WILD OATS (25 page)

Cora glanced up and nodded vaguely. "Yes, and you too," she said.

The silence between them lengthened. Cora tried to rally her nerve but time and again it failed her.

Titus made his way over to his work area and seated himself in the chair. Casually he leaned back and put his feet up on the desk.

Cora felt his eyes on her. It made her feel queasy. If she couldn't bear for him to look at her, how was she going to allow him to touch her? With hell-bent determination, she turned to look at him.

Titus clasped his hands behind his head in a casual pose and smiled with pleasure. "I've got some wonderful news for you, Cora honey," he said.

"News?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered, lowering the timbre of his voice. His grin was impudently familiar. "I was worried, as I'm sure you were too, that with the store shut down for so long, those pecans you brought me would rot in the box."

Cora stared at him for a moment, uncomprehending. She had completely forgotten about the cash crop that was to get her through the winter.

"The pecans," she said stupidly.

"That's right, Cora honey," he told her eagerly. "Well, don't you worry your pretty head about it a minute longer. What is left of them are still looking fresh and fine. And''—he chuckled lightly at his own expense—"truth to tell, you were exactly right, you know. They sold very well."

"I'm glad," Cora answered absently.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, grinning as he motioned her to come closer. "I'm going to be able to do right fair by you this year."

"That's good," Cora answered, sounding completely uninterested.

His expression puzzled, Titus sat straight in his chair and leaned forward, looking at her closely. "Are you all right, Cora honey?"

Cora didn't feel all right. She felt sick and scared and frightened. "I'm fine," she told Titus, forcing a less than impressive smile to her face.

Titus continued to look at her curiously for a moment, before he shrugged. "Well, I think I can safely assure you that you've got enough money to keep you in flour and meal for the winter."

"That's nice," she answered woodenly. Turning from his gaze, stifling in the warmth and closeness of his hovering nearness, Cora wandered idly around the storeroom looking at everything and not looking at anything.

Titus watched her and began to fidget as the tension of the room became palpable.

"I hear Preacher Bruder is taking up your exercise regimen," he said.

Cora returned to him and nodded absently.

Titus smiled. "He's got my Fanny walking and deep breathing already. She says she might even take up gymnastics after the baby comes."

"I'm sure it will be good for her," Cora replied.

Titus laughed lightly. "And getting the preacher interested in all this nonsense has been pretty good for you."

"What?"

"I know the good reverend had got a bee in his backside about your getting your fence painted and your pump fixed."

Embarrassment stained Cora's cheeks. "I have a right to a painted fence and a working pump," she snapped.

Titus held up his hands as if to ward her off. "I ain't saying you don't, honey," he said with a smug grin. "I think a pretty woman like you is entitled to whatever she can get for hereelf."

Cora paled and fought the nausea that threatened her. She turned to him with her chin raised defiantly. "You are exactly right, Titus," she said.

Penny started slightly at the use of his given name, but recovered quickly. "Did you come here for a reason, Cora honey? You got some trouble or something, well, I cain't stand down the preacher, but I'd do what I could."

Cora's expression softened slightly. He wasn't lying. She knew that he would do what he could for her. He could be a kind and decent man. But he could also be a pompous, weak-minded skirt-chaser. And that was the Titus Penny that she needed to see today.

"Your wife hasn't had the baby yet," she commented with studied nonchalance as she came to stand in front of him and leaned forward to prop her elbows on the desk.

He looked at her strangely, as if taken aback both by the question and her unexpected approach. "Why no," he said, puzzled.

Her bravado faltered and her lip began to tremble. For the sake of her pride, she gave her back to him. It appeared a coy gesture, but was truly one of self-preservation. She walked away from him. She wanted to keep walking, but she could not. She had come this far. She was this close. She had to do it. She had to do it for Jedwin.

Cora turned to Titus again. A whole room separated them. More, a whole world separated them. "Is your bed still cold and lonely?" she asked him quietly, controlling the tremor in her voice.

Cora saw his eyes widen in shock. Titus coughed as if choking on his own reply. He looked at her skeptically, as if not quite believing.

"What are you up to, Cora Briggs?"

Raising her chin high, Cora stiffened her back and walked toward him. "I'm asking you if you're needing a woman in your bed, Titus."

