Wife and Mother Wanted (11 page)

He couldn’t have looked less enthused if he’d tried, and she sent him a half-wave as she trudged across the lawn towards her place, blinking back tears.

Losing a friend would have been bad enough, but since that scintillating kiss last night, and the feelings it had made her face up to, losing Brody suddenly hurt a whole lot more.

‘S
O HOW
was dinner the other night?’ Tahnee munched through her second croissant of the day and closed her eyes in bliss. ‘I haven’t seen or heard from you since. It must’ve been some night.’

Yes, it certainly had been some night. She’d finally got Brody to open up, only to lose him in the process. Some night indeed.

‘Dinner was lovely. You were right, the food at Kangaroo Corner is superb. I ate—’

‘Sis, I’m not interested in your culinary explorations. Tell me about big, bad Brody. Anything going on between you two?’

‘No. He’s just a friend.’

Though perhaps she should say
was
a friend. She hadn’t seen him since she’d dropped the brownies off the other night and, true to his word, she hadn’t seen Molly either.

She missed them both more than she could possibly imagine, and had no idea how to rectify the situation. So he’d taken her advice to spend more time with Molly on board? Why did it have to be at
her
expense?
Couldn’t he see how much Molly meant to her? How much he meant to her?

‘Then why the glum look? Did you two have an argument or something?’

‘Or something,’ Carissa muttered, laying down her half-eaten croissant—her first, which showed just how awful she felt. Even the melt-in-your-mouth-chocolate-and-banana-flakiest-crescents-on-the-planet held no appeal any more.

‘Ohhh…I get it.’ Tahnee brushed crumbs off her jeans, sat back, and tucked her legs beneath her. ‘It’s like that.’

‘Like what?’

‘Sis, if I have to tell you, you’re in worse shape than I thought.’

‘Humour me.’

‘Okay. The way I see it, you two have been friends for months now. You spend more time with his daughter than her great-aunt does, he finally asks you out on a date, and now you look like all the fairies in your shop have come to life and run off with the rest of the merchandise. It can only mean one thing.’

I love him
.

Tahnee didn’t have to spell it out. Carissa had spent the last few nights tossing and turning, trying to evaluate her feelings, knowing the answers but deliberately avoiding asking the tough questions.

Do you love Molly enough to be her mum? Yes
.

Do you want to be part of their family? Yes
.

Do you love Brody? Ummm
…

She’d faltered at that last one time and time again—not willing to go there, not willing to open herself up to the possibility of being hurt.

He didn’t love her; he loved another woman—one she could never compete with. Why put herself through that?

And suddenly, this morning, as dawn had filtered through her gossamer-thin curtains, she’d had a light-bulb moment.

She was doing the same thing he was: shying away from taking a risk, from living life to the full, from opening herself up to the possibility of love…and the possibility of heartache.

And in that instant, as soft sunlight had flooded her room in a golden glow, she’d known the answer to that last question.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes! She loved Brody.

The part she hadn’t quite figured out yet was what she was going to do about it.

‘One thing, huh?’ Hugging her knees to her chest, Carissa rocked back and forth on the floor, staring up at her sister, who sat on the couch with a grin on her face. ‘So what’s this “one thing” you’re gibbering on about?’

‘It’s time to pull out the big guns.’

‘Which are?’

‘Sun, surf and sand.’ Tahnee ticked the list off her fingers while Carissa wondered if she came from another planet. She had no idea what her sister was on about half the time, and now was no exception.

‘Huh?’

‘You two need a getaway. Somewhere away from here, where you can really unwind, talk, get rid of all this pent-up tension. Go to Bondi—have a swim, drink lattes at the cafés, let your hair down.’

‘Have you lost your marbles? He’d never go for that!’ And she’d be way too embarrassed to ask him.

Tahnee shrugged, stretched her arms and studied her French-manicured fingernails. ‘Fine. Have it your way. But seriously, Sis, you need to do something. Otherwise I can see you two dancing around each other for years to come. Boring.’

And what was wrong with that?

Boring was good. Boring was safe.

But hadn’t she realised as dawn broke this morning that she didn’t want to play it safe?

