Authors: Jennifer Crusie
“What other people?”
“Joe.”
“Joe.” Ethan nodded. “And he didn't think that was strange.”
Maybe that's why he left?
“Joe isn't Joe. Joe is Drunk Dave possessed by Fufluns. Or was. He's in Sam now.”
“What?”
Ethan turned for the door, thinking fast. “Where is he?”
“In the Pavilion flirting with some bimbo. Tura's out there, too. She's in that bimbo blonde Laura Ferris Wheel.” Mab sniffed again. “You know, for a small town, we have a high percentage of bimbos.”
“Forget the bimbos,” Ethan said, exasperated. “We have to get the demons. Starting with Fufluns.”
“How?” Mab said. “Don't you need his chalice repaired first?”
“Yes,” Ethan said, feeling annoyed.
“Well, Gus hasn't given me the missing pieces yet. So Fun's out for a while.” Mab wiped the last of the tears from her cheeks. “He's not killing anybody, he's just having a lot of sex.” The tears started again.
“Bastard.”
Stop crying, for the love of god.
“So you slept with the demon and got this flash thing?”
Mab jerked her head up, red light flashing in her eyes. “It's not an STD, Ethan. I didn't get demon cooties. It's part of
me
.”
Red light. That couldn't be good. “Do you feel different?”
“What do you mean,
different
?” Mab said. “My eyes glow blue. That makes me feel creepy.”
“I mean, do you have any . . . urges?”
“Urges?” Mab looked at him incredulous, the red light flickering stronger in her eyes. “Like what? Do I want to eat your brains? No, no urges.” She exhaled in exasperation. “Although I wouldn't mind slapping the shit out of you right now for asking such
dumbass questions
.”
Ethan nodded. This was better than crying. A little. He could do without the red light. “So you're not feeling evil at the moment?”
Her irises went solid red.
“Of course not. What is wrong with you?”
“When you get really mad, the light in your eyes changes to red,” Ethan said. “It looks like the same kind of flash I saw in Tura's eyes. Different color. Why do you have two different colors?”
“I don't know, Ethan,” Mab snapped. “Maybe I'm a human mood ring. And now my mood is
pissed off
!”
“That would be my guess,” Ethan said. “Red for anger. Not very original.”
“Are you saying that to make me mad, or because you're terminally tactless?”
“So what is it?” Ethan said. “If there's not somebody in there with you, and you're not a demon, what the hell is it?”
“I don't know,” Mab said, her face crumpling again.
“It's okay,” Ethan said, and then, not sure what to do, he put his arm around her tentatively and patted her. “We'll figure it out. You're not a demon. You passed the men's room test. You're just . . . special.”
“Special,” Mab said, holding on to his shirt, which was getting damper by the minute. “That's the nice name for weird, isn't it?”
Ethan patted her some more. “We'll figure it out, and we'll fix it. Glenda might have an idea.”
“Glenda will put me in a box,” Mab wailed.
“Nobody's putting you in a box,” Ethan said, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice. “Although that asshole you've been sleeping with is going down.”
“Bad choice of words,” Mab said. “I feel sick.”
“You want to throw up again, this is the place,” Ethan said, still patting.
“I really love him.” Her lip quivered. “This is what love can do, it makes you want to throw up.”
“You'll get over him,” Ethan said. “There'll be somebody better. Can't you see the future?”
“Not like that,” Mab said. “I can see a couple of guys headed over this way to use the john, but I can't see my Second True Love coming for me.
Besides, Delpha told me that Joe was my one true love and she was never wrong. I'm doomed to love him
forever
.”
“Yeah, sure.” Ethan gave her shoulder one last pat and edged her toward the door. “Come on. Let's go capture Tura; that'll make you feel better. And if you see that bastard Fufluns on the way, let me know and I'll capio his ass.”
“You don't have any place to put him,” Mab said as he opened the door.
“Glenda's got some Tupperware,” Ethan said. “He can share space with some tuna until Gus finds the pieces to his box.”
“He likes fish,” Mab said. “At least he likes that damn mermaid. I hate fish. Fish are killer sluts.”
