Wild Blue Yonder (The Ceruleans: Book 3) (16 page)

I don’t remember walking back across the hotel. Perhaps I
ran. Perhaps I crawled. The next thing I was aware of was a door in front of
me, but I wasn’t standing before it, I was slumped against it, and when the
door swung open, I fell and I just didn’t care enough to lift up my hands and
brace myself against the impact.

Strong arms caught me.

‘It’s okay. I’ve got you.’

Jude shuffled me through the connecting door to my room. I
slumped on the bed and turned away, curling onto my side. He came around the
bed and sat beside me.

‘You were full-on healing, I take it. You’ll feel pretty
lifeless for a while. A good sleep and you’ll be yourself again. Just close
your eyes.’

I didn’t close my eyes. I stared silently at a pot plant
across the room. Its leaves were browning and wilting.

‘Scarlett?’ Jude breathed in sharply, and when he spoke
again there was dread in his voice: ‘Is it… is Estelle okay? And the baby?’

I didn’t speak. But I managed to nod.

‘Phew. I thought…’ He stopped and leaned a little closer.
‘Oh, Scarlett,’ he sighed. ‘It was that bad? I mean, I can’t even imagine… Listen,
whatever you saw, whatever Evangeline said or made you do, it’s okay. We can –’

‘It’s not the birth,’ I said. My voice sounded odd. Flat.

‘I don’t understand. Scarlett, look at me, tell me what’s
got you in such a state.’

I stared at the plant. It was dying. I’d let it die.

Jude shifted, and moments later his face appeared on the
pillow across from mine, breaking my stare. ‘Tell me,’ he said.

‘Sienna.’

‘Sienna? What does she have to do with tonight? Oh, the
trip… You talked with Evangeline about our leaving the island to find Sienna?’

‘There isn’t going to be a trip.’

‘What? No, Scarlett, don’t you worry. Evangeline promised
me. A little delay, perhaps, but I’m sure –’

‘There isn’t going to be a trip.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘There isn’t going to be a trip to save my sister. My sister
is dead.’

Concern to horror to disbelief.

‘No, Scarlett. No. Evangeline told you this? No, that can’t
be right.’

‘Overheard. Poor Scarlett. Poor Sienna with the pigtails.
Damnable act. Sister gone.’

My eyelids were heavy. I closed them. I welcomed oblivion.

‘Scarlett, you’re not making sense. You’re exhausted.
Confused. You’ve misheard something. I’ll go now, to Evangeline. Straighten
this out.’

He began to pull his hand away, but I held on to it.

‘Don’t leave me alone.’

‘Just for a little while. I’ll be back soon.’

‘Please.’

I heard him sigh. ‘Okay, I’ll stay.’ I felt fingers on my
cheeks, stroking. ‘Hush now. No tears. Just go to sleep. And you keep in your
head that Sienna is not dead. She’s
not
dead.’

I was drifting now, into the darkness, and it was safe to do
so because Jude’s hand was in mine, anchoring me.

The last thing I heard was the very softest of whispers:
‘She
can’t be dead.’

*

When I awoke, I was alone on the bed but for a sheet of grey
paper laid on the pillow beside me. I squinted to read the near-illegible
scrawl in the gloomy light leaking through the window.

Scarlett,

Sorry to have left before you woke up, but I had to go
and see Evangeline.

Be back very soon.

Jude x

He’d underlined the word ‘had’ four times.

I lay back and stared at the ceiling and thought:

My sister’s dead. I never got to say goodbye.

My sister’s dead. I never got to save her.

My sister’s dead. I’m never leaving this island.

My sister’s dead. I should have picked the white light.

My sister’s dead. How? Why?

I don’t know how long I’d have lain there had the door not
opened then. Possibly forever.

Turning my head, I saw Jude closing the door behind him and
then locking it. He stood for a moment with his back to me, and his shoulders rose
and fell heavily.

‘So it’s true,’ I whispered.

He spun around quickly and began to walk towards me, and
suddenly I found the will to move – the need to move. I scooted up, and then
off the bed and over to the window, backing away from his hunched form and his
pale face and his red-rimmed eyes. The handle of the French door dug into my
back, and I reached for it and pressed it down. The doors swung open and I
backed right onto the balcony.