Feeling like a fool, Carissa peeped out of the front window of the shop every few minutes, wishing Brody would hurry up and arrive before she lost the last of her already dwindling supply of courage.

She’d mulled over Tahnee’s suggestion for a week—a
long
week, in which she’d seen Molly once and even less of Brody, who vanished into his house quicker than a mouse down a hole whenever he stepped from his car. What did he think she would do? Ambush him?

Like now?

Telling her conscience to shut up, she locked the cash register for the night and flipped the sign on the front door to ‘Closed’. Besides, this wasn’t an ambush. She just needed to see the guy—to spend more than two seconds with him to say her piece and be done with it.

If she didn’t pluck up the courage to take the plunge this one time, she’d spend her whole life wondering ‘what if?’—and she didn’t want to do that. She’d wasted enough years doing that as a child, wondering ‘What if her parents had lived?’; ‘What if she’d never been separated from her sisters?’; ‘What if the Lovells had never adopted her?’. Pointless questions, and she’d learned to
just get on and do things without dwelling on the past—without wishing she could change things.

Now, if only she could instil some of that wisdom into Brody…

A sharp knock on the door brought her out of her reverie and she smiled, flipped the lock and beckoned him in.

‘It sounded like it was an emergency when you called,’ Brody said, glancing around the shop as if he expected to see a burst water main or the ceiling collapsed. ‘I came as fast as I could, and I’ve got my tools in the car.’

‘Ooh, there you go again—saying the tool word.’

He managed a tight grin at that and followed her into the shop. ‘So, what needs fixing?’

‘Us.’

She plunged straight in, not seeing the point in messing about. They’d wasted enough time, and if she didn’t get a good night’s sleep soon, the bags under her eyes would soon have their own hand luggage.

‘Us?’ He gaped at her in open-mouthed shock, and if the situation hadn’t been so serious she would have laughed.

‘Let me guess. According to you, there is no
us
?’

A wary expression crept into his eyes and his gaze darted around the room, as if seeking a quick escape. ‘We’re friends, Carissa.’

‘Good. In that case, what do you say to a weekend in Sydney? You know—we can chill out, take in a movie, go to the beach. Just have some fun.’ Her words came out in a rush, and she wondered if they sounded as crazy to him as they did to her.

Sheesh, what had she been
thinking
? He wouldn’t go for this—not in a million years—but at least she’d get some answers sooner rather than later.

‘Are you out of your mind?’

‘Hmm…Tell me how you really feel,’ she said, propping herself against the counter while wishing for a hole to open up in the star-covered carpet beneath her feet.

‘Where’s all this coming from?’ He took a step towards her before coming to an abrupt stop, obviously having second thoughts about getting too close to the crazy woman. ‘We have one dinner together, share a kiss, and now you want us to go away for the weekend?’

She stared at him, knowing the sheer unadulterated longing in her eyes would be enough to scare him away if her words didn’t. ‘I thought that maybe our friendship had developed into something more—that you might want to explore what that is.’

For one interminable moment she was sure his eyes reflected the longing in hers, before he blinked and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I can’t.’

‘Can’t? Or won’t?’

Couldn’t he see what she was trying to do here? She wanted to give them a chance—to see if the tiny flame between them was worth fanning into a raging inferno. It might not be for ever, but she had to try.

She didn’t care if Brody couldn’t love her as much as he loved his dead wife. She loved
him
, and that would be enough for the both of them. For now.

Sure, she wanted a future. But from where she stood, she’d settle for here and now.

‘Carissa, you’re a wonderful woman. And you’ll
make some guy very lucky one day.’ He glanced away as he said the words, focussing on the front door as if he wanted to run straight through it.

‘But not you, right?’

He shook his head, his sombre expression reminiscent of the first time she’d seen him, glowering at her over the fence. ‘I can’t give you what you want.’

You can
, she wanted to scream.

She wanted to lay out all the simple, logical reasons why they belonged together, to try and convince him, to make him see sense.

Instead, she blinked back the tears that threatened to pour down her face and hit him where he was most vulnerable. ‘What about Molly? What about what she wants? Can’t you see she needs a mother?’

