singer for Mission Statement clapped his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Tell us what you really think, dude. I mean, don’t hold back.”

Harry’s face went white, then a deep shade of red. “I didn’t mean—”

“Sure you did,” he cut in. “And it’s cool. Just don’t fuck up out there, yeah? Don’t want to make us look bad.” He winked and wandered off, leaving poor Harry looking like he was going to pass out.

“You could’ve told me he was behind me,” he groaned, running a hand through his thick hair.

“And let you miss out on looking like the world’s biggest douche?” I giggled. “Consider that payback for telling Sax we had a hot date.”

“He told you about that?” Harry winced.

“Of course he did. He was livid.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“It’s all good,” I said with a grin.

“So, you and Sax worked your shit out?” he asked.

“Yeah. Have
you
?” I shot back.

“It’s possible I have some of my own issues I need to work out,” he said. “Sax might have had a point. Maybe I am jealous of his success. I’m not saying things between us will be all rosy and shit, but I’m willing to try and figure out my problems.”

“Good for you,” I said, genuinely happy to hear that. Just then, we were introduced to the crowd.

Harry flashed me a smile. “Let’s smash this.”

Here we go.

I ran out onto the stage, soaking up the huge cheer that had erupted from the crowd. I closed my eyes as the guys lead into our first number, the beat of the music pulsating through my veins.

Nothing could match this feeling. I started sing just as my eyes fell on Sax near the front corner of the stage, and I smiled.

Well, almost nothing.

***

By the time our set ended, Sax had disappeared. Dee and Stace almost choked me in a hug as I ran backstage. I laughed and struggled free, trying to catch my breath.

“That was insane,” screamed Dee, jumping up and down on the spot. “Oh my God, M, you totally owned it!”

“That was really awesome,” agreed Stace. “But now you have to come with me.”

Huh? She giggled as she led me out the back and down the steps. Dee was still going on about how ‘epic’ and ‘amazing’ our performance had been.

“And God, could Harry be any sexier?” she sighed, a dreamy look on her face.

I gaped at her. Harry?

“What?” she shot back, her face going red. “I’m allowed to look. Anyway, aren’t you concerned about where she is dragging you off to?” she said, pointing at Stace.

Her blatant attempt at diverting the conversation off her worked.

“Where are we going?” I asked Stace suspiciously.

She shook her head. “No questions. Just follow me and shut up.”

I rolled my eyes but let her drag me what felt like halfway around the grounds. I still had no idea where Sax was. We weaved our way through the crowds of people, finally stopping at the edge of stage three.

“What are we doing?” I asked wearily.

“Just trust me, okay?” Stace said, patting my arm. Dee giggled on the other side of me. I shot her a look and she shrugged. So not helpful.
I might seriously have to re-evaluate my friend’s loyalty.

I glanced around. It was hard not to get caught up in the atmosphere. Since it was one of the smaller stages, the crowd of people was less intense so we could actually breathe. My body was still buzzing from the high of performing, and I felt like I’d had ten coffees and half a dozen red bulls.

The soft strum of a guitar caught my attention and I looked up on the stage. My eyes widened and I almost lost my balance.

Sax?

What the hell was he
doing?

He smiled at me and began to sing, every last word driving through me like a freight train. He was singing. In public. More than that, he was singing to
me
.

Watched you run away
—

You took my soul that day

I stand in the light

wondering where you are,

how I lost you,

how I could win you back,

But it’s not me, not forgotten,

Couldn’t love you more than I do now.

You took my all, you give me all

I have nothing left to be...

Never alone, not forgotten

Not the first, but not the last

Broken, but not shattered

Ruined, but you saved me…

It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was the most wonderful moment of my entire life. Half the people standing there listening probably had no idea who the hell he was, but it didn’t matter, because it was clear that I was the person he cared about, and was sending me a message in front of all these people. This was all for me.

The song ended and I ran up to the edge of the stage. Laughing, he moved across the stage to me and lifted me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Are you going to kiss me?” he smirked.

“In front of all these people? No. But get me off this stage and I won’t be able to keep my hands off you,” I teased.

He raised his eyebrows and grinned at me. Waving to the crowd, he walked off the stage, his fingers linked in mine. We stood behind the set, unable to keep our hands off each other. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. His blue eyes twinkled as his lips twitched into a grin. “The look on your face when you looked up and saw me? Gold.”

“I’m going to kill that sister of yours for aiding your little plan there,” I muttered, kissing him.

He laughed. “Hey, don’t blame her. I had to use a lot of ammunition to get her to help me.”

I giggled and kissed him. My stomach flipped with every touch. Everything about him made me crazy. I looked up as someone cleared their throat. A man stood by the edge of the stage, an embarrassed expression on his face.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt. Saxon, can I steal you for a few moments? This won’t take long.”

“Sure,” Saxon replied, pulling away from me. He raised his eyebrows at me before walking off with the man.

Leaving them alone, I went in search of Dee and Stace, who were listening to the next performer on stage. I gave Stace a playful punch on the arm.

“Hey,” she complained, grinning. “I had no choice. He was threatening to share things that should never be shared.”

“You owe me,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Where’s Sax?” she asked, looking around.

“Talking to some guy in a suit,” I said, a twinge of anxiety hitting my stomach. Who was he, and what did he want?