Wicked Obsession (Bend to My Will #6) (8 page)

Jacob wasn’t sure how to respond.

“I want to understand you better,” Vivienne said. “I know your early childhood was far from idyllic, but I wish you’d talk about it. I want to know more about you.”

“As a very young child, I was lost. I was the weaker one, the victim.” Jacob twirled his glass on the table. “But I’m not anymore.”

“But you still have nightmares; you’re still haunted by the trauma.” Vivienne touched his hand. “Can’t you get therapy?”

The waiter arrived at that inopportune moment to deliver their meals. He put the steaming plates in front of them, but neither made a move to eat.

“When I came to live at the Rinaldi home, I was still quite young. Vico sent me to therapy, but it’s probably harder for a child to understand.”

“Therapy might offer a solution.”

“Some things can’t be fixed, baby.” Heavy shadows descended, horror gripping Jacob from the inside. “The therapist said I had post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“I wasn’t aware that physical abuse could cause PTSD.”

“Apparently it can.” Jacob stirred his pasta with a fork. For once, he wasn’t hungry. “When I was much older, Vico relayed what the doctor had said. Many adult survivors exhibit symptoms of the disorder, and he wanted me to be aware of it.”

“What kind of symptoms?”

“The nightmares, for one. Or recurring thoughts of the trauma. Sometimes there’s a sort of numbness or lack of responsiveness. That’s something I had when I was first adopted,” Jacob said.

“But you got better?”

“Only because Vico and Sophia were so good to me. But the symptoms still persist: stuff like sleep disturbance and flashbacks.” Jacob looked into the distance. “It’s odd what can trigger it sometimes: a particular smell or touch that acts as a reminder.”

“Are there any other symptoms?”

“Quite a few,” Jacob said. “Fortunately, I don’t have all of them. There’s anxiety or panic disorders, phobias. I haven’t experienced those.” He paused. “But rage, which is supposedly a symptom, can be an issue. Especially if the person has difficulty expressing the anger in appropriate ways.

“Abuse survivors suppress their anger.” Jacob’s gut twisted. “But that doesn’t mean it won’t come out…someday.”

“Is that why you worry that you are a danger?”

Jacob made his hand into a fist. “That’s one of the reasons.” He looked at Vivienne, her beauty and innocence in contrast to the ugliness inside him. “Eventually…I’ll explode. That’s what I’m afraid of. I just don’t want you around when I do.”

“I’m not concerned about that.” Vivienne put her hand over his. “You are a good person, Jacob. You have a good heart, and you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.”

The discussion of his issues allowed the tentacles of darkness to wrap around Jacob’s heart. It brought back the anxiety over his relationship with Vivienne. She trusted him, and he wanted to make good on that. But Jacob lacked confidence that he could. He feared that sometime he might go too far, go a little crazy and be unable to push down the demons as much as he might want to.

Chapter 10

After dinner at the Italian restaurant, much to Vivienne’s delight, Jacob hadn’t gone to her apartment. Instead, he’d instructed Ian to take them to the penthouse, and she certainly hadn’t argued. While away, they’d had evenings together but it had been a stressful few days.

That night in the dark quiet of his room, Jacob had made love to her in his bed. It had been sweet, and so hot. Vivienne had fallen asleep in his arms, happy to be with him. The next morning came, and she had to leave. But Vivienne knew that she’d see Jacob again soon.

Whether he admitted it or not, Jacob had become attached to her, and it was a stronger bond than he was comfortable with. Vivienne didn’t press the issue. Seeing him with her parents, and in her own hometown, had given her perspective.

Jacob had many sides to him, and his depth of character drew her to him. Although he still warned her away, not letting her forget his dark side, he had also let her get closer. Maybe he hadn’t set out to do so, but when he spoke of his past, shared more about his torment, that was exactly what happened.

When Jacob told her about what he had to deal with as a result of his tortured childhood, she wasn’t afraid. If anything she trusted Jacob more, not less. She wished that Jacob could see himself as she did. He deserved her love, her loyalty, despite his anxiety about holding Vivienne close. The more he spoke about the unspeakable, the better she understood him.

So far Jacob hadn’t discussed how to deal with romance, and how to reconcile such sentiment with the playroom. Sooner or later he would have to, since Vivienne’s love grew with every encounter, and every intimate moment. Still Jacob remained convinced that he didn’t do long-term relationships.

Vivienne just had to take it one step at a time. Her own parents had divorced, and as upsetting as that had been, it hadn’t changed her outlook. She was a true romantic, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. There was only one man for her. No matter how it played out, whether he made a more permanent commitment or not, Jacob was the man she loved.

Even when she returned to Vee’s and picked up where she left off, Vivienne knew she had changed. She felt different inside, and more intimate with Jacob, in a new way. When she had a few minutes at work, Vivienne did an online search about Jacob’s symptoms.