She saw the perspiration bead on his upper lip. He rose to his feet and, putting one hand on his hip, postured like a bantam rooster.

"I might be," he answered her with an overblown assurance that wasn't quite made credible.

Cora swallowed bravely and gave him what she hoped was a winsome smile. "Why don't you come over to my house this evening and we'll see if we can warm each other up and end some of this loneliness."

Titus took a step forward and tripped over something nonexistent. Nervously he righted himself, pretending that his clumsiness hadn't happened.

Cora waited, watching him. Listening for his answer, but not ready for it. Never ready for it. His answer, whether yes or no, would be a humiliation that she could never outlive.

Titus continued to look at her warily. "How much?" he asked finally.

"How much what?" Cora was puzzled by his question.

He gave her a worldly-wise look that didn't quite ring true. "How much is this 'warming up' you're offering going to cost me, Cora honey?"

Paling visibly, Cora felt as if she'd been slapped. She hadn't anticipated the question and the insult of it cut.

Stubbornly she planted a welcome smile on her face. "Let's just say I'm like the pickles in your barrel," she told him. "The first sampling is free."

She turned to walk away from him, her heart pounding like a drum. She had done it. She had finally become the cheap tramp Maimie Briggs had made her out to be.

When she reached the doorway, she turned back to Titus. His worldly bravado was all gone and he stared at her with near disbelief. Another minute, Cora thought, and his tongue would be hanging out.

"Don't show up until it gets dark," she told him with pragmatic concern."And come to the back door."

Titus nodded speechlessly. Cora made her way outside, her legs feeling like rubber, barely capable of holding her up. She was doing the right thing, she assured herself. Jedwin would find out her perfidy soon enough and he would go on and live the normal life he deserved.

The stinging at the back of her eyes became tears and she pulled the brim of her hat low as she hurried back to her house. She
was
doing the right thing, she reminded herself. She loved him. Enough lives had been ruined. She would see that his was not.

Chapter Nineteen

The snow fell more heavily, but it was her own tears that obscured her vision. Cora didn't see the man sitting on her front porch until she had stepped through the gate.

"Jedwin!" Her exclamation was a near shout of surprise. "What are you doing waiting on the front porch? Someone will see you."

Jedwin rose lazily to his feet. "Maybe I'm hoping that somebody does." He looked handsome and welcoming in his dark coat, sprinkled with snowflakes, the bulk of which had collected in his hat brim. Then as the woman he waited for came closer, his expression changed suddenly.

Cora lowered her eyes and tried to step past him, but it was too late. Jedwin pulled her into his arms and raised her chin to look at her.

"You've been crying," he said. It was not a question, but his tone intimated one.

Jerking her chin out of his hands, Cora tried to move away. "It's nothing."

Jedwin wouldn't free her, but rather wrapped his arms more protectively around her. "It is something," he insisted quietly. "Any tear you shed is more precious to me than diamonds."

Cora chuckled bravely. "You
are
becoming a poet, Jedwin, after all."

"Love can bring the poetry out of a man," he said.

She struggled within his grasp and he immediately released her. "I don't want to hear that, Jedwin."

"I know," he answered quietly. "Both the women in my life are crying today."

Cora looked up.

"And," he continued, "both are crying because I love you."

"You
told
your mother?" Cora's words were whispered in disbelief.

Jedwin merely nodded.”I can't prevent my mother's tears," he said. "But I will wipe away yours, Cora."

"Please, just go, Jedwin," she pleaded. "Someone will see you."

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I love you, Cora." Whether it is what you wanted or not, you are my woman. And I don't go anywhere anymore, without you."

"Don't talk that way, Jedwin," Cora insisted.

But Jedwin leaned toward her, gently touching his lips to her own. Then slipping his arm behind her legs he lifted her to his chest.

"What are you doing?" Cora protested as Jedwin carried her into her house.

"T'm going to take you upstairs and dry those tears in your eyes," he answered.

"Jedwin, this is foolish. Your mother will forgive you and you can still go back," she said as he stepped across the threshold with her in his arms.

"Cora," he told her, looking down at her warmly. "You should know by now that I don't want to go back. I only want to go forward. And that only if I can go there with you."

