William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (144 page)
Read William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
Tags: #Drama, #Literary Criticism, #Shakespeare
BOOK: William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition
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LUCIANA
Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(aside)
(aside)
O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
This is the fairy land. O spite of spites,
We talk with goblins, oafs, and sprites.
If we obey them not, this will ensue:
They’ll suck our breath or pinch us black and blue.
This is the fairy land. O spite of spites,
We talk with goblins, oafs, and sprites.
If we obey them not, this will ensue:
They’ll suck our breath or pinch us black and blue.
LUCIANA
Why prat‘st thou to thyself, and answer’st not?
Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot.
Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
to Antipholus)
to Antipholus)
I am transformed, master, am not I?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thou hast thine own form.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, I am an ape.
LUCIANA
If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE ⌈
to Antipholus
⌉
to Antipholus
⌉
’Tis true she rides me, and I long for grass.
’Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be
But I should know her as well as she knows me.
’Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be
But I should know her as well as she knows me.
ADRIANA
Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep
Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.
(To Antipholus) Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep
the gate.—
Husband, I’ll dine above with you today,
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.—
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—
Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well.
To put the finger in the eye and weep
Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.
(To Antipholus) Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep
the gate.—
Husband, I’ll dine above with you today,
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.—
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—
Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE (
aside
)
aside
)
Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking? Mad or well advised?
Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
I’ll say as they say, and persever so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.
Sleeping or waking? Mad or well advised?
Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
I’ll say as they say, and persever so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?
ADRIANA
Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
LUCIANA
Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
Exeunt into the Phoenix⌉
Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Good Signor Angelo, you must excuse us all.
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
Say that I lingered with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that tomorrow you will bring it home.—
But here’s a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
Say that I lingered with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that tomorrow you will bring it home.—
But here’s a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know—II
That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to
show.
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave
were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to
show.
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave
were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
I should kick being kicked, and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
I should kick being kicked, and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You’re sad, Signor Balthasar. Pray God our cheer
May answer my good will, and your good welcome
here.
May answer my good will, and your good welcome
here.
BALTHASAR
I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
O, Signor Balthasar, either at flesh or fish
A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
BALTHASAR
Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.
BALTHASAR
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part.
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But soft, my door is locked. (
To Dromio
) Go bid them let us in.
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part.
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But soft, my door is locked. (
To Dromio
) Go bid them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS (
calling
)
calling
)
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!
⌈⌈Enter Dromio of Syracuse within the Phoenix⌉
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)
Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch.
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch.
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
within
)
within
)
Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Who talks within there ? Ho, open the door!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, an you’ll tell me wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Wherefore? For my dinner—I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my name.
The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
Thou wouldst have changed thy pate for an aim, or
thy name for an ass.
The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
Thou wouldst have changed thy pate for an aim, or
thy name for an ass.
Enter Nell within the Phoenix
NELL (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
What a coil is there, Dromio? Who are those at the gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Let my master in, Nell.
NELL (
within the Phoenix
) Faith no, he comes too late;
within the Phoenix
) Faith no, he comes too late;
And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS O Lord, I must laugh.
Have at you with a proverb: ‘Shall I set in my staff?’
NELL (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Have at you with another—that’s ‘When ? Can you tell?’
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)
If thy name be called Nell, Nell, thou hast answered him well. ⌈ ⌉
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS (to
Nell)
Nell)
Do you hear, you minion ? You’ll let us in, I hope ?
NELL (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
within
) And you said no.
within
) And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
So, come help.
⌈He
and Antipholus beat the
door⌉
Well struck! There was blow for blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
(to Nell)
(to Nell)
Thou baggage, let me in.
NELL
(within the Phoenix
) Can you tell for whose sake?
(within the Phoenix
) Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Master, knock the door hard.
NELL (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
NELL
(within the Phoenix)
(within the Phoenix)
What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
Enter Adriana within the Phoenix
ADRIANA (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS (
to Adriana)
to Adriana)
Are you there, wife ? You might have come before.
ADRIANA (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
Exit with Nell
DROMIO OF EPHESUS (to
Antipholus)
Antipholus)
If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
ANGELO (to
Antipholus)
Antipholus)
Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either.
BALTHASAR
In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS (to
Antipholus)
Antipholus)
They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold.
It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.
Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold.
It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Go fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind;
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(within the Phoenix
)
(within the Phoenix
)
It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Here’s too much ‘Out upon thee!’ I pray thee, let me in.
DROMIO or SYRACUSE (
within the Phoenix
)
within the Phoenix
)
Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Well, I’ll break in.—Go borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather.
(
To Dromio of Syracuse
)
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.
For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather.
(
To Dromio of Syracuse
)
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR
Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so!
Herein you war against your reputation,
And draw within the compass of suspect
Th’unviolated honour of your wife.
Once this: your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be ruled by me. Depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
And about evening come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it,
And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungallèd estimation,
That may with foul intrusion enter in
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead.
For slander lives upon succession,
For ever housed where once it gets possession.
Herein you war against your reputation,
And draw within the compass of suspect
Th’unviolated honour of your wife.
Once this: your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be ruled by me. Depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
And about evening come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it,
And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungallèd estimation,
That may with foul intrusion enter in
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead.
For slander lives upon succession,
For ever housed where once it gets possession.
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