She wanted to understand, and Jacob rarely talked about his issues. They were as he’d described, but she also learned that abuse survivors might adopt an avoidance-style behavior. That included opting for low interdependency with a lack of self-disclosure and warmth, which could lead to few personal ties.

Despite the psychological jargon, Vivienne comprehended the meaning. She could see that sort of behavior in Jacob. When she thought of the cause of his inner demons, her heart wrenched. It was one thing to notice the results of the trauma, but quite another to do anything about it. As Jacob had said: “
Some things can’t be fixed, baby
.”

Vivienne’s mother continued to improve in the rehabilitation facility under the care of a physical therapist. When she was allowed to go home, Vivienne went to see her. Jacob insisted that she take the jet, so she did. She visited for a couple of days and met the new nurse. Satisfied that her mother was in good hands, she returned to New York.

When she got home midweek, Ian drove her to a cocktail lounge in Midtown, where Jacob waited for her. Their relationship had developed new facets, ones she quite liked. Things weren’t always serious or intense, as often they just had fun together.

The bar was on the thirtieth floor, with a spectacular rooftop deck that attracted a lot of the after-work crowd. There were many options on the long list of signature cocktails, and the food items were just as creative.

Sitting across from Jacob, she held one such treat in her hand. “If you haven’t tried a mac and cheese cupcake, you haven’t lived.”

Jacob laughed, his blue eyes shining. “The beef sliders aren’t bad either,” he said, and took a big bite. The sun dipped low in the sky as dusk approached. It as though the subtle lighting had been planned, providing the perfect backdrop for the swoon-worthy man across from her.

Jacob wore a polo shirt that showed off his biceps, and clung to the outline of his rock-hard chest. Vivienne’s palm itched to feel his warm skin underneath. The look of his firm jaw made her skin tingle. His dark hair was spiked just a little, messy enough to be touchable.

“I missed you,” Jacob said.

It was the right thing to say. Vivienne snuggled into the plush leather seat and slipped one shoe off to rub her toes on his ankle. When Jacob said, “If you keep that up, we won’t be here much longer,” she edged her toes farther up his calf.

Their gazes locked, but Jacob didn’t say more. Vivienne knew he was acutely aware of her touch, allowing her the liberty and enjoying the sensation. Feeling brave, she nudged her foot between his legs, and, stretching out, put her foot over his erection.

Vivienne could feel how hard he was under his slacks, and to tease she wiggled her toes over the button. Jacob’s eyes flared with lust, and he grabbed her ankle. “Do you know what happens when you tease me?”

In response, Vivienne nibbled her lower lip, while looking up at him through her dark eyelashes. Wordlessly, she continued to wiggle her toes. Jacob’s blue eyes pierced into her. “We’re finished here. I’m taking you home.”

Home
had a good sound to it, when she knew Jacob meant his penthouse. And since it was only blocks away, Vivienne didn’t have long to wait. When the door closed behind them, Jacob cornered her in the foyer.

With his hands on the wall beside Vivienne’s head, he said, “Go to the playroom and strip for me. You teased me, so it’s only fair that I tease you.”

Vivienne looked into his steely blue eyes, and her heart raced. Jacob didn’t kiss her, or say anything to give her a clue about what he had in mind. No doubt it would be a challenge, just what she craved. She had missed him, too.

When Jacob moved away from the wall, his expression gave nothing away. Vivienne followed his order and went upstairs. Her nipples were already hard and her panties wet. It wouldn’t take much to send her over the edge. The trouble was that Jacob might not allow it. That was
her
problem, because coming without permission violated the playroom rules.

Undressing turned her on more. The lace bra scraped at her nipples as she removed it, and pulling down her panties bared her for Jacob, a thrilling thought. Naked and trembling, Vivienne knelt on the rug, but she didn’t have to wait long.

When Jacob came in, he went over to turn on the music. It was an orchestral piece with loud crescendos, a sort of foreshadowing of what he had in mind. Vivienne saw his bare feet, but dared not look up. She had learned a couple of times what disobedience got her.

After undressing, Jacob stood over her, but he was silent. The music reverberated against the walls, and Vivienne breathed in his male scent. Her mouth was so close to his cock, and given a choice, she would have pressed her lips to his heat. Instead she waited for his instruction.

“You may stand.” Jacob helped her up. “You may look at me.”

Vivienne did so, melting at the sight of him. Jacob’s blue eyes were on fire.

“For this scene you are allowed to talk. I want to know how it is for you, so I’m giving you permission to tell me.” Jacob took her hand and led her to a cushioned platform. It was much like a bed, only higher. There was a step stool below it.

Reaching to the top of a cabinet, Jacob retrieved an apparatus. “This is a spreader bar. You will be bound and unable to move.” He looked at her. “Do you trust me to control you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you know what to say if it’s too much?”

“Yes, sir.”

Jacob’s voice was stern. “Get up there on your hands and knees.”

Vivienne navigated the two steps, then climbed onto the table on all fours. She felt vulnerable, yet excited. Jacob locked a cuff around one ankle, then the other. The cuffs were attached to a metal bar that kept her legs apart.