He took the steps easily and a little hurriedly, as if he could not wait to lay her on her bed. And he didn't. Crossing the bedroom with unseemly haste, he laid her in the middle of the bed and immediately joined her and hugged her to him.

"Jedwin, please."

He grinned down at her. "Do you remember the first time I came to visit?"

"It is something we should forget," Cora told him firmly.

"I'd like that, too." He laughed easily, unconcerned. "You should have knocked some sense into me that night," he said. "A mighty blow to the side of my head and orders to get myself out of your house. That's what I deserved," he said. "But you didn't, did you, Cora?"

"I should have!"

"But you didn't. You decided to teach me a lesson instead."

Cora squirmed under him, attempting to avoid the tenderness of this conversation.

"You decided to teach me about romance. I think I've been a very enthusiastic student." He placed a tiny kiss on the end of her nose.

Still struggling, Cora deliberately tried to take offense at his words. "Is that what you want to hear, Jedwin? What a debonair swain you have become?"

His grin was wicked. "You may save your praise for later, sweetheart," he told her. "Today, I am going to be the teacher."

"What?"

Jedwin raised himself up on his knees and knelt before her on the bed. "I intend to teach you how to say that you love me."

"I do not
want
to love you!" she declared adamantly.

He nodded. "I know, Cora," he said. "But you do. And I'm going to help you to say it. In fact, you won't be able to stop yourself."

Cora looked clearly skeptical, but Jedwin was unconcerned. He began undoing the buttons of his coat. "I know it's a little chilly in here, but you needn't be so bundled up."

Cora's coat, still slightly damp from melted snowflakes, was much too warm for inside the house. Sitting up, she tried to move away. Jedwin was kneeling on her skirt.

"Let me up," she said to him.

"No," Jedwin answered easily.

Raising her eyes to look at him, Cora was confused. "Let me up," she ordered more frantically. "I need to take my coat off."

Jedwin's grin was absolutely wicked. "I'm sorry, ma'am," he
told her with feigned humility. "I can't let you up today until you tell me that you love me. I can help you with your wrap, however."

"Jedwin!" Cora complained. Her face was screwed up in stem disapproval.

"We just undo these buttons here," Jedwin told her. "And we peel this cloak off your back like skin off a potato."

"I am not a potato," Cora insisted with the force of her remaining dignity.

"No, ma'am," Jedwin agreed. "Potato wouldn't describe you at all. Why, you are sweet as ripe peaches," he said as he pulled the damp wool away from her bosom. "And you're as warm and smooth as breakfast grits on a winter morning." His hand ran the length of her back as he freed her from her coat.

Casually he tossed it on the floor beside the bed. Cora moved as if to rise again, but once more Jedwin stayed her.

"Now, Miss Peach Grits, where do you think you are going?"

"Let me up, Jedwin," Cora said but not quite as insistently as before.

Jedwin threw his own coat on the floor with hers. Leaning forward, he worried the buttons on the front of her pale peach blouse.

She slapped at his hands. "Stop it!"

He gave her a teasing wink. "Miss Peach Grits, I swear that your name doesn't tell the whole story about you."

He'd managed to open her blouse and was systematically releasing the hooks on the front of her corset. "There is definitely a sour-persimmon aspect of your nature," Jedwin assured her. "And a hard shell around your heart that's more formidable than those native pecans of yours."

With a good deal of skill he managed to pull open her corset. Her chemise was thin and nearly translucent, but he still saw it as a nuisance and smoothed it hurriedly up to her neck, baring her to the waist.

Cora's breath caught in her throat as he casually lifted one breast in his hand, assessing it thoughtfully. "You may taste as sweet as peaches," he told her. "But these are looking a bit more like melons, I'd say."

Before she had time to comment, Jedwin opened his mouth against her. There was only sweet pleasure in his touch and the most dangerous threat was his teeth teasing across her swollen nipple.

Cora buried her hands in his hair, reveling in the warmth, the tenderness, of having him in her arms again.

Just one more time,
she vowed silently to herself.
Just one more time and she would set him free forever.

She arched her back, offering her bosom, but then he pulled his face up to her own. She wanted to taste his lips.

Pulling back from her, Jedwin soothed the low moan in her throat. "Yes, sweet Peach Grits," he whispered. "We'll get to that, we'll get to all of it."