“Good to know,” Ethan said, rolling his eyes behind her, and motioned her out the door.
Â
E
than gathered his team behind the Roundabout, not sure they were all going to make it. Weaver was geared up and alert; Glenda was tense; Gus was excited and worried, fumbling with the chalice; Young Fred was drinking from a beer hidden underneath his coat; and Mab, dry-eyed and half-sober now, was watching everybody and everything, reminding him of Delpha, since she was wrapped in that blue shawl with Frankie on her shoulder.
An hour later, Weaver was still alert, Glenda was more relaxed, Gus was asleep, and Young Fred was mournful about his empty beer bottle.
Mab was still watching everybody.
“You okay?” he said to her.
“No,” she said. “Are you?”
“No.”
“Well, there you are.”
He was about ready to call it a night. The park had closed, so it was almost empty of people, the Tunnel of Love had shut down twenty minutes ago with no sign of Tura in the blonde, and his team was less than ready. Maybe they'd gotten a break and could get in a day of trainingâ
A woman's laugh echoed out of the darkness as two figures passed
underneath an orange glowing light coming from the direction of the Devil's Drop.
“Got anything?” he asked Weaver, and she nodded.
“I see a francium trace,” she said.
“What?” Mab said.
“Francium.” Weaver smiled at her, not warmly. “Demons are made of it. The goggles select for francium, which means I can see demons with them.”
“How nice for you,” Mab said, shifting a little so that she was standing behind Glenda.
“Tura's an Untouchable,” Glenda said. “Does your technology work on them?”
“In our experience, all demons are essentially the same,” Weaver said. “Francium and evil form their base structure, which is why hitting them with iron, the most stable element, destroys themâ”
“Shhh,” Ethan said.
The figures were passing them now, leaning on each other. The tall blonde and a shorter, frumpy guy.
“Recognize her?” Ethan whispered to Glenda.
“Crap,” Glenda said, worry in her voice. “That's Laura Ferris Wheel.”
Weaver frowned at Ethan. “Laura Ferris Wheel?”
“Her people run the Ferris Wheel.”
“She's a good girl,” Glenda said.
“She isn't now,” Ethan said as he saw Laura Ferris Wheel lead the man toward the Tunnel of Love.
“Recognize the guy?” Ethan asked.
“Some cheating schmuck,” Glenda said tiredly. “They always are.”
The lights outside the Tunnel went on without anyone entering the control booth. The schmuck didn't appear to notice as Tura led him up the ramp to the first swan boat.
“All right,” Ethan said. “Just as we planned. We're going in.”
“Not with Weaver.” Glenda stepped in front of him. “Ethan, it's wrong to bring non-Guardia on a capture. It's
dangerous
.”
Weaver hefted her demon gun. “Just give me a chance. I'll stay out of the way until I'm needed, but you're better off with me as backup.”
Glenda and Mab looked at each other, and Weaver rolled her eyes and turned back to Ethan.
Oh, good
, Ethan thought.
Catfight.
Tura and the schmuck got into the boat, and Ethan heard the loud, echoing clang as the hook engaged and the boat began to move.
“Let's go,” he said, and they headed out, around the right side of the heap of ugly pink concrete housing the Tunnel. Ethan pulled open the access door and led them all behind the dioramas to Antony and Cleopatra, where Frankie flew into the diorama and tried to eat a grape on Cleo's table.
“That's not an eyeball,” Mab whispered to him.
Gus held up Tura's chalice and said, “I'm ready,” and Young Fred nodded as his face began to shiver and change.
The swan appeared around the first bend, Tura leaning into the man, her hands all over him, whispering into his ear.
Young Fred's face solidified into Dead Karl's, and he stepped to the edge of the waterway. Tura looked up and saw him, shock crossing her face, blue-green flashing in her eyes.
“Frustro!” Young Fred called out and Mab said, “Uh, specto.”
Ethan thought,
Oh, for fuck's sake
, as the blue-green glowed stronger in Tura's eyes.
“What the hell?” the guy with her said, looking from the diorama to his date as the swan floated by.
“Specto!” Mab said louder, and threw her fist toward the glow, and Tura laughed an unearthly laugh.