Then Jude was no longer walking, he was running; and the
balustrade was against my legs, and yet still I was moving backwards, bracing
my hands on the balustrade and pushing up; and then… Jude was grabbing me,
pulling me to him, and saying urgently in my ear:

‘She’s not dead.
She’s not dead.
She’s alive. Sienna
is alive.’

My legs gave way and Jude sank to the floor with me.

‘You’ve been to see Evangeline?’ I said – croaked. ‘This is
from her?’

‘Yes. I’ve spoken to Evangeline. She’s explained to me the
context of what you overheard. She’s assured me that Sienna is
not
dead.’

He pulled back enough that he could look me in the eye and
said, ‘Tell me exactly what you heard Evangeline say.’

‘Someone had brought news. Sienna was lost. Because of some
terrible act.’

‘Lost? Is that how she termed it? Not “dead”?’

I thought about it. ‘No, she didn’t use that word. She said,
“We’ve lost her.” She said “the sister she loves is gone”. And the way she was
talking, it was so clear – she said my purpose in coming here had crumbled.’

‘Oh, Scarlett. You misunderstood. Though it’s understandable
that you did.’

‘Tell me. Now.’

He looked so distraught – but I had to know.

‘Sienna isn’t dead,’ he said, ‘but she’s as good as in
Evangeline’s eyes. According to her source – and don’t ask who that is, because
Evangeline refused to tell me – Sienna is with the Fallen and has been, and I
quote, “corrupted to follow their way”.’

Their way. Abruptly, an image came to mind: a dark alleyway
behind Club Infinity in Newquay; the Fallen’s Daniel pressing a terrified man
against the wall, his powerful arm crushing his captive’s throat.

‘They think Sienna is
killing
people?’

‘And therefore damned.’

‘What?’

‘Ceruleans believe that with their first kill, a person is
damned. They’ve abused the gift given to them by God. They’ve lost the right to
enter his kingdom at the end of their Cerulean days. To take a life – it’s the
very opposite of everything we stand for. That’s why the Fallen were outcast.’

I shook my head. ‘This is madness. Do you believe all this,
Jude?’

‘Yes,’ he said unhappily. ‘I do believe that to kill is to
be damned. “You shall not kill” is one of the most basic laws. And I’ve seen it
myself: people die, and there’s no white light. The spirit doesn’t emerge from
the body. I don’t know where it goes – to hell, perhaps, if there is one, or
just to nothingness. But there’s no denying that there’s an alternative ending
to that white light, to the true heaven. And that’s an ending nobody could
want.’

‘So when Evangeline said the sister I love is gone…’

‘She meant your sister as you knew her is gone. That she’s
someone else now. Someone… bad.’

‘No, Jude. No! You believe all this? It’s crap. Sienna? She
takes no prisoners, that’s for sure, but
hurting
people? No way.’

I began pushing back from him. I had to do something. Go
find Evangeline. Shout a lot.

Jude put his hands on my shoulders, keeping me in place, and
fixed me with a steely gaze. ‘Scarlett,’ he said seriously, ‘I said I believed
that a person who kills is damned. I did
not
say I believed that your
sister has fallen.’

‘You don’t?’

‘No. Before Sienna died, we spent a lot of time together. We
were friends. I don’t believe this of her. She didn’t go with Daniel, to the
Fallen, because she had plans to hurt others. We read it in her diary – they
said they would leave you alone if she went willingly; that night she walked
into the sea to die, she sacrificed herself to protect you.’

‘She wouldn’t do it, Jude. She wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s
good. She’s loud and pushy and fiery and bossy and maddeningly hot-headed, but
she’s
good
.’

Jude smiled a little at my description. ‘I know,’ he said.

‘Evangeline’s source is mistaken. They’ve got it wrong.’

‘Given that we don’t know who they are, we have no idea how
they got their information or how credible it is. Evangeline seems to trust
them implicitly, but that’s not good enough for me.’

‘Did you tell her that?’

‘Yes,’ said Jude. His eyes were tight with pain. ‘That and a
whole lot more.’

‘Then you convinced her we have to go? Find Sienna?’

‘I tried, Scarlett. I tried to convince her Sienna wasn’t
damned. Then I tried to convince her that if she was right and Sienna
was
damned, you needed to see that for yourself in order to let her go. But
Evangeline’s adamant. You’re to stay on the island where it’s safe.’