On his knees, he slowly released the buttons on his shirt. His eyes were almost black with intensity as he slowly removed the shirt from his body. The fasteners on his gray-ribbed undershirt was disengaged just as easily and it followed the rest of the discarded clothing to the pile at the side of the bed.

The snowy afternoon was gray, but the light in the bedroom was perfectly good. "Look at me," Jedwin whispered.

Cora's brown eyes met his much richer ones.

Slowly, his fingers worked along the pin of his belt buckle. He slipped it from its notch with one long brown finger. But his eyes never left Cora.

Her mouth went unexpectedly dry as she watched him. Loosening the buckle, he began to lazily draw the belt through the loops of his trousers. Slowly, so slowly, the length of leather in his hand grew longer and longer.

Cora held her breath as he pulled it finally from the last loop and held the smooth brown cowhide in his hand. To her own surprise, she reached out to touch the supple leather. It was still warm, warm from the heat of his body.

"Nice belt," Cora said, trying for a light tone. Her voice cracked slightly.

Jedwin leaned forward, his bare chest brushing against her own as he looped the belt over the top of the headboard.

"I've heard it said this is how some of the Cherokees marry."

Her eyes widened, then suddenly appeared haunted.

"Yes," she told him. "That is the way."

"Listen to me, Cora." He raised her face to look at him, softly pulling her thoughts from some strange place she'd allowed them to go. "Let you and God witness," he said, "that I've hung my belt here above you. I'll never hang it on another woman's bed."

He brought his hand to her cheek and caressed her softly. "I would make vows to you in a church with a ring," he said. "But you won't let me. So this is my vow. I will never love another as long as we live. In my mind, from this moment until forever, I am your husband."

"No, Jedwin—
^:
"

"I can't take it back, Cora," he said with two fingers against her lips. "You've won me."

He kissed her then, sweetly, lovingly, with all his being. His lips tasted her lightly, deeply, and then lightly again. His hands ranged over the naked flesh of her arms and breasts. His legs fidgeted restlessly against her skirts, eager to find a more intimate embrace.

She clung to him. Eagerly she accepted his kisses and urged him to take more.

He wanted to oblige her, but felt he needed her to say she loved him. The feeling was too precious not to share. Disengaging himself, he kneeled before her once more.

"I am going to please you," he told her. "That is another vow I make to you. No man has ever
wanted
to please you as I do." His voice drifted off into a whisper.

Cora's breath caught in her throat as she looked into the intensity of his gaze. A tense ball of flame seemed to tighten a pulse inside her and she clenched her thighs to resist the ache that his words provoked.

"I want to hear you say that you love me," he told her quietly. "I know that you do, but still I want to hear you say it." His voice lowered into a husky whisper. "I am going to kiss you in a thousand ways. I will find places to put my lips that no man has ever touched and I'll make you my own. I'll give you such pleasure you will dream only of me for the rest of your life. And you will tell me you love me," he said. "I know that you will."

He moved closer, gently caressing the soft down of her cheek.

"I want to be more than your lover," he told her. "Let me prove to you that I am all you long for. I will be your home, your family, those things that come so easy to others and have been so hard for you to find."

Cora trembled in anticipation. Her nipples were hard and high as if on their own they would reach out to find his hand, his lips.

Slowly, so very slowly, he disengaged her skirts from the constraints with which he had held her. Smoothly, as if bringing up the curtain on opening night of the nickel theater, he raised her skirts all the way to her waist. Her flimsy cotton drawers were her last barrier against him. Easily stripping them down off her legs and casting them away, he sat looking at her, naked before him.

Trembling under his gaze, Cora drew up her knees trying to hide herself behind their slim perfection. Jedwin paused, but only a moment, then leisurely, tentatively he touched her. Placing a firm brown hand on each knee, he tenderly parted her thighs—wide, and then wider still—until she was completely open to him and her secrets were his.

Removing his hands he sat back slightly, reverently accepting the vision as Cora's position remained unaltered. She felt too vulnerable, she wanted to cover herself, to pull her legs together, to flee from his hot gaze. But she stayed open and honest before him. She was truly his. Her breath came in halting little gasps as she felt her womanhood melting before his eyes.

