Willing Sacrifice (14 page)

She had been right; I probably should talk to someone about what happened to me while I was in David's “care.” I was pretty sure, that was what all the trouble was about, but I hoped if I tamped it down enough it would fade like the abuse from when I was a child. But I wasn't a child anymore and I had lost some of my resilience over the years.

Robert walked into my line of view and my blurred staring-off-into-the-abyss vision focused on him. "It’s time."

I stood up from the kitchen chair and walked out onto the porch. The Circle was made and the faces all held a different expression.

"Hurry up, I'm missing
Jeopardy
." Kristy said with a reassuring smile.

I kicked off my shoes, hopped off the high porch and walked into the Circle feeling nothing but grim.

She came at me swinging but I dodged her, ducking under her left arm and tackling her full on with enough force to pick her up off her feet, using my weight to slam us both into the hard ground, with my open palm pressed into her diaphragm as we fell. I knocked the wind out of her and probably broke a couple of ribs; she tapped out while gasping for breath in the dust filled air.

I turned a bored look on the Alpha. I didn't want to do this anymore, he had made his point. I wasn't his equal if it meant that I had to hurt the people who I was supposed to protect… "I'm done."

"No; tomorrow you will fight again." Robert said evenly as if he had been expecting me to say just that.

"I'll take a knee; I'm not the monster everyone's portraying me as. I'm done."

He crossed the Circle and pointed an angry finger in my face, his own red with rage. "If you don't fight tomorrow I have no use for you here and you can pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house."

I was wrong; I didn't prefer his anger to his indifference. I looked at the ground, "Yes Alpha." My voice shook slightly.

"Tomorrow you're with Alexandria." He turned and left. As blistering hot as his anger was, his absence was bitter freezing cold.

I woke up on my own the next morning and I was happy to see my hands had healed from the day before. Alexandria was downstairs waiting for me to finish my cold shower. She was eating a bowl of fruit loops and watching
Good Morning America
.

"Hi," I said lamely sitting down beside her. "You must be Alexandra?"

The dirty blonde bombshell looked me over and smiled. "And you must be the one who's going to kick my ass tonight?" She smiled dimpling her cheeks, her freckles standing out on her tanned face.

"I tried to get out of fighting you," I shrugged.

"Well, this life isn't all it’s cracked up to be." She spooned in another mouthful of cereal and turned back to the television. “But it's better than the alternative.”

"Are you bitten?" I asked shocked.

"Do I need to have tee-shirts made?"

"I thought Jersey was the only bitten wolf in the house." I shrugged.

"Well, I guess I have you to thank for the equal rights and all." She slurped her milk and sighed her satisfaction and patted her flat tummy.

"So what's on the agenda today?"

"We are going to help Kristy finish the firewood and then we are going to till the garden and mulch the flower beds before it’s time to plant. Then we are going to rake leaves and put them in the organics bin for next year’s compost, and plant some replacement trees in the forest for those we harvested for our firewood."

"We recycle?" I asked when she finished.

"Of course, we need to protect this earth for our future generations."

"Are you a hippie?" I felt my confusion twisting my features.

"No, I'm just
green
."

She said the word like I would know – or rather should know – what it meant and rather than disappoint her I stood up and nodded. "Okay, let’s get to it." To be honest, I didn't even know we had a garden and when I saw its size I was a little embarrassed. It was at least eighty feet squared. I hadn't ever seen a werewolf eat any vegetable besides potatoes and corn so I was surprised we had such a variety. Alex had gone off to finish helping Kristy with the wood piles so I was working alone in the garden. I didn't mind, I had lived in a few foster homes where they kept a vegetable garden and though they were hard work, it paid off well in return.

Alex came to check on me a few times but had little to say about my work since I was doing it right and I was nearly finished tilling it over when she came to get me for lunch.

We went into the house and I washed my again blistered hands under the cool water and scrubbed the dust from my face.

Lunch was sandwiches and chips and I hadn't remembered a sandwich ever tasting so good. I hadn't eaten breakfast and the night before I had only picked at my supper, so with all this hard work I was ravenous and ate nearly as much as Kyle and Gage. I sat back and sighed, it wasn't the work I minded, it was the fights and knowing it was noon, meant that I only had half a day left before the next fight.

Alex, Kristy and I mulched the flowerbeds and started raking leaves. It didn't take me long to discover that Alex and Kristy were anything but friends and I was pretty sure I knew why.