Hot tears were spilling out of my eyes now. ‘But don’t you
see, Jude, if all you’ve said is true – the being damned – it’s all the more
reason to find her. She’s captive, at their mercy! What if they
force
her… I can’t think of anything more horrific than damning a person’s soul!’

Sobs overtook me and he pulled me to him again. ‘I know,
Scarlett, I know,’ he murmured.

I looked up suddenly, scrubbing tears from my face with
palms. ‘You have to let me go, Jude! Just turn a blind eye, and I’ll swim for
shore.’

‘No. I can’t let you do that.’

‘Why! Because you’re too scared of
her
?’ I was
opening my mouth to lash out furiously when he grabbed my fisted hands in his
and squeezed and said:

‘I can’t let you go
alone
. I’m coming with you.’

I quit crying. I quit struggling against his hold. I quit
breathing.

‘What did you say?’

‘I said, I’m coming with you.’

‘We’re leaving?’

‘We’re leaving.’

I stared at him. His face was flushed and his jaw was set
and I’d never seen him look so determined. And yet his eyes were glittering,
and I thought of another of the Ten Commandments: honour your father and your
mother.

‘You’ll take me from here?’ I said. ‘Though Evangeline, the
Mother, has told you not to? You’ll risk her anger? You’ll risk being outcast?
For me?’

He smiled at me even as a tear snaked down his cheek. ‘I’ll
do it for you, Scarlett. And I’ll do it for Sienna. And I’ll do it for myself,
because I know it’s the right thing to do.’

I hugged him then, tight enough to break bones. And he
hugged me back, a little less forcibly.

Then he let go and cleared his throat and said seriously,
‘Evangeline wanted me to bring you to her after we spoke. We don’t have much
time until she sends someone to fetch you – or comes herself. It would be
easier, I think, if we were gone already. I can’t take any more pretence.’

‘We’re going today? This morning?’

‘It’s afternoon, actually – you slept a long time. But yes,
we’re going today. Go shower and change.’

‘Just take me now! Let’s go – let’s go
now
.’

Looking down at me, he said, ‘Kinda gross.’

I followed his gaze. I was still wearing yesterday’s jeans
and top. There were several dark stains on them left over from baby April’s
birth. ‘Yuck,’ I said.

‘I’ll change too,’ he said, standing. ‘Knock on the door
when you’re ready.’

I took the hand he offered and he pulled me up. We smiled at
each other for a moment, his tinged with sadness, mine wide and warm – my
sister was alive and I was leaving, leaving right away! Then he stalked away to
his room.

In the bathroom I slammed on the shower and got straight
under the spray, not caring that it was ice-cold. I scoured my body with a
sponge and shampooed my hair quickly, then sprang from the bath. After a quick
towel-dry I threw on the first underwear to hand in the drawer, and then
grabbed any old jeans and t-shirt and cardie from the wardrobe and tugged them
on. Then socks. Then trainers. Then I dragged a brush through my hair
mercilessly, ignoring the wrench on my scalp with each tangle.

I raced to the connecting door and knocked on it smartly.

Jude called, ‘Already? I thought women were meant to take
ages to get ready? You’ll have to give me a couple of minutes.’

‘Okay!’

I turned back and looked around the room. The television
with no channels. The netbook on the desk with no internet connection. The
sugar-free-vanilla biscuit tin sitting on the dresser. The picture on the wall
above depicting a field of Moomins and Millies. The pink-covered novel on the
bed loaned by Estelle.

I crossed to the French doors and flung them open and stepped
out. My hands rested loosely on the top of the balustrade. I didn’t need to
hold on now. I wouldn’t fall, wouldn’t jump, wouldn’t be pushed.

The sky was overcast, but even in the dim light the island
was undeniably beautiful. A little oasis in the ocean, calm and serene and
scenic – and yet, for me, these past months, as confining and depressing as any
prison. Would I be back here, once we found Sienna? Would all of Jude’s
righteous rebellion dry up then; would he bring me back here –
us
back
here – to bridge the chasm between him and Evangeline? I didn’t know. But I did
know that standing there, looking out at Cerulea, my hopeful heart was saying
its goodbyes.

I heard Jude moving in the room behind me, and then he
stepped onto the balcony and came to stand beside me. I felt the first drops of
rain on my arms and I looked heavenward to let them tickle my face.

‘Are you ready?’ he asked.