The guy with her drew back as the boat floated on. “What the
hell?
”
“I know you,” Tura said, looking back at Mab, contempt thick in her voice. “Demon-lover.”
Mab ran after the boat, catching up to it, her face furious as she snarled, “I said
Specto! you bitch
,” and flung her hand, pointed like a spear directly at the light in Tura, just as Weaver fired, the light writhing out of Laura a fraction of a second before Weaver's round hit her. The light expanded and crystallized into a mermaid, full-lipped, long-haired, and voluptuous, frozen in surprise against the wall as the swan boat floated on, taking an unconscious, wounded Laura and a terrified schmuck around the bend.
“What the hell are you doing?” Mab yelled at Weaver as Ethan stepped in front of them and said,
“Capio,”
and sucked the blue-green mermaid into him, sure this time of how to capture. He felt Tura grab his heart, shrieking, and the pain was terrible, but he caught her, held her, conquered her, not even feeling the bullet inside him anymore, and then he turned as if in slow motion toward Gus, who held out the chalice.
Glenda put her hand on his shoulder and said,
“Redimio,”
and he felt Tura flow out of him, blessed relief, and toward the chalice.
Gus stepped forward with the lid, but the demon shifted and rushed into Glenda, the force of the possession slamming her off the walkway and into the water to the bottom of the tank.
Then the blue-green shot up from the water again and Mab yelled,
“SPECTO!”
and the mermaid took form, squirming furiously, and Ethan yelled, “Capio!” and took her, and this time, he grabbed on to Gus, and tried to expel the demon himself as she went for his heart.
Â
“G
lenda!”
Mab said, but Weaver already had her body out of the water and was starting CPR. Mab looked back at Ethan, seeing the furious spirit struggling inside him, along with something else wrapped around it, something red and hot and strong, and then Weaver stopped compressing, and Mab bent and breathed into Glenda's mouth twice, trying to put more than just breath in there.
“I think she's gone,” Weaver said, her voice sick.
“No,” Mab said.
“Glenda!”
She shook her, and Glenda's head rolled back, her eyes staring sightlessly at the roof of the tunnel. “No, no,
no.
” Mab began to pump, and Weaver said, “Let me,” and went back to doing a professional job while Mab bent over Glenda and said, “You are not dead. You. Are. Not.
Dead
.”
Frankie flew down to land on a fake tree branch above her, and for a moment Mab had double vision, staring at Glenda and staring at herself staring at Glenda. She shook her head to clear it, and thought,
Delpha said you can see things, that you had to look hard.
She stared into Glenda's dead eyes, reaching inside her instinctively, searching for a spark, a memory,
anything that was alive, and found it, a small point of tension, as if Glenda's spirit was holding on by just that thread even though her body had died.
Mab latched on to that spark.
Come on, Glenda, come on, you don't want to die, you're not ready to die, come on, you have so much to live forâ
And then Ethan was there beside them, breathing two breaths into his mother's mouth, taking over the chest compressions as Weaver moved back, but he looked sick.
Maybe because he knew she was dead.
Mab leaned down to Glenda's ear. “You get your ass back here,” she whispered. “If you don't, Weaver is going to fuck up the Guardia forever.”
The point of tension seemed to grow a little tighter, as if Glenda's spirit was clenching its fist.
Ethan kept pumping.
Mab whispered again. “She's going to drag Ethan back to the military, do demon experiments on him.”
The point turned into a knot, glowing now.
“And she's probably gonna be the mother of your grandchildren. Think how badly she's going to fuck
them
up.”
The knot exploded, and Glenda gasped and sat up, wide-eyed and shaking, as Ethan fell back.
“Don't do that again,” Mab said as she held on to her, tears in her eyes. “You scared
the hell
out of us.”
“Medevac chopper is on the way,” Weaver said from behind them, and then her voice changed. “She's
alive
?”
“Chopper?” Mab said.
“Thank
god
,” Weaver said. “We'll get her to the hospital at Wright Pat. Top priorityâ”
“No!”
Glenda said, and Ethan put his arm around her and said, “Easy, Mom, you needâ”