Still watching her intently; Jedwin's hand dropped to his own lap drawing her eyes to him.

"Do you want to touch me?" he asked her. "Do you want to touch your husband's body?"

He ran his fingers along his extended length, outlining it against his trousers for Cora's gaze. "It's only for you, Cora. All of me is all for you."

Her eyes widened and her hands trembled with the desire to stroke him.

"Let me show you how it can be between us," he said. "Let me prove that we can have more of a marriage than those who are more conventionally wed. This is our marriage bed, Cora. I know in my heart that no other has ever or will ever be husband to you but me."

Cora's whole body quivered on the brink and she knew that he was right. She felt that if he were even to reach toward her, she would explode in a thousand hot pieces.

And she craved that explosion.

"Jedwin . . ." His name was a plea for mercy, and a whine of pain.

"It's all for you," he reiterated, stroking himself casually before her.

Cora could take no more. She reached for what he offered and brought it to the haven that it sought. She was eager, squirming, desperate.

Jedwin set his jaw painfully and held back his own pleasure. She urged him to hurry to please her.

"It's for you, Cora," he whispered as he struggled to maintain his control. "All of me is for you, however you want."

Steady, rhythmically, he rode her. Calm and silent as he listened to her tiny cries of need.

She must admit she loved him, he reminded himself. The words themselves had the power to break down walls of fear and shame. He knew she must say the words. He must make her say them.

"Oh, Jedwin, please," she begged. She dug her fingernails into the thick fleshy muscles of his buttocks. The pain of it felt like pleasure to Jedwin as he followed her lead. He would do whatever she wanted. He would be for her, whatever she wanted him to be.

"Please! Please!" she sobbed as she met each thrust with all the strength in her body. "I need you, Jedwin. I need you."

"And I need you, Cora," he told her evenly, his eyes closed tightly against the tormenting, beautiful sight of her desire. "I will always be here with you. I will always be the man that you want me to be."

"Jedwin, please! Oh Jedwin," she pleaded.

"I love you, Cora," he answered. "I love you."

Her head flailed against the pillow and her teeth clenched in desire close to pain.

"Jedwin!" she cried. "Oh Jedwin, I love you, Jedwin. I love you."

As if heavy chains upon him had snapped, Jedwin's eyes opened wide and he slammed deep into her body with near brutal force.

"Cora?" His breath was short with exertion.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I love you, Jedwin."

Jedwin awoke slowly. The room was now fully dark and he was naked and alone on Cora's bed. Cora. He looked up in the dim light of the evening and could make out just the outline of his belt still hanging from the bedstead. If spirit and soul and promises were anything, then he was, in truth, Cora's husband.

He smiled a warm, lazy smile and stretched. His muscles ached from exertion. There was no more pleasant form of weariness. She loved him. And she had finally said so. It had been like a dam breaking in their hearts. Nothing, no community censure, could stop them now. The onrush of love was too swift and strong for even the most determined ill-wisher.

Closing his eyes, he smelled the first faint odors of supper drifting up from the stairs. Then an unexpected sound. Someone was knocking on the kitchen door. Jedwin was immediately alert. He could hear the murmur of voices in the kitchen below. He could not hear what was being said.

"Titus!" Cora was genuinely surprised by the rapping on the back door. The past few hours had been close to heaven. She loved Jedwin and Jedwin loved her. That was all that existed in the world. She was his, for better or worse. And both were ready to face that.

Cora had forgotten, however, that worse had been invited to show up on her doorstep that very evening.

"Come in," she said, seeing his guilty glance toward the road as if fearful that someone might notice his clandestine visit.

Cora took the corn bread off the fire. With a deep breath, she considered how she would get out of this ill-considered plan of hers. And how she would get out of it quickly. What could have come over her to embroil herself in such a scheme?

"Titus, I—"

"No, Cora," he said as he raised his hand halting her. "I must speak first."

"But I—"

"I've been thinking about you all afternoon," he interrupted, fiddling nervously with his hat.

"Yes, well, I—"

"I can't do it," he said simply.

Cora opened her mouth to speak and then shut it abruptly.