His face contorted into a grief-stricken mask and she stepped back, fearing she’d gone too far.

‘Molly had a mother—maybe not the best mother in the world, but
her
mother, and Molly loved her. And you know what? I took that away from her. Never again.’

‘But that’s crazy! I won’t leave you. I love—’ she stopped herself in time. There was no use revealing her feelings when he was intent on throwing everything she had to offer back in her face. If he couldn’t see the logic in any of her arguments, what hope did she have?

‘—Molly,’ she finished lamely. ‘I’d never do anything to hurt her.’

He waved away her words as if they meant nothing. ‘Not intentionally, maybe. But life happens, Carissa. I won’t have my little girl grow to depend on you, only to have circumstances intervene and rip her heart out all over again.’

She wanted to rant at the injustice of it all. She wanted to swear and stamp her feet, to let him know exactly what she thought of his insane logic. Instead, she settled for words.

‘Brody, I care about you. We make a good team. Surely you can see that?’

His lips compressed in a thin, rigid line, and she knew arguing with Brody would be pointless.

‘It’s not enough.’

‘What do you want from me?’

She hoped he’d say
you
, but she wasn’t delusional. If he loved her he might be willing to take a chance, but as things stood he was so wrapped up in his love for his dead wife that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him: a woman who loved him.

Before she could move, he stepped forward and cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing along her jaw-line, the tenderness in his eyes undoing her completely. ‘I want you to be happy.’

‘I want that too,’ she whispered, turning her face slightly to bring her lips into contact with his thumb.

He pulled away as if burned, and she dashed a hand across her eyes, thankful she’d worn waterproof mascara.

‘If being just friends is too hard for you, maybe we shouldn’t see each other any more.’ Once again he looked over her shoulder as he said it, unable to meet her eyes and she liked to think the thought of not seeing her had brought on the flash of pain that contorted his face.

‘What about my relationship with Molly?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know. Maybe you’re too attached to her. Maybe it’s best if she doesn’t see you.’

‘Best for who? Not Molly, that’s for sure. She’s grown attached to me whether you like it or not, and the feeling is entirely mutual.’

Damn him. Why couldn’t he see she was the best thing for both of them?

‘I’ll be the judge of what’s best for my daughter.’ He turned and headed for the door without a backward glance.

Making a last-ditch stand, she opted for brutal honesty, hoping that it would get through to him. ‘You’re being selfish. Just because of your feelings for Jackie, you’re not willing to take a chance again. You’re suffering because of it, and so is your daughter. Your self-centredness—’

‘That’s enough.’ His harsh words whipped out and lashed her with pain anew.

‘So that’s it?’ She half sobbed, knowing there was nothing worse than a clinging female but unable to stop her deep-seated desire to hang onto the man she loved.

For one glorious moment he turned back. His expression faltered, and she thought she saw more than pain there—a glimmer of emotion that matched her own. However, it was gone as quickly as it had come, and she knew it must have been a figment of her imagination.

Brody didn’t love her. He loved his daughter—a fact she’d initially questioned. How ironic that she now believed him—at the expense of her heart.

And she couldn’t fault him for it. The man loved Molly and put her needs first. One of the many reasons she loved him so much.

‘You’re special, Carissa.’ He crossed the room in three long strides and pulled her close. She leaned against him, revelling in the contact, the comforting
warmth that would be ripped from her all too soon. ‘I hope you find the magic you so richly deserve.’

And, with that, he stepped out of their embrace and was gone.

One minute she’d had the world at her feet. The next it had tipped on its axis and spun so out of control that she seriously doubted it would ever right itself again.

‘Y
OU
’
RE
running away.’ Tahnee lay on Carissa’s bed, chin in hands, as she watched her pack.

‘I’m taking your advice and having a break,’ Carissa said, zipping her suitcase shut and glancing around her room for any last-minute items she might need over the next few weeks. ‘It’s been ages since I’ve spent time in Sydney, and so what if Brody doesn’t want to come? I’ll have fun on my own. And, no, I’m not running away.’