"So you guys hate each other huh?" I asked picking up a small pile of leaves and dumping them in the wheel barrel. I looked up at the trees just starting to bud bright green leaves and shook my head. I never fully understood raking leaves but I kept my mouth shut.

Neither one answered me right away, but Alex finally spoke up. "We're just different that's all."

"Like, you're bitten and she's Born?" I stopped raking.

"Something like that." Alex said pointing to my rake.

I started raking leaves again, but I wasn't dropping the subject. "So what do you guys think of me?"

"You're Born," Kristy said. "There is nothing to think."

"But my parents were both bitten." I corrected.

She shrugged, "That's beside the point."

"What about you Alex?" I prodded.

"I think you are a little of both."

I nodded, "So, do either of you hate me?"

"I hate you for breaking my ribs." Kristy snapped.

"But you don't think I'm inferior?"

"If I did, would you break my arm or something?" She asked sarcastically.

"Don't cover this up with humor... as dark as it may be. What do you really think?"

Alex stopped raking, "I think it doesn't matter either way. You're strong and smart and pull your weight in the pack."

I looked at Kristy. She shrugged, "The prejudice still runs deep. It’s going to take more than a couple of years to change the way the majority feels about integrating bitten wolves into the packs."

"Why are you prejudiced though?"

"Girl's like Alex just prove that our men are wandering due to the lack of numbers."

"There are bitten men too, and more of them." I said.

"Yeah, because they get into fights with Born werewolves over girls like Alex."

"Huh," Was all I said and turned back to raking.

"So what do you think?" Alex asked.

"I think bitten werewolves are the species’ only hope and everyone has to get over the past and move forward."

"It’s hard to forget a war." Kristy snapped.

"Whose parents led that revolution? Who's husband died trying to end it?" I reminded her. "And why did they start the war to begin with?"

Kristy had the sense to look ashamed and turned back to her growing pile of leaves then stopped. "I'm sorry about your family," she said quickly, obviously uncomfortable with the topic. "David was from my family pack, though he was gone before I was even Born."

At mention of the man who had single handedly killed off my only living relatives and finished off my mate I stopped breathing.

Alex looked at me and dropped her rake. "Are you going to faint?" She asked. Kristy narrowed her eyes in thought. "He's the reason you’re all messed up, isn't he?"

My rake's handle snapped in half and I blinked my way back to reality. "I need a new rake. Mine is broken." I started to walk away when they blocked my path.

"You should talk about it." Kristy said again.

"I don't want to talk about it." The searing pain in my chest closed off my windpipe and I swallowed as if that would clear the way. I felt the blood drain from my face as I sucked in air. "Please, just leave it alone."

"It’s only going to get worse. You need to talk about it." Alex persisted stubbornly.

"You know for mortal enemies you two make one hell of a team." I tried to joke but neither one was budging.

"He slaughtered my family and when I refused him and his advances he took what he wanted, then he fought in the ring with Jack and died, but so did Jack." I shrugged and tried to pass it off as nothing. "He's dead, he's not coming back, and he can't hurt me anymore."

The two girls looked as if they had bitten off more than they could chew but Kristy nodded after she started breathing again. "Yeah, I can see how that kind of thing could haunt a person."

"Do you feel better now?" Alex asked optimistically.

"No, I feel like I'm going to pass out." Then I did, in a pile of wet rotting leaves.

I came to as Robert was climbing the stairs to the main entrance of the house with me cradled in his arms but I didn't open my eyes because the two blabber mouths were telling him everything but my cup size and I didn't want to see his indifferent reaction to my family’s murder and my kidnapping and abuse.

He put me down on my bed and ordered the girls to return to their work before closing the bedroom door and taking a seat in the rocking chair next to me.

Sarah came in moments later crying. Robert hugged her and I couldn't help feeling like I was attending my own funeral. She sobbed that she had suspected something of that nature had happened to me, but since I didn't ever volunteer the information no one was ever brave enough to ask. Soon she cleared her throat and watched me with sympathetic eyes; I could feel them boring into me.

Sarah eventually left to pick up Brian from school and Kristy immediately came in to tell Robert the whole story and not the rushed panicked version from before. She even went as far as to explain my experience with Gage and if I hadn't been so embarrassed I would have sat up and called her on it right there, but I didn't.

They spoke quietly for some time after that and I lay with my face towards the wall, so they couldn't see me cry.

Kristy left the room but Robert resumed his watch over me from the rocking chair.