"This is all my fault," Titus said, as he began to pace the narrow confines of the kitchen. "I know that I have led you to believe—"

He stopped and turned to her. Pulling worriedly on his waxy moustache, his expression was one of shame. "I've been looking your way for a long time." He did not seem at all proud of the fact. "And I've made no secret of it to you. You are a fine-looking woman, Cora honey. Having you here, just on the other end of my street, sleeping alone at night . . ."He blushed with embarrassment. "It's been like a temptation to me, like a fantasy."

Titus looked at her for a moment and then allowed his gaze to stray away from her. Surveying the kitchen without curiosity, he could not meet her eyes.

"I'd be doing bookwork in the house and worrying about the future, the business," he began quietly. "Maybelle would be having a little set-to, screaming and stamping her sweet baby foot. Fanny would be furious with her behavior and mad at me 'cause she thinks I've made Maybelle a brat."

He paused for a long moment, then gained the courage to give her a sideways glance. "I'd just sort of let my mind wander, Cora honey. I'd imagine that I'd walk up the street and knock on your door. You'd be all pretty and flushed, like you are after one of your bicycle rides. You'd invite me in and it would be all peaceful and quiet and . . . and . . . and I'd be visiting you."

"Titus, please," Cora tried to interrupt.

"No, honey, let me finish," he said. "This afternoon when you made your offer." He chuckled without humor. "Well, if you'd had a feather on you, you could have knocked me over with it."

"I was too hasty," Cora told him.

"I snapped up the chance fast enough," he continued. "But all afternoon I've been thinking and thinking. Good Lord, Cora, I sure couldn't think of anything else."

He turned to her then. His eyes were warm and worried, almost sorrowful. "You are a damn fine woman. Any man in this town would feel honored to have you look in his direction," he said. "But I can't do it."

"That's fine, Titus," Cora told him gratefully. "I under-. stand."

He resumed his pacing. "You're too good about it, Cora, and I owe you an explanation at the very least."

"You don't owe me anything," she insisted.

"I do," he declared. "And the simple fact is that I ... well . . . I love Fanny."

The admission disturbed Titus so much, he actually covered his face in shame after uttering the words. "For all the troubles we have and spats we get into," he told Cora quietly, solemnly, "I truly wouldn't have no other wife. I think I wouldn't want to live without her."

He swallowed his grief and pride as he turned to Cora.”And if I were to take a mistress, sure as there is sunrise, sooner or later she would know. It would hurt her so much," he whispered.

He raised his chin and shrugged off his naked emotion with assurance. "Oh, she would stay with me. I'd never have to worry about her taking Maybelle and heading on her way.. Her folks raised her up to believe in duty. She believes a woman stays with her husband even if he beats her twice a week."

"Yes," Cora agreed, thinking of Mrs. Penny's unswerving disapproval of her. "I know that she does."

"But, I don't want her with me because of loyalty to some vow she's taken in church. I want her with me because she wants to be."

His eyes had misted over with tears and Cora reached a hand out to touch his arm. "Please Titus," she said. "Let's not speak of this another moment. I do understand and I admire you. Go home to your wife."

"I'm so sorry, Cora honey," he said, his brow furrowed in genuine concern. "I want to help however I can."

"You always have helped me," Cora told him.

"I know the kind of woman you really are," he said. "And you wouldn't have come to me unless things were getting pretty bad."

Titus patted the feminine hand that lay so comfortingly against his arm. “Do you not have money to make it through the winter? I could give you a loan, off the books of course, to get you by."

"She's already got all the help she's going to need."

The words coming from the parlor startled them both and they sprang apart guiltily. Titus's eyes widened in shock as Jedwin Sparrow stepped into the kitchen, barefoot and wearing only hastily buttoned trousers. He was much taller, and his presence seemed to cramp the small room.

"Jedwin?" Titus uttered his friend's name with near disbelief.

Nodding sternly at the other man, Jedwin walked to Cora's side and wrapped his arm loosely around her waist before laying a tiny kiss on her temple.

"That supper sure smells mighty good," he told her, before turning his attention back to Titus.

"I guess you didn't know about me and Cora," he said, only a glimmer of anger shining beneath the surface.

"I ... why I had no idea, Jedwin, I swear," Titus assured him hastily.

Jedwin nodded understanding. "Cora invited you here to bring me to my senses, no doubt."

"To bring you to your senses?" Titus asked, his tone very puzzled.