‘This from the woman who faces battles head-on? From the woman who survived living with the Lovells? From the woman who would sooner take a bullet for one of her crazy sisters than let them be hurt?’

‘Who said I’d take a bullet for you?’

Tahnee leaped off the bed and enveloped her in a bear hug. ‘Well, maybe you didn’t say that, but you would—wouldn’t you?’

‘You’re impossible.’ Carissa hugged her sister, amazed at how close they’d become. If only Kristen could join them in Stockton more often, their family circle would be complete. But then she wouldn’t have a vacant swanky apartment in Sydney to chill out in if her sister wasn’t traipsing the world as a high-tech TV producer.

‘And you love me for it.’ Tahnee plopped down on the bed when Carissa released her, hugging her knees to her chest. ‘So Brody didn’t go for the weekend away idea? Give him some time. He might still come around.’

‘When hell freezes over.’

Brody had made his feelings perfectly clear, and now she’d had time to mull over his rejection she couldn’t blame him.

The guy didn’t have feelings for her. What was she going to do? Manufacture them out of thin air? Sure, she believed in all things magical, but this time she was plain out of conjuring miracles.

Besides, he’d proved to her that he was a great father, that he put Molly’s needs first. Pity her heart had had to break in the process for her to realise it.

‘Have you said bye to Molly yet?’

‘She’s coming over in ten minutes.’

And Carissa was not looking forward to telling her favourite little girl that she was leaving on an indefinite holiday. She loved Molly, and would miss her terribly, but this was something she had to do.

Being away from the Elliotts would give her perspective on where her life was heading. Till recently she’d had her life all figured out. No men, no relationships, no hassles. And then she’d had to go and fall in love!

‘Well, don’t worry about the shop. I’ll hold the fort while you’re away. I can draw my illustrations while manning the register.’

Carissa’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘I completely forgot! Did your publisher extend your contract?’

‘You bet your sweet butt she did. You’re looking at
Australia’s number one children’s books illustrator. Cool, huh?’

‘I’m so proud of you, Tahnee.’ Carissa plopped on the bed next to Tahnee and hugged her again. ‘You should’ve told me.’

Tahnee pushed her away, laughing. ‘It’s no biggie. Besides, your love-life dramas are much more intriguing than my itty-bitty drawings.’

‘Says who?’ Carissa managed a wry chuckle, which died in an instant when she heard a faint knocking on the front door.

‘That’s my cue to leave,’ Tahnee said, unfolding her long denim-clad legs from the bed and shrugging into her trademark matching jacket. ‘Take care, Sis. And ring me if you need anything.’

‘You too.’ Carissa blinked back tears and aimed another hug her sister’s way.

‘Hey, enough of the mushy stuff already,’ Tahnee said, dropping a quick peck on her cheek and heading out the door. ‘I’ll let the cherub in on my way out.
Ciao
.’

Taking a deep breath, Carissa picked up the gift-wrapped box from her dressing table and clutched it to her chest, hoping Molly liked it. She’d wanted to give the little girl something special before she left—something that would bring her as much happiness as Molly had given her.

‘Carissa. Where are you?’ Molly’s skipping footsteps echoed in the hallway and Carissa opened the bedroom door, all at sea as to how to approach this goodbye.

Should she tell Molly the truth, or sugar-coat her impending absence? What would Brody want her to do?

And then, as she crouched down, laying the box next to her on the floor, and Molly flew into her arms, she thought,
Screw Brody
.

At least he’d been right about one thing. Molly came first—and she’d make damn sure the little girl knew it too.

Molly broke their hug. If it had been up to Carissa she would have cradled her for ever and never let go.

‘What’s in the pink box?’ Molly pointed to the box on the floor, curiosity lighting her eyes. ‘I love pink. It’s my favourite colour.’

‘I know.’

In fact, Carissa knew everything there was to know about Molly’s preferences—like her penchant for pasta, choc-chip cookies, strawberry milkshakes, and anything to do with dolls. Despite not having a mother, Molly was a healthy, well-adjusted little girl, with little-girl likes, and Carissa now knew she’d been overly critical of Brody and his parenting skills.