“The bar is adjustable,” Jacob said. “So I can spread you more, if I desire.”

Vivienne shuddered with anticipation. Her clit was tight and her skin tingled. Jacob instructed her to put her cheek against the padding, with her hands reaching toward her feet. Bent over that way, her ass was in the air. He snapped a cuff around each wrist, each connected by a short chain to one of the ankle cuffs. Bound so, Vivienne was unable to move very much.

Jacob put his palm on her inner thigh and stroked her adoringly. “It makes me hard just to look at you this way.” He reached between her legs to cup her sex, then ran his fingertips down her belly and over her vulva. Deep in her core, Vivienne clenched.

“How do you feel, baby?”

“It’s a little scary. I can’t move. I couldn’t resist you, even if I wanted to. With my wrists locked to my ankles, I’m at your mercy.”

“Is that bad?”

“No, sir. The thought of you taking control excites me. Bound this way, I must put my faith in you.”

“And you’ll do that, Vivienne?”

“Yes, sir.”

Jacob put his palms on her bare ass, massaging possessively. The feel of his hands sent heat shooting through her veins, and she felt dizzy. “You won’t come without my permission, will you?”

“No, sir.” Although the thought had occurred to her. Maybe it would be worth the punishment.

“When I allow you to come…
if
I do, your climax will be stronger than usual. You should know that. When you cannot move, it’s more intense. Do you remember how I taught you to absorb the pleasure, mitigate the pain by letting it flow through you?”

“Yes, sir.” The fact that he mentioned that now gave Vivienne a clue of what was to come.

“You will need to remember that.”

Vivienne swallowed, and willed her arousal into submission. Jacob’s demeanor warned her that this was not the time for disobedience. With her face on the bed, her ass in the air, and her wrists strapped to her ankles in the elegant cuffs, Vivienne was completely restricted.

With her trapped in the beautiful leather, her cheek against the cushion, Jacob adjusted the spreader bar. He opened her wider for his exploration. Vivienne’s knees spread until she felt her labia opening up to his view. Jacob ran his palm over her thigh, making her moan.

Holding her by the hips, Jacob leaned over and kissed low on her back. His thumbs raked lightly over her outer lips, and Vivienne nearly came unglued. Then Jacob covered her sex with his mouth and sucked.

A shiver ran through her, and Vivienne tried to think of other things besides Jacob’s mouth. She wondered how long he would torture her before permitting her to orgasm, and prayed it wouldn’t be too long. Her vulnerable position gave her a compelling feeling of submission.

Vivienne liked it, and wanted more. A tiny voice inside cautioned that she might go too far, that her obsession with such things was wicked. Trusting was dangerous, especially to this degree. But she had no will to resist, craving Jacob’s domination as much as her next breath. He could do anything he wanted; all Vivienne cared about was pleasing him.

Jacob pressed his swollen cock along the length of her wet slit. Knowing exactly what he was doing, he bumped the thick knob against her sensitive clit. Vivienne whimpered through her ragged breathing. Then he did it again and again.

The sensual sounds Vivienne made in the back of her throat seemed to come from far away. She began to feel as if she was floating, but continued to resist the climax that threatened to be her undoing. Reaching deeper for inner strength, she let the sensation flow through her body. Without resisting, she tried to absorb it and struggled to increase her capacity to do so.

When Jacob pulled away, Vivienne gasped. Panting hard, she attempted to regain balance but it was fruitless. Before she could come down from his ministrations, Jacob dipped two fingers into her sopping wet pussy. “I like you wet.” Jacob’s voice was like a growl.

Opened as wide as she was, Vivienne had no protection. Her sex was fully revealed for Jacob’s pleasure, adding to her feeling of submission. She closed her eyes, feeling the sensation completely. Then Jacob removed his fingers, replacing them with his bulbous knob.

He dipped into her, just a little, but Vivienne felt the delicious stretch. She moaned, wanting to tighten over him and resisting the urge to beg him to put pressure her clit.

“I’m going to fuck you, Vivienne.”

Jacob reached underneath her and cupped her breasts. It felt so damn good, but Vivienne forced her thoughts away from how good it would feel to let go. His palm raked over her stiff nipples, driving her crazy.

“Ah, ah, ah.” She tried to pace herself, release the tension through her breathing. Yet she feared it wouldn’t work much longer.

Holding her by the waist, Jacob shoved his cock deeper. When he filled her it felt good, nearly too good. Vivienne clenched her jaw, resisting, but for how long? Then Jacob began to fuck her, for real. It was heavenly. His heat stroking into her, giving her the pleasure she sought. Only not quite.

Jacob didn’t encourage her to come, not yet. He fucked her, first faster then slower. Everything but the feel of his cock inside her dropped away. Her world was centered with Jacob, how he touched her, and how he stroked her. Vivienne moaned loudly and rubbed her cheek against the padding, as if by doing so she might find escape from the pain of delay.