"I didn't want to talk about it." I said at last and Robert stopped rocking. "I just wanted to forget about it, but some things are harder to forget than others, I guess." I coughed, "The scary part is I almost fell in love with him while I was separated from Jack, but there was always something a little off about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Maybe that would account for some of my paranoia about returning to the pack." I paused, not sure if I would continue but his silence made me feel as if I was alone and I needed that more than his sympathy. "He found out about my father and Jack's plan to unite the packs and end the war, but David could never go back to a Born pack because they would find out what he really was. He poisoned my mother and shot my father. He killed all the sick wolves – the ones that hadn’t taken their change from human to werewolf very well and he even killed a human neighbor. He bit one girl just so he could watch her kill off her human family. I've never felt as alone as the day I called Elder Coon and she refused to help me. He kept me tied up with a chain around my neck so I couldn't get away. He thought we were a mated pair and that we were meant to be together but it still made sense to him that I needed to be raped and chained to a wall to keep our bond strong. On the day of the Challenges I knew Jack was going to die, but I let him fight anyway. I swore I would kill myself if David won, but I wasn't sure I could. Even after all that, I wasn't sure I could take my own life, but I was willing to risk his and Jack didn't even blink when he walked into the Circle and killed David." I stopped and took a shaking breath. "I just want to forget, but I can't." I realized my story was chaotic and hard to follow but that's how my thoughts about it worked, in broken off chucks of memory and hate that wouldn't go away. I had never thought of putting it into words before and I just spoke the memories as they came to me.

Silence followed and for a moment I thought he might have left the room, but then he cleared his throat, and resumed rocking, until I fell asleep.

Sarah woke me up for supper and I felt as if the whole day had been one long nightmare come to life. I changed and brushed the bits of crumples leaves out of my hair before going downstairs and into the dinning area. I sat down next to Sarah and Kyle and stared hard at my empty plate waiting for Robert to join us.

"Did you have a rough day?" Donna's singsong voice chirped from the opposite side of the table. "He'll never want you now that he knows you're broken." Sarah stiffened beside me as I looked up at the beautiful redhead.

"Say one more word to me, and point of order or not, I'll stab you in the fucking heart with my fork. Then we'll see who's broken."

Robert was standing at the table but he hadn't sat down yet and only paused briefly before taking his seat, choosing to ignore my comment.

The rest of the meal was taken in total silence; everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells with me and I hated that they knew, or even made it their business to know what had happened and how badly it had affected me. Maybe Donna was right; maybe I was broken.

The dishes were cleared and cleaned and I watched the sun dip down below the horizon. I knew Robert wouldn't go back on his word, and I knew the Challenge was still on despite my lack of stability. I worried for Alex, I didn't want to kill anyone but I was in a dangerous frame of mind, so I trusted Robert would intervene if things got out of hand.

I went to the Circle first, tying up my hair and kicking off my shoes at its border. Alex entered looking apprehensive but Robert nodded to her and she came forward with her hands up, fists at the ready. After a few short seconds it seemed the organic-garden-planting, earth-saving,
green
hippie really knew how to fight. She was fast and got in a couple of good hits before I shoved her backwards away from me and followed with a solid hit to her jaw while her arms where still pin wheeling to regain her balance. She hit the ground but she didn't stay there; instead she kicked my legs out from under me and tried crawling on top of me to keep me down. I rolled onto my stomach before she reached me and kicked her in the face. She let go of my leg this time and sat there looking dazed while her hand swatted at the ground for her tap out.

I helped her to her feet and she went with Sarah into the house.

"Tomorrow you will be with Lynn for the day." Robert said flatly but he didn't leave me standing there like usual. He stayed, looking awkward and somber at the same time. It suddenly seemed as though he wanted to say something but before he did, he turned stiffly and walked back towards the house.

He didn’t go inside though and met me on the porch as I climbed the last stair to the top.

"We're going for a run, do you want to come?"

"I can't." I brushed past him and went into the house leaving him alone for once. Though I had slept most of the day I still felt dead on my feet and trudged up the stairs to my bedroom.

I listened to the rush of excited talking and laughter of the pack as they met on the back porch, and I couldn’t help feeling like I was missing out as their sounds disappeared into the night and I was alone once again. I was part of the pack but I was again being reminded of my own shortcomings within it. On one hand I was very dominant and wanted nothing more than to lead it in the right direction, but on the other I couldn’t even hunt with them.