The guy had done a marvellous job with Molly, and a small part of Carissa wished she’d had a chance to tell him. However, it was not to be, and right now she had to get through this farewell without bawling.

‘And the purple ribbon has fairies on it!’ Molly’s eyes grew wide with wonder, and it took every ounce of Carissa’s courage not to smother the little girl in another hug. ‘Fairies are my favourite too.’

Swallowing the lump of emotion in her throat, Carissa said, ‘The box is for you, sweetie. It’s a present.’

‘But it’s not my birthday.’ A tiny frown creased Molly’s forehead as her gaze stayed riveted to the box. ‘Or Christmas. Why did you get me a present?’

Oh, boy
.

Carissa sat cross-legged on the floor next to Molly and patted the space beside her, hoping she wouldn’t botch this. She had to choose her words carefully if she didn’t want to upset Molly. And herself.

‘It’s a special present just for you.’ She handed the box carefully to Molly and nodded her encouragement to open it when Molly looked up at her expectantly. ‘I’m going on a holiday, so I won’t be able to play with you for a while.’ A
long
while, if Brody had anything to do with it. ‘This way, you can look at your present every day and think of how much I love you.’

‘Wow.’ Molly ripped the ribbon and paper off in record time, opened the box and cradled the glass globe in both hands. Carissa wondered if she’d heard a word she’d said.

Tilting the globe upside down, Molly smiled as multi-coloured sparkles rained down on the two fairies holding hands while sitting on matching toadstools. ‘Look, there’s one big fairy and one little one—like you and me.’

Carissa nodded, not trusting herself to speak as her throat closed over again.

‘Do the fairies love each other like we do?’ Molly asked, peering into the globe intently, as if the answer to her question lay there.

‘They sure do,’ Carissa said, her voice tight with emotion. She was finding saying goodbye to Molly ten times harder than expected.

‘I’ll miss you.’ Molly shook the globe, her bottom lip wobbling as twin tears trickled down her cheeks, and Carissa’s heart clenched.

‘Don’t cry, sweetie.’ She pulled the little girl onto her lap and hugged her tight, raining light kisses on her face
and neck till Molly giggled. ‘Whenever you miss me, all you have to do is look at these fairies, close your eyes, and think of how much I love you. That way, I’ll never be far away.’

Molly’s giggles stopped abruptly and she nodded, her blue eyes solemn. ‘That’s how Daddy says I can talk to Mummy too—with my eyes closed. She’s an angel now, you know.’

‘I know.’

Boy, did she know. Both figuratively and literally. Brody loved his dead wife so much that he couldn’t see past it, and wouldn’t give anyone else a chance of sharing his love.

‘Would you like me to put the globe back in the box? That way, you can carry it home carefully.’

‘Yes, please. Wait till I show Aunt Daisy!’ Molly slid off her lap into a crumpled heap on the floor, before jumping up and dusting herself off, as resilient kids always did. ‘She likes fairies too, you know.’

Carissa smiled, repackaged the globe and took hold of Molly’s hand. She led her to the front door, where she bent down and looked her in the eyes. ‘I love you, Molly.’

‘And I love you,’ Molly said, throwing her chubby arms around Carissa’s neck. ‘I hope you come back real soon.’

Carissa didn’t answer. What could she say? She didn’t want to lie to Molly, and she had no idea when she’d be back. Who knew? Maybe she’d find the perfect spot in Sydney to open a new, improved version of Fey For Fun and that would be that.

Goodbye, Stockton.

Goodbye, heartache.

Tahnee would understand. They’d spent the last six years living in this town, getting to know each other all over again. Besides, Sydney wasn’t that far away, and they could visit regularly. An added bonus would be spending more time with Kristen too, if she ever stayed in the city long enough.

‘Here, sweetie. Be careful.’ Carissa handed the box to Molly, dropped a final kiss on her forehead and tugged on her ponytail, blinking through tears as she watched Molly walk sedately across the front lawn to her house.

She’d done it. She’d said goodbye to Molly without breaking down completely.

And then it happened. Molly paused on her front doorstep, turned and blew a kiss, the tears on her soft cheeks glinting in the fading sunlight.

‘Oh, my darling little girl,’ Carissa sobbed, returning the gesture before fleeing into the house, where she could bawl in peace.

‘Thanks for looking after Molly, Daisy.’ Brody dropped his backpack on the kitchen bench, amazed at the exhaustion that made his muscles and joints ache as if he were eighty.

Keeping up with the kids at the project was turning into more than a full-time job, and he never seemed to have enough hours in the day to implement all the strategies he had planned.

‘No need to thank me. She’s been a little angel since Carissa left. Totally subdued—though I hope that’s not because she’s pining already.’

Carissa left
.

The two words penetrated his fatigue—though he must have misunderstood. Daisy probably meant Carissa had gone to the shop for a stocktake, or to work late. Or, worse yet, perhaps she had a date?

His hands clenched into fists at the thought.

Why do you care?

Damn it, he cared. He cared more than he’d let her believe.

‘Where did she go?’ He aimed for nonchalance, filling a glass with water from the tap and taking a sip, all the while trying to read Daisy’s face.

‘Sydney. She’s leaving town for an indefinite period—staying at her sister’s place in Sydney.’

‘What?
’ Water spluttered from his mouth in an embarrassing spray, shooting his nonchalant act down in flames.

‘Didn’t you know?’ Daisy’s smug grin didn’t help matters.

‘No.’

How would he know, when he’d barely spoken to her since he’d turned down her invitation to go away with her? It had been so tempting, the thought of the two of them spending time in Sydney, just hanging out. But he wasn’t a complete fool. He’d seen the sexy gleam in her blue eyes, the promise that a weekend away with her would mean more. So much more.

And what had he done? Killed the gleam with a few harsh home truths, pushing her away when every cell of his body had screamed he was making a huge mistake.

Now she’d gone, and he should be glad.

He should be downright ecstatic that the temptation to lose his head had been removed.

Instead, a dull ache started in the vicinity of his heart and slowly spread outward, till every bone in his weary body felt as if it had been battered.

Shrugging into her coat, Daisy said, ‘Molly got to say goodbye to her. Carissa gave her a special gift to remember her by—which is rather sweet, don’t you think?’

He nodded mechanically, having a tough time absorbing anything Daisy was saying.

Gone. Carissa was gone.

And the pain of loss ravaged him once again.

‘Daddy—you’re home.’ Molly appeared in the doorway, dragging her feet as she shuffled into the kitchen, the complete antithesis of her usual greeting, when she ran through the house to leap into his arms.

‘Hey, munchkin.’ He fixed a smile on his face, hoping it wouldn’t crack with the effort. He’d never felt like smiling less—a strange phenomenon in itself, considering he hadn’t smiled much in years anyway.

However, living in Stockton had changed him. He’d been happier these last few months, smiling like a clown most days, even laughing on occasion. This town had been good for him—had changed him.

Or maybe he should be looking closer to home—like next door—for the person responsible for wreaking the changes within him?

‘I’m sad, Daddy.’

He sat down and Molly clambered onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist. However, she didn’t snuggle into him like she usually did. Instead, she fixed him with a sad stare. ‘Carissa has gone away and I miss her.’

Brody stared at Daisy over his daughter’s head, feeling totally helpless. Rather than lending a hand, Daisy folded her arms and quirked an unhelpful eyebrow at him.

‘Do
you
miss her, Daddy?’

Hell. The situation was getting more out of control by the minute. And this time Daisy had the audacity to grin.

‘Sure I do, sweetheart.’

He
did
miss her. In fact, he’d missed her the last few days—missed seeing her cheeky smile as she teased him about something, missed the speculative stares she sent his way when she thought he wasn’t looking, missed having another adult around to share the load with, to chat to while playing with Molly.

Yet he had no right to miss her. Every reason he had for missing her amounted to seeing her as a life partner, as part of their family, and he wouldn’t go there. He couldn’t.

If he’d been ripped apart by losing Jackie, and he hadn’t been in love with
her
, imagine what losing Carissa would mean if he ever lost her.

Huh?