I got up and picked up the bright emerald green witch's ball from my nightstand and held it up to the fading light of my window, the delicate webbing within sparkling despite the setting of the sun. When I brought the ball down again Jack was sitting on my bed cleaning his nails.

I started, nearly dropping the jewel tone glass before recovering, "Get out." I snarled.

He looked at me and smiled, "Will you come with me? I've left you alone to deal with your screw up for a few days. What do we say we skip the prelim and you take your place at my side?"

"No," I said simply because saying anything else might have given him the wrong impression. He had never appeared to me this strongly before. I could feel hot tears burning in the back of my throat but I refused to let them fall.

He stood up and walked closer to me, his face a hard unrecognizable mask of rage. "That's the wrong answer, why don't you try again." He demanded.

"I love you Jack, but there is nothing you can do for me or this pack in death."

"What if you could run as a wolf again?" He leaned forward, his eyes sparkling. "I'll throw that in the mix as well."

"You have so much power, but I think you can’t take my life against my will. I think it has to be my choice. That's irony."

"You're getting a little big for your britches Sugar, but you’re wrong. Don’t confuse my patience with weakness.” He took another small step towards me, effectively cornering me in the room with him. “I can tear you out of the realm of the living quicker than you can blink.” He reached out but then stopped just before touching me.

I swallowed hard but didn’t back down. "I know your patience Jack, and you don’t have any. I really doubt death remedied that little character flaw. No, I think maybe you haven’t finished the job because you haven't been able to touch me since I put this on?" I dangled the St. Michael's medallion in his face.

“Ah, Sugar that hurts.” He clutched his chest as if it still held a beating heart with in.

"What if I took your deal?" I asked out of morbid curiosity.

"At that point, all is well in Heaven and Hell." He rhymed.

"I’ll never give in to you Jack."

"We'll see, little wolf. You've got a hard road ahead of you and everyone changes as their time grows shorter. If I‘m not the one to take your life, they will be. The day you become less useful to them will be your last. You are too strong and too stubborn. They’ll see you only as a threat."

He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know and I nodded before smiling at him. I held up my witch’s ball and watched for his reaction. "What is this?"

"Before plastic and foam, fisherman used glass balls on their nets to keep them from sinking. As you know in those days fishing was very dangerous and since they had to blame their personal shortfalls as a sailor on something, they became very superstitious and stories about these glass orbs started to circulate to keep up the good spirits and all that. Today they are purely aesthetic and are truly lovely but they hold no more magic than their predecessors and never will. Do you really think a ball of glass could hold me?"

"I figured it was worth a try."

"While you're at it, why don't you try strings of garlic and rings of salt around your bed?" He chuckled.

"Or silver medallions of the saints around my neck." I mocked back.

"You can't wear that chain forever Baby Girl. One day it will fall off, or it will break, or when you’re not paying attention someone will take it off of you. Or maybe in a hundred years you will simply forget, because I can assure you Sugar, your memory is nowhere near as sharp as mine."

He turned and looked out the window and smiled. "Your Alpha waits for you; he'll be waiting forever won't he?" I pressed in beside him and looked out the small window to the driveway below. Robert was in fact sitting on the porch steps facing into the woods and rubbing his hands together nervously.

I turned my head and saw that I was sharing the same space as my ghost. He was watching me with an odd smile on his face. "He won't have you if you can't even run as a wolf, little girl."

I straightened and leaned forward to where I was just inches from his beautiful face. "You'd be surprised what he wants."

He raised his hand slowly and held it just over my lips and sighed, "Oh Sugar Baby, no man could want you as badly as I do." He paused then continued, “How do you know that same thing won’t happen to him that happened to me? How do you know he won’t die because you won’t love him back?”

I blinked shocked he had said it out loud. "I want to know what you want from me, so badly."

"I think you know."

"I want to hear it from you?" I countered stubbornly.

"Is this your interview?" He smirked cunningly.

I backed a step, giving him some space to walk around me. He smiled over his shoulder as he was about to leave my room. "I liked this meeting much better than the others; maybe the old adage is true, ‘You get more flies with honey, than vinegar.’ But I don't want flies. I want Sugar. Just remember, no matter what man you're with, you belong to me in the end." He chuckled menacingly and left the room, his footsteps fading as soon as he was at the stairwell. I went back to the window to see if Robert was still waiting. He was pulling off his shirt, getting ready to change. I focused on his very real body for just a moment before my eyes met his intense stare pointed directly up to my bedroom window. I backed away quickly and hoped against all odds that he hadn't seen me.